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Stop Chasing Him And See What Happens - Does This Work?

Last updated on June 13, 2022 by Olivia Surtees

Do you worry about showing too much affection to a man you like? 

Does it perhaps feel like you’ve already come on too strong and put him off? 

And maybe you’re now wondering whether there’s a way back? 

If so, you’re in the right place. 

The guide below explains why the concept of ‘stop chasing him and see what happens’ is so powerful.

However, before we dive into that, it’s important that you read the following story really carefully...  

For years, I was stuck in relationships where it felt necessary to play these silly mind games and pretend I wasn’t interested... 

These relationships never felt comfortable. They were more like a spinning plate that could fall at any moment. 

Keeping a man’s interest was always a struggle, and it felt like I’d never be good enough for a long-term relationship. 

Thankfully, I managed to solve the problem, mostly thanks to a little-known aspect of male psychology called the ‘Hero’s Instinct’.  

This is a primal instinct which can increase a man’s emotions towards romantic partners. It allows them to open their heart and create deeper bonds.   

Once you learn how to activate this psychological trigger, you’ll rarely have to worry about coming on too strong to a man. More likely, he’ll be the one doing that (read my personal story to learn more). 

This might sound like witchcraft, but it’s actually incredibly simple to learn. 

If you’re looking to develop secure and passionate relationships with men, click here and discover how I utilised the power of the ‘Hero’s Instinct’.

But, to save your current romance, you may well also need to read about the power of not chasing him... 

If any of these points resonate with you, then you need to continue reading. You might have been coming on way too strong and you could’ve scared off the man you like. Don’t worry, we can get it all back on track for you, and it is a simpler solution than you might think.

The Basics

The first thing we need to discuss is how men’s brains work concerning falling for someone. It seems like a big topic, I know. However, even if we look at just some of how men fall in love, we will be able to prove that chasing them will never work.

-         Men like challenges.

Men still have a lot of primal instinct within them, and therefore they like to be challenged. They want to work for something, not have it handed to them on a plate. They need to work on things. Then, they will feel like they have achieved something when they finally achieve, or in this case, get what they wanted.

-         Men have something called the ‘Hero Instinct’ instilled into them.

The hero instinct is something that is naturally set in a man’s brain. Men need to feel like they are accomplishing things and being impressive to you. If you are too easy for him, he will feel like he doesn’t need to impress you anymore, because he already has.

-         We all want things that we can’t have.

This point doesn’t apply inclusively just to men, everyone wants the things that we can’t have. Normally we speak about wanting things that we can’t have in terms of material goods, or physical attributes. However, this also definitely applies to relationships. We are all normally attracted to people that we can’t have, whether that be someone that is already in a relationship or someone that is just playing hard to get.

What is the best way to show him that you have stopped chasing him? 

-         Stop communication instigated by yourself.

This can be taken as strongly or lightly as you like. Obviously, if you have to communicate with him for some reason, then you can’t just stop doing that. However, the key here is that to whatever degree this advice fits your situation, you need to make a noticeable difference to the number of times it is you that is starting the conversation.

For example, it can be as simple as not letting yourself text him first at the beginning of the day. Allow him to be the one to initiate things. Or, if you only really see him in person, allow him to be the one to come up and start chatting with you.

-         Stop organizing dates and suggesting to meet up.

If you are the one that is always asking when he is free or organizing the logistics of you both seeing each other, it’s time to completely stop that. Hold yourself back from taking control, it’s his responsibility now.

He might take a little longer to notice this point than the first one, especially if you don’t see each other that often anyway. So, don’t get disheartened, because when he notices that he misses you and hasn’t seen you in a while, he will take action.

Is it like pulling teeth getting him to spend time with you?
The key to solving is understanding men on a much deeper emotional level. The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him.

Take this quick quiz to see if he actually likes you!

However, it is also very important that you don’t seem to be available all the time. If he asks you out, let him know when and when you are not free. By doing this, you are showing him that your life doesn’t revolve around him.

-         Show him that you can live your best life without him.

I am sure that you would be living your life to the fullest, even without him. However, if you seem constantly available and invested in him and what he is doing, it might show him that you aren’t really fully into your own life.

So, you need to start showing him that you are doing everything you want to. You need to show outwardly to him that you are really invested in your own life, and you care about yourself the most. While you are busy emphasizing making your life look more exciting to him and the outside world, you will probably notice that your life will become more exciting.

It’s also important that you don’t get too involved with his life and what he is doing. You don’t need to come across like you are one hundred percent interested in everything he is. Of course, mutual interests help a relationship, but independence and a variety of hobbies, likes, and dislikes are essential.

So, what will happen when you stop chasing him?

There are a few potential outcomes that might happen when you stop chasing him. However, the majority of the time, the response will be positive, and he will start chasing you back. On the other hand, you might realize finally that this man just wasn’t worth chasing after all.

-         He will realize that he actually misses you.

The moment that he stops receiving texts and calls from you, he will realize that he misses you. The old saying, “distance makes the heart grow stronger” really is true in this case. When you were previously always in contact with him, he will have taken you for granted. As soon as that stops, he will miss the good morning texts, he will miss the cute photos you send to him, he will miss the fact that he knows what’s going on with you. Essentially, he will start to think of how much he actually does want to be in contact with you.

-         He will love that he is able to take up the challenge of chasing you.

If he is reciprocating the feelings you have for him, he will realize that the ball has now been placed in his court. He needs to start wooing you. He’s been set a challenge, and as I spoke about earlier, men love nothing more than a challenge.

He will instantly realize that the tables have been turned, and his subconscious will thrive off it. He will no doubt rise to the challenge, and you might be surprised at his response. He will most likely start to message you first, he will start to plan and organize your dates and he will probably tell you that he misses you. If he does, then you are definitely doing something right.

-         He won’t chase you.

Although this sounds like a really negative point, this can be seen in a positive light. If after you stop chasing him, he doesn’t respond in one of the two ways above, you might conclude that this man is never going to chase you. This could be because he doesn’t feel the same way about you. Of course, this can be difficult to come to terms with, and difficult to overcome. However, when you have got over this, you will realize that there are men out there that would do anything to be able to chase you.

You will also be glad that you finally stopped chasing him because otherwise all your efforts at attracting someone would have been continuously going to waste. The right man for you will come along, and he will chase you. This man clearly was just not the one for you.


Chasing someone that you really like can have the opposite effect on them. They might see us as desperate or needy. You need to stop chasing them if you want them. Be an enigma that they need to crack.

As we have already spoken about in this article, men like to do the chasing, not be chased. So, let him chase you. Stop going after him and always taking the lead. If he does feel the same about you, he will start to come after you. And, if he doesn’t, then I’m sorry, but he is clearly not the right guy for you. You deserve a man that gives the same amount of effort and energy towards you as you do with them.

I hope that this article will have helped you figure out how to stop chasing someone, and what the potential outcomes could be if you do.

Did this article help you at all? If it did and you liked what you read, please let us know in the comments. We would love to hear from you.

Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself?
This doesn't mean he doesn't like you. You have to understand how he is wired. Once you do, you'll find there is a subtle thing you can say that to him that will drastically change how he shows his emotions towards you.

Take this quick quiz that looks at whether he actually likes you or not!

Olivia Surtees
After realizing I was the person that everyone around me always came to for dating advice, I decided to merge this skill with my profession – writing. So, I came about to be a relationship advice writer! Being able to show not only my passion for writing, but also my passion to help others in their relationships, means the absolute world to me and I hope to continue doing so. Studying the vast and complicated world of relationships entices me, and I am constantly striving to learn more, so I can then help others with more knowledge and experience.

10 comments on “Stop Chasing Him And See What Happens - Does This Work?”

  1. Thanks so much, this article has really solved a lot of problems in my relationship, and opened my eye.

  2. Doesn't work always. I agreed to be a girl's boyfriend, I gave her most of my energy, making gifts by myself, buying gifts, talking about how amazing she is, and how much I love her. After just 3 months she moved from responding slowly to seemingly uninterested, she won't even send a single selfie if I ask for one, and I don't even ask because she used to send me a lot. She says she love me more and still has the same feelings yet I don't even feel that I am appreciated anymore. I've been looking all over the internet to try figuring out why this is happening which is why I ended up here. It's about half a year and I started questioning myself all the time if I should just move on; I don't even feel like I can trust her unconditionally anymore like when I first agreed to be with her.

  3. I like a certain guy I chase him he never chases me. He tells me he likes me and flirts constantly. If I stop chasing him he won't start chasing me. I wish he liked me back but he never will.

  4. Hi,
    I dated a guy recently for 2 months. He is extremely successful, handsome and Batchelor on a dating app.
    I played it completely cool, he was pursuing me.
    First date was a drink and I left after a brief kiss, he messaged me the next day trying to see if I was out and about.. for a good time obviously then realised I wasn’t easy and invited me for coffee where he then invited me over to his that week and cooked an incredible dinner accompanied by wine we were then intimate. He wanted to get coffee the next day which we did and he even called me on the way to coffee saying what an incredible intimate experience it was and it was so amazing. We went for coffee then Messaged me that afternoon saying “flashbacks. Can’t stop thinking about it.”
    The weekend went by and I hadn’t heard from him then he messaged me Monday night saying “hey how was your money sweets.” I left it a few hours to respond as I was at personal training and kept it brief. He hardly messaged me back and the next day asked if I wanted to go over that night. I said I was busy and suggested walk on Sunday night and dinner. He said yes perfect.
    On Thursday prior to Sunday he surprised me and asked me to come down to my local coffee shop if I was free and I said “cool give me 5”. It was nice and he messaged me after saying lovely to see you today an
    Sunday rolls around and I hadn’t heard from him I called around 2 he replied saying he was tired and having a nap. I said enjoy your name and he said we still good for tonight 6.45 (Same time as previous date). I said cool sounds great. Went to his intimate again and he said we should get lunch this week are your around tomorrow? I said yes I actually coincidentally ran into him on the Monday and I didn’t stay long. I asked him at lunch to send me the documentary that we were watching which he did at 4.
    I didn’t hear from him all week until I messaged on Saturday morning casually asking how his week was and he responded with a cheeky text and then he responded again in the evening encouraging my checks text...I was out so responded the next day with some naughty and he didn’t even respond. I let it go all week not hearing from him.. and text him the Friday seeing if he was around for a coffee as I saw his car (not in a creepy way) he responded “sorry had to fly to a meeting xx” i didn’t respond and have gone into no contact. It’s now Thursday the following week and still nothing from him.....
    Can someone please explain what happened????? I don’t think I have done anything wrong or chased him in any over the top way? Yours sincerely, confused E.

    1. Honestly it sounds to me like hes playing the field. He probably indeed hs a great time with you but is juggling other women. Cant be bothered to text during the week when he has googly eyes for his most recent right swipe.

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