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Why Can’t I Find Someone To Love Me? (13 Possible Reasons Why)

It’s easy to conclude that love is an impossible subject, especially when you’ve had multiple heartbreaks and disappointments. But before you decide to give up, be rest assured that you will find love, you just have to be patient enough to find it.

There are several explanations on why you haven’t found love yet. Though this article narrows down to 13 probable reasons, it’s up to you to figure out what resonates with your situation and work through it from the points listed below. This process would take time, but in the end, the results would be worth it.

13 Possible Reasons Why You Can’t Find That Someone

1. You only like the idea of a relationship

you only like the idea of a relationship

Many people love the idea of being in a long-term relationship, rather than the actual process itself. Most times, they don’t need to be in a relationship and are fine without it, but due to specific reasons, they feel pressured to be in one. So they ask themselves questions like, “Will I ever find love?” even when they aren’t prepared for such feelings and commitments.

If you’re asking, “Will I find love ever?” you should be sure you’re ready for all the responsibilities that come with loving someone. If you’re perfect being single, and you feel your life is an utmost priority at the moment, then you shouldn’t feel bad that you aren’t in a relationship yet. With time, the right person will come into your life.

2. You need to focus on something more essential

Life is all about perfect timing. Some things we think are best for a particular time might be perfect for another moment. One of the possible reasons why finding love may be hard for you is because it isn’t the right time for it to happen. Perhaps, there’s something more important that you need to focus on at the moment.

It could be your career, family, education, or even yourself. Life is so unpredictable. Sometimes, it’s when we’re busy doing other important things that true love finds its way to us. 

3. You need to love yourself and make yourself happy

Finding love can easily make people forget one crucial aspect, which is loving yourself. A major cause of failed relationships is the inability to care for and cherish one’s self. When you can’t make yourself happy, you will depend on others for happiness.

If you feel your partner is the only person that can provide affection and happiness, your mood will depend on his. The day he ignores you, you’ll feel worthless, which is not the way to live. 

Plus, guys are attracted to ladies who are confident and know what they want. They’ll only see that in you if your personality exudes confidence and shows that you're comfortable in your own skin.

4. You haven’t gotten over your past relationships

There’s a common notion that time heals all wounds. If you haven’t fully let go of the past, it would not be easy to let in the new. 

Research has shown that it’s always best to wait for a specific period before entering into a new relationship. It’s a minimum of one year for a long-term relationship of more than five years, and a minimum of one month for relationships that are either a year or less than that.

Here’s the thing, men know when a lady is still hanging on to her past. So, even though you meet someone and he does want to date you, when he notices you’re still pining over an ex, he might withdraw. He’ll notice that you're not entirely comfortable or transparent with him, and how tense you are when the discussion of your ex comes up. 

A guy who senses you still have your walls up may not want to give in his all. No one wants to be the second fiddle, so it’s best to heal before venturing into a new relationship.

5. Personal development is vital

Life revolves around learning new things, which makes personal development vital for every individual. We all need to continually develop ourselves so that living with other people can be more convenient. This point is particularly important for people hoping to meet someone new.

If you have a chain of failed relationships, it’s important to focus on the areas you made mistakes. You should be able to find a few areas for improvement in your next relationship. If you’re looking for love, find the things that crashed your previous relationships. 

That will prepare you for this new one, and hopefully, you’ll be more ready to establish a healthier and more sustainable relationship.

6. You’re overly selective

you're overly selective

Okay, so there’s nothing wrong with having some high standards. Who would want to settle for less when you could get something better? 

Although this mindset can be productive, in most cases, it doesn’t yield the best results. Looks will always be deceiving, and the only way to see what you’re looking for is to look closely.

Many people that experienced bad breakups or failed relationships thought it would sail from the very beginning. That means our feelings and emotions can guide us in the wrong direction. 

If you created high standards and have been writing people off because of their looks or the amount of money in their account, it’s time to change your tactics. Look beyond the surface, if you keep ticking guys off your list, you may be left with close to nothing.

7. You’re afraid of getting hurt

Everyone is afraid of getting hurt, especially if it has happened in the past. I understand that you want to protect yourself, but that may not get you a credible partner. It’s like trying to receive a gift with closed hands, you just won’t get it until you finally open them up.

Relationships don’t come easy, and a loving partner is even harder to find, for love to lead, it’s important to open your heart again. Who knows, this may be the time things actually work out.

If you’re afraid of the unknown, you won’t be able to see the endless possibilities ahead of you. You can’t find love if you’re afraid of getting hurt, the odds are very slim, to say the least.

8. You’re not looking elsewhere

Maybe you are already dating someone handsome, cool, and rich. Or, you have your eyes set on this guy you’ve been crushing on for years. However, that’s the thing, how long are you going to keep betting your stakes on this guy? You don’t want to wake up one morning and realize you have wasted months and hopefully not years pining over the wrong guy.

Use this tool to check whether he actually is who he says he is
Whether you're married or have just started seeing someone, infidelity rates are on the rise and have increased over 40% in the last 20 years, so you have all the right to be worried.

Perhaps you want to know if he's texting other women behind your back? Or whether he has active Tinder or dating profile? Or worse yet, whether he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?

This tool will do just that and pull up any hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more to hopefully help put your doubts to rest.

They are too many men in this world to pitch your tent with one, especially when that person doesn’t feel the same way. If you’ve tried finding love in your neighborhood, maybe it’s time to hit the coast and sail elsewhere. (and of course, I mean that metaphorically)

9. You’re not sure about what you want

Most people don’t know what they want, while others like the wrong things. Before you can find love, you need to know the qualities you hope to discover in that person. The best way to do this is to evaluate your previous relationships and use them to model a better one for the future.

You might want someone that has a specific occupation and shares the same interests with you. However, lessons from previous relationships will show you that other qualities like honesty and integrity are essential when finding love. This process will help you make a list of things you want in a relationship and save ample time when searching.

10. You’re only focusing on what you don’t want

After highlighting the critical qualities you hope to see in a partner, it’s essential not to focus solely on the things you don’t want to see. Perhaps your previous partners had terrible behaviors. If your list only has those traits you wish not to see in your future relationships, you will limit your chances of finding someone you can relate to.

Human beings have countless bad traits, which means you would have to date everyone to know these traits and protect yourself. On the other hand, with a few fantastic qualities on your list, you can quickly know when someone is right for you. 

The good attributes will always overshadow the bad ones, and loving unconditionally might push them to become better versions of themselves.

11. You’re stuck in a destructive cycle

Many women who don’t think they can find love are stuck in a destructive cycle. Often, this cycle is picking the same type of guys that are wrong for them. This occurrence is quite typical because everyone is naturally drawn to things that aren’t quite good for them. You don’t believe me? Why do people smoke, drink excessively, or take harmful drugs? 

Better still, why do the nice ladies end up with ‘bad guys’ and kind men with ruthless women? It’s simple, we try to find love in people that aren’t good for us most times. Until you’re able to see beyond what you feel you want, finding love may not come easy. 

12. You have lowered your values

It’s normal for ladies to feel desperate when that ‘someone’ isn’t coming along. The ‘hard to get’ game they played has long been discarded and they start to feel like they can do anything just to get someone to look their way. 

Does this sound like you? There’s no need to feel low or ashamed, the best of us go through this. However, this could be the reason you’re not getting any luck yet. See, men can smell desperation from a mile away, and while they like girls who would do anything for them, they prefer the chase. 

Don’t think doing their laundry, homework, paying their bills, and cooking for them will make them cherish you. If someone is going to love you, it would be because of your personality, not because of all the extra things you’re doing. There’s a stage for that, so take a deep breath, and know it seems like there’s no time, but there’s always time to get it right.

13. You’re looking for a perfect mate

you're looking for a perfect mate

The idea of love seen in movies kind of influences the real picture of the term. Many women are waiting for a fairytale, which doesn’t exist. This mindset can make a person reluctant to accept the love offered now because they feel they can get something better. 

However, understanding that love isn’t perfect allows people to embrace the real type of love. Loving your partner's imperfections and vice versa means more than any fairytale can offer. The more you can focus on this, the easier it will be to find love.


How can I find someone who loves me?

If you want someone special, you have to focus on personal development and loving yourself first. Next, you have to be willing to take extra steps to go out of your comfort zone. In the end, love will happen when you’re not looking.

Why can’t I find true love?

You may be looking in the wrong places or perhaps, are stuck in a cycle of choosing the wrong partners. To locate the particular person for you, you have to analyze the mistakes from past relationships, learn from them, and use it to model your future.

Why can’t I find a boyfriend?

Most times, love comes when you’re not looking. When you’re desperate, you might end up picking the wrong people. Patience is a critical factor that must be practiced in the game of love.

What do you do if the person you love doesn’t love you?

Self-respect is vital in every relationship. If you know your better half doesn’t love you, you should know when it’s time to move on to someone that’s better for you.

Does true love exist?

True love exists, but not in the way most individuals imagine it. Love is imperfect and unconditional and takes the effort of the two parties to make it work.

To Conclude

Did you enjoy this article? If you’re still asking, “Why can’t I find someone to love me?” remember that patience is essential when you are looking for love. Kindly leave a comment or share this article if you liked it.

Utilize this tool to verify if he's truly who he claims to be
Whether you're married or just started dating someone, infidelity rates have risen by over 40% in the past 20 years, so your concerns are justified.

Do you want to find out if he's texting other women behind your back? Or if he has an active Tinder or dating profile? Or even worse, if he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?

This tool can help by uncovering hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more, potentially putting your doubts to rest.

If you are asking, “Why can’t I get a boyfriend?” I’m pleased to announce that this article will help you understand why you haven’t been able to get or keep a boyfriend so far, how to best go about getting a boyfriend, and where to find a boyfriend. 

How are you currently trying to get a man? If you really want to find a man and build a successful relationship, you must do it the right way. If you are doing things the easy way by hooking up with guys on Tinder, that probably isn’t going to cut it. 

One American study of thousands of Tinder users revealed that only 4% of users were looking for a serious relationship using the app. So… Tinder isn’t the right place to find a serious relationship.

You are probably asking, “Where can I meet guys, then?” Well, I’m going to make you a list of places to check out to meet eligible guys as part of this article. This way, you can meet quality guys at a variety of different places. 

I’d also recommend looking at yourself as you wonder why you haven’t found the right relationship yet. Self-discovery is enlightening and uplifting! 

Why You Aren’t In A Serious Relationship

If you are in a situation where you have no clue why all your friends are married, but you can’t even keep a serious relationship, I feel your pain. All my friends had no problem meeting guys and keeping them! I was at a loss as to why I couldn’t keep boyfriends for long periods of time. Plus, many of the men I dated just turned out to be losers. I thought maybe I was cursed.

I’m telling you this because I get it! Other people can be quite annoying in their happy relationships when you are all alone and confused. I began a self-discovery journey by using self-help books and therapy. The books that helped me the most are The Rules, Date or Soulmate, and Who Has Your Heart? They changed my outlook on life. 

The Rules taught me how to be “a creature, unlike any other” and understand better why my friends had found men while I was still single. I also learned how to play hard to get, which made a huge difference in my dating life. Date or Soulmate and Who Has Your Heart helped me embrace the world of being single and prepare for the arrival of my prince charming. 

1. You are too self-centered

You may be a little selfish. It’s okay to want to talk about things that only you’re interested in. It’s not ideal, though. And, if every conversation turns out that way, you may be a little too self-involved. 

Trying asking guys questions to get to know them better. If you really want to keep them talking, ask open-ended questions, which requires more than a yes or no answer. 

2. You require too much attention

Are you high maintenance? If you suspect you are, it’s time to tone it down and learn to be more independent. You want to be a self-sufficient person when you enter a long-term relationship.

3. Your expectations are too high

In the book I recommended, Date or Soulmate, it helps you develop a list of 20 qualities you are looking for in a relationship. This means you will have to sacrifice some qualities that you want in order to get other qualities in the relationship. Find the right balance; nobody is perfect.

Your expectations are too high

4. You crave drama

Drama can be fun - the excitement that builds between each relationship. It’s nice to have passion, but don’t confuse it with drama. Make sure you aren’t picking fights with men just to have a dramatic exit or something. 

Instead, search for passion, but forgo the drama. Understand the difference between the two so you can find the best relationship for you. 

5. You aren’t looking in the right places

As I mentioned in the opening, Tinder is a great way to hook up with a guy, but it isn’t ideal for a lasting relationship. If you are wanting more than hookups, check out your local church or bookstore. Find a place where you feel comfortable being yourself and spend more time there. 

I’m going to give you a list of places where you might meet guys who are also looking for a long-term relationship at the end of this article, so check out that list, too!

6. You don’t know how to flirt

Sometimes, it just isn’t clear to a guy that you like him. In one study, they found that of all the men who were flirted with, 36% of them didn’t realize they were being hit on. 

So, whether you can flirt or not, many men don’t realize they are being flirted with. This means you should consider upping your game and learn to flirt better. If you are unsure as to whether he knows if you like him or not, find ways to get him to notice you like making eye contact or illustrating flirty body language.

7. You are too dependent on men

Women who are too dependent on others for their happiness are a real turn-off. Instead, women should try to be as independent as possible. You don’t want to come across too needy in a relationship. 

If you are constantly having “women issues” that you feel only your crush can help with, check out this book - The Ultimate Girls Guide to Sticky Situations. When I was single, it was like a Bible to me. It’s basically a book for women who find themselves in sticky situations, like drunk texting, broken heels, or a botched eyebrow wax treatment.

9. You aren’t a good listener

God gave us one mouth and two ears for a reason. Learn to listen to others. It’s a skill that can move mountains for you! If you don’t know how to listen well, consider asking plenty of personal questions to get the other person talking. 

10. You are too fussy

Do you have specific eating requirements? That’s okay! You just need to broaden your horizons a little. Consider trying new activities or taking classes on something you know you have difficulty with, like cooking. 

You are too fussy

The most obvious way that women show they are too fussy is when they complain a lot. Dates don’t appreciate women who must negatively comment on every little thing. Instead, stay positive and upbeat; try to find the positive aspects of your date. 

11. You are needy

This goes hand in hand with not being independent enough. Do you constantly need “guy help?” Women who are incapable of handling the smallest thing come across as needy. Instead, women should learn to do stuff by themselves. 

Use this tool to check whether he actually is who he says he is
Whether you're married or have just started seeing someone, infidelity rates are on the rise and have increased over 40% in the last 20 years, so you have all the right to be worried.

Perhaps you want to know if he's texting other women behind your back? Or whether he has active Tinder or dating profile? Or worse yet, whether he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?

This tool will do just that and pull up any hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more to hopefully help put your doubts to rest.

Find solutions to the problems you encounter on a daily basis. Get a ladder if you cannot reach something. Purchase some kind of jar grips to help you open pickle jars. Ask friends for help only if you really need it. 

12. You nag too much

Some women are incapable of letting the past go. Depending on what source you read, about 50% to 70% of women are single and are looking for a serious relationship. These women have a tough time keeping a long-term relationship going. 

There’s no question that relationships are hard work, and sometimes, it’s best to part ways, especially if you weren’t suited for each other. However, this means that many women can’t keep a man. The question is, “Why?” 

Often, women have trouble keeping relationships going because of their unforgiving attitude. They just nag about something that happened long ago. Instead, they need to learn how to forgive and put the thoughts of that memory in the back of their minds.

13. You can’t make up your mind

Women who are indecisive about every little thing can be really annoying to a guy. Do you have to make a phone call to your friends or family every time you have to make a decision? Learn to make decisions on your own with the help of a decision matrix. 

If you don’t know what a decision matrix is, check out this article for a more comprehensive explanation. You need a weighted decision matrix. Create a simple decision matrix and use it on small decisions at first. Your friends and family will thank you for being more independent. Plus, being able to make up your mind is a turn-on.

14. You compare men to your ex-boyfriends

If this sounds like you, stop doing it! Pretty simple advice, I know, but as long as you are holding on to the past and your comparisons with your exes, you aren’t going to find a fulfilling relationship. 

How To Get A Boyfriend

To get the right man for you, you should know that it will take time. People may say that it will happen when you least expect it, but I don’t find that to be very encouraging when you just want to be a girlfriend already. Of course, I can’t tell you exactly when you will meet prince charming, but your chances improve greatly if you get off the couch and make a public appearance.

It’s also important for you to be open to new experiences, places, people, and things. Do you remember the movie, Yes Man! with Jim Carey? Well, he was a very closed-minded person until he said, “Yes!” to everything - any event he was asked to attend, any invitation that crossed his path, any new person who came near him, etc. His life changed drastically because of it. 

How To Get A Boyfriend

Sometimes you just have to step out of your comfort zone and try something new! When trying one of these ideas, try to be open to meeting someone new. People gravitate towards friendly, outgoing charismatic people. This doesn’t mean you have to be that way, but be nice to guys, even if they aren’t the type of guys you’re interested in. You never know what might happen.

1. Illuminate confidence

Walk straight with your shoulders back, and you will glow with confidence. Confident individuals are very attractive to the opposite sex (or the same sex if you prefer). Confidence makes people want to be around you or want to know your story. 

So, practice being confident at home; then, test out your new attitude in public. Be outgoing, friendly, and approachable; this will surely win the heart of your dream man. He won’t be able to resist your appeal. 

2. Always look your best

Don’t just look hot; act it! Don’t go out wearing a homely dress or have your hair up in a bun with no makeup on. Instead, look sexy. 

You never know when you’ll meet the right guy. He’ll probably hesitate to approach you if you look like you are sick or ready to hop back into bed. He’ll think something else is going on with you, and he won’t want to disturb you.

3. Increase your self-esteem with self-talk

To radiate confidence, it’s important for you to feel confident. Try making a list of positive affirmations or blessings you feel are important to you. Read and repeat these affirmations at the start of each day. 

Tell yourself sayings like: “Today is going to be an awesome day no matter what” or “I am thankful for my health, my family, and my job.” Don’t know where to start to find your positive affirmations? Check out this huge list; it will help you get started.

4. Don’t be a “Debbie Downer”

Avoid complaining all the time. Instead, keep a gratitude journal where you record your blessings. Try to see the positive from now on. If you just think you have nothing to be happy about, get on Pinterest, and search for positive self-talk. You’ll find plenty of positive affirmations to get you started.

5. Smile

This is not only a great way to snag a man, but it’s also a way to demonstrate your happy, positive attitude. If you feel like you have nothing to smile about, watch some comedians on Netflix. Jerry Seinfeld has a new standup special on Netflix. Check that out for some laughs!

What makes you laugh? Make a comprehensive list of anything that makes you smile or laugh. Read that list during the day, and you’ll have no excuse for not smiling!

6. Flaunt your interests

Many times, guys just don’t know what to talk about, so they just let their fears get the better of them and don’t ask you out. Consider showing off your interests. Do you hang out at coffee shops, the food court at the mall, or bookstores? Take some reading material about your favorite subjects; this will give him an open line to talk to you!

7. Be open to new opportunities

If you get your friends to set you up and/or go places you normally wouldn’t go, you are having an open mind and showing you are ready to date and find your future husband. Try taking a cooking class or exercise group at your gym. Just try something new, and you will meet new people that way!

8. Put yourself out there

It’s important for women to show they are available. You can do this by not wearing any rings (to avoid any confusion as to whether you’re married or not). Talk to guys. Need an excuse? Play the Damsel in Distress, and ask for help with something only he can help with. This will make him feel needed and wanted, and eventually, he’ll get the hint.

9. Have a life

Women who are independent and busy are much more attractive than those women who are just sitting around, complaining that they don’t have a boyfriend. Get busy taking night classes, go surfing, learn a new language - just get out there and get busy doing something! Fill up your time with stuff that matters to you.

10. Take the time to commit to the process of finding a boyfriend

If you are a busy person, that’s great! However, you need to set aside some time for searching for relationships, too. Tell yourself you will spend 30 minutes a day working on yourself or on your dating profile - something that brings you closer to meeting your special someone.

11. Give guys a real chance

Many guys are nervous on first dates or when you first meet them, so give them a second chance if they didn’t give off a great first impression. You may not give off the best impression at first, either, so it’s only fair to give them another chance.

12. Learn to flirt with men

Don’t know what to say? Check out this article on flirty questions to ask a guy! These will surely let him know you are into him. You can also try touching him softly or talking to him when he’s around. Let him know you like him with your body language. Remember: Guys can’t read our minds!

13. Practice self-improvement

I have recommended some books that helped me along the way. I strongly suggest you work on yourself before rushing to walk down the aisle. You want to be the best version of yourself when you meet Mr. Right, don’t you?

Where To Find A Boyfriend

So, where have you been looking for Mr. Right? If you are looking to meet someone and have a healthy relationship, think about where your dream man would spend his time and go there! If you love science fiction and are a huge comic book fan, hit a comic expo near you! To meet guys with the same taste in music, check out the latest concert of your favorite band!

When you find someone who likes the same things as you, it makes getting to know one another easier! You will have something to talk about and won’t have to worry about that awkward silence that you often experience on the first few dates. Build a relationship with someone you have something in common with. 

Full length of attractive young hispanic girl taking a picture with a digital camera

This list is a great start to help you know where to look for people that you may want to date, but you must let your personality shine at these places. If you are a shy person, you may want to stick to things like dating apps and dating websites. This will give you a chance to get to know different guys without having to be face-to-face - at first, at least. 

  1. Dating Apps and Websites
  2. Learning Something New
  3. Volunteer Work
  4. Spiritual Gathering/Church
  5. Coffee Shops
  6. Business Clubs
  7. Sporting Events
  8. Bookstores
  9. Classes
  10. Sightseeing
  11. At the Beach/Pool
  12. Blind Dates
  13. Dating Service


Is it hard to get a boyfriend?

Yes, but it depends on where you’re looking. It’s not an easy process, because it takes time and effort. You have to weed out all the bad seeds to find your dream guy, and you want to make sure you are ready for him when he enters your life.

How can I get a boyfriend now?

My suggestion to meet someone today would be to try a dating website, app, or dating service. Have someone fix you up with the right person. Friends may be able to help you find someone they know and trust. This can help save you time on your manhunt.

Why I don't have a boyfriend?

There could be many reasons you are still single. Men may assume you’re taken even though you don’t wear a ring or anything. Also, men may find you to be intimidating. Make sure you are approachable and friendly to men. These changes could help your love life significantly!

Is it easier for a girl to get a boyfriend?

In my opinion, it is easier for guys to get girlfriends rather than the other way around. Even though we have come a long way, there is still often an unspoken rule that men should approach women to ask them out on dates rather than the other way around.

Why is finding love so hard?

Often, we feel like no one matches well with us. This is because our standards are either too high or unrealistic. Instead of expecting someone to be perfect, we should have realistic expectations when it comes to relationships. After all, people aren’t perfect; everyone has flaws and carries around baggage. 

To Conclude...

Have you found “the one?” I met my man through a dating website. I’d love to hear your love story! How long did it take you to finally meet your one and only?

Please share your experience and opinion in the comments section below! We’d love to hear from you!

Utilize this tool to verify if he's truly who he claims to be
Whether you're married or just started dating someone, infidelity rates have risen by over 40% in the past 20 years, so your concerns are justified.

Do you want to find out if he's texting other women behind your back? Or if he has an active Tinder or dating profile? Or even worse, if he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?

This tool can help by uncovering hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more, potentially putting your doubts to rest.


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