“Everyone” sexts these days, from couples in long-distance relationships to single folks with active sex life.
While it can be an exciting and relatively low-budget way to meet your sexual needs, sexting can also be pretty awkward to go along with. And that’s not just counting the creeps who think it’s okay to lay their dirty, unsolicited (visuals) thoughts on you like it’s okay.
Personally, I like to think there’s a special place in hell for people who don’t seek consent before doing anything sexual, even something as “harmless” as sending sexts. They deserve nothing more than to be aired, insulted, and blocked.
However, even in cases of established attraction and consent, most people still find it awkward to straight-up sext without some sort of buffer, like humor. When the exchange is as hilarious as it is sexy, it rarely feels as wrong. One minute you're laughing your ass off, the next, you're sending a full-blown descriptive essay with a picture of said ass.
Nevertheless, there's a point you get to where it's a miracle if you're still able to string words together coherently. It's a bit challenging to gather your wits and respond cleverly in the heat of the moment, not when your clit is busy doing 200bpm to the ministrations of someone's fingers. But not worry, that's where I come in.
With an assortment ranging from when you're totally down to play to the over-my-dead-body kind, the following witty responses will essentially put your dry sexting days behind you for good.
Again already? I'm still throbbing thinking about how last night ended.
When you’re still living the effect of your last tantalizing rendezvous, and there they are again, wanting more.
I must have been a hell of a tease in my last life because what else could I have done to deserve this torture?
Sexting with a long-distance partner is like...
Should we switch to video? I miss watching you cum.
This might just tip your sexting partner over the edge if they’re heavy into making a scene of finishing.
You just keep this energy up next time I see you (insert hot face, tongue, and the splashing sweat emoji).
I only ever bend the knee for my maker, but I'd break my own rule to be face level with that dick rn.
Damn. You know you must be doing something right when they willingly offer to cross their limit.
Is it wrong that I'm at a kid's playground, and all I can think about is riding your pony?
When the ongoing talk makes the double entendre in terms like riding and swinging harder to ignore. Maybe that’s wrong. Maybe not. All’s fair, as long as no kids are being scarred in the process, am I right?
I'm in line at this grocery store, and I better go cos people are starting to get concerned about how red my face is getting.
If only they knew what was brewing downstairs.
This sext couldn't have entered at a better time. Been hot and bothered all day thinking of having you in my mouth again.
Horny minds must really think alike.
"Wyd?" I'd tell you, but then you'd want to spank me.
Why does this work? Brevity, check. Anticipation building, double-check. Setting the tone for the exact kind of naughty you’re looking for… Need I go on?
Your keyboard is so lucky. Wish those hands were working for me instead.
When his replies and attachments are so apt and fast you can tell he makes every keystroke count.
Ooh la la, say that again but slowly.
Variety is the spice of sexting, too. Just as there’s a place for visuals and typing it out, using voice messages also has its perks. Like being able to replay as much as you want while concentrating on their voice like they were right there talking to you.
I'm down for all of it, as long as we get pizza after.
A girl shan’t live by orgasms alone (hey there, foodie!) If you like to fill up after getting off or just another excuse to get pizza, then here’s one for you.
As an expert in self-service, I don't mean it lightly when I say I have never fucked myself that good.
When all that dirty talk unlocks levels you didn't know you could reach, let alone had in ya.
Do you want to know what I'm wearing, or would you rather I say naked?
This works with repeat partners, and people you already know what they want in a good sext. Saves everyone valuable time beating around the bush.
You have me so thirsty I can't wait to drain every single drop you've got for me later.
When you work up an appetite from all the talking and can’t wait to chug down on their sex milk.
I'm not asking for proof or anything, but I wouldn't say no if you were fixing to send some pics.
My man wouldn't approve of this conversation, but my kitty does, and that's good enough for me.
Like I said, something for everyone on this list.
When they are sexy af and effortlessly integrate humor with sexting. Also sounds like something I might say to a crush I only just entered the dirty talk zone with.
If you're doing this, you better be home to finish what you started.
I'm not saying that's a threat, but ain't saying it's not either. If they are initiating the sext, they probably won’t miss that appointment anyway.
Is it totally sick that I hate and want you so damn much at the same time?
Something thoroughly dickmatized past me may or may not have said.
Look at me sexting in the middle of the day. You are literally ruining me, this guy.
You probably once thought you could never be found hanging naked around the house, sexting… but look at you now.
Ok, tiger, let's see what you got.
Two types of sexters: the ones who go, “easy tiger” at every roar, and those who basically say bring it on.
Well damn, have your way with me then, baby.
Same energy with the above except a lot sexier. How, you ask? Well, there’s consent for them to do as they wish. Plus, it’s more specific and a lot hotter when you put it like this than just asking them to bring it on.
So0oo, let's do that very soon, shall we?
If you want it and they do too, why wait, right?
You could be balls deep inside me right now. Just putting this out there.
You’re not asking him to do anything he doesn’t want to do. Just thinking out loud, basically.
I want to ride you to kingdom cum, watch you pass out, and fuck you right back to sleep when you come to.
Who doesn’t stand a queen who knows what she wants?? Not me.
I bet you'd love me more after our first fuck.
Channeling that Jhene Aiko energy without remorse. And why not when you know you’ve got the WAP.
I love how you've come to become my alarm cock.
What's sexting without a good dirty pun? For the one whose hey alone wakes you up at any time of day.
All this dirty talk made me horngry. See you at lunch?
In case it’s the food puns that pickle your fancy. You can have your cake eaten and maybe get some extra frosting out of it.
And I thought I was insatiable.
…because how are you still horny? Reading this, you probably have someone in mind already and you can’t wait to respond this way.
You'd like that, wouldn't you?
Yes, they’d like that very much. Probably wouldn’t bring it up while sexting otherwise, but it’s still kinda hot to ask.
My perfect ass thanks you, and so does its neighboring hole from the feel of it.
Ass-stans like to fixate on what they love. If you’re sexting with one, you might have to cleverly bring their focus back to other parts of you in need of attention.
Always a fav to see you get raw and dirty with me.
Ah. Sexting hits differently when it’s with an otherwise well-behaved, usually super proper person. Hard not to creme the moment they start to talk dirty.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you can fill me up anytime, and you know it.
Whoever said poetry makes nothing happen clearly hasn’t found a way to adapt the art form to sex.
Okay, Shakespeare, it took sexting to reveal this great talent because?
Haha! These are the questions because where has this eloquence been all this while, Brian?
Never been much given to math, but I'm counting down the seconds until you can ram into me.
You don’t have to be a sapiosexual or like math to appreciate this, but it’ll probably earn you extra sexy points if you respond to one with a line like this.
I can't wait for you to have your way with me, daddy.
Since we are counting our blessings, I'm grateful for the chance to have tasted that pussy and the hope of doing it again soon.
An attitude of gratitude opens all doors. All of them.
Do I need to call in sick at work tomorrow or??
When you already know walking well isn't in the cards for you if the sext ends as it should, you ask to gauge before it’s too late to adjust your schedule.
Usually, I don't take personal calls at this hour, but I could play ball if you ask nicely.
When you “don’t usually do this” but can be persuaded into it with the right attitude.
The more we sext, the more convinced I get that we won’t be needing a lube for sex.
You haven’t had sex yet, but their effect on you is so evident even from behind a keyboard god-knows-how many miles away that you know you just have to stay hydrated.
Warning: it gets really slippery down here when wet.
Speaking of lubrication, it’s only right to make the risks known beforehand, wouldn’t you say?
I love it when you get graphic on me.
Some people would rather not sext you than do it half-heartedly (read: without describing explicitly to the best of their ability). “Some people” is me, and it’s all the sexier when the person on the other end not only notices but appreciates the details.
Current mood is to have one of your hands pin me against the wall while you slowly drive me nuts with the other one without letting me cum.
If it sounds oddly specific, that’s because it is.
My legs are literally shaking, and you're not even inside me yet.
So, right now, this is where we are at.
I almost got made in the boardroom squeezing my thighs together, and that was so hot I think I came.
Boy, oh boy. This line brings back more than just memories.
No one has ever driven me this wild over the phone before.
When you’ve had your share of sexy encounters, including sexting, but none this crazy before. Or they are at least on track to earning that rank, so you help them along with a little ego boost.
Status report: panties soaked, no spare here; I hope you are happy.
I know I’d be.
This is going so much better than it did in my head.
Sexting isn’t always sexy from the get-go. Some start as a casual conversation, then the mood gradually shifts to that of sex, and well, you know how that goes. Whereas, some people play along for their partner and not necessarily because they have high hopes but then end up being pleasantly surprised.
I know it's probably the sexts, but it should be illegal to have this much hold over another person.
Sexting with someone who literally just has to go there, and you’re a goner might warrant this response.
Is this fate or serendipity because why else would I wear my crotchless panties today off all days?
It would be crazy not to make the most of such serendipitous alignment.
Tell me... tell me everything, but slowly.
The buildup is everything when it comes to sexting. If you wouldn’t skip foreplay during sex, there’s no need to rob yourself of the joy of savoring every naughty bit of the conversation.
Not big on science, but I'm here for this chemistry!
When the connection is so palpable, you could touch it. (But you can’t, so you direct your fingers somewhere more productive.)
I can't believe I'm saying this, but you just made me sopping wet at midday. Wtf.
Picture this: it’s the middle of the day on a Wednesday. It’s your downtime at work, and you just opened a notification from your fwb that turned out to be a sext. You entertain it to unwind because why not? Next thing, the dampness between your legs jolts you back to reality, and it’s like, how did I get here!?
My thoughts for you are ultimately good but also dirty af.
Just the way a lot of us like to hear it.
I'm leaving you to read, you can come over and punish me for it later.
This vibe, teasing a partner to no ends with the potential to get the most delectable punishment out of it, is one more reason sexting is needed in your sex life.
I hate how hard it gets to control myself around you. Hate it.
Before you say or even think about it, it’s not love, just something that feels a lot like it.
You think I'm hot now, wait till you see how I look on top of you.
Sexting 101: know your angles.
I want to get a view of you from every possible angle we can manage with you inside me.
How to say I’m adventurous in bed without actually saying it.
I think I'm starting to see why my partner hates you.
Okay, sexting with you has been incredible, but we better take this offline ASAP, or I'm going to lose my mind.
I’ve actually said this to someone before, lol. Like, I’m all for the virtual thrill and all, but if I have to wait one more day to get the real thing… *tears*.
To sext with me is to love me. Are you sure you're ready for this?
Another heads up, don’t say you weren’t warned.
You know, before you came along, I slept soundly and didn't wake up dripping wet every other day.
Used to be days when no one kept you up at night with sexy thoughts that resulted in you begging them to go deeper in your dreams. You should remind the culprit that their actions have real consequences on you. Just know it might mean you still don’t get to sleep early that night or that you wake up horny again.
Not cool. Don't get me excited while I'm on duty.
Make them work for it a little harder, but only those who know you enough to know that’s not how you say no when you mean it.
Funny how I've been trying to concentrate over here, but all I see when I look at my desk are NSFW.
When you’ve recently had sex at your desk or featured it in your sexts once or twice, and now that’s all you can see when you sit there to work. Or you’re down so bad, all you can think of when you look at your furniture is being bent over them with your panties somewhere south of your thighs.
I hate being at my desk so much more now I know I could be sitting on your face instead.
Or this, if you prefer to be more specific.
I usually don't entertain dirty texting, but right now, the clit wants what it wants.
If the kitty wants attention, not much to do but give it.
I could write a whole book, and it still wouldn't do justice to how much you turn me on.
Can you die from being too horny because...
Honest question. Slaps even more if they’re in a professional position to answer that question, like a doctor.
I was shooting for a sexy morning message, but this is even better.
So much better, haha!
You know how sexy texting gets my sweet tooth going. Need me some sugar fix asap.
You started it, now come on over and put that hard candy in my mouth, por favor.
Is it weird that I can't stop thinking about how you got so good at sexting?
Aka, have you been naughty behind my back, you dirty little slut?
Okay, that was hot as hell!
What better way to round off a rather satisfying session?
Witty Responses To Sexting When You Can’t/Don’t Want To Play.
I used to have a dick, so I know exactly what to do with yours. "Yeah? What's that?" Cut it off!
A lot of these A-holes are also transphobic, so haha! #translol
Unsolicited dick pic? Wrong digit, or at least I hope it is.
Since basic decency like not harassing random people with talk of their pecker is clearly over their head, maybe shame will do it.
Leaving nothing to the imagination, are we?
Call them out on the fact that they don’t know the first thing about sexting.
Does it turn you on when I say daddy? Cos mine is on his way to fuck you up.
Even if it isn’t true, it might scare the guy a little, especially if he knows your dad is badass.
Killed it... if you were sexting with my grandma or her mum.
They say the history of sexting might date back to 30,000 B.C, the fundamentals of it anyway. So no matter how old your great-grandma is, it’s a solid comeback.
If your tool matched your ego, I'd be totally into this.
For the ones who cram a line or two and suddenly think they’ve mastered sexual innuendo.
Take a shower or something, I can smell the desperation from here.
So it’s a bit mean, if the shoe fits, please.
Let's play the quiet game. "How?"
Then you just go silent. Eventually, they'll get the message.
I get off on reporting random creeps on the internet. Looks like there's an orgasm in the cards for me tonight.
Wherever it leads – whether in their account getting blocked or an actual arrest – is a win for society.
What do I want to do to you? I want to take you in my mouth. Get you all nice and hard, then bite down so firm your schlong comes off in one swift move.
I’d feed what’s left of it to my pets, but not even they will have that. They have taste, after all.
That's a hard nope from me, but I admire your nerve.
I respect risk-takers, so points for that, but still a hard pass, no thanks.
I got a pussy with a taste for man-meat. Would you like to come over and feed her?
He'd probably make it easy and ask for a picture, so be sure to have a meme or gif of a very mean, hungry-looking cat at the ready.
Congratulations! You just single-handedly succeeded in turning me off from sexting for life.
I’m inclined to believe some people were put on this earth to build up, while the sole purpose of others is to tear down.
Darn, dude, does your mom know you text girls like this?
More often than not, what you hear is that their mama actually raised them better. The lessons just didn’t stick.
Man, these voice messages are filthy and not in a good way. You kiss your wife with that mouth?
No, sir, I do not appreciate you calling me those things in the slightest. Go brush your teeth, boy.
Nuh-uh! No. Not today.
For when you can’t even be bothered to insult or explain. Just shoot and block them if they persist.
I reject you and your unsolicited basic trite ass lines wtf.
When they are already violating your space by the way they barge into your DMs… Away with you and your tired, vapid nonsense, please and thank you.
What turns me on? Err… Are you having a bad day?
A, that sounds weird coming from you, total stranger. B, of all the things to start a conversation (even a sexual one), it’s that? Ffs.
Yo, wrong number. You must have me confused with the girl who said you could sext her.
When you decide to see the good in the people so you assume it was a mistake, a close one at that because it can’t be you they’re talking to like that.
Won't even buy me dinner first?
Or I don’t know, say hi? Not that I’d want that dinner now.
You sent a dick pic I didn't ask for, so here's a bit of unsolicited advice for you, keep your teensy-weensy wiener to yourself and leave women alone!
What goes around comes around and whatnot.
Awww, I'm a little busy at the moment, though. Try never again.
So sweet, but I can’t right now. You and I should totally never do this again, though. 😊
Lmao! It's the middle of the day bruh, get a job or something.
It’s true that bringing humor into sexting can be oh-so-hot in, like, the most comfortable way. But a good laugh in this context is more of a double-edged sword. Where laughing with someone may be a turn-on, laughing at them in most cases has the opposite effect and dampens their morale.
Congratulations! Now my entire team knows you have a birthmark down there.
Telecommuting is at an all-time high today, making it believable when you tell someone their media entered right on zoom because you were sharing your screen. It doesn’t have to be true, but it might make them think twice before bothering you again.
If your face were the last seat on earth, I still wouldn't sit on it.
There are worse ways to go than standing, plus the ground will always be an option. Any self-respecting person should back off after this.
Hahaha, I wouldn't sit on your face if it was the iron throne. Rest.
Like I could be the mother of dragons, and I still wouldn’t. The same principle applies with the laugh as above, btw.
Aww, poor thing! This line has incel written all over it.
For those who wish they had a sex life but don’t because no one wants to sleep with them and so resort to hating on women as a result. Poor thing indeed.
Dang! This came in a tad too late, I just took a vow of abstinence.
Giving back to the lord and all that. Maybe try again in my next life?
Sorry for the delayed response, currently busy sexting with someone who knows how.
Bust this one out when you’re neither in the mood nor have the time to fake being polite.
I can't believe I went through the pain of picking my phone up for this.
Even if it was right at hand, the time (no matter how short) you’d spend addressing that nonsense is several seconds of your life you can’t get back.
Your nudes will excite some women someday. Just not me, dear.
When you don’t want to sext with them but also don’t want to cause any permanent damage to their feelings.
Thanks for giving me and my girls something to laugh over next brunch!
Honestly, I think you deserve whatever people decide to do with your nudes if you send it to them against their will. But that’s just my opinion, not legal advice.
It's your audacity for me tbh.
When the impudence is so staggering you don’t even know where to begin.
All words, no substance: this is why you don't get any action.
Again, people need to know there’s more to great sexts than copying banal pickup lines verbatim from the internet.
Lol, you used this same line on my friend. Do better, king.
Or don’t, you know? Just leave me alone.
Closed for sexting until further notice.
When they are no stranger, and there’s no bad blood, but you’re just not in the mood to get naughty or talk dirty.
Sorry, all agents are currently busy at the moment.
When you have multiple personalities, and none of them wants to talk sex. So you go, please enjoy the music while you wait, and be sure you are up to date on our consent policy.
Sorry, my sexting persona only comes alive after dark. Try again at midnight.
Darkness is a crucial ingredient to making that clear-to-whitish brew for some people. In other words, they are only fun to sext with after dark.
If you ask me what I'm wearing one more time, I'd hunt you down and castrate you.
To be forewarned…
I'd rather the horny kill me than sext with you.
In case it ever has to get that deep.
Think I just figured it out. I don't hate sexting, just you.
Haha, no way I'm getting down and dirty at this nice job. Away with you now, satan!
When you're not against sexting but also just got your dream job, and you're just not that naughty.
I don't know you, but I expected more from you anyway. Guess I deserve the disappointment.
Meanwhile, the “more” you expected = basic human decency.
This pathetic attempt of yours at sexting just made me pity every single girl ever to have the misfortune of laying with you.
Past, present, and future. Thoughts and prayers, sises.
I'm so over sexting! I want you to take me six ways from Sunday in real life for a change.
Talmbout doing it from the car to the kitchen counter to the roof then back in bed, and that's all great, but when though? A girl can only get off on promises for so long.
Seriously, does that line ever work on anyone?
If not, why would you think to use it on me?
Lines like this are why you're 45 and still don't know what it feels like to be inside of a woman.
A bit petty for my taste, but if it works for you, then hey.
An unprompted shriveled dick pic after exchanging all of two sentences. And they say chivalry is dead.
And it’s not once a year like your birthday or Christmas either. Wow, such a privilege.
Ah yes, nothing gets a girl going like awful poetry.
Can’t think of a good enough example of a lousy poem right now, but when you see it, you’ll know.
Roses are red, violets are blue, talk about feeling me up on more time, and I'll have you arrested.
You can do that, right?
Dread it, run from it, destiny arrives all the same.
Two years off the internet and being propositioned by a randy creep is what one gets for coming back? Slaps are different when it's what made you leave in the first place.
"Is x inches too much?" No, but this text was.
Even if your ridiculous fixation on size made sense to me, I still didn’t need to hear yours. Let this be the last time.
"Talk dirty to me." The kitchen sink.
Saw this somewhere with an apt picture a long time ago, and I haven't been able to forget since. Don't think I ever will, lmao.
"What would you do if you had an all-access pass to a buffet for me?" Um, how is it a buffet if it's just you on the menu?
Missing the point on purpose because two can play the game >>>
“I bet you look hot as hell with your naughty bits hanging out in the open.” I'm sexy every damn way, bro wtf.
I’m too consistent to be called sexy only when naked, please. Have some respect.
"Kiss it, suck it, lick it, taste it. What does that bring to mind?" Uh, a lollipop?
You get the idea.
How do you respond to a dirty comment?
You can decide to carry the conversation if you are so inclined. You could politely decline by saying something along the lines of “You’re great and all, but I don’t see you that way.” Or you can just play the quiet game and not humor them at all.
Why do guys like sexting so much?
Guys like the idea of sex almost as much if not more than sex itself sometimes. Sexting is a fun and relatively stress-free way to meet their sexual needs. And yet, it can feel incredibly intimate as their partner shares a part of themselves they probably don’t in person.
Does sexting ever lead to relationships?
Yes, casual sexual encounters like sexting can sometimes lead to something more profound that may or may not bring about a relationship. A good number of couples started that way and ended up getting married, while some have equally tried and failed to take their chemistry outside the “bedroom.”
How can I sext with confidence?
Start flirty, then slowly up the ante as you begin to get comfortable. For instance, take sneak peeks to start with rather than full pics. Also, try to keep your messages short and precise, and know as much as you can about your sexting partner, e.g., soft and hard limits, fantasy/fetishes, etc. And find a way to weave whatever you’re not sure of as a question.
Do guys text you if they like you?
People generally want to talk to the ones they like, and texting is one of the most convenient forms of communication. Guys are no fundamentally different than girls in this regard.
I think by now, we all agree that humor makes sexting naughty and better no matter how you see it in real life. If it’s an unsolicited sext or personal call, it makes the insult bearable. If not, laughing together helps you shed some inhibitions and really get into it without fear of making a mistake or feeling too naughty.
Whether you’re looking to bring the spark back into your sex life or just how to shoo the undesirable nitty-gritty away, you can hardly go wrong with witty, hot, responses.
Let me know what you think of the post as always. I’d love to hear your thoughts and feel free to share it if you liked it.
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A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...