HerNorm is a community-supported website. We may earn a small commission on purchases made through our links. Learn more.

He Won’t Commit (23 Reasons Why)

by Sonya Schwartz

Relationships have become more complicated over the years; first, bagging a man is increasingly difficult. Then finding one that’s ready for a relationship is harder. It’s a lot worse when you’re practically playing house with somebody who doesn’t honestly want anything long term. 

That grey area between feeling like he’s your life partner and dealing with commitment issues can get tiring if you don’t know what’s going on.

Thankfully, there are many reasons he won’t commit; you just have to get to the bottom of it. On the one hand, the problem could be from your end, and on the other, it could be all him. With the pointers below, you’ll have a solid idea why you’re still stuck in relationship limbo.

23 Reasons Why He Won’t Commit

1. Things Fizzle Out Continuously

This happens more often than we would like to admit; in fact, it’s a tale as old as time. Boy meets girl; they like each other a lot, things burn hot and heavy, then smolder out. It may seem like a shallow reason, but it’s a valid one. In this situation, things often go from hot to cold several times, which makes it so confusing.

Once you notice that this back and forth has become a habit, it’s a clear sign that he’s not ready to make a commitment. Think about it this way; when you like someone, you do everything to keep things stable and pleasant. The same theory applies here.

2. He Is Pining Over Someone Else

he is pining over someone else

Many times, another girl is the root of all the problems. It’s going to be mighty hard for him to settle down with you if he’s not over his ex-girlfriend

So, why is he still stringing you along, you ask? Maybe, he hasn’t told himself the truth just yet and believes he’s ready for something more. On the contrary, he may know exactly what he’s doing and simply wants to get into your good graces.

The latter sounds like a horrid thing to do because it is. Not all men show you attention because they want something serious, which is one of the sadder facts of life.

3. He Enjoys The Level You Are At

When you're getting to know a person, there are levels to the entire process. First, you’re all doe-eyed, trying to size each other up, then comes the physical aspect of the relationship. After that, it’s expected that you’d become more comfortable and eventually fall into the usual throes of a relationship. 

Some men would instead remain at the casual, sex-filled stage of the relationship. That’s simply their threshold, and the moment you try to push for something more, he makes it evident that he doesn’t want to commit. I assure you, this is not the man you want to get married to; it’s wise to walk away.

4. He Likes Something About You… But Not You

This particular reason is as annoying as they come because at some point, it’s hard to figure out whether you are the girlfriend or the conquest. This is one of those relationships where he’s obviously kind to you, but it's only because he likes your smile, or the way you speak, or even the way you think. 

So, you see, he’s never going to see you as anything other than the parts of you he likes. And that is a significant reason why he won’t commit. Altogether, rest assured that you are relationship material, and some other guy might see you in a more pleasant light.

5. He’s Not Ready For A Partner

he's not ready for a partner

Until a man decides he’s done with the single life, you can’t expect him to make a commitment to you. 

Many men enjoy that atmosphere of freedom and have already made up their minds about the kind of relationship they want with you. There is really nothing you can say to a man like this to change his mind, he’s ready to wine and dine you, but the one thing he won’t do is to make a commitment.

In this case, the apparent resolution is to walk away; after all, you can hardly call what you have a relationship with. The only person that can make him want to commit stares back at him when he looks in the mirror.

6. He’s A Big Fan Of ‘The Chase’

It’s all about the thrill of the chase for some guys and has nothing to do with finding a partner. You can’t totally blame him; those first moments where it’s still exciting to hold hands, steal kisses, and laugh uncontrollably are sublime. Unfortunately, once all that magic runs out, regardless of how much you want to make him your boyfriend, he won’t budge.

At that point, there is nothing you can do to rekindle the flame; he’s going to head off in search of a new conquest. It's going to take a whole lot to make him want to commit, so it's a good idea to let this one go and hold out for a real boyfriend. 

7. He's Had It Rough In The Past 

This one is out of your hands; obviously, you weren't there when he was getting heartbroken. You'd be surprised at how many people out there have been scarred by a past lover and wear the pain like armor. In most cases, pursuing a relationship with a man like this is the opposite of seeking out commitment. 

For the most part, he has a problem and needs to make sure he heals before he joins the ranks of men, ready for a real commitment. Also, make sure you keep in mind that this is your fault in no way; plenty of people don't deal with their demons before jumping into a new relationship. 

8. He's Chasing Money

Everyone has priorities; while some are after love and companionship, others are 'all about that paper.' So, if you're unfortunate enough to fall for a man that falls into this category, then best believe he's not going to give up his number one priority for the title of a boyfriend. Even more, a man with a lot to his name is often paranoid when it comes to who he lets into his inner circle. 

You can't blame the guy for thinking that every woman that steps into his life is there for what he can offer. It's a legitimate reason why he won't hesitate to wine and dine you with no promise of an actual relationship. Again, it's a good idea to bear in mind that he's a victim of circumstance, his decision to refrain from pursuing a relationship bears on him, not you. 

9. The Pressure Is Getting To Him

Okay, no one needs to tell you this; women can lay it on quite thick when they want to corner a guy. But the quest for a relationship can often push a potential boyfriend away. Here's food for thought, no one, both men and women, likes to be put under pressure. 

Even if he actually wanted to build a stable relationship with you, no guy would survive constant nagging and complaints. How do you know when you're pushing him a bit too much? For one, he'd probably tell you, very few men come off as passive-aggressive as womenfolk.

10. He Just Wants Sex

he just wants sex

No one needs to tell you that many men out there are simply in it for the sex. You probably grew up hearing this from your mother and other older female relatives. Of course, not all men are in it for the cookie, but if you fall into the hands of a guy like this, you'll wait forever for him to come around. 

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

The logic behind this is 'why opt for a deeper connection when you're already getting the good stuff? Men are scum, right? Well, not all of them, just the guys that string women along, dangling hope in front of them when they have no intention of keeping to their word.

11. You're Not On The Same Page

Some men are too lazy to venture deep into the dating pool; they'd much rather set up shop with just because you're present. 

Sure, once in a while, he'll throw you a bone and make you feel special, but that's just to keep you interested enough till someone better comes along. It sounds horrible, doesn't it? Not all men do it because they are awful people, they simply don't know any better. 

Rather than braving that period on their own, they'd prefer to string you along for the ride. Hopefully, you never run into a man like this. 

12. He's Picky

Have you ever met a man who you simply couldn't satisfy no matter how far back you bent over? With a man like this, you'll never get it right, but that does not mean he won't keep you close and snag all the benefits along the way. Nevertheless, this type of man won't let you off the hook without comparing you to every woman he's been with and then some. 

In this case, the problem is all him, and you owe it to yourself to step away from all the negativity.

13. He's Content

Why ruin a good thing when it's already going so well, right? This is the logic behind this particular point; you see, not everybody is in it to end up with a companion. That has never been the end game for them and will probably never be. 

If this is the case, then you'll notice that there'll be arguments whenever you try to rock the boat and push the boundaries of your arrangement. 

This does not mean you won't go on dates or enjoy some time between the sheets. He'll offer all this and more, but his career, friends, and hobbies will remain his main priority. If you're not one for a casual roll in the hay now and then, it's a good idea to hit the road. 

14. It's A Lifestyle

Some people have been at it so long that they simply don't know how to live any other way. He doesn't even need to divulge all the details of his past with the opposite sex; you'll notice it in the manner he carries himself. 

It goes without saying, people who are accustomed to waking up with one woman in their bed and going to sleep with another will find it a bit difficult to adjust to the one woman lifestyle. 

If he's one of those, then you're probably going to become another scratch on his headboard. Needless to say, there are no wedding bells in your future and if you're not up for that, drop him like a hot pan. 

15. Your Standards Are Shaky

your standards are shaky

Now, ladies, there's nothing as unattractive as a woman with no standards. Think of it vice versa, how would you feel about a person who couldn't stick to their guns, or better still, has no guns? 

He may never actually say the words, but the fact that he doesn't want to get serious is indication enough that your behavior puts him off. Don't simply jump or bend over anytime he says so; it's not a pretty look, especially when it's so evident that you don't agree 100% with all his plans. 

Altogether, learn to say no when you really don't want to indulge him and be yourself as much as you possibly can. After all, there's no guarantee you'll end up together regardless of how far you can bend over. 

16. You're Playing Games

I'm not going to point fingers at you for this one; there are many people out there that won't treat you right until you play games. But, not everybody is like that; once in a while, you meet someone that wants you to serve it as it is. 

So, don't waste your time waiting for him to call first, or dissect every text message like your part of a terrorist negotiation. Oftentimes, 'I'm too tired to go out tonight' means just that. If you spend time reading meaning into every little thing, you'll exhaust yourself and him in the process.

Here's a secret you don't hear on the street every day, they know when you're playing games, and it's not a pretty look. 

17. He Doesn't Know Any Better

Birds of a feather flock together; here's one wise saying that you can apply just about anywhere. Let's say he's always hanging out with bachelors, his dad is a bachelor, and his role models are bachelors (you catch my drift); it's safe to say that it's all he'll know. 

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

This is by no means a blanket rule, but if he's surrounded by people who would rather be alone at the end of the day, he's going to be like them. So, don't spend too much time trying to convince him to settle down when all his friends are single; at that point, he's not going up budge unless he genuinely wants to. 

It does not matter what you offer him; if he's not ready to settle down, you'll end up being a name on a long list of exes and former lovers. 

18. He Doesn't Feel Needed

Everyone, both male and female, wants to feel useful and wanted, so let's not make this a gender issue. If he senses that he doesn't bring anything to the table, it'll end up emasculating him. 

I'm not saying you should spend your days trying to stroke his ego or make yourself smaller just to make him feel great. No, but let him know he brings some value to the table; if not, he'll find someone who can. You can still be a strong and independent woman and let your guard down once in a while. 

By all means, stay away from acting like a damsel in distress; that's just a new set of games you probably won't enjoy playing. At the end of the day, look for ways to show him how valuable he is without losing yourself completely in the process. 

19. He's Still On A Journey Of Self-Discovery

he's still on a journey of self-discovery

This is a tale as old as time, many people have no idea who they really are, and it ends up hurting whoever they meet along the line. If he's still trying to find himself, then it's not even wise for him to settle down with you; there will always be a missing piece. 

There's nothing as volatile as a person who does not know what they want, seeing as nothing will ever be enough. Make no mistake; you can't force him to want you just because he's not sure what he wants. That train of thought often ends in disaster. 

The best course of action in situations like these is to step aside; after all, you don't have to end up with him. He may equally be a part of your journey and not your destination. 

20. He Can't Gauge Your Commitment Level

Oftentimes, in the process of trying not to come off too strong, we end up looking like we don't care. 

It's an honest mistake, especially when people have walked away from you because they weren't ready. I'm not faulting you for this; we all have our own defense mechanisms. But, once in a blue moon, a person who wants you to bear it all comes along. Once he can't honestly gauge your level of interest, he's bound to hold himself back too. 

21. He Doesn't Want You But Doesn't Want Anyone To Have You

Yes, you will meet a selfish soul like this at least once in a lifetime. Attention can be an intoxicating thing; it's also a magnificent ego booster. As such, he may be keeping you close just to enjoy all the attention, care, and sex. 

The worst part about this situation is that he sits up every time he senses he's losing you and who doesn't like an attentive lover? At first, this type of possessive behavior can come off as charming, but I assure you, it gets old really fast. For your own good, you need to cut the umbilical cord and run for the hills. 

22. He's Scared Of Being Alone

he's scared of being alone

We all know that person who simply can't be alone; they've been paired up since they were in pull-ups. He may not be any different; he doesn't necessarily want to end up with you, but he'd rather not be alone, so he strings you along. It sounds horrible because it is. 

Just to be clear, this one is on him, and once you realize that he's simply keeping you around to pass the time, you should probably leave before you're in too deep. 

23. You're Not Together

Now, no one is calling you crazy, but it's often relatively easy to believe you're dating a person when he just sees you as a body. Sure, he does all the things you'd expect from a lover, but maybe that's part of his regular charm. Some people will even tell you that they are only in it for the companionship; it would be in your best interests to believe them. 

Don't develop plans to make them fall for you or trap them; these things often backfire. If he made it clear that he's not taking you down the aisle, try not to read meaning into all his actions. If you're up for it, enjoy it while it lasts and moves on when you get to the end of the road. 

FAQs

What does it mean when a guy won't commit?

The most common reason he won’t commit is that he doesn't love you enough to honestly give you his all. It sounds corny and entirely ‘black and white,’ but a lot of guys keep you around simply because they can. Sometimes, it’s nice to have somebody who cares about you, even if you don’t feel the same way.

How do you let go of a guy who won't commit?

For the most part, you need to accept the fact that he’s never going to really want you. Even though you wait for years, the situation is unlikely to change, so try your best to forget all about changing him. Also, focus more on you because nothing he says will make you feel better.

How do you know if a guy will never commit?

The most glaring sign is that you never really integrate into each other’s lives. You may spend every day with your partner, but you’ll never truly know that much about him. Another significant sign is that he does not commit to other areas of his life; he can’t hold a job or an interest.

Does walking away make him want you more?

Do you want the truth? Yes, there is something desirable about things you can’t have. But, don’t be deceived; he may not actually want a relationship. If he won’t commit after years, then the chances are that he isn’t going to commit simply because you walked away. He’ll simply miss the idea of having you around, and that’s no way to live your life.

Does he want to be with you?

Being sentimental hardly reveals this to you, but there’s a lot you can notice if you just use your eyes. Any man that wants to be with you would love to make you an integral part of his life. You’ll meet his family, his friends, and you’ll feel like part of his inner circle. It won’t always be peachy, but your happiness will always be a priority. 

Key Takeaways

Many people won’t admit this, but it's a common dream to want to find your soulmate and settle down in record time. So, I totally understand how frustrating it can be when he won’t commit. 

A whole hoard of reasons and insecurities rise to the surface, especially if you are head over heels in love. Altogether, the first step to moving on is understanding the situation, and hopefully, this article was helpful in that regard.

If you’ve been in this predicament before, then surely, you have a thing or two to say in the comment section below. Even more, share this article with someone who’d benefit.

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

footer logo Copyrighted.com Registered & Protected