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Security In A Relationship (9 Qualities Of A Secure Relationship)

by Sonya Schwartz

Regardless of our unique desires, every woman wants love, respect, acceptance, and security in the relationship. Security is one of the essential qualities of a healthy relationship. It gives couples a sense of safety, stability, and reassurance to manage the ebbs and flows of relationships.

As much as we don’t like admitting it, let’s face it – both men and women feel insecure in relationships most of the time. Insecurity often stems from when someone feels like they are not adequate. This can be due to something like low self-esteem, negative childhood experiences, and past experiences of rejection and heartbreak.

In case you do not know, insecurity breeds fear, distrust, anger, bitterness, and conflict. Conversely, security fosters trust, love, honesty, longevity, and vulnerability. All of which makes it easier for you and your significant other to feel secure regardless of what happens.

Building security in relationships feels daunting owing to the amount of effort and time it requires. But here’s the thing – the rock-solid romance you so clamor for can only be achieved if your relationship is super secure. With that in mind, how do you know if you’re in a safe relationship? Below are some telltale examples that can point you in the right direction.

9 Qualities Of A Secure Relationship

1. Create Reassurances

We generally feel safe when our significant other regularly reassure us from time to time. The truth is, building security may sometimes require a bit of reassurance. What’s interesting about it is that many people derive so much satisfaction from hearing words of comfort from their partners. 

As much as you can, you must make a habit of reassuring your partner that you love and care for him. Additionally, ensure you reassure him after every misunderstanding or confrontation, especially if he is one to worry and overthink things.

When you know you would be late for a date or engagement, call or send a text instead of leaving him waiting. Showing up late without informing him might prove counter-productive in making him feel secure in the relationship.

2. There’s A Culture Of Respecting Each Other’s Privacy

there's a  culture of respecting each other's privacy

Trust and honesty are some of the many qualities of a secure and healthy relationship. When these two qualities are present in relationships, there won’t be any need to invade your personal space. Despite being in a relationship, couples need to learn to respect each other’s privacy at all times. 

Of course, there are times when you have to make your partner’s business your business. Notwithstanding, both of you should know when to draw the line. In a secure relationship, you’re not expected to feel anxious whenever he receives a text or a call from another lady. 

Additionally, it would be best if you resisted the urge to snoop through his phone to check his texts, emails, and calls. I agree that this is not an easy thing to do, but you should always feel confident no matter what.

3. You Let Each Other Have A Life

If you find yourself worrying over every little thing that your partner does, there is, without any doubt, insecurity in your partnership. Conversely, a secure relationship allows both parties to have a life outside themselves without ruining the relationship. You shouldn’t be scared of your man going off on his own from time to time.

Spending time together is good, but your partner should be allowed once in a while to catch his breath and do his own thing. If there’s one thing I have discovered about men is that they do not like to be caged. Both of you should understand that you had a life before you met, and it shouldn’t die because you started a relationship.

4. You Don’t Overthink Things

you don't overthink things

Someone who is in an insecure relationship overthinks her significant other’s actions most of the time. This sort of behavior is alien to a secure relationship. If your significant other says, “I’m not in the mood to talk”, don’t think it means that he is angry at you or doesn’t want to talk to you. He may probably be too tired to talk or having a bad day.

Most times, ladies rush into creating a scenario of infidelity in their minds, whereas nothing of such is happening. Overthinking your partner’s actions, inactions, and words can cause you to feel anxious or less confident in your partnership. In a secure relationship, couples take their words and deeds at face value without attaching a different meaning to them.

5. Partners Feel Confident About Confronting Themselves Following A Disagreement

Every partnership has that one person that upsets the other at every turn. In your case, that “one person” could be your significant other. Of course, offenses will always come up, but one of the attributes of a secure relationship is the ability of the couples to settle these differences with ease.

What’s more, in a secure setting, partners can quickly confront one another whenever they are offended without fear of physical or emotional attack. Conversely, in an insecure relationship, people tend to bottle up their feelings for fear of rocking the boat.

This sort of situation speaks to a lack of trust amongst one another that prevents you from sharing your feelings. Both of you should desist from such practice as it is unhealthy for both you and the relationship.

6. You Don’t Bother About Your Partner’s Activities On Social Media

Social media has a way of feeding our insecurities and exposing our imperfections. One of the egregious pitfalls of social media is its effects on relationships. Taking one glimpse at the display picture of a picture-perfect Instagram model who coincidentally follows your partner causes you to go into panic mode. 

People in insecure partnerships typically question why one particular person keeps commenting or liking your partner’s Facebook posts. This level of insecurity has often led to sleepless nights of timeline stalking, tension, conflict, and ultimatums. 

You must understand that the things you see happen on social media is not real life and should never be considered factual. So that you know, it’s insecure and a form of abuse to forbid your partner from engaging someone else on social media. When you feel safe in a relationship, you won’t be bothered about your man’s activities on social media. 

7. Being Apart Doesn’t Scare You

being apart doesn't scare you

There are times in a relationship where couples get to spend a considerable amount of time apart from each other. Ideally, your partner may want to embark on a business trip, vacation, attend family gatherings, or explore some other options. 

In a relationship that lacks security; being away from one another can pose some significant problems. In most cases, one may start seeing the other as being unfaithful or imagining thoughts of abandonment, whereas that may not be the case.

This feeling of insecurity can stem from an event that occurred in the past. Notwithstanding, in a secure relationship, the thought of being apart from your significant other shouldn’t scare you. See it as one of those things that happen in life and nothing more.

8. He’s Your Priority As Well As You Are His

An example of a secure relationship is one where both partners place a premium on supporting each other. This behavior lies at the heart of security in a relationship. The needs of your significant other should be a priority for you, although not to the detriment of your happiness. 

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

When couples support each other, it increases the level of trust and vulnerability that exists between them. In situations where you and your partner cannot find support in each other, the signs of insecurity – fear, distrust, anger, bitterness, and conflict – will surely ensue. 

Try to be consistent in the amount of care and love you show your partner. Inconsistency in this regard leaves room for him to start thinking the worst about the relationship.

9. You Don’t See Your Partner’s Friends As Threats

you don't see your partner's friend as threats

It’s natural for ladies to tag their partner’s friends, especially the female ones, as threats. This behavior is entirely understandable if you’ve ever had an unfaithful partner in the past. 

If that is the case, it will require some serious commitment on both sides to overcome this unhealthy behavior. If you feel safe in a relationship, you won’t see your significant other’s friends as threats. 

Additionally, you shouldn’t be bothered about his “hot” friends or coworkers, especially when he has assured you of his undying love and everlasting commitment. Security in a relationship should give you some sort of assurance that nothing can come in between you and your man.

FAQs

How do I become more secure in my relationship?

Firstly, stop comparing your relationship with that of others or what you see on television and social media. Additionally, discard any idea of perfectionism you have in your mind as it will only put you under undue pressure. Furthermore, always ensure the channels of communication are frequently open in your relationships.

Why am I not secure in my relationship?

You may be struggling to feel secure due to several underlying reasons. Some of which include infidelity, negative childhood experiences, heartbreaks, betrayals, disappointments, and past hurts. These experiences may likely be the reason you feel apprehensive about your partner. It can be challenging to build trust, especially after it has been broken before by others in the past.

Why does a woman feel insecure in a relationship?

Women feel insecure most of the time, so it can be challenging to find the exact root cause. In some cases, the fear of rejection or abandonment fuels these sorts of feelings. While for some, perfectionism or having a critical partner makes them feel insecure. Others include social anxiety, loneliness, and negative beliefs.

Can insecurity kill a relationship?

If left unchecked, insecurity can ruin and destroy any relationship. It can drive a wedge between partners and severe the bond that exists between them. Insecurity creates a vicious cycle of suspicions that gradually saps the life out of a couple. Not just that, it reduces your chances of finding happiness.

What does a woman need in a relationship?

Like men, women need real love and lasting happiness. She wants to know that her man values and loves her deeply. What’s more, women want to feel like queens and showered with lots of affection, care, and attention. Additionally, she needs her significant other to encourage and support her in pursuit of her dreams.

In Conclusion

Bravo on reaching the end! Hope you enjoyed the read? By following the examples listed above, your union is bound to thrive. What’s your take on security in a relationship? Kindly share something on the subject via the comment section below. Additionally, don’t exit this page without sharing this post – thanks!

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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