Is it ever possible to date someone with trust issues? Unfortunately, we don’t choose who we are attracted to. More to the point, we can never know what kind of relationships a person has experienced before we date them.
Perhaps a partner cheated on them? Or maybe a traumatic breakup has knocked their confidence? This could have given them trust issues in the past?
Whatever reason you are with someone who has trust issues now, if you want the relationship to last there are a few things you should keep in mind.
Table of Contents
It’s easy for you to be confident and know that you’ll never stray or cheat on your partner. But if their ex played around behind their back they may seem super-alert to every little sign that you are cheating.
If you are late back from work they’ll overreact and accuse you of sleeping with a coworker. If you get a text message late at night they’ll demand to read it.
Your best solution is to remain calm and comply with whatever they need to be reassured.
Bear in mind that a person with trust issues is going to find it extremely hard to open up. If they have had their heart broken by a cheating partner they will be very guarded with you.
They will keep a barrier up to protect themselves in case it happens again. They know that the more they share with you about their feelings the more they can get hurt in the future.
So don’t be disappointed if they can’t tell you that they love you back when you say it for the first time. Give them the time and space to feel secure enough with you to communicate their deepest feelings.
If you are not the sort of person that does deep and meaningful conversations every other day it can be hard to sit and listen. But being taken seriously goes a long way when a person is feeling overwhelmed and anxious.
Being able to vocalise exactly what they are afraid will happen is important. Actually, being able to talk to each other and have their partner listen properly can be enough to set some people’s minds at rest. So don’t lose this opportunity.
Building trust takes time, but this can be achieved with relatively little effort on your part. For example, if you say you are going to be home at a certain time, go out of your way to get home at that time.
If you get a call late at night, show your partner who is calling. The same goes with text messages. Introduce your partner to your work colleagues. Don’t keep secrets. Your world is their world.
Someone with trust issues needs constant reassurance. Unfortunately, this can manifest itself in clingy behaviour. They might text every 5 minutes, not waiting for a response. They may overreact when they don’t hear from their partner.
It’s not uncommon for someone with trust issues to over-analyse conversations or read between the lines. They may need to know what you are doing every second of the day.
Or they pop up unexpectedly or unannounced. If this is happening on a regular basis it is a good idea to set boundaries and establish what acceptable behaviour is.
It can be incredibly frustrating when you are in a relationship with someone who has trust issues. You just want to go out and have a good time with them. But they are questioning who you are talking to, what you are wearing, are you flirting?
Then they get into a bad mood and the night is ruined. You have to understand that this is not about you. Unless they have a real problem with jealousy, this is about their previous partner. So don’t feel like you are being attacked.
Are you a trustworthy person who has never experienced jealousy or cheating? Then it’s hard to know what someone with trust issues is going through.
This person might have been just like you at one point in their lives. They may have been totally in love with their partner and then found out after years they were being lied to. That their partner was having an affair with their best friend.
How would you now react to dating? Would you be so trusting when you meet new men or women? Or would you be naturally more reserved? Would you keep your heart close to your chest? Would you be suspicious if your new date kept their phone away from you or was constantly late?
Would you suspect something? Just think how your behaviour might be reminding them of their issues with an ex-partner.
It may seem as if you have entered the Spanish Inquisition at times over the slightest little thing. For example, forgetting to text them to say you’ll be late. Or not replying to a text. Or going out for a few drinks with the boys or girls after work.
In a well-balanced, trusting relationship, these things are par for the course. But in one where trust is an issue, your partner will be hyper-vigilant. When you are dating they’ll be looking out for signs like these. Why? Well, maybe because they missed them in their last relationship and it was too late.
Now they are determined to either catch you out or prevent the relationship from ending.
While you might want to go and give your partner’s ex a good talking to, you can’t fix what happened between them. More to the point, you are not a therapist. What you can do, however, is help them to find a way to move on.
Show them by your actions that relationships don’t have to be like their ex. They can be loving, trustworthy and supportive. Build the trust between you and your partner now and for the future.
A lot of people have such deep-rooted trust issues that they only want casual relationships. You’ll often find people engaging in multiple short-term sexual encounters. They’ll be focussed on the physical aspect of love, rather than the emotional side.
Typically you’ll hear them say things like ‘no strings’ or ‘I just want to have some fun’. This is a pretty obvious tactic to emotionally distance themselves from you. If all they are having is casual sex or fun they wont get hurt.
Of course, there are always people that use trust issues to control their partner. I have experienced this myself. My ex told me that his previous partner cheated on him and as a result he couldn’t trust anyone.
He started questioning what I was wearing, if I wore perfume or makeup. He would be strict about what time I got home from work or college. It got to the point where I couldn’t look at anyone if we were out shopping or driving. That isn’t a trust issue. That is coercive controlling abuse and a huge red flag.
As long as you are patient then yes. You should understand that this person may have been hurt in the past and it is not your fault. However, you may now bear the brunt of their insecurity. It might take a long time for them to be able to trust again. Be supportive and listen to their worries.
Yes you should always be honest with your boyfriend. Your trust will come out in the end anyway in your behaviour. If your boyfriend is the right guy for you he’ll be understanding and will want to help you regain your trust. He’ll listen and support you.
If you are the one with the issues then be open and honest about them. Hopefully your partner will be willing to be patient and help you overcome them. If your partner has problems then listen and put yourself in their shoes. Be as supportive as you can.
Unfortunately you can love someone and not trust them. However, you will ever feel secure or valued. You will never truly feel that this person has your best interests at heart. You won’t feel fully supported or fully loved.
Causes of a lack of trust in a relationship can include lying, cheating, and jealousy, a lack of support or game-playing. Being secretive or breaking promises can also lead to a lack of trust in relationships.
Have you ever dated someone with trust issues? Or were you the one with trust issues in the relationship? Is it something you can share with my readers?
I do hope you found my article about dating someone who has trust issues helpful. Please feel free to share it with your friends if you enjoyed reading it.