At some point in all our lives, we will experience falling in love with a stranger. You will feel entirely besotted by someone you don't even know. It's a strange phenomenon and a terrifically beautiful one. It can happen to any of us, at any time.
It could be the person who walks in every morning to work, smiles at you and you notice that their eyes might stay on yours for just a little too long. It could be someone studying across the library from you that you would love to take home, or it could just be someone you feel a connection with on the subway.
We are drawn to these people, for an unknown reason. They are strangers that intrigue us and make us feel crazy about them. So, what should you do when fall in love with a stranger?
Hopefully, this article can shed some light on what to do if you're in this situation, and add some reasons as to why we feel so strongly about people we don't know.
There is a vast difference between being infatuated by someone and falling in love. So first, before you run over to this stranger and see if they want to start something, it's best to figure out what it is that you're feeling.
Both situations have similar feelings attached to them, but their definitions, as found in the Merriam-Webster dictionary, are very different. The definition of love is to feel "a warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion to another person." The feeling of infatuation is "a feeling of a foolish or obsessively strong love for, admiration for, or interest in someone or something."
People can feel infatuation towards others very quickly, and lust is a vital player in it. So, if you're feeling a strong sexual connection and you're focused on the physical aspects of this person, rather than their spirit and mind too, it's time to think.
You might want to rip the other person's clothes off as fast as possible, but ask yourself - do you want to get to know this person and would you want to spend the rest of your life with them? If the answer is no, then infatuation is most likely what you are experiencing.
In the situation of feeling like you're falling in love with a stranger, it probably is infatuation. This is because you most likely won't have spoken to them for very long, if at all. To be able to fall in love with someone entirely, you need to want to get to know them better and envisage a future with this person. So, unless you have concluded that you're feeling a connection to the person as a whole, not just their physical characteristics - what your experiencing is most likely infatuation.
Now it's important to note that being infatuated with someone is still an excellent feeling, but it can still be tough. You might feel a burning passion towards someone that you can't control. In this situation, because you don't see the person as a long-term option, I would strongly suggest trying to forget about it and move on. This might be difficult, but it is the best option. It's also important to note that infatuation rarely lasts a long time, so don't worry about feeling obsessed about someone for too long – it will pass.
However, if you feel like you can't control your lustful longing for them anymore and you feel the need to tell them about it, you may as well do it. I only suggest this because you will have made sure that you are not falling in love with them, so it is most likely that you won't end up hurt by; however, they respond. If they agree and also feel lust towards you, then you are in a good situation – you make use of all your sexual tension, and when your passion for them is fulfilled, you can put the idea of them, to rest.
However, it is imperative for me to tell you that if you are not one hundred per cent sure about your emotions, it is best not to jump into bed with them, as you could feel very hurt further down the line.
So you have come to the definite conclusion that what you're feeling towards this stranger is love. Falling in love can feel confusing and tricky at the best of times, and this is only amplified if you don't even know the person you're in love with.
I'm sure if you're confident that you're falling in love with this person, your answer is going to be yes. If it's no, we will deal with this a little later on in the article. But while you're reading, maybe ask yourself why you don't want to take the risk.
If you're ready to leap into the risk and get to know this stranger, the first thing to do is the next time you see them, make sure you speak to them. This could be a little tricky if they're someone you saw on the subway once, but as I spoke of earlier, that kind of situation is most probably infatuation. The stranger you are falling in love with will most likely be someone you see, but don't know, regularly.
So, the next time you see them, speak with them. If you talk to each other, you will not only be opening the start of a relationship between you both, but you will also be able to find out the answers to some of your more prominent questions going forward.
The most prominent of all the questions you are sure to be asking yourself will be, 'Is he married or in a relationship?'
If you find out he's in a relationship or married, my strong advice is to back off. They are unavailable. This isn't even advice; it's almost an order. Sorry ladies.You're in dangerous waters. If they are taken, you will feel hurt, of course, but you should make sure you take a step back and focus on not falling further in love with them. Not only do you not want to encourage anyone to become a cheat, but you don't want to be the reason for someone's break up or relationship problems. You're better than that.
By taking a step back and trying to fall out of love with him, you have to understand that you are also being kind to yourself. Being in love with someone unavailable is heart aching, and you don't want to put yourself through the torment of it, trust me.
If you find out he's single, this is excellent news. You can start to get to know the person you are falling in love with. You could maybe try and figure out if he's interested in you, or you could grab coffee together and see what happens from there. The important thing is, you're falling in love with this person, so you need to get to know them, and of course, they need to get to know you if things are ever going to progress.
Now, a couple of things might happen, that you need to be prepared for, now that you are finally getting to know the person.
The first one might be that once you get to know him, you realise that he isn't the idealistic man of your dreams that you had conjured up in your head.
If when you get to know him, the sparks aren't flying for you, it's probably best to just let it be. This might feel disappointing that he wasn't what you had thought, but you need to accept it and move on. This is always the most significant part of falling in love with strangers – until you speak to them, you never know if a genuine connection will be there for you. But if it's not, It wasn't meant to be, and that's ok because the right person will come along for you.
The next thing that might happen is that you are head over heels after speaking to him, and he is everything you imagined, but you don't think he feels the same.
Is it like pulling teeth getting him to spend time with you?
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Naturally, you should be able to pick up on whether he is attracted to you or not. If you don't think he is, then (depending on how confident you are), you could be open with him and say how you feel, or you could take a step back and focus on how you're going to deal with it if he's not into you. If he says he's not on the same page or hasn't made an effort while you've taken a step back, you are going have to let it go. It's crucial that you fully respect whatever this person feelings are towards you and don't force anything. If you find it hard to deal with, you can see our article called 'I Love Him, but He Doesn't Love Me: What Should I Do?' for some advice on the matter.
The final thing that could happen in the situation is the very best outcome you could hope for – he is as amazing as you had imagined, and he reciprocates your feelings.
Of course, this is the dream scenario for anyone who has ever fallen in love with a stranger. If this happens to you, not only are you fortunate and hopefully, true love will blossom for you both, but you can also commend yourself for taking the risk and making a connection with him in the first place. You made a stranger into a love, and that's amazing.
Answering the question I proposed earlier - why do we not want to take the risk of speaking to the stranger we feel so in love with?
This could be down to a myriad of things, maybe you aren't confident enough to put yourself out there, or you're scared of getting hurt. However, one of the main reasons a lot of people don't want to take a risk and go and speak to the stranger they're falling in love with is because in their mind it is perfect. In real life, the stranger might be completely different, or he might be annoying to us. In our imaginations, we can create any scenarios we like. So sometimes people don't want to ruin the perfect fantasy they have come up with, and the unknown is intriguing to them.
This is perfectly fine to do, as long as you understand that the relationship will never go any further and you are ok with that. You can accept it for what it is.
However, if your thoughts about this person feel like they're becoming overwhelming or you're feeling increasingly more in love or obsessed with them – that is not healthy, and I would recommend talking to someone about that.
Falling in love with strangers is an odd phenomenon. But we know that the intrigue is exciting, and the unknown is a thrill. If you act on your feelings, it can be amazing, it can be a let-down, or it can plain and be understood in your mind as infatuation. Whatever the conclusion that comes out from falling in love with a stranger, my advice would be simply that you should embrace it.
Love is an experience, and we are here to live through those experiences and for those experiences to shape us. Strangers that we fall in love with are gifts, and being able to feel love is the greatest emotion.
I hope I was able to help you figure out what you should do if you feel like you have fallen in love with a stranger. I have been through this before, as I think the majority of people have, so I think it's essential to be advised what steps you should take going forward.
Did this article help you to understand what you should do if you are falling in love with a stranger?
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If you have any questions about what's written, it would be great to hear from you.
And of course, if you want to share any personal stories about your experiences with falling in love with strangers and have any advice about what you did, please let us know.
Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself?
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