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My Boyfriend’s Family Hates Me (31 Things To Do Now)

by Sonya Schwartz

Most people feel the only problem is finding the right person they can love, who would reciprocate their feelings without so much stress. They think the only problem is having someone who has an attitude and a personality they can’t manage. The truth is, that may just be a part of the entire challenge. 

Getting a boyfriend may seem like a hassle, but the greatest challenge is finding someone you truly love and having to adapt to fit into his family vibe as well. Not every guy has an understanding mother, sibling, or relative, especially when they have strong emotional ties to them. 

It’s okay when you’re not all in the same environment. But when you are, it may be hard to fit in, especially when you’re from a different part of the world from his and you grew up with a different culture and belief. It even makes it more challenging when they make their hatred obvious. 

The good thing here is that every problem has a solution, and nobody is impossible to love or bond with. To make your relationship work, you have to put in some effort. You’re probably wondering how possible it is to love the people that dislike you. You can start by trying these 31 things if you’re sure his loved ones don’t like you.

31 Things To Do When His Family Doesn’t Like You

1. Be respectful

Many relationships hit rock bottom when either of the partners involved disrespect each other’s family. That’s because of the love many people share with their families. So, no matter how angry you are, try not to disrespect your partner’s loved ones in speech and gestures.

If it feels like it’s almost impossible to do that, reduce the time you visit or spend with them. The aim is to avoid being rude, or being misunderstood for being firm about a particular issue or discussion. If you feel really bad about something they do, remain silent, or shorten the time spent with them. That’s something to do if his family dislikes you.

2. Take your time to understand his siblings

Whether he has one sibling or many of them, take your time to understand each of them. Do it at your pace, especially if you want your relationship to work in the long term. When you have a grip on how to relate with them, you can find a way to adjust to every other thing.

Relationships that involve understanding, love, peace, and harmony between the lady and the guy’s loved ones tend to strive more. It doesn’t matter if you’re not in the same environment or not, they’re his loved ones and you’ll need to reach out to them once in a while.

3. Respect their boundaries

Respect their boundaries

You need your boyfriend’s loved ones to support your relationship. It doesn’t mean your relationship completely depends on them for success, but you need people who know your partner well enough, in case you want to confide in them. And one way to do is; is to avoid exceeding your limits in their space.

So, if they say you shouldn’t call them at a particular time, try not to. It doesn’t mean you should be scared of them, just stay away whenever they don’t need you in their space, whether it’s on the phone or a face-to-face meeting. Most people tend to have a greater love for people who abide by their rules.

4. Don’t force your opinion on them

To avoid any issues when you’re with your boyfriend’s loved ones, try not to say anything except it’s very necessary or you’re asked questions. If you find yourself in a situation where you need to give your opinion or bring up suggestions that directly have to do with his mother or sibling, watch your words carefully.

Say anything you have to say, but if they don’t take it, let it go. Don’t try to force what you said on them even when you know it’s the right thing to do. That’s because your main focus should be on your relationship and they’re just a secondary part of it. 

5. Buy them little gifts once in a while

One way to show love and create a good relationship with someone is by surprising them with a little gift. Like your boyfriend, his loved ones would appreciate a nice bracelet. No matter how stiff they may be, there should be something that will surely capture their hearts.

It could be a book, paintbrush, food, or anything interesting to them. All you need to do is listen to them talk about the things they love. You could also ask your partner in a conversation. Doing this would not only strengthen your relationship with your partner but make it grow stronger. 

6. Send regards to them through your boyfriend

If you’re afraid of certain outcomes, you could try showing them love indirectly. You don’t always have to be with them, physically or directly do things to show you like them. You can use your boyfriend as a middle person. They love him, so they would listen to everything he has to say.

Ask him nicely to send your regards to his loved ones. You could even send messages or ask them questions through him. It’s one way to go if you’re shy or scared of not being accepted. That way, you gradually build a good relationship with them even though it may take some time.

7. Call to say hi whenever you can

Don’t forget that your boyfriend maybe your husband in the future, so it’s best you start acting subtly. Don’t be hard on yourself, take everything one step at a time. This includes calling his sibling or mother whenever you feel the need to do so.

It could be a random call to say hi, when they’re a little bit under the weather, or to wish them well on their birthdays. Don’t worry about them taking your call or not, or returning it at all. Do your part. This will strengthen the relationship between you and them, and you and your boyfriend. It’s something good to do when his family doesn’t like you.

8. Attend their occasions when they invite you

One of them could be getting married, having a child consecration, or celebrating an anniversary. They may invite your partner and ask him to come with you, or they could send a text with the details of the occasion. It would help your relationship with them if you go.

It doesn’t mean you should cancel your most important appointments for them. But, you could put some effort by accepting the invitation first. Let them know you’re interested to go and excited to celebrate with them. If you can’t make it, they would understand. Your relationship with your partner would improve, too, because he’ll see you’re trying your best.

9. Say good things about them to your boyfriend

It’s better to avoid talking about them, but if you do, make sure it’s to your partner and everything you’re saying is positive. You don’t have to start the conversation, you could wait for him to do so. Then you could start by reminiscing the good times you had the last time you spent with them.

Even when you’re done talking about the fun and kind times, you can conclude it with a nice statement like “I love your family”. That way, whenever your partner talks to them about you, whether he’s conscious or unconscious, it will all be good. It shows that no matter how unkind they are to you, you love them.

10. Accept and flow with their way of life

When you find yourself in a new environment, it’s best you try and adapt to their way of life. It’s like finding yourself in a new country with different people and ways of living. Of course, you have to adapt. Whenever you visit with your partner, eat and enjoy their food, and laugh at the things they laugh at.

Dress the way they want to see you, at least, for the initial moment until you find a way to balance your ways with theirs. The more you flow with their way of life, the more they get used to you, and the better your relationship with them and your partner. 

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11. Ask them out for a little hangout

It’s not a bad idea to take your husband’s sister, mother, or brother out. It could be something playful or serious, depending on their personality. If they’re not okay with it and they have children, you could decide to help out with the little ones. But, don’t let them force their responsibility as a parent on you.

Do it only when you can and try to be respectful whenever you decline any help they ask you that you can’t offer. But, first, ask them to join you in a fancy restaurant for drinks, karaoke, or a lovely meal and take the responsibility of paying the bills for everything. Remember, don’t outdo your capability.

12. Be present during family gatherings

Be present during family gatherings

Celebration times are one of the most wonderful moments you can spend with your partner’s entire family. It could be Christmas, new year’s, or any other celebration they love to mark. Even if it’s religious and it’s not your belief, you’re just there to have fun and build good relationships with the people who find it hard to like you.

If you wish, you could go earlier and join them in the preparation. If not, you could go on the actual celebration day, laugh, help, eat, and have fun with them. But, try to see his entire family only when he’s available to go with you, so you become uncomfortable during the whole time. 

13. Observe how they do things

Observation helps to put many things in place. The more you observe his family, the better your relationship will turn out. Do it for a while without saying a word or doing something to interrupt them. You need to know their different attitudes to different situations to approach their dislike for you.

Watch how they talk to other people that are not you. Sometimes it may not be that they dislike you, but their natural attitude towards people. Observe how they relate with each other and try to see the family member you can familiarize with first. That’s one thing you can do on your part if his family doesn’t like you.

14. Support them during some arguments with friends

If you find yourself with them in a hang out with friends, whether they’re their friends or yours. Try as much as possible to be on their side whenever you know they’re right. You don’t have to do it all the time, especially when you know they’re wrong. When they’re wrong, you don’t have to say anything. 

You could get busy by fiddling with your phone, observing the environment, or change the topic if you can. Depending on their personality, they could notice your kind gesture and appreciate it, sooner or later. This is mainly applicable if your boyfriend has sisters or female cousins, and you have an opportunity to hang out together. It will help build your relationship.

15. Talk less

Most times when you’re with people that you don't have a mutual understanding with, the best thing to do is try to talk less. The same thing applies to you when you’re spending time with your partner’s family. That’s because you have different ways of doing things and you don't want to say something wrong to increase the hatred.

So, only talk when you’re asked to, make it precise, and don’t add unnecessary details. Don’t forget, you’re in a relationship with your boyfriend, and not his family. He should be the only person who knows you should try a lot about you and not his family members. That’s one way to manage when his family doesn’t like you.

16. Accept their kind gestures towards you

When you’re in a relationship with a man, he won’t be the only person to try to make you happy, his loved ones will try their best, too, even though they may not completely like you or want you around. So, whenever you observe their kindness towards you, accept it wholeheartedly.

It doesn’t matter how little it is or how unfriendly their facial expression is; smile and appreciate them for their kindness. If it’s something you’re uncomfortable with, don’t reject it directly, especially if it’s from his mother. Find ways to manage it until you can find an alternative way. It will make them happy to see you love and appreciate their efforts.

17. Ask them about his childhood memories

Every family loves to talk about each other, especially when they all had a childhood period full of fun and exciting memories. Another way you can build a relationship with your partner’s family is to have a conversation about him with his mother or brothers and sisters.

Make it flow. You can tell them a funny experience you and your boyfriend had, and how he acted when it happened. Say something you know they can’t resist talking about. From one line of discussion, they’ll start talking about other things, which will lead to other topics. Talking about your boyfriend’s memories is one way to deal with his family if they don’t like you.

18. Spend time with them whenever they’re friendly

Everyone has a time when they’re all happy and in a good mood to try out things they’ve never done before; his family inclusive. If you’re invited, or you go to visit them with your boyfriend and observe a happy atmosphere, flow in it.

Don’t make it so obvious with your body language that it’s a strange thing they’re showing you love. Instead, make the best use of the opportunity. Exhibit all the good gestures you’ve ever wanted to do. Live the moment as you see it and laugh when everyone is laughing. This is one way to manage a partner’s family that dislikes you.

19. Talk to your boyfriend’s mother about her business

One thing to do when you’re trying to make a good impression on your partner’s family is to have a good relationship with his mother if she’s still in his life. From her present growth stage, you’ll have a clue on what to talk about to engage her more in a conversation.

If she’s retired, ask questions about her career. If she’s still working, find out how things are going with her, how’s she coping with them, what she’d like to do to either fix things or improve herself. Don’t push when you notice she doesn’t want to talk and do this only when you go to visit her. Phone conversations could be awkward when someone dislikes you.  

20. Seek their suggestions about little things

There’s this special feeling that comes when you’re involved in someone’s life without fighting for it. The same thing applies to his family. Imagine involving his mother or asking her little questions about life, especially when it has to do with a woman and how well she can survive with her husband and children, or something she can relate to.

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That single question could make you two get involved in a lengthy conversation, which could make you build a good relationship with her; one you never expected. Relationships that begin this way often grow to be the strongest in the future. So, remember to involve his family in a part of your life, it will help balance things.

21. Chat them once in a while and make it short and apt

Chat them once in a while and make it short and apt

Sometimes it’s not a bad idea to message your partner’s family just to say hi. It doesn’t matter if it’s his mother, brothers, or sisters, send a text you don’t necessarily need a reply to, and if you do, let it be as short as possible. 

You’re not messaging to start a long story, you just want to check up on them to know how they’re faring. Don’t forget, it's always better to be available for a short time than make people tired of having you around. Make it something that would leave them wondering if to continue the conversation or not, and conclude the chat in a way that it doesn’t look like you’re ignored.

22. Set your boundaries

Dating a man and getting to know that his family dislikes you shouldn’t make you feel like you should be open to many things. Set your boundaries, amicably. You’re not quarreling or fighting with any of them, but making them understand the kind of person you are. 

So, they know you have the right to do certain things, and you would want them to come to terms with that, just like you would do for them. With this, it would help if you tried as much as possible to stay away from them, physically, when necessary to avoid more harm. That’s one thing you can do when his family dislikes you.

23. Tolerate minor flaws

Nobody is perfect. Everyone has a few or more flaws. This includes your man’s family members. The good thing is, it’s not the entire family that will hate you. Some of them may like you for one or two reasons unknown to you. So, learn to be tolerant.

But don’t get this wrong. It doesn’t mean you should deal with or tolerate every bad thing they do to you. Don’t smile when they insult you. Instead, you should try to be flexible enough to accept or correct a similar attitude you would accommodate from your loved ones. That’s one thing to do when his family dislikes you.

24. Pretend you don’t know they hate you

Things only have an impact, negative or positive, when you give them attention. When you recognize the attitude your man’s family members exhibit towards you, don’t make it obvious to them that you do. Keep cool, like nothing bad is happening. It may be hard, but it’s good to be patient, at least when you meet them initially. 

Physically point out what you know they’re trying to do, but make it sound positive. Like you’re pretending you don’t know they dislike you, exaggerate and appreciate their kind gestures if you receive them. But, make it moderate. This is something to do if his family hates you.

25. Treat them right, even when you receive less

A famous quote says you should treat your enemies right. Of course, your partner’s family is not your enemy when they dislike you, they’re not just comfortable with you around. They may have reasons, but that shouldn’t affect you. You should be nice to them as you would be to your loved ones.

Laugh when they say something funny, ask if they need something from the direction you’re going, and offer them food whenever you cook excess. Also, remember treating them right would send an indirect message across to your partner. It will show him the extent you’re willing to go to be with him.

26. Don’t gossip or say bad things about them

Many things people say go around, whether it’s negative or positive. No matter the condition you may find yourself in, never try to gossip or say negative things about your husband’s family. Those words may find their way back to them, and you don’t want things getting worse in your relationship with them.

Stay positive in everything you do or say to people about them, whether it’s your best friend, partner, family member, work colleague, or a random person. Talk about their kindness to you. Make their hatred for you seem positive. The more good things you say out, the better. That’s one thing you can do when your partner’s family hates you.

27. Support them whenever they need help

When people need help, they tend to be a little down to earth even if they may try to hide it. Your boyfriend’s family member won’t ask for your help, directly, but if you offer to step in, they would appreciate it. Don’t expect them to walk up to you personally to thank you.

Help them whenever you can. But, try not to force your help on them if they openly say they don’t need you to help, so you don’t ruin things between you and them, or ruin your relationship with your boyfriend. Relationships are more about two individuals and not the guy’s family, so take it one step at a time.

28. Don’t kiss up to them

Many times, women try to tolerate every single bad thing their boyfriend’s family members do because they feel that’s the only way to change things. That’s not the best way to go about it. They’ll even hate and disrespect you more when they know you’re too soft to stand your ground. 

Let them know you love them, but you still have your self-worth intact, and high self-esteem. Your confidence is what would attract them more to you. That’s because many people tend to other people that have a mind of their own. That’s one unique way to go when it comes to dealing with your partner’s family. 

29. Talk to your boyfriend about it

You may not even need to stress to find the solution to this problem. You could ask your boyfriend about it. They’re his family members, which means he knows most things about them. He knows how they behave under certain circumstances when they meet people they dislike, and what you can do to improve the love they have for you.

Discuss it with him. Be honest with your feelings. You’re both dating and communication is one of the keys to make your relationship succeed. Don’t argue or fight with him about it, do it amicably because it involves his family members and that’s a sensitive thing to handle. 

30. Relax and let things be

After a certain period, just like people grow to hate others, your boyfriend’s family members could grow to love you. It’s when you let things be, that’s when they tend to love you even without stressing. The most beautiful things come when you’re relaxed and less bothered about them.

So, don’t stress your heart or mind in thinking about how to please your partner’s family. Focus on yourself and how to become a better person. If your relationship doesn’t work out or end in marriage, you know you improved yourself, your career, and you’ve grown better than when you both started dating. This another way to manage when your partner’s family hates you.

31. Talk to your loved ones about it

You can’t do it all alone. Don’t forget you also have a family, whether you’re related to them by blood or not. They are your loved ones. It could be your mother, siblings, best friend, or work colleague. Be vulnerable enough to let them see through you, so they can help.

It’s like mini therapy, but make sure you talk to someone you trust. You’ll get different suggestions and pieces of advice, depending on their relationships and how they handle them. But, the main aim here is to share a part of your burden with someone else who is not your partner just for your sanity. This way, things would be lighter for you.

FAQs

Can a relationship work if you hate his family?

Of course, nothing is impossible. Not everyone shares a bond with their family members. In a case like that, your relationship could thrive without any issues. But, it has a good bond with his family, it may not work out if you both don’t love and understand each other.

What do you do if you hate your fiance's family?

Nobody is perfect. Everyone has a flaw or more. Look at your fiancé’s family, concentrate on the positive influence they have on you and their good characteristics, and make the best of them. This may seem hard to do, but it’s one of the best ways to learn to love them.

How do I deal with my boyfriend’s family?

When someone or a specific set of people make you uncomfortable, limit the time you spend with them. So, try not to see your boyfriend’s family so often. You could call once in a while to check up on a few of them, but don’t make yourself too available. Create some boundaries.

How do you tell if his family doesn't like you?

Whenever you’re around anybody who doesn’t like you, you feel and see it from their body language. You’ll hear it from their choice of words and tone whenever they react to your comments or presence. When his family doesn’t like you, there’ll be disrespect and your presence won't be valued.

Why do I feel jealous of my boyfriend's family?

It’s normal to feel jealous when you see your boyfriend give love to someone else who is not you. You may be jealous because his attention for you is divided when he’s with them, or he tends to agree with his family more whenever there’s an issue to resolve.

To Summarize 

It may look uneasy to date someone whose family doesn’t like you. You should try to use any of the 31 things I’ve mentioned to handle any situation you may find yourself in. Do that and see how things turn out. If you liked this article, please drop a comment and share it with others.

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Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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