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Lack Of Kissing In A Relationship: 11 Ways To Make It Work

by Sonya Schwartz

Kissing is the very foundation that romance and intimacy are built upon in a relationship. Couples always remember the first kiss, and whether it was good or bad. There’s nothing like the rush of oxytocin that floods your brain. It makes you feel attracted to your partner, encourages emotional bonding, and gives you the intimacy that you need. 

Sometimes, there’s a lack of kissing in a relationship though. This can cause quite a few problems, from a lack of intimacy to one person in the couple not feeling wanted. That doesn’t mean that your relationship is dead, though. 

Why Do Couples Stop Kissing?

There are quite a few reasons that couples might not kiss each other on the lips as much as they used to. Sometimes, this is one of the normal parts of later stages in a relationship. It’s frequently seen in couples that are in long term relationships for years. 

Another common reason is that there is a physical reason for not kissing. If your partner has chapped lips, it can hurt to make out. If you have chapped lips, it can feel like kissing sandpaper. 

There may also be health reasons involved. If one person smokes, the non-smoking person might not like the taste of kissing them. When one partner is sick, they can give the other one their virus or cold via french kissing. Bad breath is a common reason that partners might not like kissing first thing in the morning. 

Last, it’s because there are problems in the relationship that are spilling over into other areas. When communication stops, the kisses stop. Two people that don’t’ feel close to one another don’t kiss as often. What happens in one area of the relationship affects other areas. 

How To Make A Relationship Work Without Kissing

Kissing is important, but it’s not necessary for a couple to kiss in order to make their relationship work. I was in a relationship with a man that seemed to simply outgrow it. 

That act of physical touch encourages emotional bonding and can help relationships be successful, but there are a lot of other things that you can do to make sure your relationship is healthy, even if there is no kissing involved.

1. Understand intimacy

understand intimacy

Often, we mistake intimacy for kissing or making out. While this is one way to be intimate, this is not what intimacy is. Intimacy is the closeness that two people feel with one another. Emotional and physical closeness are both examples of this. 

2. Find other things to do to be intimate with one another

There is more than one way to grow your love as a couple that does not involve kissing. Have long talks before going to bed at night. Plan a date night with each other. Holding hands provides physical reassurance much as kissing does. Explore other things to show each other that you love each other. 

3. Kiss on the cheek

Just because you’re not fond of french kissing doesn’t mean that the two of you can’t compromise. You can give each other quick kisses on the cheek. This doesn’t release the same chemicals in the brain that promote bonding and attachment, but it does give you both a small amount of physical affection. 

4. Kiss on the mouth without tongue

Some people don’t like to kiss each other with their tongue. An ex-boyfriend of mine felt that this was the equivalent of spitting in each other’s mouths. In lieu of kissing with tongue, we kissed without touching our tongues. It was a nice compromise for us. 

5. Have a conversation about it

Lack of communication often results in one or both partners not getting their needs met. If your husband or wife doesn’t want to kiss, it’s not always a sign that they don’t love you or want you. You really could have bad morning breath and not realize it. Instead of assuming, ask your partner why they don’t want to kiss you anymore. 

6. Watch for signs of something deeper

watch for signs of something deeper

While him not giving you a kiss before he leaves doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s seeing someone else, it can be one of the signs of cheating to watch out for. Keep an eye on things to make sure that your relationship is headed down the right track. Make sure that communication is where it needs to be and that the two of you are still connected. 

7. Keep in mind the different stages of the relationship

At the beginning of the relationship, most couples will find themselves in the honeymoon stage. This is when the two of you can’t kiss each other enough. Your hands are all over each other. Every kiss leaves you waiting for the next one. 

After the honeymoon period is the discovery one. Signs that discovery is happening are more in-depth talks. You learn more about each other and discuss things like future goals. 

Sometimes, this one will come before the honeymoon part, which is perfectly normal. As you learn more about one another, you’ll decide if you want to move towards the next stage, which is commitment. This might be when you notice that your partner doesn’t kiss as much. Other stages include: 

  • Power struggles
  • Growth and stability
  • Romance
  • Crisis and recovery

As couples progress through these, they’ll find that they kiss less when they are in certain stages, such as power struggles. This is normal. Once you get to another stage, you’ll see the signs and kissing might come back. Relationships naturally fluctuate like this.

8. Plan a date night

Just because you don’t share kisses doesn’t mean that the relationship is headed downhill. It might just be the nature of the relationship. You could be drifting apart because you’re spending more time at work. Doing things together, like planning a date night, can help keep your relationship alive with your husband. 

9. Show each other love using different methods

There is no hard and fast rule that every relationship has to be full of kisses. It isn’t always a sign that something is wrong. However, if that’s the only way that the two of you show each other love and it’s suddenly gone, that can be a problem. 

One thing you can replace those kisses with is other forms of physical touch. Holding hands and cuddling also promotes bonding. Any type of touch is a great thing. When you’re laying on the couch, stretch your leg over his lap. 

Men will instinctively stroke your leg. Link your arms together when you’re going for a walk. Run your fingers through his hair and tell him how great he is during the day. 

Men that don’t love getting physical may simply be more verbal in their love. Encourage your relationship to grow and blossom using words of affirmation. Tell him how much he means to you. If you miss kissing, end the compliment with a quick but gentle kiss on the mouth.

10. Make eye contact

make eye contact

Looking into your partner’s eyes can give you a deep, meaningful connection with them. They say that the windows are the eyes to the soul, and they aren’t wrong. You’ll instantly feel closer together, which will help you bond more. It’s recommended that couples that have chosen to not kiss anymore look into each other’s eyes more to help them maintain that same connection. 

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11. Relax together

Wrap your arms around each other and cuddle while you both relax. Relaxing together is a great way to stay connected. It will help keep the passion alive, and guarantee that you can have a long-lasting relationship even if you don’t kiss each other. 

FAQs

Can a relationship work without kissing?

Kissing is not the only option that you have in a relationship. Use verbal communication to stay connected. Display love physically by hugging, touching, and cuddling with each other. Maintaining eye contact is another great way to help you stay close to your partner.

How important is kissing in a relationship?

Kissing releases oxytocin, which helps you form an emotional bond with the other person. However, it’s not as important as most people think it is. You can supplement kissing with touching, talking, or other means of staying connected. 

Is it normal for your boyfriend not to kiss?

Sometimes! We all have preferences. Some guys love to kiss, and can’t seem to get enough of your lips being locked together. Other boyfriends will prefer not to kiss. It doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with them, you, or the relationship. It’s just something they don’t like.

Why do people kiss with their eyes closed?

It’s easier to focus on things that your body is doing when your eyes are closed. This includes foreplay, enjoying a smell or feel, and even kissing. When a person is immersed in the kiss and focusing on it, it’s more enjoyable. 

What does your kissing style say about your relationship?

According to the experts, the more tongue you are using during a kiss, the closer you are as a couple. Gentle kissing signals that the two of you are comfortable with one another. Forehead kisses are protective and caring. A quick peck signals that you or your partner are spontaneous. 

In Summary

We all have things that we like, and things that we don’t like. While some of us love to kiss, others hate it. How do you feel about kissing in a relationship? Could you be with someone that hates to kiss?

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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