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Why Don’t I Have A Boyfriend? 11 Reasons And How To Fix It

by Aubrey Meister

Are you wondering why you don’t have a boyfriend?

Perhaps you’re confused why men never want to commit to you - and what you can to change it? 

If so, read on because that’s what this guide will teach you. 

However, before we dive in, it’s very important that you read the following story carefully. 

Throughout my early twenties, I was useless at getting men to stick around. 

They’d always get bored of me and leave before long. It felt horrible, like I would never find a man who loved me for me. 

Thankfully, I was able to turn it around - and it all started when I discovered a powerful aspect of male psychology called the ‘Hero’s Instinct’. 

This psychological trigger does so much to alter a man’s perception of the women in his life. 

When a woman can learn to activate this way of thinking inside a man, she can create an emotional impact unlike anything he’s ever experienced before. 

For me, it was the difference between being seen as a ‘bit of fun’ and a woman worth investing in. Once I mastered this skill, the men in my life became far keener to commit to me (read my personal story to learn more).

It would appear that most men hold onto this basic primal instinct. The crazy thing is: so few people seem to be aware of its existence.  

If you’re struggling to lock down a boyfriend, I’d be willing to bet that you’re also struggling to make an emotional impact on the men you’re meeting. If so, I urge you to read more about how discovering the ‘Hero’s Instinct’ changed my love life.  

Anyway, the guide below lists 11 other potential reasons why you don’t have a boyfriend and what you do can fix the situation.

You Aren’t Putting Yourself Out There

In order to get a boyfriend, you need to know people. To know people, you have to go places. Go to a party or a friend’s house. Be on the lookout for guys that you might want to get to know a little better.

When you’re hanging out, you might need to take some initiative and look for guys. Some will come to you, but you need to send a message that you’re interested. ​

Ask your friends if you can tag along to the next party they’re going to. Try to talk to more people. Join a club. There are lots of ways to meet people on college campuses, so be sure to take advantage of those opportunities.

Naturally, if you stay home all the time you aren’t going to meet anyone. If you really want a boyfriend, you will have to go out and find someone.

When you’re out with your friends, let loose and relax. Be yourself. Talk to people.

You also don’t even have to be anywhere special to meet the guy of your dreams. Be aware of your surroundings in even the most ordinary places. You never know when the right guy will be grocery shopping or waiting for his dentist appointment. ​

You’re Too Picky

We all have our preferences for the guys we would like to date. It’s definitely okay to have “a type”. This can help you to avoid dating the wrong kind of guy.

If you really want to have a successful relationship, you may want to branch out beyond “your type”. There are plenty of guys out there who would make a perfect boyfriend but don’t fit your expectations.

If you’ve been single for a while, it might be a good idea to abandon all of the things that you think you want in a guy. Plus, if you end up dating a guy who meets some of those “requirements” but not all of them, he will feel a lot of pressure.

Try to think about the type of guy you want to date. Then, come up with a few other ideas of guys you could date. He doesn’t have to be just like you in order for this to be a great relationship. Some of the best relationships have totally different people in them!

You might be missing out on a great person because they don’t match exactly who you think you want to date. There are many benefits to dating outside of your type. ​

It’s okay to tend to date one kind of guy, but it’s essential to step out of your comfort zone at some point. You won’t regret it!

You Don’t Know Where to Meet Guys


Obviously, the first step of getting in a relationship is meeting the guy. If you don’t know where to look to meet guys, you might be stuck.

Now, you can meet guys just about anywhere. When you’re out, be on the lookout for guys you might be interested in.

This doesn’t just have to be at the club or at a party. This can be at a work get-together or at an auto repair shop. There are no limits! ​

It can definitely be helpful to meet a guy at a party because you will have some idea about who is single and who isn’t. There will also hopefully be a lot of people there who can make you feel less embarrassed if you get turned down.

When you think you’ve found a good spot to meet a guy, try to relax. Be yourself. Starting with a casual hello is a great place to begin a conversation. Get out there and start looking for guys no matter where you may be.

You Haven’t Tried Dating Apps and Websites

Dating apps and websites tend to get a bad rap. They can be good or bad, depending on how they’re used. Unfortunately, too many people use them to cheat on their significant others.

Because of this, you may be wary of trying the apps. It makes sense, but it’s time to ignore the rumors for a little while.

Dating apps are great because they give you a way to contact numerous guys in your area. They can also help you to meet someone with the same interests.

There’s no harm in trying out a dating app. Most of them are free or at least have a free trial period. ​

Dating apps are very popular, so you will have a wide range of different guys to choose from. They are continuing to grow, which is a good sign for you.

To get started, you just need to download the apps and create accounts. They are all pretty similar, but there are some differences. You will have to experiment to see which one you like the best.

Tinder is one of the most popular apps and is growing rapidly. ​

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

With everyone jumping onto the online dating boat, you’ll have plenty of great guys to choose from!

​You Haven’t Asked Your Friends for Advice

Your friends know different people than you do, so they can be helpful resources when it comes to making connections. When you’re looking for a boyfriend, it can be very helpful to meet someone through your friends.

Your closest friends should be there for you no matter what. Be sure to take advantage of the advice you have access to because of this.

You can also ask your friends to help you work on your communication or flirting skills. These are some of the key components that are necessary for getting into a relationship.

Your friends might be able to give you some pointers for meeting guys or talking to them. There are so many things you can learn from your more experienced friends! ​

Your friends likely have the best intentions when they are giving you the advice that you asked for. They might not know all of the details. They might also be referencing their personal experiences, which are much different than your own. ​

Use your best judgment about your friends’ advice. You should be able to trust them for the most part, but be sure to evaluate it before you make any drastic moves.

​You’re Still Invested in an Old Relationship


Let’s be real. What guy wants to hear about your past relationships and your ex-boyfriends? Not many of them.

It’s definitely normal to take your time getting over a past relationship, but it’s a problem if it interferes with your current relationship.

If you talk to a new guy about your old boyfriends, they won’t necessarily be drawn in. They will likely take that as a sign that you’re still into your ex.

Additionally, this can be a more private sign to you that you’re simply not ready to date again. If you feel like you’re avoiding relationships just in case your ex comes back, you’re likely missing out on some solid relationships. ​

To fix this, you should work on figuring out why you miss your ex. For many girls, it’s the memories and the feeling of being needed more than the actual person. If this applies to you, you might feel better once you get into a new relationship.

You can also focus on recognizing your feelings and working through them. Journal about them or talk to a friend. Being open about your emotions can be very beneficial. ​

Once you’ve begun working on your feelings, you might find it easier to begin dating again.

​You’re Coming On Too Strong

You might be too pushy or seem desperate when you’re looking for a boyfriend. This usually seems to push guys away. They might think you are willing to date any guy just so that you can have a boyfriend.

When you come across this way, you may not even be given a chance. This can be a big reason why you don’t have a boyfriend. If a guy is intimidated by you or finds a reason not to date you, there’s no point in them pursuing you.

There are a few common signs that show that you’re desperate, including:

  • ​Always texting the other person first.
  • ​Always being available to go out.
  • ​Asking the other person too many questions.
  • ​Not giving the other person a break from talking.

To appear less desperate, all you really need to do is back off. Take a step back and let the other person come to you. You can initiate some of the texting, but let them have a fair chance too.

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

In addition to potentially winning them over, you might feel more wanted or needed because they are taking initiative. This can be very positive and helpful at the beginning of a relationship.

Of course, you shouldn’t play too hard to get, because then you will appear to be uninterested. Work on finding a healthy balance between being too desperate and too unavailable.​

You Don’t Know How to Communicate

Communication is key before, during, and after a relationship. Make sure that you and your potential boyfriend know how to talk to each other.

This doesn’t just mean being able to text back within a couple of hours. It’s more about being able to talk effectively.

You can practice communication with your friends to grasp the concepts. Mostly, you will want to make sure that you can be a good listener, that you can be honest, and that you can communicate calmly. ​

You can also take an online course about communicating with people. Communication skills are essential in all areas of life. They can help you to get a boyfriend or to get a job.

When you’re able to communicate with a guy properly, he may be more likely to ask you out. Plus, you will be able to communicate well once you’re in a relationship.

Communication abilities are an essential part of relationships. This is especially true of conflict and other challenges. By simply being able to talk to each other more effectively you will be well off.

​You Aren’t Sure How to Flirt

Flirting can be a challenge. It’s something that many of us don’t have a lot of experience with, which can cause some difficulties when it’s actually time to try it.

This video helps you to learn how to flirt with a guy that you like: ​

​Flirting is one of the first steps of a relationship. It’s how you really begin to hint to someone that you’re interested in them and want to be with them.

Flirting comes in handy later in a relationship because it shows the other person that you’re still interested. It can be a way to spice things up in a relationship too.

If you don’t know how to flirt from the beginning, a guy may not know that you’re even interested. This could be why you haven’t gotten a boyfriend yet. How you interact with others can make a big difference in your chances of a relationship. ​

To make this better, you should practice flirting. You can simply talk to yourself when you’re alone and practice what you want to say. There are also plenty of useful videos that you can find online.

​You Aren’t Relaxed

Relaxing before talking to a guy is extremely important. You don’t want to appear to be too awkward or nervous. He might turn away then.

It’s most important to relax and to be yourself when it comes to meeting new people. This will allow them to see the true you and to fully grasp the person that you are.

Relaxing will also show that you’re confident in yourself. This is really useful if you’re trying to date someone. Confidence goes a long way. ​

Try to relax and be confident. A good way to do this is to spend more time in large groups or with guys. Over time, you will become more comfortable with the situation.

Some nerves are going to be hard to get rid of completely. A little bit of nervousness here or there isn’t a big deal. It shows that you’re serious about finding the right guy.

Being yourself gives guys a chance to see who you really are. If you can, be as open as possible. If they don’t like you for who you are, they aren’t worth dating, right?

​You’re High Maintenance


If you need too much from a guy, he’s not going to want to be with you. High maintenance in a relationship usually looks like extreme sensitivity, which results in too many apologies from the guy. From there, you fight a lot.

As you can probably tell, a high maintenance girlfriend is not an admirable person to be. Many guys will be turned off at the thought of a girl needing them for everything.

This could also apply to relationships where you are clinging to your boyfriend constantly. If you expect too much from a guy, you might be high maintenance. If a guy knows that you are high maintenance, he’s not going to want to date you. ​

It’s a good idea to tone it down if you’re interested in someone. You want them to see the best of you and you want them to like you. High maintenance isn’t usually seen as a good thing, so it should be kept quiet as much as possible.

You can start working on being more independent before you start dating. Try making some of your decisions without consulting your friends. Go out by yourself instead of with a huge group. Find ways to rely on yourself instead of on someone else.

This is great to practice before you officially get into a relationship. Then, you will be prepared for whatever is expected in the relationship.

It’s not bad at all to need your boyfriend sometimes. If he feels like he has to be with you and taking care of you constantly, there usually will be some issues with the relationship.


Did you enjoy reading this list? If so, please let us know your comments down below.

This list is important so that you no longer have to deal with being single. It’s also important so that you can find a perfect boyfriend when you’re ready. Using these tips can be a great way to prepare yourself for a relationship if you aren’t there yet!

Be sure to share this article with a friend who will find it useful too! Your friends might be wondering why they don’t have boyfriends as well.

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Aubrey Meister
I’m a college student with several years of dating experience. I enjoy researching relationship and communication skills to improve my own relationships and the relationships of others as well. As a college student, I have spent time offering advice to friends as needed.

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