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Why Can’t I Get A Boyfriend? (39 Tips To Snag One)

by Sonya Schwartz

If you are asking, “Why can’t I get a boyfriend?” I’m pleased to announce that this article will help you understand why you haven’t been able to get or keep a boyfriend so far, how to best go about getting a boyfriend, and where to find a boyfriend. 

How are you currently trying to get a man? If you really want to find a man and build a successful relationship, you must do it the right way. If you are doing things the easy way by hooking up with guys on Tinder, that probably isn’t going to cut it. 

One American study of thousands of Tinder users revealed that only 4% of users were looking for a serious relationship using the app. So… Tinder isn’t the right place to find a serious relationship.

You are probably asking, “Where can I meet guys, then?” Well, I’m going to make you a list of places to check out to meet eligible guys as part of this article. This way, you can meet quality guys at a variety of different places. 

I’d also recommend looking at yourself as you wonder why you haven’t found the right relationship yet. Self-discovery is enlightening and uplifting! 

Why You Aren’t In A Serious Relationship

If you are in a situation where you have no clue why all your friends are married, but you can’t even keep a serious relationship, I feel your pain. All my friends had no problem meeting guys and keeping them! I was at a loss as to why I couldn’t keep boyfriends for long periods of time. Plus, many of the men I dated just turned out to be losers. I thought maybe I was cursed.

I’m telling you this because I get it! Other people can be quite annoying in their happy relationships when you are all alone and confused. I began a self-discovery journey by using self-help books and therapy. The books that helped me the most are The Rules, Date or Soulmate, and Who Has Your Heart? They changed my outlook on life. 

The Rules taught me how to be “a creature, unlike any other” and understand better why my friends had found men while I was still single. I also learned how to play hard to get, which made a huge difference in my dating life. Date or Soulmate and Who Has Your Heart helped me embrace the world of being single and prepare for the arrival of my prince charming. 

1. You are too self-centered

You may be a little selfish. It’s okay to want to talk about things that only you’re interested in. It’s not ideal, though. And, if every conversation turns out that way, you may be a little too self-involved. 

Trying asking guys questions to get to know them better. If you really want to keep them talking, ask open-ended questions, which requires more than a yes or no answer. 

2. You require too much attention

Are you high maintenance? If you suspect you are, it’s time to tone it down and learn to be more independent. You want to be a self-sufficient person when you enter a long-term relationship.

3. Your expectations are too high

In the book I recommended, Date or Soulmate, it helps you develop a list of 20 qualities you are looking for in a relationship. This means you will have to sacrifice some qualities that you want in order to get other qualities in the relationship. Find the right balance; nobody is perfect.

Your expectations are too high

4. You crave drama

Drama can be fun - the excitement that builds between each relationship. It’s nice to have passion, but don’t confuse it with drama. Make sure you aren’t picking fights with men just to have a dramatic exit or something. 

Instead, search for passion, but forgo the drama. Understand the difference between the two so you can find the best relationship for you. 

5. You aren’t looking in the right places

As I mentioned in the opening, Tinder is a great way to hook up with a guy, but it isn’t ideal for a lasting relationship. If you are wanting more than hookups, check out your local church or bookstore. Find a place where you feel comfortable being yourself and spend more time there. 

I’m going to give you a list of places where you might meet guys who are also looking for a long-term relationship at the end of this article, so check out that list, too!

6. You don’t know how to flirt

Sometimes, it just isn’t clear to a guy that you like him. In one study, they found that of all the men who were flirted with, 36% of them didn’t realize they were being hit on. 

So, whether you can flirt or not, many men don’t realize they are being flirted with. This means you should consider upping your game and learn to flirt better. If you are unsure as to whether he knows if you like him or not, find ways to get him to notice you like making eye contact or illustrating flirty body language.

7. You are too dependent on men

Women who are too dependent on others for their happiness are a real turn-off. Instead, women should try to be as independent as possible. You don’t want to come across too needy in a relationship. 

If you are constantly having “women issues” that you feel only your crush can help with, check out this book - The Ultimate Girls Guide to Sticky Situations. When I was single, it was like a Bible to me. It’s basically a book for women who find themselves in sticky situations, like drunk texting, broken heels, or a botched eyebrow wax treatment.

9. You aren’t a good listener

God gave us one mouth and two ears for a reason. Learn to listen to others. It’s a skill that can move mountains for you! If you don’t know how to listen well, consider asking plenty of personal questions to get the other person talking. 

10. You are too fussy

Do you have specific eating requirements? That’s okay! You just need to broaden your horizons a little. Consider trying new activities or taking classes on something you know you have difficulty with, like cooking. 

You are too fussy

The most obvious way that women show they are too fussy is when they complain a lot. Dates don’t appreciate women who must negatively comment on every little thing. Instead, stay positive and upbeat; try to find the positive aspects of your date. 

11. You are needy

This goes hand in hand with not being independent enough. Do you constantly need “guy help?” Women who are incapable of handling the smallest thing come across as needy. Instead, women should learn to do stuff by themselves. 

Find solutions to the problems you encounter on a daily basis. Get a ladder if you cannot reach something. Purchase some kind of jar grips to help you open pickle jars. Ask friends for help only if you really need it. 

12. You nag too much

Some women are incapable of letting the past go. Depending on what source you read, about 50% to 70% of women are single and are looking for a serious relationship. These women have a tough time keeping a long-term relationship going. 

There’s no question that relationships are hard work, and sometimes, it’s best to part ways, especially if you weren’t suited for each other. However, this means that many women can’t keep a man. The question is, “Why?” 

Often, women have trouble keeping relationships going because of their unforgiving attitude. They just nag about something that happened long ago. Instead, they need to learn how to forgive and put the thoughts of that memory in the back of their minds.

13. You can’t make up your mind

Women who are indecisive about every little thing can be really annoying to a guy. Do you have to make a phone call to your friends or family every time you have to make a decision? Learn to make decisions on your own with the help of a decision matrix. 

If you don’t know what a decision matrix is, check out this article for a more comprehensive explanation. You need a weighted decision matrix. Create a simple decision matrix and use it on small decisions at first. Your friends and family will thank you for being more independent. Plus, being able to make up your mind is a turn-on.

14. You compare men to your ex-boyfriends

If this sounds like you, stop doing it! Pretty simple advice, I know, but as long as you are holding on to the past and your comparisons with your exes, you aren’t going to find a fulfilling relationship. 

How To Get A Boyfriend

To get the right man for you, you should know that it will take time. People may say that it will happen when you least expect it, but I don’t find that to be very encouraging when you just want to be a girlfriend already. Of course, I can’t tell you exactly when you will meet prince charming, but your chances improve greatly if you get off the couch and make a public appearance.

It’s also important for you to be open to new experiences, places, people, and things. Do you remember the movie, Yes Man! with Jim Carey? Well, he was a very closed-minded person until he said, “Yes!” to everything - any event he was asked to attend, any invitation that crossed his path, any new person who came near him, etc. His life changed drastically because of it. 

How To Get A Boyfriend

Sometimes you just have to step out of your comfort zone and try something new! When trying one of these ideas, try to be open to meeting someone new. People gravitate towards friendly, outgoing charismatic people. This doesn’t mean you have to be that way, but be nice to guys, even if they aren’t the type of guys you’re interested in. You never know what might happen.

1. Illuminate confidence

Walk straight with your shoulders back, and you will glow with confidence. Confident individuals are very attractive to the opposite sex (or the same sex if you prefer). Confidence makes people want to be around you or want to know your story. 

So, practice being confident at home; then, test out your new attitude in public. Be outgoing, friendly, and approachable; this will surely win the heart of your dream man. He won’t be able to resist your appeal. 

2. Always look your best

Don’t just look hot; act it! Don’t go out wearing a homely dress or have your hair up in a bun with no makeup on. Instead, look sexy. 

You never know when you’ll meet the right guy. He’ll probably hesitate to approach you if you look like you are sick or ready to hop back into bed. He’ll think something else is going on with you, and he won’t want to disturb you.

3. Increase your self-esteem with self-talk

To radiate confidence, it’s important for you to feel confident. Try making a list of positive affirmations or blessings you feel are important to you. Read and repeat these affirmations at the start of each day. 

Tell yourself sayings like: “Today is going to be an awesome day no matter what” or “I am thankful for my health, my family, and my job.” Don’t know where to start to find your positive affirmations? Check out this huge list; it will help you get started.

4. Don’t be a “Debbie Downer”

Avoid complaining all the time. Instead, keep a gratitude journal where you record your blessings. Try to see the positive from now on. If you just think you have nothing to be happy about, get on Pinterest, and search for positive self-talk. You’ll find plenty of positive affirmations to get you started.

5. Smile

This is not only a great way to snag a man, but it’s also a way to demonstrate your happy, positive attitude. If you feel like you have nothing to smile about, watch some comedians on Netflix. Jerry Seinfeld has a new standup special on Netflix. Check that out for some laughs!

What makes you laugh? Make a comprehensive list of anything that makes you smile or laugh. Read that list during the day, and you’ll have no excuse for not smiling!

6. Flaunt your interests

Many times, guys just don’t know what to talk about, so they just let their fears get the better of them and don’t ask you out. Consider showing off your interests. Do you hang out at coffee shops, the food court at the mall, or bookstores? Take some reading material about your favorite subjects; this will give him an open line to talk to you!

7. Be open to new opportunities

If you get your friends to set you up and/or go places you normally wouldn’t go, you are having an open mind and showing you are ready to date and find your future husband. Try taking a cooking class or exercise group at your gym. Just try something new, and you will meet new people that way!

8. Put yourself out there

It’s important for women to show they are available. You can do this by not wearing any rings (to avoid any confusion as to whether you’re married or not). Talk to guys. Need an excuse? Play the Damsel in Distress, and ask for help with something only he can help with. This will make him feel needed and wanted, and eventually, he’ll get the hint.

9. Have a life

Women who are independent and busy are much more attractive than those women who are just sitting around, complaining that they don’t have a boyfriend. Get busy taking night classes, go surfing, learn a new language - just get out there and get busy doing something! Fill up your time with stuff that matters to you.

10. Take the time to commit to the process of finding a boyfriend

If you are a busy person, that’s great! However, you need to set aside some time for searching for relationships, too. Tell yourself you will spend 30 minutes a day working on yourself or on your dating profile - something that brings you closer to meeting your special someone.

11. Give guys a real chance

Many guys are nervous on first dates or when you first meet them, so give them a second chance if they didn’t give off a great first impression. You may not give off the best impression at first, either, so it’s only fair to give them another chance.

12. Learn to flirt with men

Don’t know what to say? Check out this article on flirty questions to ask a guy! These will surely let him know you are into him. You can also try touching him softly or talking to him when he’s around. Let him know you like him with your body language. Remember: Guys can’t read our minds!

13. Practice self-improvement

I have recommended some books that helped me along the way. I strongly suggest you work on yourself before rushing to walk down the aisle. You want to be the best version of yourself when you meet Mr. Right, don’t you?

Where To Find A Boyfriend

So, where have you been looking for Mr. Right? If you are looking to meet someone and have a healthy relationship, think about where your dream man would spend his time and go there! If you love science fiction and are a huge comic book fan, hit a comic expo near you! To meet guys with the same taste in music, check out the latest concert of your favorite band!

When you find someone who likes the same things as you, it makes getting to know one another easier! You will have something to talk about and won’t have to worry about that awkward silence that you often experience on the first few dates. Build a relationship with someone you have something in common with. 

Full length of attractive young hispanic girl taking a picture with a digital camera

This list is a great start to help you know where to look for people that you may want to date, but you must let your personality shine at these places. If you are a shy person, you may want to stick to things like dating apps and dating websites. This will give you a chance to get to know different guys without having to be face-to-face - at first, at least. 

  1. Dating Apps and Websites
  2. Learning Something New
  3. Volunteer Work
  4. Spiritual Gathering/Church
  5. Coffee Shops
  6. Business Clubs
  7. Sporting Events
  8. Bookstores
  9. Classes
  10. Sightseeing
  11. At the Beach/Pool
  12. Blind Dates
  13. Dating Service

FAQs

Is it hard to get a boyfriend?

Yes, but it depends on where you’re looking. It’s not an easy process, because it takes time and effort. You have to weed out all the bad seeds to find your dream guy, and you want to make sure you are ready for him when he enters your life.

How can I get a boyfriend now?

My suggestion to meet someone today would be to try a dating website, app, or dating service. Have someone fix you up with the right person. Friends may be able to help you find someone they know and trust. This can help save you time on your manhunt.

Why I don't have a boyfriend?

There could be many reasons you are still single. Men may assume you’re taken even though you don’t wear a ring or anything. Also, men may find you to be intimidating. Make sure you are approachable and friendly to men. These changes could help your love life significantly!

Is it easier for a girl to get a boyfriend?

In my opinion, it is easier for guys to get girlfriends rather than the other way around. Even though we have come a long way, there is still often an unspoken rule that men should approach women to ask them out on dates rather than the other way around.

Why is finding love so hard?

Often, we feel like no one matches well with us. This is because our standards are either too high or unrealistic. Instead of expecting someone to be perfect, we should have realistic expectations when it comes to relationships. After all, people aren’t perfect; everyone has flaws and carries around baggage. 

To Conclude...

Have you found “the one?” I met my man through a dating website. I’d love to hear your love story! How long did it take you to finally meet your one and only?

Please share your experience and opinion in the comments section below! We’d love to hear from you!

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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