Are you in a relationship with an abuser? Are you tired of taking the blame for the things that you have not done? I have seen relationships like these, and I know how difficult things would have been for you. I have seen women who have put their everything in making their marriage work and things have worked many times.
Being the woman who is blamed for everything wrong in the life of their partner can be an exhausting thing to experience. It can make you question your self-worth and destroy your confidence. It can affect your bond negatively and fill you with anger and resentment against your partner.
In today’s article, we are going to look for ways to deal with a partner who blames you for everything. These ways will help you make the relationship with your partner work, even if he is a narcissist.
We will also understand the reason why your boyfriend blames you for everything and help you to find the root cause of the problem.
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Relationships are tricky and there are chances that your boyfriend blaming you might not all be about. He might not be trying to attack you or make you feel bad. This blame could be something that he is putting on you only because he wants to feel noticed. Although this is not the right thing to do, the reason for this blame on you might be his own insecurities.
The other reason for your boyfriend’s behavior can be that he is a narcissist who likes to dominate his relationships. Narcissists avoid taking responsibility for the things that are wrong in their life, which can explain this behavior. Women who chose to be with a narcissist will hardly be happy as there will be a lot of abuse and blame in the relationship.
If you are the wife of a narcissist, the abuse can get too much for you to handle. However, if you believe that you can change the nature of your abuser, you need to practice a lot of patience and self-control. This can slowly change the attitude of your spouse.
Have an honest conversation with your partner. Make your partner understand how his actions are making you feel and how hurt you are with his behavior. You should do something the first time this behavior takes place, or it might get too late and turn into abuse.
You should also make an effort to listen to your partner. Try to understand what is the reason behind their behavior. If you genuinely feel that there is something that you are doing wrong, then you should make an effort to make changes from your side. You should also ask your boyfriend to work on things so that you both are happy about it.
If your partner blames you, it could be a part of a bigger issue. They could be a narcissist who could be playing the blame game to gain power over you, as well as the marriage. Think about how your husband treats you. Do they manipulate you? Does he continuously say that whatever you do is wrong? Find out if you are in an emotionally abusive relationship.
Even after finding out that your partner is a narcissist, if you still want to be in the marriage, then you need to take some steps. So, when you feel like your spouse is manipulating you, you need to resist the manipulation and stand up to the narcissist behavior. Remember, if you don’t stand up to the emotional abuse, it might soon change into physical abuse.
Narcissists tend to use your insecurities against you. They can make you feel that no man would ever like you, and you must feel lucky that they are with you. They would keep blaming you until you lose all your confidence and become too dependent on you.
In such a situation, it is important that you love yourself first. Only after you learn to love yourself, then only some other person can love you. If you are self-confident, nobody can make you insecure and put you under your thumb.
If you have given the situation at hand a deep thought and are confident that the reason behind your partner’s behavior is not you, then you should not take it personally. Understand, that although your husband is blaming you, the real reason behind this blame is their own anxiety and shame.
Understanding this will help you to take better control of the situation. It will make you more considerate towards your partner. This will allow you to find the root cause of the narcissist behavior of your husband and work towards improving your bond.
This might not be an easy thing to do. You should try showing empathy towards your spouse. Usually, narcissists deep down are insecure about themselves, and to compensate for this, they try to be dominating. If you are adamant about staying in the marriage, you can try to work on the issues. Start by understanding the insecurities of your spouse and the reason behind them.
For instance, the reason behind your husband not letting you go out with your friends might be that they are possessive or they cannot stay alone. Now, this is no right way for your husband to behave, but you can try to find the root cause of their problem and reassure them that you will never leave them.
Narcissists only think about themselves and their own needs. In such a situation, you should be vocal about your needs and let your spouse know what you need from them. Tell them that you are their wife and they have some responsibility towards you.
They might not always understand you, but if you have decided to give this marriage a chance, you should clearly state your needs.
If you are sure that the blame is not right and you have not done anything wrong, then you should stop apologizing. If you keep on apologizing, it will show your narcissist husband that you are weak, and they might never stop abusing you. Moreover, you will lose your respect in the relationship, and it might become difficult to change your husband.
If even after all your efforts, the emotional abuse in your relationship is not stopping then you need to put your foot down. Let your partner know that you are not okay with the emotional abuse, and they need to change. You don't have to say all this in a mean way, but you should be firm. Set boundaries in your marriage and stick to them.
If nothing is working in your marriage, then maybe it is time to go for couples therapy. A therapist after knowing the facts will identify if your husband is a narcissist who just wants to take control over your marriage, or if he is willing to take responsibility. A therapist can help you take the right step and even save your marriage!
If even after everything, your marriage is still not working, then maybe it is best to leave your husband. Remember, even if there are hundreds of reasons to stay, none of them are worth the emotional abuse which you have to endure every day. So, just call it quits, but not before you have made a proper exit strategy and know for sure what you are going to do with your life.
It means that this man is a narcissist! He will not only blame you for things that are wrong in their life but will also for things that other people do. They will also blame you for the abuse they put you through, reminding you that you deserve to be treated this way.
Stress or guilt might be the reasons because of which your partner might be blaming you. Or, in some cases, you might have actually done something wrong. Here, you need to think hard and find the root cause behind all the blame you are facing and then talk to your partner.
If someone chooses to leave, then there are still chances that they might have feelings for you. However, these feelings were not strong enough to be called love. If it would actually had been love, then the person would have tried to take responsibility for his actions. They would have tried to change themself.
A toxic relationship is where the partners don't support each other and where there is jealousy, blame, resentment, and no respect for the other person. In a toxic relationship, there might also be abuse and not many happy moments.
If someone is distancing from you, they will probably cut out communication with you, look for reasons to fight with you, and blame you for everything wrong in their lives. They will not make the effort to be with you and start avoiding you.
Does your boyfriend also blame you for things? Are you in an abusive marriage with a narcissist? Have you tried to get away from your partner? Do you have tips for other women who are stuck in unhappy marriages where their partners blame them? We would love to hear from you!