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15 Tips on How to Improve Self-Esteem in Relationships and Be More Confident

Are you in a relationship that makes you feel insecure? Would you like to know how to improve self-esteem in relationships that you are involved in? 

Having a low perception of yourself can result in accumulated negative feelings triggered by your partner’s actions. Do you positively influence one another? Are you looking out for your best interests first or those of your partner?

In this article, we will talk about ways to boost that self-esteem - things you can begin doing now. These are so critical if you want to improve your relationship and make a difference in the view you have of yourself. Learning how to be more confident in a relationship will impact how positively you view yourself and your relationship. Let’s explore this further.

How Do Self-Worth and Self-Esteem Affect Your Relationship?

When you have high self-worth, you think of yourself in a positive light, and you generally don’t practice negative self-talk or harbor negative beliefs about yourself or others. This is because positive things fill your mind. Your sense of self-worth shines when you believe you are worthy. Just do not allow others to cloud your thinking about who you are.

With self-worth, you see people who know they are valuable - those who know they deserverespect from others. This does not mean that you never feel bad or have anxiety when those you admire do not boost your confidence when they should. In moments of insecurity, your confidence and self-image should outweigh any negative impact of the moment.

How does low self-esteem affect relationships, though? When you are lacking a healthy sense of self-love or self-acceptance, you’ll see self-doubt and a plethora of negative thoughts during trials and challenges rather than positive ones.

As we mostly think of romantic relationships when we talk about the relationships we are in, romantic ones will be the chief focus here. However, much of the advice given can impact any other relationship in your life (friends, family, work, etc.).

What Causes Low Self-Esteem in Relationships? 

If you have had difficulty building self-esteem all your life, it could be because of your physical health. When you try to manage stress in unhealthy ways, you will see changes in your physical body. After all, the body remembers it all. For example, most people enjoy physical intimacy, but some can have difficulty due to childhood trauma.

If you were not given a simple compliment after an achievement or even know any positive affirmations to tell yourself, you’ll likely suffer long-term effects on your physical self. 

Often, low self-esteem makes for trouble in a relationship. If you don’t know how to show self-compassion, how will you build a sense of positive self-esteem in your partner? Try positive affirmations!

Keep in mind that it is never one person’s job to manage the other’s self-esteem, but if the other’s self-esteem is knocked down because of how you treat them, the relationship will likely not improve throughout any trials. 

So, if you see the traits of low self-esteem in your relationship, it’s prudent for you to improve your self-esteem and encourage that of your partner. As you work to improve your self-esteem, you should seek to see a difference in a positive direction. Let's see how this plays out.

15 Tips on How to Improve Self-Esteem in Relationships

As you work on implementing these dynamic methods in your romantic affairs, remember that these are not limited to the romantic relationships that you are a part of but extend to all relationships in your life.

1. Have an attitude of gratitude

have an attitude of gratitude

Maintain an attitude of gratitude to improve any self-esteem issues you might have. Learn to appreciate yourself and the world around you, and you’ll see a huge difference in your relationship. No longer will you focus on the negative things at any particular moment.

It is actually true that most people see a difference when they begin practicing gratitude on a regular basis. Instead of things appearing gloomy and gray, the world is a bit sunnier than usual!

2. Know your worth

If you want to feel confident in your relationships, you need to practice self-respect. Make a list of all the things that make you successful in life. Review your list of positive traits frequently in an effort to build abetter sense of self-worth.

3. Take credit for the good in your life

Sometimes, we allow ourselves to get so swept off trying to make other people feel good that we end up not feeling good about ourselves. Low self-esteem sets in, and you start second-guessing your choices because it doesn’t go with the feelings of the other person. 

If you are experiencing a great amount of good in your relationship, take credit for it! For example, perhaps your man says you look stunning in your outfit. Accept the sweet compliment with grace and pat yourself on the back that you are taking great care of your body!

Consider how something as simple as that can improve your communication skills. Plus, you will gain a new sense of self-love because of something so simple! Building confidence doesn’t have to be complicated.

4. Learn something new

Many romantic or familial relationships give up due to frustration and the fact that neither partner is willing to try something new - perhaps something that will lead to improvement. Instead, they wake, eat, sleep, work, and do it all over again the next day.

If you want to see real growth in your life and an abundance of self-esteem, make a choice to learn something new. This will change the thoughts you have in all of your relationships. It might even stimulate new feelings - something you did not expect to happen at all.

5. Be a cheerleader to those around you

Are you a positive force in your relationships? Do you cheer on and support those around you? A good partner supports and cherishes the cheerleader he or she is with.

Of course, there will be times when you feel down or insecure. Master the art of being a cheerleader to others, and you will watch yourself become the shoulder that people lean on. This should comfort you during those dark moments.

6. Avoid negative self-talk

While it’s normal to hope for your own cheerleader and encourager, especially when feeling low self-esteem or struggling with self-compassion, make sure your sense of self is about you, not just what your partner sees, says, or feels.

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Make sure you can create choices that will suit your needs first and cheer yourself without someone else nudging you to do so. Practice positive self-talk and be your praiser to improve the way you see yourself.Tying compliments to a sense of confidence is normal but shouldn’t be the only thing that makes you feel good.

7. Be independent

Are you simply tired of trying to stay strong? Do you feel as though you are the only person in the partnership? Maybe you’d like to be set as a joint force, but one person in the companionship cannot seem to uplift the other individual.

The key item to keep in mind is that you should have a goal to be two people with healthy self-esteem and enjoyable companionship, not a codependent unit. This boils down to being independent. You should not be an extension of the bond you share with someone else. Be your own self!

If you have low self-esteem or struggle to respect one another, your behavior towards each other might be less than positive. Worry less about the relationship as a whole and more about who you are as an individual at the moment. Two complete people fit together better than two needy ones. 

8. Understand your needs

There’s a very popular book called His Needs, Her Needs. It focuses on the needs people have when in relationships. What about your needs? Are you aware of them, or do you focus too much on your partner’s needs? Make sure you are building yourself up as much as you are your partner.

9. Attend therapy as a couple

attend therapy as a couple

When some people hear the word therapy, they assume it’s only for people experiencing serious issues. However, therapy or counseling is also for those who want to prevent serious turbulence in their relationships. 

Going for therapy together as a couple will strengthen your bond and help you resolve issues you find difficult to handle. The blame you once pushed on each other will dissipate, and the support you have for one another will grow because the truth behind situations that persistently cause conflict will come to light. 

Rather than playing the blame game toward one another in private, perhaps you can see new things in a new way. If your partner does not want to attend sessions with you, go alone.

10. Go for therapy by yourself

Again, there is time to do things together as a couple, and there is also time to go at it alone.

As much as couples therapy is helpful, individual therapy is vital for your mental health and as a means to improve your self-esteem. We’ve already covered the importance of having high self-esteem in relationships. Why wouldn’t you want to do your part to build high self-esteem for yourself, not just in your relationship?

A counselor is bound by an oath to keep your secret fears safe and walk you through your problems till you arrive at a good solution. The best relationship is one with two whole individuals who can also come together just as much as they can be themselves. You should be able to support yourself without your partner as easily as you can do so together.

11. Be empathetic

If you want to improve your relationship and your own self-esteem, learn to see issues through each other’s eyes. This is what empathy is all about - the ability to walk in your partner’s shoes.

To best do this, seek to understand the perspectives of others. Also, it will help if you can try new ideas, like if you both travel to new places together to see what the situation is like out of your sphere. The thinking here is to create neutral ground from time to time in an effort to foster high self-esteem in one another.

12. Talk about your worries; do not let them fester inside

Rather than keeping scores of wrongs and misunderstandings, it is best if you lay everything out in the open and resolve things immediately. When you allow disagreement to fester, the link between both of you will weaken, and your self-esteem will suffer from the fallout. 

13. Just walk away

Sometimes, when you’ve tried all you can to make sure you don’t lose your self-esteem while trying to sustain your relationship, the best option might be to bow out while you can. 

Go for therapy, travel together for fresh perspectives, talk it out, and do your best. However, when you can’t reach a conclusion that will keep your self-esteem intact, move forward without this person. Live for yourself till you can find someone whose beliefs and lifestyle agree with yours. 

14. Cultivate self-respect in a relationship

cultivate self respect in a relationship

We’ve talked a lot about low self-esteem in a partnership, but where does respect come in? If you have low self-esteem, you might feel the need to lash out at your partner from time to time for no apparent reason. 

If he does not feel respected by you, there’s a good chance his self-esteem could suffer. It’s important that you respect each other no matter how difficult things get.

15. Know how to have high self-esteem when you don’t feel it

Sometimes, we have to grin and bear it. No one gave us a manual as a child, saying that life was going to be easy. 

Instead, sometimes it might be better to “fake it until we make it.” If you smile when you want to cry, you might actually feel better without a change in the circumstances. Disturb the pattern of your usual reactions.

Low Self-Esteem in a Relationship Symptoms

If you struggle with low self-esteem in your partnership, you’ll likely do little things that show you don’t think highly of yourself

For example, you might ask for compliments all the time or complain about the things you hate in life. If you think your eye color is boring to you, you might mention it to your man all the time. 

Likewise, let’s say your partner’s mom doesn’t like you, rather than building the mother-daughter bond that you could have, do you complain and whine? Maybe you even cancel plans with her and lie about having a headache instead of working on the bond you share. This will surely damage what you have with your partner, especially if he is close to his mother.

Here are some additional signsyou might see:

  • Social withdrawal
  • Hostility toward others
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Sensitivity

How to Get Your Confidence Back in a Relationship

how to get your confidence back in a relationship

Let’s look at how to gain confidence in a relationship. First, take a close look at yourself in the mirror. If you have a strand of hair out of place, maybe it’s affecting your view of yourself. You are beautiful just as you are, but if it will help you build high self-esteem, compliment yourself and fix the hair that’s bothering you, if needed.

You must know how to build self-confidence in a relationship if you wish to see long-term success. Practice saying positive self-affirmations. What kind of compliments do you usually get? Maybe you are a tech genius or have mastered a skill most people shy away from. 

Build yourself in positive ways! Simple methods to build self-worth and self-esteem include:

  • Avoiding perfectionism and negativity, 
  • Learning from mistakes rather than obsessing over them, 
  • Staying off social media, 
  • Finding support in the right places, and 
  • Watching what you say - to yourself and in the presence of others. Try to find a positive balance in conversations.

If you need to make a list of the positive things that you will say, go ahead and do it. There’s nothing wrong with taping a list like this on your mirror and reading it each morning or having it prepared in advance for conversations. Others will not think less of you because they’ll see how you are trying to grow and realize you are truly someone with a great deal of character!

It’s not easy to learn how to build confidence in a relationship. You must first realize how special you are. Once you have a positive sense of your own worth, look at what you share with your partner. Why do you not feel as confident as you should? 

Trust your gut. If you have reason to be less confident, try to find the cause. Once you have determined what it is, take positive action.


How can my partner help me boost my self-esteem?

Ask him if he can pay you more compliments or talk about the things that he loves the most about you. Explain the importance of this to you, and he will be glad to help you boost your confidence in this way. Don’t forget to reciprocate this action.

How can I focus on my mental health and my relationship at the same time?

It can be difficult. In fact, you need to have a healthy balance. However, if you forget to worry about your mental health, what you have with your partner will likely suffer dramatically. You can’t really be a great girlfriend to your man if you’re suffering mentally.

Should I fake confidence in a relationship to keep my partner interested?

Never pretend to be someone you aren’t. The main reason that this saying is so true is that you cannot keep up a pretense. Instead, you will show your true colors - whether it is in two years or twenty years. Eventually, everything comes out.

Can people learn how to fix low self-esteem in a relationship?

Definitely! When you are with someone and struggle in these ways, the two of you can go to counseling and see a qualified therapist. With the right intermediary, you can discover the root of the problem and what you need to do to make things better.

How does low self-esteem affect relationships?

When you feel bad about yourself, you will project that negativity onto others. Maybe you think your hair isn’t a pretty color. This could actually show up as an insult to your partner. Maybe you slip up and say that you don’t like his hair when really, you are thinking of yourself.

How can you avoid losing your self-esteem in a relationship?

If your partner begins to insult you all the time or say that you are not worthy of him, you are not in a healthy partnership. Instead, he is treating you poorly, and you should know better. He is not saying facts about you but is tearing you down.


You should now know how to improve self-esteem in relationships and know the reason you need it. After all, the success of your relationship depends on it. If you want to have a healthy self-image, continue to work on it.

Did you enjoy reading this article? Please consider leaving an insightful comment below about your experience, and don’t forget to share it with others.

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Whether you're married or just started dating someone, infidelity rates have risen by over 40% in the past 20 years, so your concerns are justified.

Do you want to find out if he's texting other women behind your back? Or if he has an active Tinder or dating profile? Or even worse, if he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?

This tool can help by uncovering hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more, potentially putting your doubts to rest.


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