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Why Don’t I Have A Boyfriend? (27 Possible Reasons)

Last updated on June 12, 2022 by Sonya Schwartz

Are you wondering why you don’t have a boyfriend?

Perhaps you’re confused why men never want to commit to you - and what you can do to change it? 

If so, read on because that’s what this guide will teach you. 

However, before we dive in, it’s very important that you read the following story carefully. 

Throughout my early twenties, I was useless at getting men to stick around. 

They’d always get bored of me and leave before long. It felt horrible, like I would never find a man who loved me for me. 

Thankfully, I was able to turn it around - and it all started when I discovered a powerful aspect of male psychology called the ‘Hero’s Instinct’. 

This psychological trigger does so much to alter a man’s perception of the women in his life. 

When a woman can learn to activate this way of thinking inside a man, she can create an emotional impact unlike anything he’s ever experienced before. 

For me, it was the difference between being seen as a ‘bit of fun’ and a woman worth investing in. Once I mastered this skill, the men in my life became far keener to commit to me (read my personal story to learn more).

It would appear that most men hold onto this basic primal instinct. The crazy thing is: so few people seem to be aware of its existence.

If you’re struggling to lock down a boyfriend, I’d be willing to bet that you’re also struggling to make an emotional impact on the men you’re meeting. If so, I urge you to read more about how discovering the ‘Hero’s Instinct’ changed my love life.  

Anyway, the guide below lists 27 other potential reasons why you don’t have a boyfriend, and what you do can fix the situation.

27 Possible Reasons Why You’re Still Single

When was the last time you took a quick tour around Instagram, checking out all the couples’ pages and asking ‘God when?’ Yeah, it’s hard to live in a world where there are budding relationships left, right, and center without having a bae for yourself. 

Regardless of how many friends tell you everything will be okay, it’s hard to stop wondering why the universe doesn’t want you to be in a serious relationship. Maybe there was a time you loved the fact there was no serious guy in the picture. You savored every moment of your single life because it simply meant less worries and more freedom. 

However, now you’re serious about getting back in the game, and it seems the rules have changed and the umpire is intent on morphing them every two weeks! 

While the need for changing your relationship status is valid, it’s equally important to be happy being single, that’s because some things just happen on their own, so there’s no need to worry. 

Still, sometimes certain factors are keeping the right guys from coming your way. Some of them may seem like a hard pill to swallow, but they are all possible answers as to why you’re not in a happy relationship yet. 

1. You’re super selective

Picky eaters may find that they are nutrient deficient just because of their selective nature. While it's not necessarily bad to know your worth and what you want, sometimes, all those little details are what's making you miss out on life. 

Set your standards, but be realistic about your expectations. If someone ticks 6 out of 10, that's really impressive, especially if those 6 requirements are the most essential. There's no point ignoring a guy just because he's not 6 foot 5 with a cool beard and a Benz. 

2. You’re not ‘on/in’ the right places

What are you doing to change your relationship status? When last did you make an intentional move to meet new guys? You can't expect different if you aren't putting yourself out there. Thankfully, there are different ways to meet new guys these days. You don't even have to leave the comfort of your home initially. 

Think of setting up a catchy profile on some of the most popular dating sites like Tinder. Just be careful not to set a thirst trap with your pictures, hobbies, and interests. If you want a serious relationship, then highlight your best qualities and let this potential boyfriend get to know you first before 'exploring your body'.

3. Your self-esteem has taken a hit

There are so many ladies suffering from low self-esteem who don't believe they are deserving of a good guy. Unfortunately, this soon leads to self-sabotage where you purposely stop yourself on the brink of happiness. It's possible many men have come around, but somehow you have managed to push them all away because you're battling with the idea that they actually like you.

It's time to wake up and seek help, girl. If this is the case, then love will be quite hard to find not because it's not coming, but because you're purposely blocking it.

Is it like pulling teeth getting him to spend time with you?
The key to solving is understanding men on a much deeper emotional level. The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him.

Take this quick quiz to see if he actually likes you!

4. Superiority complex

On the other hand, ladies who have a superiority complex may have equally low chances of finding a boo. Trust me when I say that men know what they want. They don't want to be bullied into a relationship or feel less than.

So if you have a strong personality and believe that you're better than everyone else, this may be the time to dial things down a bit. Men love to feel wanted and treasured, so let there be a part of you that shows them just how loving and supportive you can be.

5. You’re super shy

It can be daunting meeting guys when the mere thought of putting yourself out there is scary. Does this sound like you? That's totally fine, being an introverted or shy person is one common reason some girls don't have boyfriends.

Not because being shy is a bad thing, but sometimes, it can limit you from meeting Mr. Right. Do your friends have to force you to go out? Are you against the idea of setting up a dating profile? Then maybe your shyness is getting in the way of finding a perfect relationship. 

6. You’re emotionally unavailable

youre emotionally unavailable

One very sad reason some girls don't have a current boyfriend is that they are still invested in their past relationship. How does this happen? Well, it's the whole 'the one that got away' idea holding much back. Maybe you had a really amazing ex, but somehow, things didn't work out. Now you're stuck thinking about how you missed out on the perfect man.

You still dream about him, wish he'd come back, and oh, maybe even talk about him on dates! That's a big no-no, men don't like to hear about how perfect the dude before them was. 

7. You need to work on your communication skills

In this dating game called life, communication skills are one of the major skills you want to have in your arsenal. You don't necessarily have to be a smooth-talking, sleek, witty, or funny person. However, it pays to have some game when you're talking. Talking without adding in some humor or maybe even sarcasm, may appear boring.

Since laughter is one of the foods to the soul, guys will want to know if you have what it takes to make them happy. The good news is that there's a guy out there that will enjoy your type of jokes, or maybe even playfully laugh at the fact you don't know how to tell one! 

Either way, whether it's humor, wit, or intellectual knowledge, it's important to know how to hold a conversation but most importantly, how to charmingly talk to a man.

8. You’re not asking the right people

So, you're looking for a boyfriend, and you haven't asked anybody about it yet. Okay, let's rewind a bit before you start getting any ideas. I am not asking you to go out there and start asking different guys if they are single and ready to mingle. No, that would be slightly awkward and is only for reality TV. What I mean is, have you asked any of your friends or colleagues to help you out? 

Don't assume that they know already. Take that extra step and ask them for advice. Yes, some overzealous friends go overboard and start planning a million blind dates. But hey, who knows what will come out of that vigorous and undesirable process, right?

9. You seem too desperate or needy

So here's the truth, there are some kinds of men that readily feed on desperation or neediness, but not for the right reasons. You may end up getting the wrong type of attention if you are noticeably desperate to land a man. One of the most important values you can imbibe right now is that of calm yet calculated patience. 

Don't just be the sitting duck, but while you're calm and collected, look stunning, keep developing yourself and try your best not to be needy.

10. You don’t want a boyfriend

Some ladies are busy posting #singlepringle and all the other slightly unnecessary hashtags on all their posts. Yet, when an actual guy slips into their DM’s, they dismiss him without a thought. Is that you? Do you somehow end up scaring away or simply ignoring the guys that make an effort?

Then it’s possible you don’t want a boyfriend in the first place. It’s easy to get confused about what you want, especially when the pressure is on finding someone new. But if deep down in your heart, you know there’s little chance for a sparkly new relationship, then it may be better to just own it.

11. You’re patiently waiting

So here’s the thing, there’s a difference between patiently waiting for something to happen, without actually doing much. Then there’s waiting and actively working on yourself and putting yourself out there. Are you on any dating apps? Have you tried to incorporate time in your day-to-day life where you just hang out with friends and socialize? 

A boyfriend won’t just magically drop in your lap, unfortunately, there’s some hard work to be done. So, sign on on one or more dating apps, meet new friends and stop waiting idly when you can be waiting smartly. 

12. Too many options

too many options

Alright, so today we have so many platforms where people can meet to chat, mingle, and possibly spark things up. However, all these numerous options can also be overwhelming! From the growing plethora of dating apps to reality shows, blind dates, and speed dating, how do you really get to know someone in real life? 

If you really want to meet great guys, maybe it’s time to narrow down your options and be realistic about where you’re most likely to find a great partner. 

13. Entitlement

Are you the high-maintenance girlfriend? The one you want the boyfriend material that is ready to make it rain? Then maybe that could be the wedge keeping the door of singlehood eternally open. Things have changed, more and more guys are starting to look for ladies who share their ideas and prospects towards a better life

This simply means that taking any kind of entitled behavior on a date or into a new relationship may be the reason that prospective boyfriend doesn't want to make any moves just yet.

14. You’re oblivious to what men want

There are many benefits to knowing what men want, it won’t be hard to make genuine connections with them. You go for a date, offer to pay, talk about how balanced your life is, that scares so many men away. That’s because they have what some have termed as ‘hero instinct’. This is when men want to be your hero, they want to feel important, needed, and supportive. 

Such men want a life partner that won’t be overly independent and share the same interests with them. At the end of the day, that’s one of the things that makes a successful relationship. 

15. You haven’t mastered flirting 101

When last did you do a self-appraisal on your flirting skills? When last did you practice flirting with yourself or even a close friend? The truth is, people love to be wooed in their minds first, including women. So it helps if you know how to get a man interested by simply gazing at him the right way. 

When you meet guys, there should be a little game in your conversation. Don’t just leave everything to fate. 

16. You’re not girlfriend material

Not everyone is meant to be a girlfriend. Excluding asexuals, some girls just don’t feel the need to be with someone at a certain stage in their lives. They love their independence and enjoy their own company way too much. Perhaps this is you. Perhaps you just aren’t that girl yet.

On the other hand, you may be ready to be someone’s girlfriend but you don’t know how to. It’s easy to get the idea of girlfriend material mixed up with hookup material. If you’re putting ‘hookup material’ energy out there, you’re going to attract men who only want one-night stands or no-strings-attached sex. Perhaps try leading with a good conversation instead of sex and pick your guys carefully. 

17. Your views of the ideal man are flawed

One of the reasons why you don’t have a boyfriend could be because you aren’t looking for the right person. People usually prep up their potential boyfriend in a distorted ‘bad boy’ or ‘alpha male’ view. Maybe that’s the wrong kind of person for you. If you really want a successful relationship, then look for the person who makes you feel good.

When he’s around, you don’t care about what the entire world thinks, you’re practically in your comfort zone. This could be the same person you’ve friend-zoned a thousand times over. So rather than letting your old relationship or former fling become your standard, maybe spend time looking for the guy that actually gets you. 

18. Your physical appearance isn’t up to par

your physical appearance isnt up to par

Let’s say a guy invited you to watch a romantic movie with him after work. So, you dashed home, threw on a jumper, and rushed out again. What’s your excuse? You don’t have much free time. There’s always time to get a little dressed up for the opposite sex. You don’t have to go overboard, just show them that they are worth your effort.

19. You’re meeting the wrong men

You could be a good listener, an amazing cook, a hopeless romantic, and still not land a cool guy. The reason is simple, you’re making connections with the wrong guys. If you can’t simply talk to them without cringing or wondering why you’re settling, then that’s one of the common signs that prove such guys are wrong for you

20. You’re not being yourself

Maybe your friends have started dragging you out on the weekends, you’re wearing the skimpiest dresses on Friday nights and ruining every minute of it. It’s possible that that’s just not you. Or maybe it’s the other way around, you’re trying to appear overly decent to land a new guy that’s actually responsible. However, if you do want a boyfriend, you have to be the real you.

21. You’re very independent

Men don’t like to play games with overly independent ladies. When I say play, I mean they may not want to come near you with a ten-foot-long pole. But don’t feel discouraged by this, most of such guys are quite intimidated when they meet independent and successful ladies. They think of them as a high-maintenance girl. However, it’s still important to find a balance

Stop trying to prove to guys how independent you are, cause to them you’re simply saying, “I don’t need you”. 

22. You have commitment issues

Here’s another hot topic people tend to avoid but shouldn’t. That’s because many ladies form a pattern of prematurely exiting relationships once things start to get serious. There’s no major diagnosis for this, you’ll just notice that you tend to come up with excuses just when things are getting great with a new partner.

Does that mean you don’t love yourself? On the contrary, it simply means you’re either trying to protect yourself from getting hurt or have formed an avoidance culture. 

23. The modern hook-up culture

We are living in times where you can easily accept a potential date with a simple swipe? How great right? Well, it also has its downsides. The ease at which people meet others online is great only when it works out. Plus, it’s the same ease that actually makes people a bit lazy and non-committal. 

Not everyone is coming on dating apps to find a serious girlfriend. It’s so easy that anyone can come on to find a cheap fling, hook up, or a one-night stand. Plus, trust me when I say that some guys are ready to say anything just to achieve their ‘short-term goals’. 

So, with a good number of guys not believing in relationships anymore, that has probably created a shortage in the so-called ‘good guys’ we were used to back in the day. 

24. You’re not ready

youre not ready

This may be a hard pill to swallow for some, but it’s very true. A lot of times when we are not ready for things, they just don’t come. Maybe it’s a divine way of making sure we are mature and well-grounded enough to handle situations. That’s because relationships are no child’s game.

Yes, every teen, young adult, or senior feels they have all it takes to be with someone else. Right up to the point where they actually have to be with someone else! So, it’s not about age, it’s about the maturity of your mind, the state of your mind, and where you are in life. 

25. You’re spending time with the wrong guy

Here’s the thing, so many ladies end up spending so much time with a guy they like. But, how many ladies are hanging with men that like them back? Yes, life can seem so unfair. Sometimes, the people we really like don’t see us in that light. Trust me, they are signs that scream ‘he’s not into me’. 

Do you think you’re purposely looking away and ignoring the signs on the wall? Is this guy playing you while checking out other girls? Then it’s the moment of truth, maybe your perfect match is somewhere in the background because you have prioritized another guy that doesn’t deserve your time and adoration. 

26. You’re giving in too soon

Okay, so here’s the good old sex talk not many women like to talk about these days. Not talking about it won’t make the problem magically disappear though. Yes, it’s important to disregard stereotypes and own your sexuality. 

However, what many people who push this narrative forget is that most great things we have today were built through discipline, calculated thinking, patience and diligence. Successful businesses, good content, great empires, and even a good bowl of gravy and mash all need time and consistency to get it right. 

So why are people so against applying that to relationships? Why do we rush things and expect different results? Maybe it’s time to slow things down a bit. This time, don’t put the cart before the horse. Intentionally get to know this person and vice versa before complicating things with sex and the romantic tension in between. 

27. You’re overthinking things

A relationship is not a do-or-die affair. Plus, you can't rate your life using the quality of your relationship. Once you honestly sit back and dial things back a bit, maybe, the universe may just align in your favor. 

That's because being all over the place may not score you extra points. Signing up at the gym, taking swimming lessons, getting a membership at a top-tier restaurant or club, may be over the top.

Sometimes, taking things slow and steady gives you enough time to breathe and finally see what's going on around you. Maybe all this time, the guy you needed has been there all along, but you didn't notice him cause you were overthinking things. 

FAQs

Why do I not have a boyfriend?

There are so many reasons why a lady won’t have a boyfriend. Unfortunately, one of the most common reasons is your mindset in the first place. It will be hard to date guys that actually want a healthy relationship if, for some reason, you unconsciously don’t want that either. Many ladies are tied down by the bad-boy syndrome. 

This simply means they would rather stick around what many women consider to be ‘alpha males’ than meet guys who are honestly sweet, caring, loving, and supportive. Additionally, another reason why you don’t have a boyfriend could stem from the simple fact that you are not yet girlfriend material. It takes two to tango in relationships, so if the guys around you feel that you’re standoffish, immature, and uncommitted, they would rather go for ladies that are at least not more than one of those things. 

Is it weird to not have a boyfriend?

It’s perfectly normal not to have a boyfriend, especially if you are still fairly young. Some ladies decide to stay committed to their education, work, career, businesses, and more, for some time. There’s nothing wrong with taking some extra time to invest in yourself and ultimately improve, as long as you are doing that of course. 

Society has created this idea that falling in love, even at the earliest of ages, is a necessity. It’s such a reinforced idea that many people start feeling weird when they are not in romantic relationships. However, if you have friends, are close to relatives and colleagues, and don’t necessarily have commitment, trust issues, or any kind of avoidant personality disorders, then you’re good to go. 

What to do if you have no boyfriend?

The most crucial thing at this point is not to feel pressured to start a relationship. Pressure makes you desperate, and desperation may possibly lead you to the wrong kind. This is the best time to rediscover yourself, go on solo trips, adventures, and staycations, and learn how to enjoy your own company. 

It’s equally important to strain out what other people are saying; family and friends should not make you feel inadequate for not scoring a date. However, while you’re busy with that, don’t forget to keep forging ahead. It would be counterproductive if you’re not pushing yourself, achieving new goals, or at least trying to be a better you. If there’s any time to actually learn new things, explore your interests, and discover yourself, it’s when you’re happily single. 

Why is it so hard to find a relationship?

One of the major reasons why some people can’t seem to start a relationship is simple; commitment issues. That, coupled with the fear of the unknown is why many would rather play around than think of getting into a committed relationship. So the reason may not stem from the fact that you aren’t meeting the right guys. But rather, the truth that many guys don’t want to fully commit is probably causing their experiences from past relationships. 

What is a relationship virgin?

A relationship virgin is a somewhat harsh term for people who have not been in a romantic relationship before. It’s harsh because of the judgmental views and stigma accompanied by this name tag. People seem to believe that men and women or even teens that aren’t in a relationship or situationship feel lonely, are less happy, fulfilled, and more lonely than those who have partners. 

Of course, this view shouldn’t be made a yardstick, as not everyone in relationships are happily married or fulfilled. Happiness is not an external product, even though the things around us can influence that. However, true happiness stays with people who choose it, it’s not a function of intimacy, sex, or any of the other things people in relationships boast about. 

To Conclude

So there it is, some of the possible reasons why you aren’t dating someone amazing right now. Remember, it’s important to do some self-reflection so you can find out if the reason is internal or external. Even when you do, ensure to let things progress gradually. Never feel pressured or in a hurry to start dating again. Good things truly come to those who strategically and smartly wait. 

Did you enjoy reading through this list? Then please don’t forget to share it with friends or colleagues who need it. Also, if you have any questions, personal opinions, or feedback on the topic, feel free to leave all comments in the section below. Cheers and good luck.

Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself?
This doesn't mean he doesn't like you. You have to understand how he is wired. Once you do, you'll find there is a subtle thing you can say that to him that will drastically change how he shows his emotions towards you.

Take this quick quiz that looks at whether he actually likes you or not!

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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