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How To Initiate Sex (23 Creative Ways To Initiate Sex With Your Partner)

by Sonya Schwartz

We have come a long way as women, from the liberal and political movements to the sexual movements. However, it’s still a fact that sex initiation is a task men take up more when compared to women. 

There are many confident and ‘sexually woke’ women who are not comfortable initiating sex as well. It just seems right to let the man ‘hunt,’ because then, you feel wanted, right? Plus, men are generally perceived as the gender who want sex more. 

So, it’s easier for women to let them lead the way. However, you may agree when I say that, it’s important to show your man that you want him to.

If you want to make the switch and spice things up in your sex life, it’s going to take more than willpower. Here are a few tips that should help you feel more confident and comfortable when initiating sex.

23 Ways To Initiate Sex With Your Partner

1. Let your tongue do the talking

Have you ever given your partner a kiss and that simple gesture turned into a steamy sexual experience? You may not have realized it at the time, but that’s basically how to initiate sex. It's one of the easiest ways to get the ball rolling, and to show your partner that you’re interested in getting down. 

However, it cannot be a casual ‘I love you’ kiss, especially if your partner doesn’t seem like he’s in the mood. The kiss should be longer and more intimate. Plus, don’t just stick to his lips, get a bit funky, and trail those kisses down his nape, chest, stomach, and inner thighs. 

The great thing about kissing is that if your partner is not interested at the time, you can simply hug him and tell him you love him. Walk away and try again another day, besides, if he was actually feeling it but just pretending, he’ll pull you right back in. 

2. Send a steamy text

send a steamy text

Getting physical and seducing your man may seem a bit more upfront and challenging. That’s why good old sexting is an excellent way of initiating sex. Before you both get home, send him a picture of you and tell him how things are going down tonight. You can get as funky and creative when messaging him, just don’t go overboard. 

It could be a simple ‘you, me, sex’ text, or something longer and more sensual. The great thing about sex texts is the anticipation they build. Your man will be coming home already expectant, and it’s important not to disappoint him. 

Ensure you plan the night, maybe get a bottle of wine, some pre-sex food, dress, and scent nice so he’ll take you seriously whenever you use this method in the future. 

3. Wear something sexy

Here’s a fun fact, men are very visual creatures, they easily get aroused by what they see. That’s why it’s so important to work on your physical appearance. Hey, I’m not asking you to change how you look, that’s far from the point. It’s as simple as keeping your hygiene in check, getting your hair done regularly, and just looking good for you. 

However, there are some clothes that will do more for your partner than others. If you don’t want to talk much or ask him outright, then get the right clothes. Invest in clothes that make you look sexy, lingerie, or just something that makes you feel sexy. Remember, confidence is one of the sexiest things men love about women.

That’s why it’s a good idea to stick with what makes you feel comfortable and confident. Your partner can tell when you’re more confident than usual, and that’s a serious turn-on for him. Even though he wasn’t really up for any sexual activity, he’ll certainly want to take things to the next level with a much more confident you. 

4. Don’t wear anything

Here’s the perfect visual for this point, after dinner, go into the bathroom and have a nice steamy bath. Wait for your partner to come to the bedroom. Or you could decide to call him once you’re done. The bottom line is, ensure he sees you strutting out of that bathroom naked. It’s the best way of saying, I want to get it on. 

If you aren’t so comfortable being naked around him, you can dim the lights, so he only sees a silhouette of you. Now, it’s not enough to just strut around without your clothes, add some sexy in so he starts buying what you’re selling. Give him sexy glances, lick your lips, touch yourself, and just make him feel invited to a very special party. 

5. Give them a massage

You may not be the perfect masseuse, but anyone in a long-term relationship knows that “let me give you a massage” is simply another way of saying, “let’s have sex”. I mean, what’s better than your man feeling your hands going up and down his body, right? 

Once he gets on the bed, get some scented oil, and don’t be too professional about this. You could decide to rub, drum, or even lick on areas that get him excited. Before you’re done with that massage, your partner would certainly be in the mood to have sex

6. Suggest a shower together

One of the most exciting ways to initiate sex is to take things away from the bedroom and into the shower. It’s one of the best ways to set the mood. A cold or hot shower is anyone’s way of unwinding after a long day of preparing for a new one. But it’s also one of the best places to initiate sex. 

Both of you are naked, there’s water dripping off your body, and just so different positions to explore. Besides, you won’t have to talk too much. If your partner gets into the shower, simply wait a few seconds, knock on the door and ask to join him, remember, consent is everything. He already knows that you’re not joining him in the shower to simply watch him have his bath.

The mere thought of having you in there with him would be exciting, and that’s how to initiate sex without doing too much. 

7. Cuddle

Initiating sex is like working your muscles, you have to be cautious, careful, and intentional. It’s not always about giving your man a lap dance or planning an entire sexual experience. A simple cuddle could stir things up, especially when you do it intentionally. You simply can’t cuddle him coldly and expect a reaction, except of course he was already waiting for your touch.

Try spooning him, and rubbing back and forth on his chest and stomach area. All those sensual touches will help him get the idea of what you’re trying to do. Plus, you don’t have to wait until you’re both in bed. You can hug or cuddle him anywhere around the house, on the couch, on the floor, or wherever. 

Just ensure you keep things exciting by using your hands, making jokes, and whispering sweet things into his ears. 

8. Rub your hands back and forth down his mid area

In any relationship, both partners need to learn the other parties’ body. Know what gets them going, what part of their body ticks sexually compared to others, and the likes. How well do you know your partner’s body? Are there certain areas that just get him started almost immediately? Well, if you’re not so sure about those areas, just focus on the safe spots.

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If you’re both in the bedroom, cooking in the kitchen, or watching something in the living room, let your hand come out to play. Just give him a simple rub around his chest, stomach, and if you’re more daring, go lower. 

Slowly undoing the straps or buttons on his pants is already an action that could get him excited for sex. So just focus on playing around with those areas, he’ll get the idea and start touching you right back. 

9. Whisper in his ear

whisper in his ear

This may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but there’s no harm in trying it out. It works by slowly blowing, moaning, or sighing sexily into his ears, initiating sex has never been so easy! If he’s not already excited by now, start tugging gently on his ears with your lips, and maybe lick his earlobes a bit. All these subtle actions will directly stimulate the nerve endings around your partner’s ears. 

When it comes to sex, the ears are an erogenous zone that many take for granted. That’s a funny fact because when it’s an easy way to get the ball rolling when you want your partner to have sex with you. So, the next time you think of initiating sex, don’t forget to play around with his ears. Just ensure you watch out for his response so you’ll know if it’s something he likes. 

10. Give him a striptease

One of the best ways to initiate sex in a relationship is by giving your partner something visual to work with. A visual he won’t forget in a while. Before he gets home, prepare a warm bubble bath and have a nice soak just so you’re more relaxed. After you pat dry, spray or rub on something sweetly fragrant, like chocolate, strawberry, or coconut-scented body sprays. 

The next step is to pick out some clothes you can take off easily. Yes, a striptease is exactly that, dressing up so you can take the clothes off right after! However, it’s fun when you think about the sweet sex you’d be having in a matter of minutes. Then there’s the pleasure you’ll be giving your man right before the action starts.

If you feel unsexy or unconfident, try watching some youtube videos. That will help boost your confidence, and also show you a few moves to try out when performing the striptease. 

11. Got to bed without panties

Alright, it’s not wise to assume that every lady is comfortable initiating sex. In fact, this is a very scary and intimidating topic for some. That’s okay, while you’re building your confidence and becoming more open about how to initiate sex, there are a few more subtle tricks you can try.

The oldest one in the book is going to bed without panties. However, the real trick is letting him know that you’re not wearing panties. That could mean choosing more sheer or transparent nightdresses, and a short one too. Spray on an enticing scent, pull your dress up a bit, and give him a good view of your curves by lying on your side. 

12. Tell him you're not wearing panties

Okay, so maybe you’re trying to get more vocal about having and enjoying sex with your partner. This is the best way to do just that. You could call him, send a text, or tell him face to face. Any guy knows that when his woman says she’s not wearing panties, that’s an all-access invite for sex. 

13. Give him a playful spank

It’s very important to monitor your partner's mood before attempting this tip. In fact, it’s important that both of you are already vibing and being playful. Giving him a spank just tells him that you’re ready to take things to the next level. Plus, it’s important that the relationship you have with this person is solid, cause some people take a lot of trivial things way too seriously. 

14. Tell him to take off his clothes

Thinking of sounding more confident, sexy, and assertive, then get ready to command your soldier to action. Remember, talk is cheap, don’t sound confident when you’re not ready to take charge till the end. There’s just something about taking charge every once in a while that men love. So don’t just talk the talk, back it up with actions too. 

You could walk up to him and say, “take off your clothes and meet me in the bedroom, you have five minutes”. Do a boss walk back to the bed, or wherever you plan to have sex and let that man follow you there. 

15. Grope him sexually

grope him sexually

This tip is only for people who have been in a relationship for a while. That’s because some people may find groping offensive. However, if your man doesn’t mind a little butt smack here, or you touching on his body freely, then go right ahead. 

16. Tickle him

Tickling your man is another fun way to initiate sex. First of all, it lightens the mood, you're both laughing, and you can lean in for a kiss in between. Tickling him will certainly get him in the mood for sex, especially when you know how to work his body. Don’t just tickle him until he can’t breathe in between laughs anymore. 

Do it sensually, and with the sole purpose of getting him in the mood to have sex. That means you’ll have to talk in between, talk about his body, how you want to lick him, or how sexy his lips look when he laughs. You’ll be taking all that fun to the bedroom in no time. 

17. Put his hands on your body

Another non-awkward way to initiate sex is by making your partner think it’s his idea. It may not be the most upfront way to go about it, but it certainly gets the job done. So how do you initiate sex simply by placing his hands on your body? It’s simple, use strategy. What part of your body does your partner fancy the most?

Where is the first place his hands go to when both of you are having sex? That’s the best way to figure out what easily turns him on when having sex. If it’s your boobs, while talking or playing with him, put his hands there and lean in a little. If it’s your butt, thighs, cheeks, or legs, do the same thing.

18. Set the mood

Sex just happens sometimes, but in other instances, you have to set the mood. Go for scented candles, rose petals, sex toys, and anything that will immediately suggest sex to your partner. Telling him you want sex by showing him is also very sexy. So don't feel like you’re playing it safe, setting the mood for sex is just as important.

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19. Ask him

“Babe, I’m horny, let’s have sex”. This sounds a little bit forward right? Well, it’s not. When you are in a committed relationship, you owe it to each other to make your sex life interesting. So don’t be afraid to ask him, he may not always be in the mood, but when he discovers that you rarely ask for sex, he’ll certainly make an effort. 

20. Talk dirty to him

Talking dirty to your man is one of the fastest ways to get him in the mood for sex. Plus, telling him things like “I want your hard cock in my mouth” spurs his imagination, and anticipation starts to rise. So without having to kiss, touch or grab him, your guy already gets the message you’re passing which is, “I want to have sex with you”. 

21. Schedule it

Some couples take a more straightforward route when it comes to initiating sex. It may sound unsexy, but there’s no need to undermine scheduling if it works. It takes the pressure of initiating sex and helps both of you work around a busy schedule. 

22. Lure him in

Did you know that simply placing sex toys in strategic places, say, the bedroom (it’s the safest place, especially if you have kids) that’s an awesome way to pass your message across? If he walks into the room and sees some lube, a vibrator, edible panties, and more, he’ll definitely get ready to dive right into bed with you. 

23. Be flirty and playful

be flirty and playful

There are some people that can have sex in any mood. However, if you’re not about that dark or moody sex, it’s best to keep things fun and vibrant. Be flirty’ lick your lips, wink at him, subtly touch his body or rub yours against his. He’ll certainly get the message. 

FAQs

How do I get my boyfriend to initiate sex?

It’s easy for a partner to get lazy when it comes to initiating sex. Especially when the other party does all the work most of the time. As much as withholding sex may be a strong power move, it’s not always the best choice. 
However, in this situation, holding out on initiating any sexual activity may get your partner’s attention. But don’t just stop there, let him know how you feel about always initiating sex. Then tell him how loved and sexy you feel when he’s the one who initiates sex. 

How do you initiate sex in a long-term relationship?

In a long-term relationship, it’s easy to get comfortable or totally dependent on the other party for sex. However, it’s important that you try to think of creative ways to keep your sex life healthy and fun as well. You could start by kissing him more often, stepping up your personal appearance, investing in sexy lingerie and practising more role play. 

How can I approach him for sex?

First of all, it’s important to know your partner’s love language, that way, you’ll know the best way to approach him. However, putting consent at the forefront, you can start by wearing something sexy and walking around him. Asking to give him a massage, or cuddling him. That way, both of you will be on the same wavelength. 

How do I make him sexually addicted to me?

To make a man sexually stuck on you, it’s important to be strategic. He has to stay interested in you, which means you’ll have to switch things up in the bedroom every now and then. However, you can’t be available every time, sometimes, keep him wanting more. That way, he won’t get bored or entitled, and he’ll actually miss having sex with you. 
Still, it’s not enough to keep things locked for a day or two. Keep being confident about your body, invest in clothes and lingerie that accentuate your shape, and when you do get together, ensure you’ve learnt something new. 

How do I make my partner scream in bed?

Getting a man to groan in bed may sound almost impossible, but it’s really not. You simply have to understand his body and know which parts bring him pleasure. If he loves blow jobs, that’s the best way to go if you want to make him scream. Go down on him before, during, or after sex, while talking dirty to him the whole time. 
You could either be begging him to give it to you hard or telling him how awesome he is in bed. 

In Conclusion

I hope these tips have been helpful and helped build your confidence too. Remember, if you want to know how to initiate sex, you’ll have to learn how to slow things down a little bit and put more passion in, than expertise. Remember to have fun, and enjoy every moment. 

I want to know your take on the topic though, so leave your comments below, and please share this article with others who need this. Good luck. 

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Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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