Fantasies exist so that we can escape the harsh reality that is our life sometimes. We live vicariously through screen princesses and fictional damsels in books.
You gobble up the idea that you can live happily ever after with a charming prince. That your knight in shining armor will protect you as the damsel in distress that you are.
Over the centuries we have seen seemingly dumb beautiful women end up with the richest and most handsome men because they play the victim properly. The stereotypical narrative also maintains that smart women who appear independent find it hard to have long-lasting relationships.
Most men want to take the lead in their relationship no matter how independent the woman is, and for the most part, this works in most relationships. Put a man in a room with a damsel in distress and you can be sure she will pretend to be in trouble, even if she doesn’t like the guy all that much.
While men are naturally wired to be the alpha and hero in their relationship, should all women act like damsels in need of rescuing every time? For how long will the damsel in distress card work for you?
If your dream guy is mostly attracted to damsels in distress, you’re reading the right post. However, the easiest thing is to get the guy, but to make any relationship work, balance is necessary. This post will help you balance being a damsel in distress with building a healthy relationship.
The first thing you should know is that all men, even the pro-feminist ones, want to feel like the man in their relationship. They can shout ‘all hail feminism’ until they are blue in the face, but they still want to be the alpha male they were trained to be.
Now, the definition of ‘be a man' differs based on each man’s background. However, the general traits and traditional roles remain. The traditional man wants to be respected, be the major breadwinner, and have a homemaker for a wife.
He will see everything you do as a reflection of his manliness. As such, to land a knight, you’ll need to consider what kind of light your actions cast on him. The fact is, regardless of how feminist you are, your damsel in distress game won’t work if you don’t give him the space to fill these manly roles.
Traditional princesses are demure, regal, and poised. They are well-behaved and don’t throw tantrums in the presence of their prince. If you are to have the average prince in shining armor, you cannot be high maintenance in character.
So, this is a disclaimer if you’re the kind of woman whose middle name is drama. Most men want the fun side of a woman, but want to be spared the dramatic side. They want peace, which can only come from easily satisfied women.
If a fun yet simple life is not to your taste, you might need to look for a partner who prefers cheeky high maintenance girls.
Men expect compliments the same way women expect their men to compliment them. Although the context might differ, men also want to feel appreciated. For them, that happens mostly when you make them feel needed. Damsels in distress are masters at playing the ‘I need you’ game.
If your man has been feeling unappreciated or partially abandoned, create a dangerous situation he needs to rescue you from and he will perk up the moment he manages to do so. You’d have not only paid him compliments for a job well done but also stroked his ego appropriately.
Men subconsciously know when they are being played, but don’t care most of the time. They understand that it takes time for a woman to sort through her feelings, but they don’t mind starting the relationship anyways. However, if you take them on a lengthy ride while playing hard to get, they will move on to the next available woman.
If you like the guy, and he looks like the prince charming of your dreams, your next move is to make yourself approachable. Of course, don’t appear desperate. Don’t allow him some liberties you’re not yet comfortable with, but don’t appear closed off either.
When dealing with the traditional alpha male, you need to let him feel he has all the power, even though both of you know that’s not true. Perception is sometimes more powerful than facts. In certain cases, surprise him by giving him the deciding right to make some choices for you.
Ensure you apply this in a win-win situation because you still need to live with the aftermath of the decision. When such a man becomes your husband it makes it easier for him to please you because he knows the things that do so.
One of the ways to overuse the damsel in distress card is to live your life like movie characters. Believing everything you see on your screen or social media is the beginning of deceit. While movie characters portray real-life stories, the scripts are usually exaggerated to have desired effects on the viewers.
Taking the lessons and perceptions of movies to paint with a pinch of salt is the best thing for you to do. Ruminate on the outcomes of your actions before taking the easy way out by playing out movie scenes in real life.
You hear people say beauty is vain, but a wise woman knows how to use her beauty to serve many purposes. Princesses are always painted to be beautiful women who require rescue. If you have the kind of beauty painted in fairytales, a man would do anything to keep you out of danger and make you his woman.
All you need to do is make the man feel needed, and he’ll come running whenever you call. Remember, a man who desires you want to be the hero in all your stories. He wants to be the superhero slaying your demons, so there’s nothing to be guilty of.
There’s a toxic way of being a damsel in distress and there’s a healthy way of doing so. There’s nothing wrong with being a girly girl, or a tomboy girl. You can be the first and still be assertive. You can also be a tomboy and still make your man feel like a man.
The best way to achieve balance if you fall in either category is to divide roles based on each other’s strengths. By allowing your man to do manly things such as fixing electrical faults while you fix the dishes, you’re creating a traditional dynamic devoid of tension. If following traditional rules is not your cup of tea, discuss with your man what roles you want to take up.
Is it like pulling teeth getting him to spend time with you?
The key to solving is understanding men on a much deeper emotional level. The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him.
Take this quick quiz to see if he actually likes you!
The important thing is that you don’t take away from him the things that make him feel like a man. You can be a princess without making your man less of a prince.
Making yourself the wronged in most of your narratives might get you the prince, but it is an unhealthy lifestyle to maintain. It will make you a delusional and deceptive person who might end up losing the man of her dreams.
Yes, your past might be messy and men have hurt you. However, learn to own up to your mistakes instead of making everyone else the bad guy. A true prince in character has a soft spot for the repentant princess because he believes he can save her from making the same mistakes again.
Like movie characters, recording artists are out to make you believe every word of their lyrics reflects real-life experiences. However, they sing from personal experiences that aren’t parallel to yours.
Beyoncé’s lyrics will make you believe no one is irreplaceable (and that may be true), but that doesn’t mean you treat a man like he is replaceable. When you treat a man like he’s your better half, he will fight any external force for you.
The problem most independent women have with damsels in distress is that they think such women are powerless and weak. However, most damsels in distress act that role because it appeals to the men they desire.
As such, you can be a strong independent woman who can appeal to the heroic side of her man occasionally. Playing the princess in need of rescuing doesn’t make you a simpleton, especially when your man knows who you are at your core.
She is a helpless woman in need of rescue from a strong capable man.
You like acting like a damsel in distress because it gets you the attention of men. The attention you might not have gotten in the first place if you acted like you can handle things on your own.
It is rare to address men as being damsels in distress. However, a man could need saving, and be saved by a woman.
You can stop acting completely dependent on a man by taking more responsibility for yourself. Do some of the things you’d normally depend on your boyfriend to do.
Yes, most guys like it when their help is your saving grace. However, even most guys have a limit to their display of selfless kindness. At a point, they will expect something in return.
A woman determined to land and keep her dream man is willing to do what it takes, even if it means acting like she needs rescuing sometimes. While it has its cons, acting like the damsel in distress has its perks too. You only need to understand its benefits to make the concept work for you.
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Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself?
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