There is absolutely nothing worse than having that gut feeling that your partner is sleeping with somebody else.
The worst thing about it is, these suspicions cause you to change your behavior and have an inevitable impact on your relationship whether he’s actually cheating or not.
Statistically, infidelity rates are scarily high, in fact 40-60% of all married men will be unfaithful at some point in their marriage1; no wonder we have trust issues. With that being said, those same statistics show that up to 40% of women have been unfaithful too.
But, what we’re talking about here is how to see the physical signs he is sleeping with someone else and how to act upon realization.
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Generally speaking, this is one of the easiest physical signs to suspect infidelity.
You know your partner’s scent, and for that reason, you’ll know exactly when something changes this scent.
Perhaps he has a specific cologne he uses, or you use a particular laundry detergent. So, it's a potential sign he has been with another woman if he walks into the house smelling like a woman’s perfume, or even things like cigarette smoke if he doesn’t smoke.
This one is quite self-explanatory. If you notice that he comes home in different clothes than he left in, this could be a sign that he's been with someone else.
if you notice he is coming back without that post-workout glow or you see that a gym membership fee isn't leaving his account, then you might start to think where he is for an hour every night.
If you have a shared account, you might also like to check if he’s been purchasing new clothes that you haven’t seen before. If he’s thought about it, he probably has some spare clothes in the closet of his lover
Sexual interest will naturally decrease over specific periods of time for everyone, and there are many reasons for it. Our libidos constantly fluctuate and naturally life can get in the way of our sex lives.
However, this has to be one of the most suspicious of the physical signs because, generally speaking, you know if you just haven’t had time for sex as opposed to detecting a more problematic reason; such as cheating.
A decrease in your sex life may show signs of guilt, I mean, it would be pretty uncomfortable to make love to you after he’s just been inside of somebody else… However, scientifically speaking, more sex increases libido.
Relationship problems, anxiety, stress, hormone levels, alcohol… Many causes can impact low libido and treating the cause should help to increase your sex drive4.
As upsetting as it is, although you may see no apparent reason why he would want to sleep with other women, this can increase his sexual satisfaction and may make him happier, contributing to an increased libido.
The guilt could cause him to act differently. If your partner’s behavior has had a sudden change in recent weeks, then this is one of the most obvious physical signs that he’s done something wrong and doesn’t know how to act on it.
He will most likely feel conflicted internally, switching from being angry at himself, convincing himself that he has his reasons for sleeping with someone else or even deciding to be a better lover to you. Naturally, you will notice these warning signs and his sudden mood changes.
If you're having sex and suddenly he springs something new on you, it might be a welcome surprise. However, do you really think he's been reading Cosmo's tips on hotter sex? Or is he practicing these things with someone else?
Sometimes, cheaters will also try to hide their infidelity by giving you more attention than usual, especially in the bedroom. They will try to deflect your suspicions by giving you the best sex of your life.
In addition to this, an obvious sign that he is sleeping with someone else is if he calls out someone else's name during sex with you.
If you feel like your man is attached to his phone at the moment, it could be a physical sign that he is talking to someone else on it.
Generally speaking, this is red flag behavior when he starts to hide his phone from you, or rejects calls when you’re with him. His phone may constantly be on ‘do not disturb’ so you can’t see how many notifications he’s getting or even worse, he could have a second phone.
The most crucial physical signs are actual physical evidence. If you suspect that he’s cheating, ultimately you want to have concrete proof before you even decide to move forward with any allegations.
The most obvious sign would be scratches on his back, it’s not exactly something he can easily dispute.
Not only might he be avoiding you (to avoid having to feel guilty), but inevitably he’ll be spending much less time with you because he’s spending more time with her, the other woman.
Scientifically speaking, the evolutionary theory suggests that men should be more motivated to engage in sexual infidelity to maximize their reproductive success.2 This would mean that his performance shouldn’t be affected.
However, erectile dysfunction is one of the most important physical signs that he’s sleeping with someone else.
That being said, erectile dysfunction is something that men can feel sensitive about. Jumping to conclusions from this sign alone could be very troublesome and wouldn’t be wise. However, paired with other signs it could show that you have an unfaithful partner.
If you’ve seen Doctor Foster, the 2015 BBC series about a woman scorned, then you’ll know the impact of finding a single hair on your partner’s coat that is not your own.
Like another scent, there could be much visual evidence of another woman. Traces of makeup, literal DNA, etc. If you find evidence of another woman on your man, this should be challenged whilst you still have proof.
Hickeys get their own point. Unlike other small signs of evidence of another woman, hickeys can simply not be explained away. It’s probably one of the biggest physical signs and cannot go ignored.
As we’ve established, lots of people cheat and we all know how difficult it can be to end a committed relationship.
If you’ve been through this before and made the very hard decision to forgive your man, it’s likely that you’ll know as soon as it’s happening again.
Studies have found that those who cheat in their first relationship are three time more likely to cheat in their next relationship,3 and I’ve never stood by the phrase ‘once a cheat always a cheat’, but you have to admit it’s a lot more likely that if he’s done this to you before he could do it again.
If this is the case, then realistically he would have learned from last time (or so you would think) to avoid making the same mistakes leading to you uncovering the truth. But, everyone slips up eventually and the biggest way you’ll be able to tell if history is repeating itself is by his change in behavior.
Uncovering the truth of your partner's infidelity can permeate almost every aspect of your life, making it crucial to learn how to accept the truth while being able to move forward and deal with the new life-changing realities.1
I need to stress the fact that if you have not got secure evidence that your man has slept with another woman, don't go and accuse him. A healthy relationship is all about being supportive and communicating clearly with each other, so if you really do think that he might be cheating on you, speak to him first.
Once you begin to show signs that you don’t trust him, this in itself is a problem. Sometimes, you have to bide your time and give him the benefit of the doubt until you know for sure.
If you want to skip having to go through hell and back trying to uncover the truth, you can try starting with a little bit of honesty.
Approach the situation as calmly as possible and simply tell your partner of your concerns.
Assure him that you’re not accusing him and that you’re simply feeling anxious and need a little reassurance. This is normal in every single relationship and if he hasn’t done anything wrong he should appreciate your honesty and you can work through this rough patch together.
You will also be able to gauge a lot by his response, especially if you go into the conversation completely open-minded and non-accusatory.
You might have spotted a few physical signs he is sleeping with someone else, but remember, these signs aren’t conclusive and there could be a valid excuse for each sign to prove that your partner has been loyal after all.
The best way to go about this entire situation is to confide in a friend, ideally one that knows your partner and understands a lot about his character and your relationship together.
Hopefully, your closest friend will be able to rationalize with you and help you see things from both sides, then you might have a clearer understanding of your partner's behavior. Your friend should not only help you in this, but should also help advise you how to go forward.
She probably knows you better than anybody and will truly have your best interest at heart.
Not always, but most of the time, it’s as simple as following your gut instinct.
You may need proof for a number of reasons. Obviously, getting proof is the best way to actually uncover the truth.
But, going a little further than this, and I know this is probably not what you want to hear as any break up is absolutely awful to go through, but getting proof may help in the logistics of going through a divorce (if it gets to that stage).
In the situation where you have now uncovered the truth and you’re not sure what to do next, there is absolutely no harm in taking the time to decide how to react before confronting him. At the end of the day, you have to do what’s best for you, and this decision can take a long time to make.
The most important thing is making sure that you are okay. Taking the time to think about what’s going to be best for you going forward is the most wise and strong decision you can make.
To be completely honest with you, I wasn’t sure whether or not to include this point but I think it’s really important to touch up on.
Cheating is absolutely not okay, we all know this, but some people have their reasons (as valid or as invalid as they may be).
Likewise, there may be a number of reasons why you don’t want to end this relationship, even after he’s been unfaithful to you.
Ultimately, you have to do what’s best for you, and if that’s staying with him and working through this, then so be it. It’s your decision and no one else’s to make.
According to Torrone Law “Close to 25% of marriages stay together after an instance of cheating. And more men than women stay married when they are the cheating partner (61% vs 44%)”
Couples therapy can help with a number of things.
Whether or not you’ve decided to stay with him, to not confront him, to use couples therapy as a means for him to explain himself, or even to find answers, couples therapy could be really helpful and is certainly an option to be explored.
If you suspect that your man has been sleeping with several women, first off you have to think about how he would have the time.
If you believe that he would have the time and have reason to suspect this, the best way would be to gauge his behavior from being on his phone. In order to have multiple partners he would most likely be using dating apps and be really secretive when it comes to his phone(s).
Also, it’s likely that a large number of partners could affect his stamina and he may act a little differently in the bedroom.
There are many tell-tale signs or red flags that your partner has slept with someone else but ultimately the best way to find out is to ask him for the truth.
You could even go one step further and ask the woman who you suspect he’s had sex with. Generally speaking honesty is the best policy and is probably the best way for you to get through this; at least you’ll know that you were honest when he wasn’t.
According to Torrone Law, “Start by getting regular counseling, both together as a couple and as individuals. Read some good marriage books together. Check out some quality relationship blogs and articles, and surround yourself with level-headed and supportive friends and family.”
It’s going to take a lot of patience, time and understanding on both ends in order to slowly rebuild that trust.
Having to experience the anger, hurt, anxiety, and upset of discovering your partner’s infidelity is heartbreaking and can really take its toll on you emotionally.
No matter how many physical signs you uncover, or however you decide to go forward, it’s so important that you take the time to think about yourself.
Rely on those closest to you, and remember that sometimes it’s best to give him the benefit of the doubt. Following your gut instinct is not always the best idea because it can be so easy to convince ourselves of something that isn’t true.
Communicate your emotions to your partner and together decide how best to work through this, no matter what the outcome is.
If you have any stories or advice for women who are full of doubt then please feel free to comment and be supportive; sometimes, that’s all we need. As always, share with a friend in need.