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What Is the Hero Instinct in a Man?

by Olivia Surtees

We’ve always known that men love feeling like heroes, but more recently people have started researching the hero instinct in men.

It is now seen as a vital point for women to be aware of if they are trying to make a man fall in love or commit to a loyal relationship with them.

In fact, for me personally, understanding the 'Hero Instinct' and exactly how it affects men on a day-to-day basis was able to completely turn around my love life (for the better, of course).

You can read about that story by clicking here (perhaps you can even learn a thing or two to apply in your own relationship).

So, what is a hero?

When I think of a hero, it is someone that everyone admires or looks up to for being brave and doing great things for other people. It is the person who always saves the day. Someone who shows no fear and is beyond skilled.

In a certain respect, we all want to feel like heroes. However, the difference between men and women is that men need to feel like heroic and strong beings, capable of helping anyone and everyone. Women are happy to do heroic things and take the title of a hero, but it is not a necessity for them.

A lot of the time, when we talk about heroes, we think of movies. If you think about your favorite Hollywood films, the majority of the time there will always be a male hero involved in the film – normally taking center stage. He will normally go around saving all the ‘good’ people that are in danger, as well as always protecting the woman he loves. Men want to feel like the hero that we all know and love in our favorite films.

If you can understand what the hero instinct is in a man, you can then go forward and start to trigger the hero instinct in your man, leading him to feel empowered and more in love than ever. Therefore, this article is here to help you understand it and why it is such a big deal for a man to feel heroic when he is falling in love.

Why do men need to feel like heroes?

Men want to feel needed. Actually, let’s rephrase that, they NEED to feel like they are needed, especially by women they are attracted to. Natural instinct and deep-rooted biology can actually help us to figure out why men crave the feeling of being needed.

In the past, in pretty much every culture, the men were the warriors and protectors of their families. For example, they would go out to fight other tribes or countries, as well as bring home animals they had hunted for everyone to eat. The women needed men to survive, and to protect them and their children. The men were always looked up to and praised by the women and children for providing for them.

It might be crazy to think about, but if we think about the modern, western world, the notion that women would stay at home with the children and the men would work and provide for the family was pretty much the culture we all lived in, right up until the 1970s. Then women were allowed to take a little more control and started to work.

The number of divorces and break-ups rose incredibly, and it could be said that the men might have felt like their ‘manly’ hero instinct was not being supported or appreciated anyone. Women were starting to become their own heroes.

How has the modern world changed the way in which men feel like heroes?

Even though times have changed, and our culture is different nowadays, men still have this natural instinct to protect and provide for their women.

Things have certainly changed in the world around us, so men now provide and protect in different ways. For example, instead of bringing home a deer for the family to eat or going to war with a neighboring tribe, men now provide by doing things such as buying a house for the family or putting a trust fund aside for the children.

It is now seen as desirable for a man to have lots of wealth, a good car, a nice house and to even run his own business. This accumulation of things like a house or a business is also not really for his individual use, but for his woman and the children they have together.

If you think about it, in the world we live in now, a lot of people buy houses or save money so that they can give their children or spouse a good inheritance after they have gone. For a lot of women, they will do this just so that they know their children will be secure in the future. However, for men it is different. They will probably see this is being a ‘hero’ because they are leaving a legacy for their wife or/and children. They are the providers and they need to feel like they are.

Is it always big acts that make a man feel heroic?

Of course, buying a house for his family or helping his wife with her finances is going to make a man feel heroic. However, men can feel the hero instinct rise within them through any simple act.

For example, if their partner needs something fixing, they will be the first one to help and ‘save the day’. It’s important to note this, so you can learn more about the everyday usage of a man’s hero instinct.

When looking at relationships, why is it important that a woman understands a man’s hero instinct? 

It’s crucial that women can understand just how important a man’s hero instinct is, especially if they are trying to get a man to fall in love with them or commit to a relationship with them. 

A lot of the time, women are told they need to be extra sexy, over the top with affection or simply just accept what the man is doing for him to fall in love with her or commit. However, you can do all of these things and a man will still not be loyal to you forever. If a man doesn’t feel like the best hero in history when he is around you, he won’t be able to sustain a relationship with you.

This is where you need to fully understand a man’s hero instinct. If a woman uses her knowledge of the hero instinct, she could quickly become the biggest priority and eternal love in a man’s life. If he doesn’t think that you feel like he’s a hero, you could be the prettiest and most sexually enticing woman to walk the earth, and still, a man would not commit to you.

So, it’s quite simple. You need to make a man feel like a hero to keep him in the relationship with you. 

There are many ways in which you can do this, and we will discuss a few ways to trigger your man’s hero instinct further in the article, “6 Ways To Trigger The Hero Instinct In Your Man”. However, the basis for it is that the more you show your appreciation for him and what he does for you, the more he will fall in love with you.

It sounds rather selfish, and I suppose it is, but men fall in love because of how a woman makes them feel. It’s less about what she brings to the table and more about how he feels when she is around. So, if you admire him and praise him for everything (within reason) that he does, he will give you his heart.

It is said that women need to really think about a man’s hero instinct and appeal to it in order to start or sustain a successful relationship.

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Does this mean that in order to get a man to commit to you, you need to play the damsel in distress?

Of course, it does not. I would never write an article about this kind of advice. I understand that when you think of the women in old movies that are the ‘damsel’s in distress’ you wince at the thought of handing over all of your badass feminine energy to a man. You don’t need to be saved by any man, you just need to make sure that he thinks he is saving you.

You can still be a very independent and strong woman at the same time as making your man feel like a hero. No woman actually needs a man to rescue them in the world in which we live in now. However, men still biologically need to feel like they are rescuing you. 

So, if you are one step ahead (you will be after reading this article) and you are informed about the fact that men need to feel like this, the ball is in your court. Little does he know, you are the one who is controlling things by allowing him to feel like a hero. That is badass in itself.


I really hope I was able to deconstruct what the hero instinct is in a man, and hopefully, it will have helped you to understand the male mind and how men fall in love.

Did this article help you at all? If it did and you liked what you read, please let us know in the comments. We would love to hear from you.

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Olivia Surtees
After realizing I was the person that everyone around me always came to for dating advice, I decided to merge this skill with my profession – writing. So, I came about to be a relationship advice writer! Being able to show not only my passion for writing, but also my passion to help others in their relationships, means the absolute world to me and I hope to continue doing so. Studying the vast and complicated world of relationships entices me, and I am constantly striving to learn more, so I can then help others with more knowledge and experience.

7 comments on “What Is the Hero Instinct in a Man?”

  1. Your article is so powerful & inspiring. Have learned a lot. And have also realise so much some pitfalls and rising in my dating was me. Thanks alot ???? I will proceed now to reading other articles written by you

  2. So shall we not participate in buying the house we going to live? In this modern life usually boys expect women to pay almost everything half half.

    1. Yea, I also never know where to draw the line. Maybe let him think he's calling the shots.. but really you're planting the seed in his head. I hate the idea of having to come across as "weak" to get a man to stay with me. This is the hardest part for me.

  3. Thank you soooo much for this article! You have dispelled the concept of having to feel helpless, to attract a man; and to focus more, on having him feel appreciated. I feel so empowered, now that I know, “the secret”.

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