Whether you’ve been hurt by your last relationship, you’re nervous about letting someone get to know the real you, or you’re dealing with commitment issues for another reason, it can be really difficult to like someone and want to be with them, whilst also being fearful of relationships.
It’s doesn’t matter if you’ve been dating this person for a long time without fully committing to turn it into a relationship, if you’re simply sharing a mutual crush with someone and it’s never moved past a few exchanged words, or if the person you like (or love) has asked you to be exclusive with them.
Being scared of relationships can not only feel frustrating, but it can hold you back and make you feel isolated in the world of love. However, there’s no need for you to feel like that, and there are several things that you can do to ensure that you can move forward and be happy, both in love and in life. So, let’s jump right in and start to change your ways!
The very first thing to do, before you even action anything, is to understand that it’s normal to be scared of relationships. Most people are terrified of letting someone else see them in a vulnerable state and they’re scared they might lose them at some point and have to deal with heartbreak.
If you’ve had bad experiences in the past when it comes to being in a relationship, you’re obviously going to be even more nervous about relationships, which is both understandable and normal.
So, stop giving yourself a hard time and isolating yourself - it’s normal to be scared of getting into a relationship, even if other people’s fear only reaches a certain level and yours is much more serious.
In order to get the fear of relationships out of your way and be able to explain your doubt and fear to the person you like, it’s vital that you understand why you’re scared of relationships and why you doubt your ability to commit.
The cause of this fear could be anything from previous relationships you’ve had, something an ex did, other people’s relationships that you’ve witnessed, a commitment to stay independent, or a concern about whether your child will get on with a partner.
If you’ve never been scared about getting into a relationship before or you’re simply doubting this person and your feelings towards them, then the issue might be that you’re not actually scared of a relationship in general, but you’re scared of one with them because you don’t like them as much as you thought.
Seeking the help of a therapist or counselor can help significantly when you’re dealing with this kind of situation because rather than just advising you on what to do right now and was to get through it all, they will be able to help you understand why you’re scared of commitment in the first place, and help you move forward. and work through this problem.
If you are genuinely interested in having a relationship with this person, it’s important to communicate clearly, openly, and honestly with them so that there are no mixed messages between each other.
Talk to the person you like about why you’re hesitant to jump right into something serious with them and try to expand beyond, “I’m scared of relationships” if possible, because they may believe you’re trying to blow them off in the nicest way if you simply say that.
This is really, really important! You need to make sure that the person you like or the person you’re dating is understanding and doesn’t pressure you into giving them an answer on how you feel or what you want to be. We all deserve someone that’s going to try and work through this are issues, not force us to feel uncomfortable or make us feel pressured.
Rather than constantly overthinking about commitment and getting your head all muddled up, allowing yourself to feel stressed, you can simply redirect your negative thoughts about commitment when they come into your head.
This is a really simple thing to do, but it’s effective. So, when a negative thought about relationships comes into your head, replace it with many positive thoughts about the people around you, including yourself, friends, and the person you like. This slowly knocks down the walls of fear and replaces them with reasons to love.
If you’re scared of being in a relationship, it’s really no one else’s matter to deal with (as harsh as that may sound), so you need to really tackle this issue head-on and spend time focusing on healing yourself and figuring out ways to move forward effectively. You may want to spend some away from everyone and everything to solely focus on yourself.
Start a friendship with yourself - be kind to yourself.
A lot of people tend to be scared about being a couple because they’re worried they will lose themselves in the process of falling in love and joining up with someone else. If this is one of the reasons you’re worried, it’s vital that you keep living an independent life, seeing your friends, taking care of your life, and doing what you want. This will make you feel less ‘tied down’ and more independent and free.
A lot of the time, if people are scared of developing meaningful emotions towards others, they will jump from partner to partner, always staying single. If you do want to be with this person that you like, it’s really important that you don’t listen to the voices in your head telling you to run the other way into the arms of someone else, and stick by this person’s side. Being with other guys in the heat of the moment for passion or intimacy will never change the situation, it’ll only make it worse and take away your happiness.
Once you’ve had the chat with the person you like about your struggles with commitment, it’s time to slowly work on it. It’s really important to focus on the word ‘slowly’, as this should be something you take time to do, building up to commitment over time. For example, you might want to start off by spending a weekend together or introducing them to one of your best friends.
Once you’re certain that you like this person and there’s something worth exploring further between the two of you, it’s time to take a leap of faith into the unknown world of love and see what happens.
This is the scary part that puts you out of your comfort zone and makes you lower your defenses, but it’s the same for everyone, and it’s necessary if a relationship is going to move forward. Full warning: it will feel scary, but it’s the best risk to take.
You need to be aware that arguments happen at times, in all relationships, and it’s completely normal for a relationship to go up and down many times. So, make sure you don’t give in and run away as soon as you have your first argument with your partner.
Just remember, it’s normal and it doesn’t mean you’re doing the wrong thing by committing to someone. In fact, it shows you have a real relationship that you care about.
You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You
Throughout the relationship with this person, you’re going to need to maintain a good level of communication with each other, especially because as bigger things happen along the way, such as moving in with each other or getting engaged, you might have a setback and start to doubt the relationship again.
The final point is one of the most important - you have the power to change your life. At any moment, anyone can decide to get into a relationship or become single. You have the power in your hands, and that’s exactly why you don’t need to worry. Even if you hate a relationship or something goes wrong, you’re always free to leave and do as you please.
Nothing is ever final, because it’s all up to you.
Yes, of course. Just because you really like, or even love someone, it doesn’t have to mean that you want to be in a relationship with them. You might have commitment issues, you might simply not want a relationship in your life right now, or you might be focusing on self-love rather than putting your love on someone else, but in all of these situations, you can still feel love for someone. Your brain will still have feelings for them, even if you’re holding back due to fear.
As mentioned in the article above, it’s actually completely normal to be scared of relationships and love. Most people are scared about relationships in some way, because they’re either going to continue forever, or they’re going to end, and most people are concerned about getting hurt if the latter happens and they become single. However, most people don’t let being scared of relationships stop them from having them - they’re worth the risk.
Before you, you need to think about whether you genuinely have feelings for this person, or if you’re just struggling through a tough time in your relationship or you’re feeling bored, causing you to be excited by others.
If you’re certain that it’s neither of those things and you genuinely like them, you need to make a choice - end your relationship and pursue things with this person or try to stop having feelings for them and stay in your current relationship. Ask yourself - how would you feel if your partner liked another girl?
If a man truly cares about you, you should be able to tell without having to test him because he’ll be making an effort to spend time around you, he’ll be reaching out to you, he’ll be trying to make you smile and help you with anything he possibly can.
It’s always best to try and pick up on signs rather than trying to emotionally manipulate or ‘test’ someone. However, if you do want to check to see if he cares, ignore him for a few days and see if he comes running back to you. If he does, he might just fear love.
One of the most obvious signs that a guy is confused about his feelings is if he is blowing hot and cold. This essentially means that one day this guy will be all over you and acting like he’s interested in you, and then the next he’ll completely disappear or act rude and stand-offish towards you. This shows that he’s trying to fight his feelings, he fears love, or he’s trying to figure his feelings out.
Try not to panic too much if you like or love someone but you’re too scared for a relationship with them. Of course, you do need to work through your issues surrounding commitments and relationships so that you can be in a relationship with this person if that is your end goal.
However, it’s important that you don’t judge yourself or work yourself up too much over the fact that you fear relationships. Did you like this article and find it useful? Let us know and share with anyone you feel needs to read it.
Since your relationship is unique, the most important thing is that you use a tailored approach to tackle your relationship issues.
A generic approach with advice you read online can often even make things even worse!
The best way to get this advice is through someone with experience that is able to listen to the issues you are facing in your relationship…
That is why I highly recommend the website Relationship Hero that gives you specialized advice for your relationship.
In fact, a few weeks ago I reached out to them when I was going through an extremely difficult patch in my relationship.
I had hit rock bottom, and couldn’t even turn to my friends for advice anymore.
After speaking to Lucy (my relationship coach at Relationship Hero) and telling her of my desperate situation, she was able to give me some concrete steps to follow over the following days.
I was able to check in with her on a daily basis as I implemented her advice, and she helped me through every step.
Not only was she super helpful and empathetic, she eventually helped me solve some of the issues had been plaguing my relationship for years.
I can’t thank them enough.