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7 Key Differences Between a Lover vs Boyfriend or Girlfriend

Are you wondering whether the guy you’re dating loves you as much as you love him?

Do you feel he’s not as involved in this relationship as you are?

Perhaps what you should be really wondering about is whether you have a lover or a boyfriend.

People nowadays use the two terms interchangeably.

But did you know a lover is not a boyfriend?

Did you know a lover may only date you for sex and nothing more?

And that he can date other girls too without you knowing it?

Now, I realize this might be hard to accept, but have you ever analyzed your relationship, and are you sure you truly have a boyfriend?

There are fundamental differences between a lover and a boyfriend.

Before reading forward, though, you might now want to know if he’s dating other girls too.

Basically, does he cheat on you?

As harsh as it might be, it is essential to know who you’re dating.

I always recommend using a background checker like this in situations like this (click on the link to go to their site).

Enter his details to see what online dating sites he’s active on and who are his newest friends on social media.

Tracking his behavior could tell you if you’ve been having a lover or a boyfriend for this whole time. And even more important, if your lover has been cheating on you.

Now, hopefully that’s not your case.

Just enter his name and location into the background checker to rule it out.

Now that I assume you ruled that out and know he’s not seeing other girls let’s see what is a lover, what is a boyfriend, and why you should date the latter.


In most relationships, the title of “boyfriend” is a big step. This shows that you are in a committed and long-term relationship.

For some people, using the “boyfriend and girlfriend” titles is a big deal. It can be a significant step in where the relationship is going.

Many couples see this as a sign of commitment—or at least that they intend to have a long-term relationship.

This video explains the difference between a casual relationship and a committed relationship:

A lover may be more short-term. A lover may be a romantic partner or a sexual partner who is in your life for a relatively short amount of time.

Some people choose to use the term “lover” when they are in more relaxed relationships. This may mean that they’re just dating or might be sexually involved.

In your past relationships, the way that you interacted with one another or the way that you felt may have determined the titles you used.

If you and your existing partner call each other lovers and not boyfriend or girlfriend, there may not be intentions for the relationship to last.

In most long-lasting relationships, the terms “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” will be used.



This isn’t to say that you can’t count on your lover to take care of you. A boyfriend is just much more likely to help you out when you need it.

For example, if you need a ride home from the airport late at night, you will likely call your boyfriend. If you don’t have a boyfriend, you would probably call a close friend. A lover doesn’t typically take on these types of responsibilities in the same way that a boyfriend does.

If you’re sick in bed, you can count on your boyfriend to bring you soup or tissues. They love you and want to care for you in this way.

Some lovers may also be helpful like a boyfriend, but they are usually not nearly as willing to take care of you.

A boyfriend will usually see this type of care as their responsibility that comes along with the commitment that they made. As a girlfriend, you probably feel the same way.

If you have a boyfriend, maybe you have noticed how willing they are to take care of you when you need it the most.


Similar to how a boyfriend will care for you no matter what, they will also make sacrifices. They will go out of their way to make something work.

You might notice this especially when things get rocky in a relationship. If you’re going through a rough patch, maybe your boyfriend will cancel his plans with a friend to stay home with you and work everything out.

A lover has much less of an emotional commitment, so they are less likely to choose you over something else they want to do. This is even truer if you are struggling and need someone to talk to. A lover may not want the extra drama and complications.

Serious relationships are not always easy, which is why sacrifices are sometimes needed. If you’re with a lover, chances for sacrifices may not even present themselves.

If you have a boyfriend, he may even be willing to move across the country with you. This goes into the next point of long-distance relationships too.



As mentioned before, lovers are more interested in a sexual relationship. If you have to move out of state, you and your lover likely won’t see each other or keep in touch on a regular basis.

If you have a boyfriend, you will likely find a way to keep the relationship alive. This might include video calling, frequent visits, and plenty of texting.

This goes hand-in-hand with the fact that a boyfriend is in a long-term relationship. They want to make a long-distance relationship last if they can.

As hard as it may be to realize this, a lover can easily replace their existing lover if a situation arises. With a boyfriend, the relationship is much more personal and cannot be easily replicated.

Long-distance relationships may not even have to happen if you and your boyfriend are totally committed. Obviously, there are many different factors that go into this decision.

In some cases, your boyfriend may be able to move with you, which will alleviate the need for a long-distance relationship and make your life easier.

A lover wouldn’t necessarily drop everything to move to another city or state with you. It simply doesn’t align with their relationship goals.


Because lovers are more casual and might only be interested in the sexual aspects of a relationship, they don’t usually go out of their way to spend time with you.

Since a boyfriend truly commits to you, they are agreeing to be with you through all of the ups and downs.

If you have a lover, they will likely only stick around when they want to. They don’t have the same viewpoints on a relationship that a boyfriend would.

If you notice that you and your lover are having arguments, be prepared for that relationship to come to an end. As a lover, they probably did not agree to this and were more interested in the physical aspects of a relationship.

Just be aware of when you and your lover are communicating and when you haven’t been in touch for a while. They might only want to talk to you or be with you when it’s convenient for them.



A boyfriend and a committed relationship will give you what you’re actually looking for in a relationship.

In this committed relationship, you will both be working toward the common goal of a lasting relationship.

If you’re with someone who you consider to be a lover, they will probably not be fulfilling you emotionally.

Another major reason for contentment in committed and long-term relationships is the communication that often exists. If you are able to tell your boyfriend how you are feeling at all times, the two of you will be able to work things out.

If you’re lacking contentment in a serious relationship, you’re likely to talk it out and come up with a plan. Lovers may not have the same feelings about the situation and may not be willing to come up with a resolution.

Lovers tend to steer clear of these serious conversations since the whole relationship is casual. There’s not a huge reason for them to put a ton of effort into fixing a casual relationship and increasing the satisfaction.


It’s tricky to share a space with another person. You have to work out your finances, grocery shopping, bills, and just getting along with one another.

If somebody is in your life for the sexual things, they may not want to go through the trouble of dividing up chores and going to the grocery store with you. A sexual relationship just isn’t at that level of commitment.

You have lived with someone at some point in your life, whether it has been your family or a close friend. You know that random arguments pop up out of nowhere. This is simply a result of being so close to someone and spending all your time with them.

A lover doesn’t see a need to get involved in a situation where there could be complications like these. It simply may not be worth their time, especially if they’re only interested in a sexual relationship.

Moving in together is a sign of a more committed relationship anyway, so it usually doesn’t happen with lovers.

It’s also worth noting that cohabiting in a long-term relationship usually lasts much longer than it would in a more casual relationship. This is due to the way that the relationship works out and the dynamics of living with another person.


Is A Lover Different From A Boyfriend?

A lover is different from a boyfriend because you will be in an official relationship with your boyfriend but a more casual relationship with your lover. The main difference is the status of your relationship. 

What Is A Lover In A Relationship?

A lover is someone that you may be seeing or dating but you are not in an official relationship. A lover may also be someone that you are having an affair with. A lover is not usually someone that you are in a committed and official relationship with.

What Is Girlfriend And Boyfriend?

Girlfriend and boyfriend are terms that you call your respective partners if you are in an official relationship. If you are in a relationship with a girl then you will call her your girlfriend, while if you are in a relationship with a guy you will call him your boyfriend.

What Does It Mean To Be Someone's Boyfriend?

If you are someone’s boyfriend it means that you are in an official committed relationship with them. If you are someone’s boyfriend then you are either their boyfriend or girlfriend. If you are someone’s boyfriend then it means you have committed to being in a relationship with just them.

What Does Lover Mean To A Man?

A lover is someone that a man has a physical relationship with. However, a lover is not usually the term used for someone who is in an official and committed relationship. If you are in a committed relationship you will call your partner boyfriend or girlfriend, not lover.


Did you enjoy this list? It’s important to know the difference between the two types of relationships so that you know what type of relationship you are truly in. If not, you may experience unnecessary disappointment and heartbreak. It’s good to communicate these things with your partner so you know what’s going on.

Leave a comment down below with your thoughts! Be sure to send this to a friend if you liked it.


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