Measuring your relationships in terms of “bases” has been around for many years.
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In the guide below, we explain how this system traditionally works, and suggest a new “base” system that is more fitting for the new decade.
It seems like everyone was obsessed with getting to a new “base” when they were in high school.
Yet, once you reach adulthood, you tend to become more concerned with a stage not even assigned a “base”.
If that’s how you feel, make sure to read the next few sentences very carefully.
I always used to desire more than just a physical connection with the man I was dating, but the guys never seemed too interested in this…
That’s because I didn’t understand a very powerful aspect of male psychology called the ‘Hero’s Instinct’.
Understanding this can mean the difference between him being physically attracted and emotionally OBSESSED with you.
It’s a simple primal instinct that most men seem to have. Once I learned how it worked, my love life became better than I could ever imagine (learn how you can do that too by reading my personal story here).
This small change in your behavior is so powerful that you’ll kick yourself for not knowing about it sooner.
I explained my journey to discovering how it works in full detail so that you can learn how to trigger more meaningful relationships too.
Once you do that, guys will be wanting to rattle through these “bases” and towards true love faster than ever.
Whether you’ve watched baseball or not, you would have heard the terms first, second or third base used in the dating world. Each baseball metaphor represents a sexual intimacy stage in a relationship from mere attraction to intense intimate activities.
Similar to baseball, you’re playing by some unspoken dating rules, but unlike baseball, there is no timeline for you to score with your partner. There is no winner or loser either because it’s a partnership.
If the both of you discover that you don’t fit, you shake hands and go your separate ways. While a relationship isn’t all about sexual activities, a physical connection is a major part of it because you’ll always want to feel the closest to the person you’re in love with.
Since you can’t just jump from simple attraction to trusting your partner with your life, you need to patiently go through these relationship bases. The easy part is liking someone, but would both of you hit it off sexually?
Also, these relationship bases aren’t the only terms used for classifying each stage of your relationship because many other factors make a healthy relationship apart from sex. So, before you give in to the guy because erogenous zones are on fire wherever he’s within proximity, think about it.
Is he the kind of person you can relate to outside the bedroom? Do you even like him, or are you simply passing time with him? If the answer to these questions is yes, then you need to understand the basis of a relationship when to move on from one to the next, and other things to look out for.
When you first meet a guy, you check him out for the major qualities that attract you to a guy. If he checks out, you accept a date. You go on the date to get to know him better. Both of you have good food, good wine, and great scenery as a bonus.
If you’re lucky enough, he will be a good conversationalist who won't bore you to death with too much or too few stories. If there is a good flow of humor too, it wouldn’t take long for the sparks to start flying.
Whether you’re particular about good looks or general appeal, if you like him, you will want to prolong the date. But, every good thing comes to an end, and it’s time to go home. All these processes are part of the first base, but incomplete without a kissing gesture.
If he made a good impression on you, you will probably be looking forward to the kissing part. If he likes you too, his body language can give him away. You don’t need to feel rushed to swap spots with someone you’re still getting to know. You can start with mild kissing after the first meeting or allow a little tongue during the second one.
There might be sexual arousal but you need not feel compelled to engage in any serious sexual activity with him yet.
If you had a good kiss during the first date, you’d probably want to come back for more, especially if you like other aspects of the kisser. The second base is where both of you have a first glimpse and feel of each other’s bodies. You might not take your clothes off, but there will be clothes-raising, unhooked bra straps, and maybe even lowering of zippers.
There will be intense kissing, fondling of breasts and nipples, and basically, heavy making out. If you’re not comfortable with the guy, you wouldn’t go this far. Also, you should have learned a bit more about him before reaching this phase because you’re already investing your emotions and time.
If you consider him super sexy and he thinks the same thing of you, you’ll most likely move to the next baseball stage which is the third base and much more intimate. If you have doubts about him, or there’s just something about him that’s not doing it for you, end the whole thing there.
After the first or second base, you already know if you are going to go all the way with this guy or not. At this point, you’d have gone from merely French kissing to thinking about penetrative sex. Three strikes in his favor (three dates) means you like him.
However, you want to explore all the ways that both of you are sexually compatible, especially if you want to know if he’s a good lover or not.
Oral stimulation is a good place to continue if you aren’t still sure about him, even though it is a highly intimate activity too. You can guess a man’s generosity in the bed by the level of attention he pays your body during oral sex. If he takes his time pleasing you, you can be sure that penetration with him will be just as good.
Oral sex is an intimate moment between two people who trust each other and have hit it off. As such, if you don’t trust him to be clean for instance, you have no business putting your mouth on him, or him on you.
No matter how much all your nerve endings are in tune with him, practice safety first, then you can get down and dirty all you want.
The fourth base occurs only if both of you get on well through the other relationship bases. This phase has different names and so they say you’ve hit the home run, home base, grand slam, or other baseball metaphors.
When you get to this level, you are ready for penetrative sexual intercourse. You’re so attracted and turned on by him that there’s no way you’re not going to have him in your bed or his bed.
Again, you need to practice safe sex for both of your sakes, especially if you haven’t had the ex-boyfriend/girlfriend conversation. Have condoms handy because you aren’t sure of when the desire will slam into both of you.
You should admit early on to yourself that the end goal of these stages isn’t really the sex or just physical intimacy, but also about building emotional intimacy. As such, you cannot afford to let your emotions get involved in this final base if he’s only a one-night stand. Most times when it’s supposed to be just sex, your heart doesn’t listen, it just falls, even for the wrong guys.
After the home base, what next? No pressure but the next stage is the kink or anal sex phase because you’ve done the most intimate act already. You may go this deep with a casual lover if you get off on kinks, but you shouldn’t treat something as intimate as anal sex casually if you’re not a casual type of woman.
It is normal to feel nervous about this stage because it’s probably new territory for both of you, and the tone of each sexual encounter you’ll have afterward might change. Ensure that you’ve been with him for months, that you know him well enough, and that he has won your trust.
Then, get a good water-based lube, take it easy and take control of the first attempt. If you like it, despite the pain of anal disvirgining, you might desire to do it again. If after the first three attempts, it doesn’t work or you don’t like it, you can shelve the idea for a while and explore other safer kinky sex styles or role-play.
The four bases of romantic love are the first base or the kissing stage, the second base or making out stage, the third base or oral intimacy stage, and the home run or penetration stage.
The basis of love is a mix of physical attraction, mutual respect, undiluted honesty, and intentional dedication to your partner.
The relationship bases include the first base which is attraction, the second base which is getting to know each other, the third is the initial intimacy stage which involves kissing, the fourth involves deeper smooching and making out, and the fifth is the home run when sex happens.
Second base means you more than like the person because you are willing to go beyond just kissing him.
Love doesn’t exist in a vacuum, but combines respect, being present with your lover, sharing almost every part of you with him when it’s convenient or not, and just letting him know you have his back.
You can go through these relationship bases in any sexual relationship. However, be careful to do so in a serious relationship only because your heart might not always be able to detach itself from the sex. Above all, enjoy sex safely until you know that you can trust the guy implicitly.
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