Love, the legendary four-letter word we all crave, even if it’s on varying levels. A lot has changed since the dawn of time, but our primal need to love and be loved remains a staple of our humanity even today.
However, for something that’s been around for so long, very few people, if any, can say they have a 100% handle on how loving someone works. Especially since what works with one person may not necessarily work for the other.
Nevertheless, that the specifics are different doesn’t mean there are no general ideas you can tailor into your love life based on your situation. If you’ve recently fallen in love or stumbled on here while searching for a way to revitalize your long-term relationship, you’ve come to the right place.
The following are the tips you need on how to love someone to help keep the romance alive in your relationship for as long as possible.
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John Kim LMFT, a relationship therapist, says the notion of not being able to love someone without first loving yourself is ridiculous. However, you still need to love and care for yourself, so a subconscious self-sabotage mission doesn’t end up nipping a potentially beautiful love story in the bud.
No matter how great a person your love interest is or how much you regard them, it’ll do you good never to forget that they are only human. Accepting that like you, they are prone to mistakes, can help you deal better when issues arise.
One way to make a person feel loved is to pay attention to them as much as possible. Be so attentive that you can anticipate their needs, more often than not, even before they voice them out.
You don’t have to be a mind reader to achieve the above, you only have to listen. Your loved one probably just wants an empathetic listening ear to rant to at times.
Being intentional about someone you love means having faith in your relationship with them. Set your eyes on the goal that is your future together and let everything you do contribute to achieving success, happiness, and contentment.
You want to show love to someone, be an individual they can rely on. Don’t just be the person they don’t have to worry about, be the loved one they can come to for support when they need it.
Despite what the stage of your relationship may suggest, it won’t always be colors, rainbows, and butterflies. Life will come at you and test your love for one another now and then, understand this and prepare yourself.
Acts of service count more as a love language when it’s volunteered. Not that helping out when they ask you to is terrible, you just get extra points for willingly choosing to ease their burden.
Conflicts are natural. We even fight our own self sometimes, don’t we? The important thing is to let it end when you settle without holding grudges. Likewise, avoid adopting a tit-for-tat mindset when you do something nice for them, love without ultimatums and clauses.
The mere fact that you’re both only human will make you get on each other’s nerves time and again, and you’ll need the patience to navigate that. Learn from each issue as this helps build your tolerance so you can handle it better the next time.
You may not want to put all your eggs in one basket and that is understandable, especially if you’ve been hurt before. Notwithstanding, loving someone entails putting your all into your relationship with them despite being aware that you may get hurt again. There’s always a chance they might do you dirty, but then it would be their loss.
Whether you live together or only get to see each other physically a few weeks a year, make a point of improving the quality of time you spend together. Be it over skype or in person, make it only about the two of you with minimal distractions as often as you can manage.
Love doesn’t need to be caged. In fact, it thrives better when it’s set free. Let your partner do their thing even when it doesn’t include you without making them feel guilty about it. It’s mentally and physically healthy for each partner to enjoy doing the things they individually love.
It is easy to slip into a mental state where you expect some things from the individual you love because you think you deserve it; fight that. Yes, you do a lot to make them feel special, but returning it should be their choice, not something you guilt them into.
The best way to nurture love with someone is to let them be comfortable enough around you. Your partner shouldn’t be afraid to express themselves for fear of being judged. Having to be on your best behavior all the time is exhausting, to be honest.
Likewise, you should also give this person the chance to meet and love the real you. Keeping up appearances or acting the way you’re not can only work for so long. Be your natural self, and if your love flourishes, you know it’s for keeps.
Again, there is no single way to love, despite whatever the romcoms and romance novels you consumed growing up portrayed. If the conventional ‘romantic’ things don’t do it for you, find the love language that does, and explore how you can improve on it.
If you’re ever looking for a sign to be sure you love someone, here is one: you would feel an intense need to ease their problems. Professing your love is something, but when you’re continually looking for ways to make their life more enjoyable, that’s true love.
When you love someone, you would want to talk all the time, not because you need to, but because you want to remain in the loop. This should go both ways actually.
Words are powerful, but they are not the only way to converse in love. Non-verbal communication is just every bit as relevant. Convey your feelings with your body language by holding their gaze when you make eye contact, smiling more, and generally opening yourself up to them.
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Not to generalize here, but I think it’s safe to say that everyone likes gifts. However, there’s a difference between buying a random present for someone you care about and getting them something they actually like.
Talking every day may not be an option for you, and that’s okay. The frequency of your conversation doesn’t matter as much as the quality of what’s being discussed. Try not to make it all about you when you communicate. Express love by showing genuine interest in what’s going on with them as well.
Romantic relationships always need a sprinkle of encouragement. It is not enough to ask what’s up, words of affirmation from someone you love (assuming it’s mutual) would mean the world to anyone who speaks that love language.
Then again, saying the right things is half the work, you have to maintain the same energy with your actions. Don’t tell them you love and support them no matter what, then turn around and act in a way that contradicts that.
Unless your love interest is a Virgo, don’t be afraid to throw some spontaneity in the mix. Planned dates are great, but sometimes the ones you don’t expect are more fun. The same goes for gifts and other stuff.
On the same note, except your partner has specifically made it known that they don’t appreciate grand gestures, treat them to that sometimes. Thankfully, there are so many ideas to choose from, depending on what you can afford.
Nevertheless, you shouldn’t beat yourself up if you can’t afford to go all out with the grand gestures yet. The things you consider little can make for lasting memories, sometimes even more profound than the elaborate stuff.
If your love for your partner isn’t in its early stage, familiarity can sometimes make you lose appreciation for each other’s body. Try to keep this at bay to maintain your chemistry both in and out of the bedroom.
Here’s a way to keep reminding your partner (and yourself) as time goes by that they are beautiful – give them compliments. Don’t assume they know; say it and mean it.
The opportunity doesn’t come by often, it’s a connection that’s more intimate than what the physical can explain. If you have that, never let it go. This should be easy, though, as this kind of love doesn’t diminish with time.
Saying sorry after you’ve done something wrong is okay, but you can do better by proactively avoiding the bone of contention altogether. Before you do something, take a moment to ask yourself, “how does this affect my partner?”
Being kind to those we love comes naturally when it is convenient. However, if “how to love someone” had a precise answer, it would be to show kindness to them even when it is not convenient.
We are indeed the sum total of our experience, but that shouldn’t be an excuse to let our past taint the present. That your ex betrayed you doesn’t mean this person will so treat your current relationship as a new sheet with fresh opportunities.
Allow yourself to trust your partner if you love them. You cannot wholly experience loving someone, let alone have a healthy relationship until you can trust your partner to an extent.
Likewise, you also have to be a person worthy of trust for it to go both ways. Love may not stop you from getting attracted to someone else, but if true, it should keep you from acting on it by engaging in any form of affairs.
Another essential love language is physical touch. As the name implies, it has to do with bodily contact, which can be anything from holding hands to having sex. There’s also kissing, hugging, body rubs, massages, cuddling, and other forms your partner enjoys.
How to love someone? Don’t envy their achievements. Even if they’re doing way better than you are, celebrate them like their wins are yours because ultimately, they are. Their happiness should make you happy.
Order in, cook, or take them out to eat their favorite meal sometime and see if whoever came up with ‘the way to someone’s heart is through their stomach’ quote was lying.
Loving somebody isn’t taking them away from the love they’ve always known (unless it’s toxic.) Instead, it is embracing the ones who mean the most to them as your own, be it friends, family, or pets.
Reminding your partner about how you feel towards them is as imperative as adorning their body and soul. In fact, they are not mutually exclusive. You can combine two or more love languages to pass the message across more effectively.
You don’t have to take their every word as law, but at least respect the one you love enough to appreciate their counsel, even when you can’t take it.
Being there to take care of your partner when they are unable to, is another selfless act of love they won’t forget in a hurry. This shouldn’t be limited to when they’re sick though, sometimes take care of them simply because you cherish them.
Celebrate anniversaries, job promotions, graduations, meeting the family, moving in together, engagements, weddings, and everything in between. Every day you get to spend together is worth marking and cherishing forever.
Resist the urge to be judgmental when your partner does something below your standards. Encourage each other to be open about everything, especially the uncomfortable stuff, as feeling safe with you is a huge part of love.
Making your loved one’s happiness a priority isn’t always convenient. Until you get to a point when you can do it anyway, you have to keep trying.
Saying ‘sorry’ when you’re wrong and ‘thank you’ when necessary is basic etiquette. You shouldn’t throw that out the window when it comes to your partner just because you love each other.
Like your partner, you’re allowed to make mistakes once in a while. Your trustworthiness only becomes questionable when you attempt a cover-up. Don’t decide for them, when you mess up come out clean and apologize.
Again, love can’t always be rosy. The ebb and flow are what makes life what it is. You cannot fully experience love until you share both – the good and the bad – with your partner.
When people talk about their lovers, a common theme is always how special they make them feel. There is no other complicated method to this than all I’ve discussed above.
One more thing, don’t give up. You may be tempted to as circumstances arise, but unless being with them is detrimental to your mental or physical wellbeing, don’t give up on love.
How to love someone isn’t exactly rocket science once you figure out how they want to be loved. This is where the five love languages – quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch, and thoughtful gifts – come in. Identify yours, ask your partner for theirs, and your love life will be better for it.
The five broad ways in which we show love include spending quality time together, giving acts of service, physical touch, thoughtful gifts, as well as through words of affirmation.
When you love somebody, you tend to mirror their emotions. When they are happy, so are you, and when they are sad, you feel the same way. You feel an intense need to make their life more comfortable, and your actions towards them reflect as much.
You can tell you love somebody when you’re no longer your sole priority. When you pause before you do something or think about how it might make them feel first, that’s love. When you’re as excited about loving them as you’re scared of losing them, that’s how you know for sure.
“You mean the world to me,” “I’m crazy about you,” “You’re my world,” “You’re my best friend,” “You’re my world,” “You make me really happy,” “I want nothing but the best for you,” etc. Basically, use words describing how you feel.
You can tell a woman who loves you from the way she acts when she’s around you. She wouldn’t like to stray far from your side, even when with her friends. She treats you like royalty because you are. She is attentive to your needs, respects your opinions, and proactively does what makes you happy.
I hope you enjoyed reading this list. Remember, your affection for someone won’t mean much if you don’t tailor it to the love language they recognize. Communication is vital, even in love, so always ask. If you found this helpful, kindly leave a comment and share the article for other lovers to see.
Utilize this tool to verify if he's truly who he claims to be
Whether you're married or just started dating someone, infidelity rates have risen by over 40% in the past 20 years, so your concerns are justified.
Do you want to find out if he's texting other women behind your back? Or if he has an active Tinder or dating profile? Or even worse, if he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?
This tool can help by uncovering hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more, potentially putting your doubts to rest.