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Texting Etiquette In Dating (11 Tips On How To Text While Dating)

by Sonya Schwartz

We all have different rules when it comes to texting when dating. Some of us wait before initiating contact or replying to a text. Others fire off texts like birdshot. So what are the rules when it comes to texting etiquette during dating?

Well, I think it all depends on whether you are just at the beginning of dating or if you are getting well into the relationship stage. 

There seem to be all kinds of texting dating etiquette rules that we should follow. Like, wait a certain number of days after a date before texting. Or don’t ever reply immediately or you’ll look desperate. But who makes up these rules? And do they even work?

Texting etiquette and dating someone doesn’t have to be difficult. 

All you have to do is change your perspective. What is texting in normal everyday life? What has it replaced? In other words, what does texting represent? 

Texting is simply a conversation but in an electronic form. 

It is a form of communication on a phone. So why all the mystery or all of these rules? Texting when dating becomes easy when you just think to yourself – what would I do or say if the person was right in front of me.

If you still want some dating advice, don’t worry, I’ve put together some tips to help master texting etiquette whilst dating.

11 Tips To Help You Master Texting While Dating

1. When Should You Send That First Text?

when should you send that first text

So you just met a guy or a cute girl and OMG you got their phone number. But now what do you do? You don’t want to seem as if you are easy or a stalker. It’s probably best to leave it a few days right? Wrong!

Actually, it looks worse if you leave it a few days before texting. Leaving it looks calculated and deliberate. Texting right away keeps the excitement fresh. Those butterflies in your stomach haven’t had time to settle yet. Make sure to keep the first text message short and sweet

2. Don’t Worry About When To Respond

So you sent the first text and things are moving along but you still don’t know whether to be a little cautious or not. I mean, you don’t want to appear too keen. After all, guys can smell desperation a mile off. And girls have been warned about men that are controlling right?

Ok, let’s get back to real life again. Can you imagine how silly it would look if two people were having a conversation and one didn’t respond for an hour? That’s simply not how human beings talk to each other.

Communication is a two-way street. One person speaks then the other one responds. So, if you have something to say just say it.

3. Don’t Just Say ‘Hi’

Do you find it boring, or sometimes even a little bit irritating when your phone pings and all there is on the message is ‘hi’? Like, do you want me to do all the work?

Let’s go back to basics again. Imagine yourself going up to a friend and just saying ‘hi’ and nothing else. It would be weird right? It’s dull, boring, unimaginative, and certainly doesn’t warrant a response. Don’t do it. 

4. Say Something Interesting

If you want someone to feel special, important, or valued, ask them something, tell them something funny, share a fact you know they’ll find interesting. Arrange another date, let them know about a movie you saw that was amazing. 

Otherwise, what is the point of starting a conversation in the first place? You might think - well I just wanted them to know I was thinking about them. So what reminded you? A song? A smell? A sight? Tell them that. 

5. Don’t Use Text-Speak

don't use text speak

When we are fully-functioning adults sending text messages we don’t use text-speak. It’s not cute and it doesn’t make you look young. So never end messages with l8r or brb use stuff like lol or lmao. They are considered juvenile and belong in the realm of teenage bedrooms, not adult conversations. 

Believe me, there is nothing more irritating than trying to decipher a message such as “Idk bt ofc we cn mt l8t 2dy iyl”. 

6. Watch Your Punctuation

It is very difficult to gauge a person’s tone when you are texting. You may not know it but punctuation plays a big part in setting your tone. For example, full stops after a sentence look angry and serious whereas an exclamation mark lightens the message. 

Check out the difference between ‘No problem.’ and ‘No problem!’ 

7. Know How Many Texts To Send

At the start of dating someone new, it can be hard to know how many texts to send. When you are dating, a general rule of thumb is to reply once to every message you receive.

Think about the rules of a conversation in real life. You wouldn’t want to dominate the conversation. You would let the other person answer you and then you would take your turn.

So it doesn’t matter who starts the conversation, just keep it going back and forth. 

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

8. Your Date Isn’t Responding To Your Texts

If you find that you are always the one starting it or you get back monosyllabic responses it may be time for a rethink.

While it is perfectly reasonable that this person may be quite busy, you simply don’t know. Your best course of action is to back off for a day. Don’t fall into the trap of getting upset and start questioning the whole relationship.

9. What Not To Say When You Are Not Getting A Reply

If you haven’t heard from your date it can be easy to assume the worse. 

However, texts such as ‘Are you ignoring me?’ or ‘Do you still like me?’ or ‘Well this was clearly a waste of my time’ are off-putting and could very well backfire.

Don’t be pushy or emotional or overdramatic. We all have lives to lead and get busy at times. Stop staring at your phone and get on with your life. 

10. When Should You Stop Texting?

when should you stop texting

It is hard to let a budding relationship go but there are signs that it is over. One is when a person stops texting. Ghosting someone is a pretty cowardly way to get out of a relationship. You are left wondering what has happened. You have no closure.

My advice is that if you haven’t heard from your guy or girl for over 3 days to send them one more text with something that allows them back in. Something like ‘Had a great meal at that new Thai restaurant yesterday! Hope you’re cool’

Then, if you still don’t hear from them, forget them.

11. Do You Text If They Get Back In Touch With You Months Later?

Ok, so you haven’t heard from this person for months, and all of a sudden you get a text from them that just says ‘Hi!’ or ‘Hey!’ or ‘Boo!’ What do you do?

I’ll tell you right now what to do. Ignore it. Block them. Don’t talk to them. Whatever you do, do not get into a conversation with them. This is known as ‘submarining’ in dating terms. When someone disappears then pops back up suddenly. 

FAQs

Can texting ruin a relationship?

It can if you send too many text messages right away. Think of texting as a form of communication with someone. You are just using your phone instead of face-to-face. It should be back and forth between the two of you. 

How often should you text a guy you just started dating?

Most dating advice is to reply to a text message when you receive one. You certainly shouldn’t bombard someone with messages. Don’t wait a long time before you reply, it should be natural. 

Should a guy you're dating text every day?

It all depends on the guy, how busy he is, and whether he likes to text that much. Some men don’t like to talk via text. They prefer to make a phone call instead. 

What is proper texting etiquette?

Always reply to a text when you can, don’t use text-speak if you can avoid it, and be careful of your tone. Remember, some people prefer phone calls when it comes to communicating. 

Is it OK to not talk to your boyfriend every day?

Yes of course! We all have our busy lives these days and don’t live in each other’s pockets. It is a sign that you are confident in your love life when you don’t have to talk to your boyfriend on a daily basis. 

The Bottom

Texting when dating doesn’t have to be difficult. Just follow my tips and treat texting as another form of conversation, but simply on your phone instead. 

If you found this article about dating texting etiquette useful please feel free to share it. 

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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