Jealousy in a romantic context is all fun and games until… well, it isn’t. Having a jealous boyfriend can make you feel all kinds of mushy at first. Like you matter so much to this person that they are afraid of losing you. You want to revel in your man’s possessiveness and bask in his attention.
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The frequent calls to know what you are doing and who you are with, the little fits when you hang out with male friends, they all feel kinda nice. But as your relationship progresses, these cute gestures or perhaps ‘warning signs’ inspired by his sense of property start to get old.
But here’s the thing, jealousy itself isn’t necessarily bad, it’s the driving factor that should be cause for concern. Many people get jealous, friends, neighbors, siblings, and lovers. It’s natural to feel some type of way when faced with the risk of someone you’re attached to being taken away.
At a moderate level, jealousy can actually improve emotional intimacy between partners, and mean that this guy (your partner) is truly in love with you.
But how do you deal with this insecurity in your love life daily? If your partner tends towards the jealous side, this article might help handle being with him.
A study once found that 84% of its participants had, at one point or another, made their partner jealous. While a jealous guy can act up at the slightest thing, at times we are also guilty of inducing the emotion.
Do you talk about your male friends often? Your ‘innocent’ reminiscence about the good times you had with your ex may not be so harmless, you know? Do you perhaps, still flirt with other guys or tell your man “that guy across the street acts like a love-sick puppy when he sees you?” This behavior is what makes men and women alike get jealous.
It may not have been an issue in your previous relationships, or maybe it was, and your exes showed little or no sign of jealousy. But if you suspect your behavior might be contributing to your boyfriend’s issue, you should probably address that.
What better way to assess your role in his jealousy if not through communication? This might be a somewhat awkward conversation to start, but it’s the best way to be clear on these things. Otherwise, you might be blaming yourself for what is, in fact, a more significant issue that your boyfriend has to personally work on.
Therefore, ask your boyfriend if there are things you do that trigger this feeling. Like, does it bother him that you talk about your ex or male friends so much? Or what about your relationship with your male colleagues, does that make him uncomfortable.
This can now lead to a more in-depth conversation about his past experiences that may have entrenched insecurity in him, along with the anxiety it brings.
The point of encouraging your partner to be vulnerable enough to open up about their fears with you isn’t to control them. It’s a sign that you actually love him and care enough to get to the bottom of things.
Say he has loved and lost, and the women who did him dirty have caused him to be extra insecure in relationships. Or maybe something about your past keeps him on edge because he fears he can’t keep up. It might even be a childhood trauma thing for your guy.
If these signs of jealousy are starting to become hard to ignore, aim to make him see the importance of getting help instead of imposing it. How soon you get to it depends on how severe your partner’s jealousy is and its effects on your relationship.
If dealing with your boyfriend’s jealousy is becoming an irritant, it’s only natural that you want to do what you can to keep it at bay. Therefore, depending on what you find out from your heart-to-heart talk about his pain points, the fixing might be able to start from your end.
So maybe keep the number of people that want to get into your pants to yourself henceforth. Talks about your ex’s prowess and your Insta guy friends should reduce, too, if possible.
It’s just that it’s a slippery slope from here. You should be able to do things that make you happy (within reason) in a relationship. If you agree to be less friendly with colleagues today, what if he wants you to stop hanging out with friends altogether tomorrow?
There are certain unspoken expectations in romantic relationships regarding how we react to emotional issues. Men sometimes overlook the toll being a good girlfriend in situations like this takes on women. It goes the other way too, but since jealousy has been long seen as a girl thing, it usually doesn’t raise as many eyebrows.
Having to deal with a jealous partner constantly can quickly become unhealthy because you may feel like you’re the problem. It’s very easy to become the person that constantly doubts yourself when the guy you’re dating gets jealous easily.
So, revert to communication, and try to let him know as calmly (but also clearly) as possible how his jealousy makes you feel. It may not stop it right away, but it’s better than just pretending it doesn’t bother you.
The best way to deal with a jealous boyfriend is to be an open book. His fears get unleashed when he smells a secret or feels left out of your life one way or another. Although his suspicions may be based on imagination, sometimes, you can choose not to give him real problems to work with.
The good news is, being open with someone you love shouldn’t be the hardest thing you’ll ever do. Start by trying your best not to lie to him as lies can be hard to keep up, and he’ll read into every loophole or sign of deception he finds.
Be open about your feelings as well. Let him get used to a girlfriend who gives it to him as it is, and he might learn to trust you more over time.
I want to tell you that openness and honesty are the banes of jealousy and that you’re good as long as you never lie. But how realistic would that be, really? If you lived the reality of being with a jealous partner, you know telling the truth is no guarantee they will believe you.
People who get jealous easily either see black and white, so even though you're innocently hanging out with guy friends, that would be a sign of interest or attention from the guys you’re with. So as much as you should adopt transparency, keep it at the back of your mind that it’s not a permanent cure to jealousy.
If he does form another story, twist an innocent situation, or try to intimidate people of the opposite sex that call or speak to you, try not to act icy or get defensive as they’ll only give more basis for suspicion.
If you’ve been dealing with the same problem with someone for a while, you may develop the habit of turning them out once they start going at it again. This might help keep you sane and your relationship fight-free in the short term, but it’s not the best way to go if you’re thinking long-term.
No one can stay quiet for that long, one day a call from your ex or a smile from your crush could be the reason your ex goes off. You’ll find that you argue with each other more often and everything and anything irritates you.
If you’re yet to have the driving factor conversation with your boyfriend, or it’s been a while since you did, you may be missing some vital info by tuning him out. Listen to what he has to say first, you never know what you might find.
Nothing riles jealous boyfriends up as much as their girlfriend not picking their calls or replying to text messages. Where a regular person would assume you were busy and can’t get the phone at that moment, these guys’ minds could whip up anything; all sorts of scenarios that drive them crazy.
Therefore, you can make it a lot easier on yourself and the poor guy by being available when he tries to reach you. Don’t always wait for him to call or text first either, reach out regularly too, he is your boyfriend after all. And when you inevitably miss his calls, try to respond sooner rather than later.
Men are naturally territorial, and their possessive nature tends to jump out when they see their kind hovering over their partner. No one, not even that childhood male friend of yours, would be immune to suspicion.
You can tell him how he isn’t a threat to him or your relationship all you want, and he’d still worry. (Especially if your friend is cute) In a situation like that, giving him a closer look into your friendship might help him feel a bit more comfortable.
In a somewhat similar vein, jealousy can spring up from feeling left out of your partner’s life, and not just when it involves a male friend. If you’re the type of person who has a stable social life and are surrounded by friends, a jealous boyfriend can go crazy trying to guess what you’re up to.
In the spirit of openness and not giving him any more reason to nurture suspicions, involving him might not be the worst idea. Invite him to come out with you on an activity where a plus one wouldn’t be frowned upon. This way, he can see for himself instead of telling him again that there’s really nothing to worry about.
You can also tell him about your next outing beforehand instead of springing it on him last minute. And when you’re out, keep him updated.
Show your jealous boyfriend through your words and actions that he is important to you. As you can probably tell from the first-hand experience of dating a partner prone to jealousy, issues tend to get messier when you meet their actions with the same energy.
They say love usually takes the good with the bad, so if you’ve chosen to love this person, despite their issue, work extra hard at showing it. Meet his uncertainties and inane questions with sweetness and understanding.
Don’t slack on your physical connection, say the stuff he likes to hear, tell him you love him, buy him gifts, spend time with him, be there for him, etc. The idea isn’t just to tell your partner often that you love him, but also to show him as best you can.
A little bit of public display of affection might be in order if you’re both into that kind of thing. It would be the perfect sign to other people that you’re taken. Depending on your partner’s specific pain points when he goes on his jealousy bouts, showing you’re willing to flaunt your love may actually be reassuring for him.
As with many issues couples face in relationships, there are manageable aspects and those that can potentially cause you to have a meltdown. Reading about what to do/ figuring out how to deal with a jealous boyfriend is the easy part. Even if you’re both committed to fixing it, you still have to figure out what you can and cannot take in the meantime.
So, by all means, let the parts you consider little go, but draw a clear line on issues that you simply can’t stand. You shouldn’t sacrifice your sanity for your relationship just because you’re a woman. Let him know what makes you uncomfortable, so if he keeps crossing the line afterward, you can point to specifics.
A jealous boyfriend might be too deep in his head sometimes to bother with being a good partner. How do you make someone your confidant when you are afraid paranoia might make them read their own meaning into it?
If you’ve seen the signs that some things are better kept away from your man to avoid misunderstanding in your relationship, that doesn’t mean you can’t confide in someone else.
Choose a trusted friend of yours and carry them along on your issue. Ask them for insights to be sure you’re not blindly putting the fault on just your man. Also, if the people in your close circle know what you’re dealing with, they might be more considerate if you fall behind on friendship duties.
Rome wasn’t built in a day. Your relationship issue will not disappear the first day you try to tackle it; it takes perseverance, dedication, and effort. If you manage to get a conviction out of your guy to work on his jealousy, don’t expect it to disappear immediately.
If you decide to stick it out and support your partner, fault and all, you will need loads of patience. Go through each process with the mindset to rinse and repeat if need be because that’s exactly what you’d be doing until you (hopefully) make a breakthrough.
Being patient doesn’t mean you have to sit on your hands and hope for the best. While playing the supportive woman to your man at home, you two can get started on finding a more comprehensive and long-term solution to the problems.
A professional counselor can help you both address, not just the jealousy issue but the underlying ones.
Patience is admirable, but it’s also good to know when to get real with yourself. Mild jealousy may not be a dealbreaker for you in a relationship, but when it begins to escalate, it might be time to start getting ready to walk away.
If, after talking, being open, couples’ therapy, and everything, your boyfriend still doesn’t care about changing his ways, he may have no plans of changing. It’s even worse if his jealous rages tend to get violent or cause him to lose his senses.
Ultimately, the decision to stay or leave remains yours, but I recommend you make it sooner rather than later before someone ends up getting hurt.
Your boyfriend getting jealous is a natural reaction to threats and is quite typical in romantic relationships. However, it becomes unhealthy when the man lets the feeling drive him into trying to control you or restrict your freedom.
You shouldn’t pay a jealous boyfriend back in his own coin. When he comes in hot, complaining, or upset about something you did, respond kindly and with affection. Reassure him of his importance every chance you get. Carry him along in your life outside of your relationship as much as you can and generally refrain from actions that trigger him.
Jealousy is an emotion often associated with love in romantic relationships but which actually stems from insecurity However, the two are not necessarily mutually exclusive, as falling in love with someone can bring out some insecurity in you even if your self-esteem is mostly intact.
A possessive boyfriend is a man you’re in a relationship with who sees you as his property rather than a partner. He wants you all to himself, and no, that’s not always as romantic as it sounds. A possessive person doesn’t respect or trust you enough to make your own decisions, and therefore will always opt to control you.
If your boyfriend gets antsy when he doesn’t know every single detail of what you’ve been up to, that can be a warning sign of jealousy. A jealous boyfriend might show his distrust for you by looking for ways to verify everything you tell him. He may also try to police your movement or get upset when he sees you with other men.
They say jealousy is the most incurable defect, but this doesn’t mean it can’t be managed in a relationship. I hope the above tips help and that you remember that there’s only so much you can do to help a man that doesn’t care to improve. If you liked the article, kindly leave a comment and consider sharing it. Many thanks.