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Why Do Guys Get Jealous When You're Not Dating Them? (5 Things To Know)

by Sonya Schwartz

Dealing with a jealous boyfriend can be tough as it can be difficult to understand at times - especially when you love them. What can be even more difficult to deal with at times is when guy friends get jealous when you are not even dating them. It is confusing and hard to know how to cope with their attitude towards you as well as know what to do. 

Here in this article, we look at explaining when men get jealous even when you are not dating them. It can make dealing with situations where jealousy comes about much easier as you at least understand what and why it is going on. We also explore signs to look out for that indicate a jealous guy wants to date you. 

Reasons Guys Get Jealous When You’re Not Dating

Here are a number of reasons men get jealous even though they are not going out with you. Not all of these signs need to be present for a guy to make it known he is jealous, just one or two can occur. 

1. He Has A Crush On You

Often when people get jealous it can mean they have a crush on a person. If the guy you have in mind is acting possessive and angry towards you, it may mean that he actually has feelings for you and he doesn’t know the best way to communicate those feelings for you. In instances like this, you need to ask yourself whether you think you want to reciprocate those feelings or not. Either way, you need to talk to him about how his actions are making you feel. 

2. He Doesn’t Want You To Be With Anyone Else

Sometimes men get jealous of a person who they are not in a relationship with, but they don’t want that person to be in a relationship with anyone else either. This is a confusing situation to be in as it can make you feel as if you are cheating on someone even though they are not your boyfriend. If this is the case with you, talk to the guy about his actions and how they are stopping you from living your life to its fullest.

3. He Is Insecure

Many times when a guy you are not seeing is jealous, it can be because they are very insecure. If you are not dating them but seeing other people this can make them wrongly feel as if they are not good enough. Again, if you believe this to be the case with your jealous friend talk to him directly about your feelings and his. Explain to him that he is an important part of your life even if he is not your boyfriend. Remember that insecurity is something that is not your fault, and don’t be made to feel like you are the cause of his problems by seeing another guy. 

4. He Has Commitment Issues

Men with commitment issues can often get jealous even if they are not going out with you as they want the best of both worlds. They want to have you as a friend with whom they flirt and use to bolster their ego, but they don’t want anything more from you as they are too afraid to be in a relationship. This can be hard to cope with as it can make you feel like in reality, you are single and well within your rights to see whoever you want. 

If you think your friend could be more than just a mate, and someone you think you could have a serious relationship with, talk to him about his commitment issues and see if you can work through them. It may not transpire into anything but it may stop his jealous actions anyway.

5. He Saw You As His Fall Back

Men can often act jealous if they saw you as their fallback girl, and yet you have started seeing someone else. This can materially impact their actions towards you and hurt their feelings when you have a new boyfriend. It, therefore, destabilizes their confidence and fuels their fear that they will end up single. This then manifests itself in jealous behavior, which can be tough to handle. It is a fairly crude emotional reaction that can ruin a friendship. 

If you fear that this may be the case with him, ensure that you talk to him about it saying that you don’t see yourself having a relationship with him. Or, if you do think that you could have a relationship with him, make sure that you underline to him that you are better than being someone’s fall back woman. He needs to respect the fact that you are worth more than that. 

Signs A Jealous Guy Wants To Date You

A lot of the time when guy friends get jealous, its’ because they want to date you and have no one else in your romantic life. Bearing this in mind, we’ve listed a few signs to look out for that indicate when men get jealous because they want to take things further with the women that they are friends with.  

He Asks About Your Love Life A Lot

If your guy friend is acting jealous and wants to date you, one of the key ways he will show he wants something more from you, as well, is to ask about your love life a lot. He’ll want to know whether things are going well with the guy you are seeing or whether something is missing so that he can relax in the knowledge that the relationship won’t go anywhere

This line of questioning can sometimes feel non-stop and sometimes it can feel pretty invasive too. If he crosses the line, remember to tell him that there are some things that you can talk about with your women friends and some things you can’t. 

He Is Moody In Front Of Your Boyfriend

It can be incredibly awkward, but if men are acting jealous and want to date the women they are acting jealous around, they can be very irritable in front of the boyfriends in the situation. This can make everyone very uncomfortable and can impact your friendship with your friend but also your relationship with your boyfriend. 

Some women can cope okay in these situations where others find it very stressful. If you are the latter, ensure that you talk to your friend about his actions - but also try to explain his actions to your boyfriend too as this can help diffuse heightened feelings too. 

He Makes Inappropriate Comments About Your Boyfriend

Most women will find this very tough, but sometimes jealous men can make the most inappropriate comments about boyfriends if they, in truth, want to date you. While flattering, it is hard to hear a friend say rude or unpleasant things about the guy you are with. It is unsupportive and hurtful, as you will just want your friend to be happy for you. 

If this is what is happening in your friendship with your jealous guy, point out to him when he is saying the wrong thing. He may not know he is even doing it and so it can help keep his comments in check. Or, it may give him the opportunity to talk about his true feelings towards you. 

He Seems Angry When You Make Plans Without Him

Jealous men will often get irate with women who they really want to date - particularly when they get wind of the fact that they have made plans without them. This doesn’t necessarily have to mean that those women are making plans with new boyfriends or plans to go out and meet other men, it can simply mean any plans without the jealous guy. This is very controlling behavior and is quite common amongst men who have commitment issues in their romantic relationships too. 

However, as you are not his girlfriend, be sure to highlight the boundaries of your friendship to him, if indeed, you want your friendship to remain platonic. However, if you are interested in him romantically, talk to him about his jealous behavior but also that you would like to take things further with him. 

Without opening up the lines of communication between you both, the situation with his jealousy and controlling behavior is only likely to get worse

He Stops Talking To You 

This is another form of controlling behavior, but it sadly can occur that when women are friends with naturally jealous guys, those men will sometimes stop talking to their women friends when they are suffering from a bout of jealousy. It is often a manifestation of their hurt that you are seeing other people when they really want you to see them, but it doesn’t make it any less hurtful when it does happen. 

As ever when dealing with jealous guys, you have to be frank with them about how their actions are affecting you and others. It can be particularly unpleasant if someone has gone down the route of not talking to you as you are the one they want to be with. But one of the best ways to stop this from happening is to bring it out into the open so you can both discuss the feelings you have for each other. 

FAQs

What Makes You Jealous In A Relationship?

Jealousy in a relationship can come about if you see your partner flirting with another person or simply talking to them. You can feel out of control and your self-esteem can take a beating if you fear that your partner wants more than just conversation with another person. 

Why People Are Jealous?

Feelings of jealousy don’t always materialize in every person in similar situations. The reason being is that we all react to things differently due to our personality variances. People are often jealous due to their own insecurities and possessive natures. 

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

How Do You Tell Your Partner You Are Jealous?

If you are jealous, you need to have an open and frank conversation with your partner. In a healthy relationship, communicating issues is the key to long term happiness. Hopefully, your partner will explain the situation and put your mind at ease straight away. 

Is Jealousy A Disease?

Jealousy isn’t a disease, but it can come about due to some deep-rooted mental issues. However, this is not always the case. Jealousy is a fairly natural human reaction that we have all felt at some point, it’s just that some people are better at keeping a handle on it. 

What Causes Extreme Jealousy?

Extreme jealousy can come from long term emotional issues that a person has been through in the past. It can be hard to deal with - either as the jealous person or the person on the receiving end of the jealous nature. Talking about the issues in hand will start to help, as will using a therapist. 

The Bottom Line

Jealous guys can be a troublesome friend for women to deal with as it can be very confusing and hurtful to cope with their actions. One way to deal with this jealousy, above all others, is to open up to him about how you are feeling and say something to him about what effects his behavior is having on both you and those around you. 

Sometimes, just broaching the subject of his jealousy will be enough for a helpful conversation to take place where you both are able to tell one another how you are truly feeling. This way, you are giving him the opportunity to tell you his intentions towards you and what he wants from you in the future. It also gives you the opportunity to tell him how you won’t be able to go on tolerating his jealousy as it has such a negative bearing on your life. 

Remember that jealousy is a form of controlling behavior so it is best to meet it head-on and to do so early so that you stop the situation from getting out of control. 

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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