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Should You Tell Your Partner Everything? (11 Things You Don’t Have To Tell Your Partner)

by Sonya Schwartz

Is full disclosure at all times truly the way to keep a relationship intact? Or does your relationship stand a better chance of survival if you keep those damaging truths to yourself for a bit longer? We’ve heard it said over and again that complete honesty and transparency are the true hallmarks of a great relationship. 

However, the reality isn’t black and white. At some point, you will need to factor in the gray area that’s always secretly in every situation. The gray area of life is why you make room for mistakes and forgiveness. 

It is also the same reason you don’t tell your partner single details that will hurt or traumatize him. When you love someone, you make a genuine effort to keep them safe, even from the truth. Does that make you a liar or feel bad about your decision? Maybe, maybe not. There’s a price to pay if you decide to be honest. 

There’s also a secret you have to be comfortable living with when you refuse to disclose the truth. However, you need to weigh the cost of either decision before accepting it’s the best thing for your partner and relationship. 

It is a difficult process deciding whether you tell your man the whole story, or leave out a little detail in a bid to protect him. As such, the following tips will help you decide the situations where you don’t need to tell your partner everything, and still keep a healthy relationship. 

11 Things You Don’t Have To Tell Your Partner

1. Something he is powerless to change

What is the purpose of pointing out the obvious, especially when your partner already hates that one thing about himself? Complaining about his height will not make him taller or shorter. Telling him you wish his penis was longer or bigger will not change anything either.

You will only ignite in him hurt feelings and disgust for who he is. You might think your words are harmless, but they will only push out his insecurities. He might even make drastic decisions such as having a penile implant or a knee extension/reduction surgery just to satisfy you.

At the end of it all, you will have an insecure man. Your relationship might not even survive the change because you were only voicing out a temporary desire.

2. Your crush on someone else

you crush on someone else

So you’re developing feelings for another guy and you’re scared. Your relationship is built on honesty and you feel you need to be honest about your crush on another guy. Before spilling this insignificant secret, ask yourself if you’d like him telling you the same thing.

Put yourself in his shoes to see if you’d be cool with such detail. Even though crushing on someone else is not one of the little things you should ignore, you need to deal with it yourself.

Hiding such secrets from your partner, and dealing with them yourself would be the best thing for your relationship. If you panic and tell him, he will start looking for reasons to doubt your honesty. When you make mistakes he would attribute them to your new feelings for another man. 

Figure out on your own if you still want to be with your partner or your feelings have shifted to another. Then make a decision unhindered by an enraged boyfriend. 

3. Your sexual history

You must have heard it before that hiding your sexual history from your partner is for the best. What most people don’t make clear is that your refusal to reveal such intimate details doesn’t make you a liar. Why discuss body count if it won’t be of any benefit to your relationship? 

It is even more paramount to keep details of past relationships out of your marriage. Your husband doesn’t need to know how many sexual partners you’ve had. He can only ask for single details about your last one to confirm your sexual health. 

Your partner certainly doesn’t need to know that you’ve had better sex in your previous relationships. That information does no one good, it will only lead to disagreements. Some secrets are best kept hidden, your sexual history is one of them.

4. Your dislike for a member of his family

If you don’t like his sister, especially because she doesn’t like you either, keep it to yourself. Your partner doesn’t want to hear that you dislike his kin when he is hoping to make you a part of the family. Not only will you hurt him with that detail, but he will also become upset with his sister.

The truth is, he might be aware of the tension between you and his sister. So, he just doesn’t need you acting like you can’t work things out. 

Instead of magnifying the problem, think of solutions that will stop the tension. You can go to him with solutions to becoming friends with his sister, not the obvious problem. 

5. Dislike for inconsequential traits

People in long-term relationships will eventually notice certain quirks in their partners. If you aren’t willing to endure some irritating things in your partner, you should stick to temporary relationships. 

Do you think your partner doesn’t notice the annoying things that you do too? Of course, he does. However, he’s accepted that he is in for the long haul, so you can hardly do any wrong.

Seeing yourself as perfect and consistently being vocal about his flaws, makes you the wrong party. Rather than focus on his minute quirks, zero in on the qualities that made him love you. You can be sure he’s doing the same thing. 

6. Doubts about his success rate

In relationships, partners are supposed to be each other’s rock. Your man will fail sometimes and he will know it. He doesn’t need you increasing his doubt in his capabilities. He needs you to encourage him every step of the way.

You’re very wrong when you voice out your doubt about the success of his latest project. You’re wrong to compare him to other people who have failed or succeed in a similar venture. 

You’re tearing him down when you should be bolstering his courage, or arming him with possible solutions. In this situation, you should keep your doubts to yourself and show your support instead. 

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7. Personal spending habits

Joint finance is a sensitive topic that can impact the relationship negatively if you don’t discuss it extensively. When operating a joint account, you and your partner have a set agreement you’re expected to follow. 

However, we all have soft spots for things we’re not supposed to be buying. This is why it’s better to have a personal account from which you can buy things for yourself. 

As long as your buying weakness is insignificant in the general scheme of things, you don’t need to always tell your partner about it. You can enjoy your extra chocolate bars without telling him, especially if he doesn’t like you gorging on them. 

Imparting that unnecessary information will only cause avoidable problems in your relationship. Moreover, he probably has his private stash of contraband he isn’t telling about either.

8. Your attraction to his best friend

Crushing on a stranger and telling your man about it is one thing. Telling him that person is his best friend is another thing. As humans, it is normal to be attracted to other people even when we are in committed relationships. 

It is even normal to think about pursuing that attraction. However, it is wrong to act on that desire while you’re in a committed relationship already. While it isn’t wrong to tell your partner about your tumultuous feelings for his buddy, it isn’t wise either. What happens if you tell him and he finds out his best friend is also attracted to you?

You’ll break up both your beautiful relationship and his amazing friendship all in one swoop. Relationships and love are about intentional commitment; you can be attracted to another person without betraying your love for your partner. 

At the end of everything, you’ll realize your feelings were fueled by a temporary lack. You’d then wish you worked harder to make your relationship work.

9. Suggesting you don’t like his weight

suggesting you don't like his weight

Just as it is bad for you to project insecurity in your partner for things he cannot change, it is also awful for you to pressurize him into changing the ones he can. One of the things your partner may or may not be able to work on is his weight.

If your partner is overweight, he'd be aware of his situation and doesn’t need you telling him he is fat. If he is underweight he doesn’t need to hear from him that he should muscle up. You knew who he was before you entered a committed relationship with him. Even if the change came after you both fell in love, you shouldn’t make him feel bad for it.

Let him know how much you love him regardless of his weight. When he is ready to work on it, he will do it without the influence of your displeasure.

10. Wishing he could be like your ex

If your past relationships were that perfect, you would still be in them. However, your previous relationships ended, so should your desire for them. Even if you’re convinced your boyfriend could learn a thing or two from your previous boyfriends, don’t ever tell him that.

He doesn’t want to hear how successful your first boyfriend was, or how generous the third one was. If you must share useful nuggets with your man, maintain anonymity for the source of your safe advice.

11. Hurtful things your folks say about him

Just as you don’t need to put him in the middle of the tension with his sister or other family members, you also shouldn’t tell him the negative remarks from your family. Your family might mean well for you when they point out your man’s flaws or crack jokes at his expense. 

However, don’t repeat those comments to his face. You’re not being honest when you tell your man your brother thinks he’s ugly or that your mom doesn’t like his tattoo. If he’s observant enough, he’d sometimes notice these things too.

FAQs

Do couples have to tell each other everything?

No, couples can keep some things to themselves, especially if it won’t help the relationship move forward.

Should you tell your partner all your secrets?

If the secrets will affect your future together, yes you can tell him. However, if the secret won’t impact the relationship in any way, there’s no reason to tell.

Is it OK to keep secrets in a relationship?

‘Okay’ might not be the word to use for keeping certain secrets. However, you’ll have to be okay with your decision to keep the secret, especially if it is to protect your partner. You’ll have to be okay with the fact that when the secret gets out, you can handle the consequences. 

Should you be able to talk to your partner about everything?

No matter how intimate two people are, they can’t tell each other everything. For example, you cannot reveal a secret someone told you in confidence.

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Why do husbands hide things from their wives?

Some husbands do so because even though they are married, they want to maintain the feeling of independence every man craves. 

To Summarize 

Your relationship won’t suffer any harm because you decided to love your man with his flaws or keep the secrets of your best friend. Separate wisdom from dishonesty and you’ll be able to enjoy your love life in peace.

Did you enjoy this post? Please leave a comment below and share it with a friend. 

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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