If you've found yourself in an awkward situation, with not much of choice than to live with a person you resent, there's a lot you must do to survive.
First, be sure of your feelings towards this individual. Hate is a powerful word. Ask yourself why you dislike this guy so much and write those reasons down; this helps you draw a line.
Living with someone you don't like can be very nerve-racking; a lot of what they do, whether consciously or consciously, would upset you and lead to irrational actions (be careful).
There's no manual on how to peacefully cohabit with someone you dislike, especially if that person happened to be your “significant other”.
I agree that over time, things change and that there's a thin line between love and hatred. However, living with a partner you dislike can only last a while. To survive, you must learn to deal with hatred.
Want to know how to deal with hate and feelings of resentment towards your housemate? Here are 13 ways to overcome those feelings and cohabit peaceably with that person you resent.
Table of Contents
Communication is what determines the strength of a relationship. If you dislike your partner or roommate, it's probably as a result of bad communication. To cohabit with each other, you would have to find a suitable method of communication. As difficult as this may be, consider not being rude or unpleasant when you're trying to communicate.
You might not be as easy to stay with as you believe. Speak to your partner in a manner you would like to be spoken to.
People say things to convey how they feel; I know you resent him and couldn't care less about his feelings, but right now, you share an apartment. You don't necessarily have to consider his feelings but be aware of them, so the actions that follow don't take you by surprise.
Hating people stops you from seeing things from their point of view. When they say something, you’ll either feel irritated or closed to their suggestions. If you listen, you would be able to move two steps ahead of everything he plans. A lot will be avoided if you pay attention to your housemate and the people you are living with.
This is one of the fiercest acts to keep up, but when you have to live with someone you dislike; bring that poker face! Even though you don't mean it, be polite. Say ”thank you” when he goes out of his way to do things for you, say “please” when you have to as well.
You'd be surprised how these simple etiquette would create a safe environment for both of you. Who knows, you could even get used to this and take a step back from hating this person. The more you practice (for peace sake), the better you get at being polite.
Always pick your battles, remember, when you are living with a person you dislike, almost anything they do will offend you. Be selective of the arguments you indulge in; they have to matter, if not, you would spend so much time over irrelevant issues.
The more time you spend arguing, the deep-seated your hatred for this person is, and that's not healthy for either of you. Even if choosing your battles means you may have to ignore this person or be quiet sometimes, do it.
Prepare yourself for any kind of interaction you would like to have with this person. Think about what you want to say, what you are saying, and how; this will help you keep it short and concise. Avoid irrelevant or random conversations with this person; let all communication have a purpose.
I'm sure you wouldn't naturally want to play around with someone you don’t like except you've got ulterior motives (bad idea). You should keep your conversations with each other short and simple.
Rules need to be laid down to govern the house you share. Decisions about the bills, curfew time, and all those types of things should be discussed. Let your partner or housemate know the things he does that annoy you; it could be the loud music by 3 am or something worse.
Let him know you don’t want him in your room, touching your things or messing with the house temperature. Rules like this would help you both see when the other is crossing a line, and tolerate one another until you can do something about your living situation.
As much as you would like others to respect your boundaries, respect theirs as well. Don’t do anything to spite your significant other just because you feel differently about him now; you’re asking for trouble. If he’s told you the things he doesn’t like, don’t do them, then he would have respect for yours, and you can both cohabit peacefully in the meantime. Try not to go poking around for trouble, where would you go when you find that trouble?
No one wants to do the house chores alone, you could say “I hate my husband, so I’m not going to help around the house anymore,” but that’s not very mature. The best way to avoid confrontation about duties is to split them and do your part when you are supposed to. Take up a sheet of paper, draw up a time table (after discussing) and paste it on the kitchen wall so the roles are more equal and defined.
What if he feels the same way about you? What if your roommate hates you too? Maybe you’re not as easy to stay with as you think and looking from your partner’s perspective would help keep you in check.
Things could go dark fast once you get physical with someone you harbor extreme negative emotions towards. No matter how heated an argument gets, don’t threaten to kill or harm this individual.
Resist the temptation, if it looks as though he wants to get physical with you try to calm the situation (if you can), otherwise, take cover! People could take drastic measures when they’re angry and filled with hatred, even you, so be careful.
It’s best to talk things out; talk to him about how you feel and let him know the little things he does that tick you off or perhaps an incident that changed how you felt about him. Who knows? This might help you get beyond your emotions.
I don’t advise that you stay too long with a person you dislike. There’s no telling what you’re capable of filled with such emotion. If you stay away from this person, over time, you might not feel the same way you do about them now. Living with someone you resent is risky.
You need to take some time away from him, leave the house if you have to. Spend time with your loved ones if they're close; this would help you relax and release some of the toxic energy from your system.
Hang around other people you like, who make you feel happy and safe to keep your spirits uplifted. Talk to someone about how you think (preferably a therapist), getting help isn't a sign of weakness at all. Invest your time in something positive productive to keep you away.
Hatred is an extreme emotion that consumes a person negatively. It’s not suitable for anyone's well being at all. Over time, hatred becomes more toxic to the person harboring the emotion than who it is being directed to. Hatred stresses you mentally and physically. It can make you develop serious health problems. Due to the amount of stress involved, it can also speed up your aging process.
Wikipedia says it's ”misanthropy.” To resent someone, you have a strong feeling of dislike toward their personality. You do not want that person around you much, and often you don't wish the best for them. It's so easy to dislike someone you love because the wiring for both emotions in the brain; are the same. Hatred is mostly considered an evil emotion and comes as a result of fear.
To hate love means you cannot stand the emotion from yourself and others. It could be as a result of fear. Most people who say they don’t like love have probably loved and lost or never loved before; they are scared of how ”vulnerable” love makes you. As a result of a traumatic experience, the expression of love can trigger fear that evolves into anger in some people.
Of course! Anger is an emotion often classified as evil or as unwanted. It's one of those emotions we feel from time to time as a defense mechanism over fear or pain. When someone wrongs you, you get angry. Anger is a natural emotion that can be felt by anyone, although most people can control it. It's a destructive emotion that should be controlled.
Dislike is the less extreme version of hatred. It's when you do not agree with a person's personality, actions, or religious beliefs. We can dislike someone for no reason, or something as simple as the physical appearance of a person can rub off the wrong way. Dislike is a feeling of hostility in the connection between you and someone else.
I hope you enjoyed this article. Keep in mind the ways you can stay (temporarily) with a man you resent. Don't forget; you need space to heal. I would like to know your thoughts, put them down in the comments section below if you don't mind; please share this article with your friends as well.