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Can You Fall In Love With Someone You're Not Physically Attracted To?

by Sonya Schwartz

When we imagine falling in love, we imagine falling for person of whom we adore every aspect. However, it can happen at times that whilst there may be a love connection there between you and a person you found in your dating life, that you're not actually sexually interested in any way.

Here in this article, we discuss whether you can ever fall for people who you aren't physically attracted to. Additionally, we look at the slightly different scenario as to whether you can be in love in the first place without attraction and whether it is possible to love at all without physical attraction.

Can You Be In Love With Someone And Not Be Sexually Attracted To Them?

There are obviously two schools of thought as to whether you can love someone and not be sexually attracted to them. Some will say that yes, it is absolutely possible to love someone in a romantic way, without being sexually attracted to them. However, to some that sounds like a total impossibility and those will be the opinions of those that need that much needed spark or physical chemistry with.

So for those those that think it is possible to love someone and not be sexually attracted to them - how does that love connection actually work. For those that have fallen for someone without sexual attraction, their love for their partner will come from a much more cerebral connection and companionship.

Falling for someone with these two aspects present is possible to those that put a big emphasis on an intellectual connection. A connection where the brain is challenged and excited by the person they are with. It will perhaps mean that to the person that needs an intellectual attraction, they do not need a physical attraction at all. It could be that they do not see sex as a large part of a relationship nor do they see desire or passion as a necessity in anyway. Instead, their emphasis is on a meeting of minds and the tactile side of a relationship can fall by the way side. In fact, they probably don't notice it at all.

To those that need passion and chemistry in a relationship and require that elusive spark, they simply won't be able to comprehend this side of the argument. To them, a relationship is not a serious or loving one without sexual attraction and the need to physically be with someone that you love. They are both part and parcel of a partnership and without that attraction, it is not possible to be in love with a person.

The reason that a lot of people think like this is that for them sex is the way that they delineate their closest relationships from others. To a person that must absolutely have a sexual spark in a relationship, they would argue that what is the difference between a relationship that you have with any other person, if you say you are in love with someone that you are not physically attracted to. To them, that chemistry is something that marks their romantic relationships apart from their platonic ones.

It's an interesting viewpoint for those that do not think that physical attraction is needed to be in love with a person. The idea or notion of sex to them is that it is not necessary, yet how do they ensure that they and their partner, know where they stand. Do both people know that they are in a committed relationship, even though on the surface it is just like any other platonic friendship.

Is Falling In Love Possible Without Attraction?


One way that some of these people would make an argument is that over time they no longer are physically attracted to their partner, but at the beginning of their relationship there was that spark between them. This means that both sides of the relationship once had something like chemistry or an attraction between them and sex once was part of their love life.

However, most people in long term relationships , especially marriages that span decades, will admit that their sex life is nothing to shout about any more and that their relationship with their partner has descended into something far more platonic. So the spark was first initially there and that is how the idea of them being a couple was able to come about.

Falling in love is very different however to attraction simply dwindling and falling by the wayside which will take time. This is more to do with ageing people's hormone levels than the actual attraction diminishing. It is possible though, especially if you are one of those people who do not need sex to be an intrinsic and integral part of their partnership.

There is, though, the old adage that https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/in-the-name-love/201003/is-love-blind. Bearing that in mind, falling for someone can mean that you don't need to be into them physically because love is such a powerful force and emotion that it totally blinds you to a person's appearance in the first place. This can mean that someone who you ordinarily never would have had a spark with in the first place, is actually someone that falling for becomes a possibility because there is a strong attraction elsewhere - either on an emotional or intellectual level.

Can You Love Without Physical Attraction?

Loving without physical attraction is perhaps one of the more understandable ways for those that like desire in a partnership to see how a couple can work without sex. The reason being is that love can grow between two people - especially those that are friends first - where sex or spark was never initially needed. Sometimes, love simply will take time to grow and it can do so without the initial stages of passion that usually go hand in hand in the beginning parts of dating.

So yes, it is possible to love without physical attraction, though some would argue that it may not be possible to remain in love without it for a long time. To others it may be something that they can understand but not ever actually see themselves able to do. Sometimes sex, desire and attraction to people is just too important and something that absolutely must be there for it to work.

Indeed, a great deal of couple's therapist will advocate the need for a healthy sex life within a marriage or partnership. Problems will arise though when the need between two people are markedly different. If one of the couple need to have very strong feelings of attractions while the other doesn't - this can lead to issues further down the line.

Is It Possible To Love Someone You Don't Find Physically Attractive - The Bottom Line

While it is possible to love someone you do not have a physical attraction for, the possibility of this happening does depend on the persons within the relationship.

Sadly, if you asking the very question can I fall in love with someone without a physical attraction, the reality most probably is that as much as you want the relationship to work, you need sex or sexual attraction in a relationship to keep you interested or to make the relationship tick.

This is not unusual. Sex and desire are huge drivers in a lot of relationships and people are more often than not sexually charged beings. Whilst this level of libido can change from person to person, and can dramatically change over time, for the most part we are all humans who are wired to enjoy sex and a sexually attraction from our partners.

To some however, as stated, this requirement is so small it is easy and possible to forget about. Instead, they need a connection that is based much more on a meeting of minds and an intellectual stimulus that will keep them attracted to one another.

To summarise, whether you can have a fulfilling partnership without that much needed spark or sexual fission really does depend on the type of individual you are. While others may be able to cope without any physical chemistry between themselves and their partner, you may well absolutely have to have it. This is both understandable and normal - to some a spark comes from being on a level with them intellectually, to others it needs to be on a physical level. Indeed, to some both are needed to be present for a partnership to be successful.

Have you been in a relationship that was not based on sexual chemistry? Have you fallen in love with a person with whom you had no physical spark? Let our readers know by leaving your story below in the comments. Or share this article with a person who is going through some emotional strife at the moment - trying to weigh up wither they have fallen for a guy or girl to whom they do not feel attracted to.

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

6 comments on “Can You Fall In Love With Someone You're Not Physically Attracted To?”

  1. I don't know what I feel for him but i might probably want to spend the rest of my life with him but I'm not sexually attracted to him...please I need advice

    1. Hi! I love a man that I am not sexually attracted to. I
      know he is the right guy for my life and I for his. We both have 3 kids and love he Lord and just click. We are 50. I would be a fool to let sex rule over my brain. And I've have enough sex in my life for all of us. When we fool around, it is nice. It is part of a relationship.
      However, unlike the guys I am usually sexually attracted to, outside the bedroom my new guy and I (7 months) are always super happy and I can trust him completely! I'd rather have that than sex anyday!

  2. I honestly feel the same way about the person I am with too! It’s very hard and sometimes I feel so unsure of myself

  3. I just found out my boyfriend of almost 2 years isn't that sexually attracted to me. He hid this very well, as of course it is nothing you want your partner to know. I just moved in with him and his parents. We have a lot of love and a solid committed relationship leading to marriage. I am just heartbroken a little and trying to find the answers to help me cope or make the decision to leave.

    1. I would say, give it some time to settle in. Live together for a while and if you are able to keep up the same level of love then it’s something you can look past. If the love is diminishing then it seems it would be a deal breaker. That it didn’t lead to an argument or sudden break up is a sign that it’s something that you two can accept.

  4. I have been very close friends with someone for almost three years. She has confessed her love for me and wants more than friendship. I love her as well, but its much more of a platonic love. I struggle with pursuing things with her... because I know how much her heart is in it and I just don't have that physical desire. But I do have the emotional one. And I DON'T want to hurt her. This is hard...

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