Falling in love and eventually getting married is an amazing experience, but no relationship comes without conflict. But where do you draw the line between normal friction and WW3? If your new narrative is that your husband keeps picking fights with you, then you’re probably stuck with a lot of questions.
Where did it all go downhill? Is he seeing someone else? Does he still love me? Obviously, it is a tough pill to swallow, but if you do not know the reason why there’s one problem after the other, you’ll fight continuously. With that in mind, I’ll be dishing out a reason (or 15) why your husband picks fights with you.
He may have put a ring on it, but that does not mean that he doesn’t want to be all over you like he was when he was merely your boyfriend. In crude words, ‘a man has got needs,’ so, it’s a major issue when blue balls are in the picture. I can’t tell you how to dish out those kinky moments, but if you’re tired too many times in a row, it may cause conflict.
Sexual frustration in relationships can make problem upon problem bubble to the surface. Picking fights will become the order of the day if you don’t give that man ‘some.’ He will either become passive-aggressive or spew out some things you do not want to hear. So, sex him up as often as your body and schedule will let you.
It’s easy to think that once you become husband and wife, you’ll instantly be on the same page. The thing is, you may never completely understand his ways, and this is the root cause of a truckload of arguments. The whole men are from Mars, women are from Venus theory is not so far from the truth.
Sometimes, you are actually incapable of understanding what your boyfriend or partner is going through, he may be having issues at work, or trying to resolve matters with his family/friends.
Think about it this way, how would you feel when someone you love does not understand what you are trying to communicate. At that point, you’ll probably feel like starting a pretty intense quarrel. Face it, there is no way you can totally understand each other, that’s for sure, but you can find ways to compromise.
You probably do not want to hear this, but your partner may want out of the marriage. It's a sad fact of life that not all couples stay together forever, as much as they try to build a home and make everything work.
There's a number of reasons why this person may have fallen out of love, a lot of times its irreconcilable differences, but for the most part, anything could lead to a failed marriage. He could be seeing another woman, having trouble balancing work and family life among many other things.
Sure, there are so many reasons, but the key is to behave like the adults that you are and talk it out in a non-argumentative way.
There's no person alive that doesn't want to feel like they are doing something right, that's just the way people are wired. Once your man stops believing that he's giving you what you need, he's bound to get defensive.
Let me explain the logic here, he doesn't want to give you the chance to uncover his inadequacies and as such, he goes out of his way to bark at you when he feels small. Of course, that’s not the answer, but it probably feels right to him.
Think of it as a defense mechanism, we all have some set up to guard us against things that make us tap into raw emotion. In this case, he most definitely needs a friend, a.k.a you. Who knows? Some of your actions may be part of the reason, that doesn't make the quarrels justified, but keep that in mind as you move forward.
Adults have a lot going on, that's a universal fact, your partner may be in the same situation. Have you ever heard this popular saying, 'hurt people, hurt people?' Well, constant bickering and quarreling is one way your significant other expresses his hurt. It's obviously not the ideal way, but it's not easy for someone to be mature when they're depressed or suffering anxiety.
He may not be able to share his feelings and insecurities with others just yet and all that pent up emotion just leads to outbursts. So, think for a moment, he may not even be upset at you, you're just readily available when he needs to let off some steam.
Whether it's with a friend or partner, talking things out goes a long way to ensure that you get along. Being backed up emotionally will either lead to ‘constipation or dysentery’. So, it's either you kill yourselves with passive aggression or you quarrel every chance you get. When you keep feelings bottled away, they stack up and become more toxic as time passes.
Your partner is not a mind reader, if you want him to know what's bothering you, use your words. Couples need to do this quite often. But don't do it from a place of anger, you both need to be ready for a resolution. So, rather than waiting for one of your infamous quarrels, do it when you're both level headed.
Everyone has a past, you didn't just pop out of your mother, then end up with this guy you call your husband. So, it's understandable that your man came on board with his own fair share of baggage and defense mechanisms.
The sad thing is that some of these tactics and strategies are no longer relevant because you are not the ex that hurt him or a former friend that did him dirty. However this could be the reason whenever his antenna picks up a threat, he lashes out.
This isn't your fault, but it's not entirely his either. It takes some time in a trusting environment to shed all those defenses, you probably have a few you need to shed too. Altogether, communication is key.
Hey, I'm still on your side and that's why I need to tell you this, sometimes it's you. Obviously, snapping at you and quarreling is not the best response, but what if you started it? I can tell you from a couple of experiences that a sizable ratio of womenfolk wears their emotions on their sleeve.
Now, back up and realize that this is not a blanket statement. Anyway, men are built completely different, they have thick skin, both literally and figuratively. That often manifests itself in the things they say and the actions they take.
As much as they have to learn how to tone it down, you need to meet them halfway. When you're too sensitive, you'll end up arguing like a couple of tweens.
This is always a viable possibility, especially if he blames you after starting the quarrel. Narcissists like to be in control of just about everything, except imperfections. So, if your husband continually picks fights with you, then points an accusing finger at you, that's a red flag.
The worst part with narcissists is that they have a tried and tested method when it comes to twisting the narrative. At some point, you may begin to believe that you started the quarrel. Altogether, this is a situation where you're not at fault, if it becomes a regular occurrence you may need to plot an escape.
I often tell people to realize they are annoying; being with you is not always a bed of roses. So, maybe he's simply starting quarrels because you made him angry. Making matters even worse is when you can't see that you're wrong, considering the fact that everything is falling apart. There is no doubt that the situation is enough to make anyone upset.
Put yourself in his shoes, if your partner pissed you off and couldn't even see that he was wrong, you'd probably rain arguments on him as well. I'm not asking you to accept blame for something you didn't do here, just try to step out of the situation and view it objectively once in a while.
Unfortunately, there's a handful of ladies out there that already suspect this. Yes, it's a viable reason why your partner keeps starting arguments. Having another woman in his life takes a huge chunk of disregard. So, he's probably a bit irritated with you at times, after all, you're no longer the shiny new thing in his life.
In that case, he may not even know how to control it, once you do as much as sneeze, he's not impressed. Besides catching him in the act, communication may be able to get you to the bottom of this mystery. Altogether, it's him, not you.
It sounds weird, right? Well, after the honeymoon period wears off, it's often replaced by a war period that no one looks forward to. It's all part and parcel of getting to know yourselves better; so think of these disagreements as growing pains.
Sure, there is an unhealthy level of quarreling which simply points to the fact that you aren't meant to be. But, if you're newlyweds, don't be so quick to write off your union. If you ask older couples if they went through this, you'll realize that they almost bit each other's head off over everything in the beginning as well.
Some guys do this, even when it's still a boyfriend-girlfriend situation. He may have realized that he wants out of the marriage and does not know how to tell you. In that case, he picks up a manipulative technique that involves pushing you to the edge. He will keep creating disagreements till you eventually get worn out and show him the door.
Once you give him what he wants, you'll probably be the bad guy. As I said, it's incredibly manipulative, but some men do this when they are looking for an escape route. You're not kids, and to an extent, you're friends, as such, you should be able to come to a resolution.
Often, men don't like to share their burdens with others. They'd rather bury those feelings deep inside and make another person play the bad guy. Perhaps he's done something he's not particularly proud of and does not want you to catch a whiff of it.
You see, if he can distract you successfully with a good old fashioned quarrel, then he doesn't have to address the dirt he's trying to sweep under the carpet. It doesn't even have to be bad per se, he may be struggling with something he considers personal. Maybe some close friends disappointed him. In this case, it's best to talk it out when you're both calm.
I know, I've been pointing fingers back and forth, this time, it landed on you. If the arguing has become a bit too much, maybe it's time to consider the kind of environment you're fostering at home. Is it the kind that's warm and welcoming?
Does he have to deal with problems out in the world and have to deal with war when he comes home to you and the kids? Does he prefer the company of friends to spending time with you? Take some time to think about it objectively, then put in the effort to make things better.
Let me start by saying that no answer I give will be all-encompassing. But for the most part, humans are a lot simpler than you think. It may or may not be because of you, maybe he’s going through something at work, or has an issue with friends. Then again, you might have done something to upset him. The best way to find out is to ask, you’re his wife, not some random stranger.
For the most part, your husband may be dealing with his own emotions. He probably does not want to say something that he may regret later on right after an argument. Look at things from his point of view, you’re probably fuming after a fight, what would happen if he fanned the flames. You’d probably eat each other alive; so keep that in mind whenever he gets quiet after a fight.
Are there actual fights over nothing? I can assure you that no one really has those. There is always some underlying cause when it comes to fights. It could be a dead sex-life, stress with the kids, strenuous work relationships, among other anger inciting things. So, never assume that you’re picking fights over nothing, that’s a myth.
I’m going to say it upfront, a dead sex life is one of the most glaring signs; a physical relationship is as important as the emotional one. There is also an air of nonchalance, you don’t particularly care about anything they think about you. Altogether, the experience is pretty unnerving.
This is a hard pill to swallow, no one goes into a relationship hoping it will tank. But, the sad reality is that this happens a whole lot and it is a pain in the behind. The moment you both have no energy to carry on, then it is time to stop looking for answers.
Having one argument after the other with your partner is not one of those issues anyone wants to deal with, but it happens. If there is one evident thing, it's the fact that there are so many reasons that relationships get riddled with arguments. All you need to do is get to the bottom of it all, then you’ll know how to proceed with your love life.
Hopefully, you’ve got a pointer or two from this article, do let me know in the section below. Also, share this article with anyone who needs to read it.