Have you ever thought ‘my husband is selfish?' It can be quite a disappointment and difficult when a marriage goes through problems where one person's desires, wants and needs seem to come first over everything else.
Here, in this article, we discuss how to deal with a selfish husband and investigate what exactly a selfish spouse may be. As a consequence we explore what selfishness is in a relationship and marriages as well as how to deal with a secretive husband – so often selfishness manifests itself as a secretive nature. In following our advice, you will be able to make a proactive difference to your marriage's health and happiness.
- 1 How Do You Deal With A Selfish Husband?
- 2 What Is A Selfish Husband?
- 3 What Is Selfishness In A Relationship?
- 4 How Do I Deal With A Secretive Husband?
- 5 How To Deal With A Selfish Husband – The Bottom Line
How Do You Deal With A Selfish Husband?
If you have confirmed to yourself that your other half is a selfish person, what is the most constructive way to deal with that to ensure your happiness? We have four things that you can do to make sure you are as content as possible in your life.
Be True To Yourself
When you deal with a selfish person, it can be difficult to put yourself first sometimes and ensure that you get your needs met. If you think this is the case with your husband's behavior and you feel like you are being forgotten about in your marriage, take some time to concentrate on yourself and make a commitment that you will do something for yourself – at least once a week, if not more.
This can be difficult to do if you have a child or a busy career, but if you are putting your selfish partner's needs before yours at all times, you need to come up with a way that you are still able to smile.
Have A Two Way Conversation
If you have ever wondered is my husband selfish, or even decided flat out that ‘my boyfriend is selfish', then you need to open up the lines of communication with him. If you are in a relationship that has a great deal of selfishness in it on the part of the person you love, then you need to ensure that you do a lot of the talking and that it doesn't just end up with him talking over you the whole time.
The conversation needs to be constructive where you both share the responsibility for improving everything from that point forward in your marriage. Without doing so, thing in your relationship do not really have the chance to get better and you could be moving towards divorce instead.
Set Some Boundaries
During your conversations about finding a way to make things better between you both, decide to set some boundaries and set expectations about how you want yours and your husband's actions to change in future. In doing so, you will both have the knowledge needed to make sure that you stay in love for as long as possible.
Setting boundaries means that your husband knows what you will see as acceptable behavior and hopefully his attitude is positive enough to want to agree to what you set out as recommendations for how to make things right between the two of you again.
Give Him Examples Of Selfish Behaviour
During your conversation with your husband or boyfriend about his selfishness, it's a good idea to list an example or two of times that his actions have hurt you in certain situations. There may be times that he expected you to be like a doormat and answer to his every need, or other times that he wanted you to put him before the children.
While you may love him, when he has done anything like that, he has not been kind and you need to explain what his selfish behavior was and why it upset you. Without doing so or giving him these tips and advice, your lives will not get better.
What Is A Selfish Husband?
Sometimes, we are in a relationship with a person and it is only over time that their selfishness comes out or perhaps we were so in love with them, that we did not notice this negative characteristic at first. Bearing that in mind, it can be difficult to actually know what a selfish husband is. Here we list a number of traits or actions to keep an eye out for as a way to define whether your husband is selfish or not.
Always Puts Himself First
Without doubt, the number one thing selfish people do is to always put themselves first – whether they have kids or whether they are single. Putting themselves first is their number one priority and not many people get in the way of that. This can be over seemingly small things – like never opening the door for you or never letting you choose what to watch on TV, to much bigger things like putting his life aspirations and interests before yours.
Never Thinks Of You
In addition to putting themselves first, selfish people will never think of their love's needs and wants. They will most likely take you for granted and never do even the smallest action of selflessness towards you. This can be tough to deal with and can make you question yourself and therefore can have a huge effect on your self confidence. Remember that it is his behavior that is not acceptable – not yours.
Never Includes You In His Plans
Another example of a selfish husband is a man who never includes you in his plans – either little ones for the weekend, or bigger life plans that he makes. This can be simply because he assumes that you will go along with anything he says as he does not take your opinions into account. Or it can mean that he makes plans with his friends repeatedly without ever thinking that you may want to spend some quality time with him.
He Never Prioritizes You
Selfish people rarely prioritise the men or women they are with. It means they never attempt to support you in ways that you support them, and will never make an effort to see you if it is too much trouble for them. It's a huge form of neglect in a marriage and can have a massive detrimental effect on a connection between two spouses. Knowing that you are the number one person in your husband's life is fundamental to the success of a marriage, make sure you tell him if you find that he never makes the time to see you or doing things for you.
What Is Selfishness In A Relationship?
There are a number of other ways that selfishness can manifest itself in a relationship other than how a selfish husband may act. Here are just four of them.
Lack Of Commitment
Being very non committal about the future is a an incredibly selfish act as it is a way of trying to hedge your bets when it comes to the relationship. Many selfish people do not tell their partner openly and honestly about how they are feeling and it can mean that a marriage or relationship can deteriorate quickly. If people need obvious and clear commitment from a partner, which is common and very understandable, they simply won't stick around if a person is too selfish to open up about their emotions.
Not Sharing The Household Chores
On a much more practical level, selfishness in a relationship can manifest itself as a person not taking on their fair share of chores around the house. They will come up with lots of excuses or things that get in the way, but if you feel like you're the one doing all the work around the home, then you probably are. It's one of the first steps that people take when they are starting to be selfish.
Never Remembering What Is Important To You
One of the nicest things about being in a relationship with a person you love, is that they know what is important to you. If your husband never does this, then it could be a key indicator that your marriage has an unhealthy amount of selfishness in it.
Never Taking Your Feelings Into Account
When your other half is callous with your feelings and has a tendency never to take them into account, it can not only be hurtful, it can also invoke feelings of anger from you. It is another indicator of selfishness infiltrating a relationship which can be an incredibly unhealthy situation to get into. If you fear this is the case, start that two way conversation that we discuss above.
How Do I Deal With A Secretive Husband?
Selfishness can often develop into a secretive nature. If you think your spouse is being secretive in your marriage, do not despair. There is always something that you can do and here are just four constructive ideas to take into consideration.
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Tell Him Why Keeping Secrets Hurts You
Your husband may be keeping secrets from you to save your feelings, however no one likes to be kept in the dark about things. If your spouse is not being as honest with you as you want him to be, tell him exactly why his secrets are hurting your feelings. Keeping secrets can make anyone think twice about the amount of trust there is in a marriage and can really rock a person's world, regardless of the magnitude of the secret kept. Ensure that you tell him what hurt his secrets can cause.
Be Open And Frank With Him
In addition to being open and frank with your spouse in your marriage about how you are feeling about his secrets, it will pay dividends for you to be open and frank with him in every other aspect of your life. In doing so, you will hopefully be leading by example so that keeping secrets from each other will no longer be a problem for you both as a couple.
Show Him How His Reactions Have Hurt You Or Your Family
If, after he you have told him explicitly why his keeping secrets from you hurts your feelings, show him what his secretive behavior has amounted to instead. If it has hurt your daughter or son's feelings somehow – show him how upset they are. People do not always realise that their behavior will be hurtful, so sometimes they have to be shown physically that despite their good intentions, they sometime sneed to think more deeply about their actions.
Ask Him For More Respect
Keeping secrets is a form of disrespect. If something is amiss in your marriage, a lot of the time it can be down to an imbalance of respect between two people. Bearing that in mind, if you think his secretive nature comes from a lack of respect for you, tell him your thoughts and perspective on the matter. Request firmly that he pays you more positive attention and give him the respect that you deserve.
How To Deal With A Selfish Husband – The Bottom Line
Dealing with a selfish husband is a hard thing to do. The reality of dealing with a husband who always puts himself first can be tiring and draining – even more so if you have a family to think about too. Try to think of the positives in your relationship and concentrate on those, while also approaching the root cause of selfishness in your marriage. In doing so, you will remain optimistic and won't fall into any more problems that selfishness can cause between husbands and wives.
Do you have a selfish husband? Does your husband do nothing for you or your happiness? If you think that is the case with you, please leave your story in the comments below. Our readers learn so much from individuals that have been in similar situations and take great comfort in reading the words of people who have come out of a low point in their lives.
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