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11 Warning Signs Of A Disrespectful Husband

Last updated on June 16, 2022 by Sonya Schwartz

Do you ever wonder 'why is my husband so mean and disrespectful to me?'. 

Are you looking for ideas for dealing with this situation? 

Perhaps you want to know why he has started behaving like this? 

If so, read on because this guide answers all these questions in depth. 

However, before we dive into this topic, it’s important you read the following sentences carefully.

A sudden change in your partner’s behaviour doesn’t just appear out of thin air. 

It’s almost definitely due to a change in your relationship or his life in general. 

If you’re not sure what this change is, it could well be something that’s taking place behind the scenes. 

Honestly, the only surefire way to discover what’s going on is to find out

That’s why I want to recommend this powerful online tracker tool.

With just a few of your husband’s personal details, it can produce a detailed database of his recent communications. 

You’ll discover who he’s been frequently contacting, what smartphone apps he has downloaded, whether he has registered secret contact details and more… 

If something peculiar is going on behind your back, this tool will make it immediately obvious. 

Nevertheless, in this article, we look at the signs of a disrespectful husband and the guide below reveals what all women need to know about dealing with a disrespectful husband.

What Are Signs Of Disrespect In A Marriage?

There are a number of signs of a disrespectful husband - none of which are easy to take on their own, let alone if they are experienced en mass. Here we look at the top five warning signs of disrespect in relationships so that you can be aware if something is not quite right in your marriage.

He Never Asks Your Opinion

One of the main signs of a disrespectful husband is when he never ever asks your opinion on anything. If you find that he either makes decisions without your input, or he takes a course of action without your buy in, this is a massive sign of disrespect. It can often take the form of giving you the silent treatment too.

It means he does not value your opinion or input into anything he, you or your family are doing. However, never asking your opinion can also mean simply taking an interest on your point of view. This can be in any area of your life - not just when he feels the need to make a decision for you as two people or you all as a family.

For a husband to love and respect his wife, he must want to listen in on her point of view on a variety of topics - without it, a great deal of conversation between two partners will dry up. Conversation is needed within a marriage at some level to keep the sparks of desire and interest going.

He Insults You

One of the most disrespectful men signs is when a man insults his wife or partner. This can be either to her face or behind her back, but either way if you are in a disrespectful relationship, you will be aware of your partner's bullying words towards you.

Insults happen in relationships for all manner of different reasons and often when your husband insults you, it will go hand in hand with other signs of disrespect from a man - listed here. It can be an incredibly hurtful aspect of a relationship as it tends to be the most vocal signs of a disrespectful husband or boyfriend.

Plus when you are in a relationship with a person, they tend to know you better than almost anyone. The result is not only do they know how to insult you in a way that hurts you more than anything else could, the fact that the insults are coming from the person you love, makes it even more difficult. No one likes criticism, especially when it comes from your husband.

He Takes You For Granted

A sign of disrespect can be if your partner takes you for granted. This can happen very easily in any relationship and it's not always a problem that comes about due to disrespect for one another. However, if you see any of the other signs of a disrespectful husband in your relationship, it is very likely that he takes you and your feelings for granted.

This can manifest itself in a bad attitude from your spouse and making assumptions about you and your wants. It can also manifest itself in you doing more than your fair share of the household responsibilities or looking after the children far more than he ever does.

Being taken for granted is never easy, so be aware of it from the very beginning of your relationship or if you start to see that his attention is turning more into disrespect.

Is it like pulling teeth getting him to spend time with you?
The key to solving is understanding men on a much deeper emotional level. The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him.

Take this quick quiz to see if he actually likes you!

He Doesn't Support You

Lack of support from a partner, can be one of the signs of a disrespectful husband and one of the things to be very aware of. One of the nicest things about being in a relationship is getting and giving mutual support to each other.

In a relationship where the dynamics are slightly off, these qualities are lacking and you may find that you feel alone in your marriage a great deal of the time. In a relationship or marriage where a great deal of adoration and respect is present, a couple will almost automatically support their spouse simply due to a protective nature.

When he doesn't have that protective nature any more, he will just let you go through any pain and suffering without trying to support you through any issues you are having.

He Cheats On You

Perhaps the biggest sign of disrespect from your husband is if he cheats on you. This is often grounds for divorce in a lot of women's eyes. However, the problem with when cheating occurs in a relationship where the wife has been consistently disrespected, is that he can cheat on you numerous times without you making any demands on his behaviour changing.

The reason being is that his other actions have made your self-esteem so low that, in your experience, you believe that a cheating husband is all you are worthy of. It doesn't matter whether he continues to cheat on you with other wives, the nanny, a friend of yours or any other women - you simply do not feel you are good enough for him to be faithful to you and you let each infidelity go by.

How Do You Deal With A Disrespectful Husband?

How Do You Deal With A Disrespectful Husband?

There are a number of ways that you can deal with a disrespectful husband. They will all take a lot of guts to put into place - especially in a relationship where your confidence is low due to being subjected to his negative actions for so long. However, your long term happiness, dreams and lifestyle are at stake, so it is best to take control of the situation and deal with your husband's behavior head on.

Talk To Him

If you have seen any of the signs of a disrespectful husband listed above, one of the best things to do is sit him down and talk to him about your concern over the state of your marriage and how he treats you. Discuss the boundaries that you wish to set in how to improve your relationship and tell him quite frankly about the flaws that you think are present between the two of you.

Remember To Have Respect For Yourself

One of the best ways to deal with a disrespectful husband is simply to remember that his actions are his doing, and that actually you are a person that desires respect. By remembering that you are a person worthy of affection and love, you will naturally have respect for yourself.

The importance of having respect for yourself cannot be underplayed. If you don't have respect for yourself, how can you expect your husband too? The chances are you have lots of friends telling you are that you are a wonderful person, so listen to them sometimes too - not just your partner.

Stand Up For Yourself

Once you have respect for yourself and confidence in the fact that you are a person worthy of good things happening to her, remember as well to stand up for yourself when your other half is displaying any of the signs of a disrespectful husband.

This is important to do as not only can it make huge changes in your marriage, it can also remind you to like yourself more than you probably have done in the past to let your marriage get to the state it has.

Talk To A Counsellor

One of the best ways to up the communication in a relationship is to seek counseling treatment - either between the two of you, or one on one. If your husband does not want to see a therapist at all, you could at least gain helpful insights from any therapy sessions that could give you a lot of perspective through this crisis. A relationship expert can really help your marriage, even if your husband does not want to attend sessions with you.

Concentrate On The Kids, Your Career Or Friends

Sometimes, if your husband is not willing to compromise on anything or alter his actions in any way that shows he is happy to take responsibility for the state of your marriage, one of the only things you can do is to concentrate on other aspects of your life. Bearing this in mind, focus on things that bring you huge amounts of joy - be that your children, your job or your friends.

Marriages do not have to be the only measure of success in your life.

What Does It Mean When Your Husband Disrespects You?

When you see any signs of a disrespectful husband, it can mean a number of things. Read on to help understand why your husband may act like he does, or indeed why you may be in a disrespectful marriage in the first place.

He Has Low Self Confidence

One of the biggest reasons that a husband will ever continually disrespect his wife, is because he himself has a low self confidence. His way of dealing with that is to make his wife feel small and point out her every flaw instead. Or, perhaps by seeking gratification in the arms of another woman out side the marriage. Therapists often speak of conflicts that have arisen simply because one person in the marriage has very low confidence in their abilities.

Your Relationship Needs Rebalancing

Your partner may disrespect you in a way that you never would have thought possible when you first started dating each other. People often slip into bad habits in a marriage over a period of time and something like respect can be one of the things that takes a back burner on occasion. This can mean your marriage starts to have an imbalance where your husband makes all the decisions for you or your family.

You Have Low Self Esteem

Another reason for a disrespectful husband is because you, not him, have low self esteem. This means that you will never speak up for yourself and point out that he is out of line. If you were to tell him the truth about how he talks to you, you may find that the arguments actually help your marriage as you are not giving your husband room to be disrespectful to you.

There Is Resentment In Your Marriage

A disrespectful husband may have started to show a sign of disrespect or two because of a resentment that has grown between you both. This is not uncommon in a marriage as over a period of time there will be one thing or another that has occurred that will have annoyed either one of you. Disrespect for you, or the signs of a disrespectful husband, will often be borne out of a resentment for something that has happened in the past therefore.

How Do You Know Your Husband Doesn't Respect You?

How Do You Know Your Husband Doesn't Respect You?

Other than the huge warning signs that we have listed above, there are a few other ways to know whether your husband doesn't respect you. Some may seem obvious when written down, but the sad thing about when you are with a disrespectful husband, you often feel so low and bad about yourself, it takes a while to recognise poor behavior on his part.

Talking Over You

Do you ever feel like your husband doesn't let you finish a sentence - either when you are talking with him on your own, or with friends? This can be a big indicator that he doesn't respect you. Conversations need a couple of sides to them to be a conversation and so if he talks over you, he is not interested in listening to your opinions. This is not to say that no one wants to listen to you. Remember that your voice deserves to be heard too and that people want to hear it.

Your Desire For Each Other Has Dwindled

If your husband does not want to share any intimacy with you anymore, and you can't remember the last time you had sex where your needs were met, then it could be that your spouse doesn't respect you like he did when you first started going out.

This cannot be taken on its own as the sole sign that your husband does not respect you - a married life together in even the happiest of marriages will probably see sex and intimacy decrease so that the husband and wife become companions or friends. However, there will still be some desire there in some form. If this has all but disappeared in your partnership, then it could be a sign that something is missing.

He Doesn't Let You Have Any Say In The Finances

A very common way for men who do not respect their wives to assert their control is not to let them have a say in the household finances. This can often occur as the husband does not see the need to give his wife the dignity of a say on what goes on in the home. If your husband is the breadwinner and does not let you in on any details about your bank accounts or the like, this behavior could be a huge warning sign of a lack of respect on his part.

5 Warning Signs Of A Disrespectful Husband - The Bottom Line

People often find comfort in knowing that what they are going through in a relationship is not unique and that people have survived what they are going through in their life too. This can be particularly true when there is a huge imbalance in a marriage and there is a lack of respect on a person's side. People sometimes get used to a way of life and forget to stick up for themselves as they slip into bad habits.

Remember that you have the power to change things and that the only way to be happy is take charge of the situation and assert yourself.

Have you been with a man who made you seek permission to do anything or everything? If that's the case, we would love to hear your story. Leave your details in the comments below or share this article with any women or people in a partnership where there is a lack of respect.

Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself?
This doesn't mean he doesn't like you. You have to understand how he is wired. Once you do, you'll find there is a subtle thing you can say that to him that will drastically change how he shows his emotions towards you.

Take this quick quiz that looks at whether he actually likes you or not!

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

36 comments on “11 Warning Signs Of A Disrespectful Husband”

  1. I gave myself 2 more years to stay, but I wish I would have never met this person. I have been extremely unhappy for a very,very,very long time and it's getting harder. But I keep telling myself that if I was able to wait this long, I can wait 2 more years (I will be done with grad school and my children will be graduating high school by then as well). Marriage has been the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. I hate it. I typed this to remind myself that this,too, shall pass. Thank you for giving people an opportunity to vent.

  2. My partner doesn't respect me and I don't care anymore. I am guilty of letting him walk all over me, as I don't want a confrontation. Now both of us are full of resentment and no amount of talking can ever resolved our relationship. He has a problem and I have a problem which I believe, separation is the only option for both of us. My partner is rude towards me. Doesn't respect my decision. Blames for all our hardships (as I am not contributing financially to the family). I have tried my best to start a business with no luck. The good thing is I was just hired a few days ago as Customer Care for a Canadian company and I hope this job will help me support my kids and myself should we continue to separate.

    It felt so good to vent out. I have to stand up for myself. I love and respect myself. I won't let anyone treat me like dirt.

  3. My boyfriend disrespects me all the time. He insaults me, ignores me, withholds affection, looks at other women on tv and comments about them. He even wrecks all my things. . He is nothing like my ex boyfriend who was always attentive and never insaulting and thought I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

    1. I have been married for 30 years. We have a good marriage
      except he goes through my things, dumps them out, breaks or loses them. He makes horrible messes. WHY?

  4. Very good information. But no information on how to deal with him when he refuses to listen to you and no matter what you say he says your wrong. I believe my husband is a narcissist and he really shows no value in me,so now what?

  5. my husband dont respect me by not asking for opinion in things, he will his d man of the house and make decision, most of the time the decision he do make do cause him a big trouble and still never change.his a liyer big one,the painful part is dat d true is bitter on him, anyone dat tell him true he turn dem to his enemy. he dont listen to my word toless he will make use of my advice. what should i do??

  6. My husband always says he loves me but I wonder why whenever I don't do exactly what he wants or talk in a way he doesn't like, he starts insulting me by using words like 'stupid,idiot,dull, stone hearted,wicked,etc' I tried talking to him about it,he never listened instead he continued with his rantings. He sees himself as perfect,never wrong. At a point I just keep cold and make myself happy. I just want him to listen, apologize for the insult but he wouldn't. I guess that's what women go through.I just imagine how I can cope with such a man. Thanks for reading

  7. My husband and I got separated for almost two years because he wouldn’t stop drinking and putting his friend first so I gave him an ultimatum so we got separated and after almost two years he kept begging me for almost a whole year to come back, he would send me pictures of completions of terapeuta classes etc. So because we have two kids together and I still love him I said ok let’s give it another chance he made me move from Texas where all my family was and where I had a stable job, a condominium, and I was doing good, I moved to California where he had efsmiky and friends I brought all my furniture in a Uhaul, left everything to gives us a second chance he promise yo help me with my car payment and bills until I find a job, but As soon as I got here he belittled me so much every time he gets a chance he trows at me his he pays for everything and I don’t bring any money, if I cook he don’t eat my food or would make a comment about it, he’s always calling me dumb, or a liar, if I say something to our kids he tells them to do the opposite that he’s ok with it taking authority away from me, he don’t even sleep in the same room as me anymore he stays all night on his phone and rather sleep in the living room, when talking around friends he cuts me off, I feel so stuck I want to go back to Texas but I brought all my furniture and stuff out here, he knows I have no money and no support from family out here I feel stuck in a deep hole. My self esteem has gone drown to the floor that I rather don’t say anything to not fight but even when I don’t say anything he gets upset. And for his behavior he uses the excuse that he has ptsd. It’s like all his promises and words don’t match his actions I wish I knew he will make me live in hell I would of never move out here

    1. I can understand you please stay strong...if you dont want to stay with him just go to Texas....without wasting a second...all the bestfriend your future

    2. Always have an escape plan. Find a local women's aid group and get out of that situation. If you leave a bad situation, never go back. That's the lesson.

  8. When we were both working, my husband was fine. He made a lot of bad investments which I was not "allowed" to get involved with about 15 year ago an bankrupt us. We moved to a different country to start over but my job in the US did not work out working from home so he was the only one working for the past 6 years. Granted I am 52 now so I have worked most of my life. My husbands new company has been so successful that he is now so obnoxious and rude to me that I am so unhappy I don't know how to cope. I am not allowed to even ask him a question without distain and attacks. He has an "adoring" staff now and it has all gone to his head. Today he told me I do nothing all day. I have a home, two teenage girls and two dogs so you can imagine I do "something" 24/7. I am getting sad now. Sad no longer mad. He is mean now. Mean.

    1. If he doesn't appreciate you just leave you don't deserve this he's taking you for granted it may be hard to leave but it may be the best thing for you and your kids he will realize what a good thing he had once he doesn't have it anymore. Just stand your ground stay strong and don't give in to him anymore make him suffer this time so he will see how it is to be in your shoes neglected and ignored and alone

  9. I been married for almost 27 years and out of those 27 years we were separated a year in a half. My husband is so rude and mean and it seems like only to me. Everyone else gets pretty much the royal treatment especially is 80 year old friend and my husband is 50. He constantly puts me down saying I don't do anything but yet the house is always clean and I work. He makes comments about other women rather their on TV or in person and he keeps financial things from me doesn't tell me everything especially when it comes to saving me some money. I've been unhappy for a long time now and don't know what to do because we just bought a house I dont know if I should walk away or hang in there.

  10. Hi, I am a man. I will not put my name here. but please do read my story, I have read the article above and also the comments. I am married to the most selfless and wonderful woman I have ever known. I have admired her since I first met her. long story short. I wanted to marry her and I did. I have known her 2 years before our marriage and we are now married for 4 years. But as time passed I started to take her for granted and I have been very disrespectful towards her. and the worst part is she just stood there and listen to all the trash I threw at her (verbally). I love her and I am very possessive and protective of her. but I am also very disrespectful towards her. The way I speak to her is disgusting and I am now realizing that I have taken her for granted, and I am very disrespectful towards not just her but also her family, specially her mother. I often say bad stuff to her and verbally attack her where it hurts most, as I know her very well. I want to change and I want to respect her and honor her and make her feel loved and cherished and I want to make her feel happy with me. I do lots of good stuff for her like gifts and outings. We have 2 beautiful children together. But after few good days I just completely screw her mind over so bad that she ends up crying and yelling and broken. and then I feel miserable that I have failed her again. I am a total failure as a husband in regards to loving and respecting my wife. I want to change I just want to change and respect her. She has a heart and it beats for me and I do not want to lose her because of my stupidity. on 14th October it was our first meeting anniversary I brought flowers and a useless gift. but today on 16th I again messed it all up and she was again crying and had to put those flowers in a bin. I need help and I need it fast. I have tried some therapies to make myself less toxic as a person. But after few days maybe 2 weeks I again make this awesome person break down due to my poison and toxicity.

    1. Pray for Jesus to enter your heart and hers.
      Read your Bible every day. "It is living and active" John 3:16
      Keep trying and getting spiritual help.
      Get Baptized out of a repentant heart,as you seem to. Read Acts 2,all.
      Find a church group,friends that will pray for you, people you trust.
      I'll be praying for you and all the people here.

    2. I think she’ll be better off without you. If you KNOW what you’re doing wrong, you should have fixed it ages ago.

    3. NAME; I am not a doctor I am only someone on the outside looking in. Not judging. Per ce. But I am comparing a few things. What I'm going to say is only off the cuff and some food for thought. So here goes!

      Your wife's strength is just one of the qualities that attracted you to her.
      Her strength hAS been needed, hAS carried you, hAS your marriage during times you felt you should have been able to but could not for whatever reason.
      I'm sure grateful each time it has. But I think its caused you to come resentful. You quite possibly feel a bit emasculated as well. You've no doubt felt like it should have been you,THE MAN, carrying that weight.
      Being grateful for
      this gift your wife bestowed, then learning that strength isn't gender, sometimes its combined efforts that can also make strength that can be just as powerful if not stronger.
      You took that strength when you needed it. Felt inadequate after taking it. Because you felt inadequate you felt the need to act out. You chose to act disrespectful towards those that had what you lacked. That would be your wife and her mom. Of course you feel bad when you're being disrespectful again and again.You SHOULD feel bad.
      But at some point you need to find a way to be helpful instead of helpless. Are you competing with your wife or are you and your wife competing for a life? Think about it!

    4. Please control your emotions...even i have same problem..you hv to practice ..only then you can do ...it will take few months...to see change in you...you please control yourself before she leaves you

    5. You need to get better help and get it fast or you will lose her for good to somebody else men are always taking advantage of women treating them like trash just because they think they are more superior woman deserve respect especially the one your with and if you don't change you may be alone for ever cus no woman wants to be disrespected by their own partner you will get what you give in the end and you call your self a man just like all the rest do you even know what a man is

  11. My Name is cheryl,I'm 55

    All I can say I feel every last one of you Beautiful women!! I'm so hurt,sad,angry,and broken. I'm experiencing or have experience what you all are going through.I'v been in 3 relationship in my entire life, i'v been married twice,I have 3 sons which are all grown.I am a woman of God!! I have a great support system.This is my 2nd Marriage and it's my worst one.But I'm ready walk I've suffered enough!! I'm praying for each and every one of you from afar.

  12. My husband and I have been married for 7 years. We suffered for a few years with infertility at the start of our marriage and we haven’t been the same since even after giving birth to our beautiful son 2 years ago. We have good moments but we have disrespected each other on numerous occasions. It all started when he began blaming me for us not being able to have kids initially. As if I chose to have fertility issues. Dealing with infertility lowered my self esteem and instead of being a supportive husband, he only added to my feelings of worthlessness. I am thankful that I healed emotionally in that area before finally getting pregnant with our son but now, because there was a shift in our relationship during that dark period of time, we have become hardened towards one another. It has been difficult for us to reverse the toxic habits that we developed. Just a few days ago we got into an argument and he said some really insulting things to me via text message. It was in that moment that I had decided that I was no longer going to engage in that toxic behavior with him and so I blocked his number in my phone. When I came home, I didn’t react like he would have expected me to and he looked worried. I honestly felt and still do feel emotionally disconnected from him and so his words in that text, while insulting, didn’t affect me like they would have in the past. I’m sort of “checked out” of this marriage. The next day he realized that I had blocked his number which is something that I have never done before and so he went into overdrive to find ways to rectify the situation because he knew that what he texted me was very wrong. We ended up discussing it and had “makeup sex” and now today he is really making an effort to do better. I just am afraid to be vulnerable again with him because I’m afraid that he will just revert back to his old behavior in a few days time. I have evolved over the last several months and I will no longer allow any more toxic energy in my life. How do I continue to set hard boundaries with him and hold him accountable so that he doesn’t fall back into his old patterns? We need to do better so that we can be a good example for our son.

    1. What you just described is exactly where I am at in my marriage. It resonates deeply with me. Actually all these stories do, but yours struck me as most close to my own situation.

      We have been married 7 years, together for 9, and known each other as close friends before dating for 15 years. It is both our second marriages. He is a tyrant. He attacks me verbally for anything I ask, offer as an option, or opinion. We have two amazing boys, and they witness this daily. I have left him twice. I do not want my boys to learn this behavior is ok.

      What I’m saying is; every time I stand up to him he changes for a while but always when stressed we revert to this merry go round. I am to the point where I have checked out. I no longer care. I can’t divorce him yet because of our kids he adores them and IS a good father. He’s just a crappy husband. And this makes me resentful a little of my children which no mother should ever feel. I am embarrassed to admit this.

      I will make one more stand for this marriage and put him in his place, but knowing he has cheated on me, knowing that he continues to belittle, be verbally abusive, and blame everything on me along with gas lighting is taking its toll.

      I cannot let on I’m considering leaving till my ducks are in a row. I am working on an exit plan, and meanwhile I will do my best to try to reach his heart once more.

    2. You are exactly where I am. I don't care anymore. I don't want to play this game anymore. We've gone through this cycle too many times, I've given too many chances. What's hard is I deeply desire to be respected, appreciated, and regarded as something of value, like his cars!! I feel like I put so much energy in, and get nothing out. I'm starting to lose respect for him. That's what's truly toxic. I don't respect him. He's giving me nothing to work with. I'm starting to view him as a childish, self centered, selfish being. I hate it, but I can't help seeing him this way. It's because of the way he treats me. I've tried to get him to treat me differently,but I've come to the realization that he doesn't care enough to make those changes. That's the worst part. And really all I ask for are little things. Like wash the dishes sometimes. Damn.

  13. My husband and I were best friends, lovers, compatriots. We sailed our boat out of the country 3 times, twice with kids. When he retired he changed. He took me on the retirement cruise of a lifetime and didn't even talk to me and acted like I was not welcome. Trapped on a boat in many empty anchorages, darkness, being told I can't even look at a CD while he spent hours sitting in the only comfortable chair, the steering chair, every night and drank red wine in the dark and did n't talk to me. Every port involved first a hunt for more wine. I was so distraught. Then when we got home from our year long outing he met a woman on a bike ride and went up to her apartment and had unprotected sex with her. Then he came home from his bike ride and ran straight into the shower.I thought that was weird. He never showers after a ride he doesn't do strenuous rides. I was home trying to repair the garden damage the renters had caused while we were off sailing. He could have been helping me.This after being together for 35 years.

    He kept me out of his work atmosphere and I never met his coworkers.I had accepted this as he is kind of antisocial.
    It was 12 years of trying to make our marriage feel normal again after his post retirement cheat. We had a lot of fights.

    Basically we had been best friends and lovers forever but I lost my trust in him.On Mother's Day 12 years into this recovery and feeling happy finally I picked up his phone to take it to him and glanced at the message...it said 'I woke up thinking about your blue eyes...'. I was shocked, shaken to my toes and broken hearted again. He maintained that they were just friends and he'd never even touched her hand but the texts I couldn't help but look for told a story of meeting for drinks and her trying to get him to meet her, telling him when she was ubering to meet him etc. Lots of long emails detailing her days to him. I was so distraught over this then he blamed me for the fact that he "had to have a friend as all I did was bitch at him" while this friend was trying desperately to seduce him and I think he was fully aware of it, and enjoyed it and meeting her girlfriends, being the cock of the flock. She was 20 years older than he was. But it's my fault he had this ongoing thing for over a year!

    I'm now 68 and I'm so over this marriage and his passive aggressive narcissistic attitude. He has physically abused me and spent a night in jail. I didn't call the police my doctor did after seeing a bruise on my arm. The police came two nights after the fact and we were ok not fighting just sleeping together peacefully. They ended up taking my husband to jail for nothing other than that bruise, but the arresting officer insisted on my saying he hit me with a closed fist. He forced me to say it happened or he wouldn't leave my house. It was awful and it turns out that if there is a visible mark there is an arrest. My husband spent the night in jail.

    It cost $4,000 to get his bail paid so at 69 he wouldn't be sitting in a COvid filled jail. Attorney will be another $4,000. It's a felony with the fist used.
    This expense is shared and so this has hurt my credit and also our savings, my savings. I am the one being punished financially.

    All this leads up to the fact that I am now 68 and I know I should have left a long time ago. If I leave now I will live in poverty and away from my family because no one with the resources I would have after a divorce could afford to live where I live now. I will have to walk away from everything and everyone I know and I have no other family other than my husband and daughter.This means I probably have to stay. But knowing what I know,now I'd have left at 35 when he made me get an abortion I didn't want because of an accidental pregnancy, we had a three year old son and he's been laid off his job at the time. I had PTSD for years after that.

    Then his dad molested our 8 year old daughter, but he'd been grooming her since she was 4 we found out. He was a dentist, an alcoholic and a monster.I never imaged that could happen and more PTSD from that, years where I just wanted to get a gun and go shoot him in the balls when he opened his front door. But he'd moved two states away and it didn't happen fortunately. I don't even have a gun. But I lay awake freaking out over this for months on end and wanted revenge. My husband never even talked to him or raged at him or anything. He went silent but he was heartbroken that that had happend to our little girl.

    We always worked and paid our own way,bought fixer homes and made them nice and lived within our means. I thought we'd made it through the hard parts but then our son at age 23 decided to try heroin and became a raging addict. We tried rehab, having him live with us (he stole and continued to use,so we kicked him out). He had a baby with another woman and I ended up taking care of her for 2 years while the mom raged on meth and spent time homeless, meanwhile my son disappeared and we haven't seen him for 10 years. The granddaughter also taken by the mom during one of her sane periods to be left on her mom when she went back to the streets. It broke my heart because I knew this little girl would never get what she needed to have a good life with those people but I was powerless. In court, even with her jail records,her drug use,her involvement in credit card fraud,the judge gave her my granddaughter.

    So the straw that broke the camel's back was finding out just who my husband really is. And I'd always loved him been loyal and tried my hardest to work while keeping a nice clean house, everyone with healthy food and supporting my husband in the only recreation we did which was boating.

    So I wish I could just move out and find someone capable of real love and spend the rest of my days in a comfortable and supportive atmosphere. My husband is trying to make up for stuff now, but I can't put it away. He's never been vocally supportive or complimentary of me. He's pretty much given me the silent treatment for years. He drinks himself to sleep every night still.

    The kicker is that my level of trust is so eroded I won't go on a boat out in the ocean anymore with him cause it would be really easy to say I fell overboard and he couldn't save me. I doubt he'd do that but I've seen him completely irrationally angry and physical and that besides the lack of trust just in loyalty issues makes me very worried. And I stay. And he says he loves me and he is very much into cuddling in bed. I am so torn. Right now he's taken it upon himself to build us a master bathroom and it's coming out really nice. I seems like he has always made up for the hurtful up stuff he's done by building me something in one of our houses. After his first infidelity he put in a new front door and built a fireplace before he told me about it. Things I wanted. He's built me a patio cover for my birthday but completely stiffed me on other birthdays and Christmases too. Told me when the kids were young that we weren't celebrating Mother's Day because I wasn't his mother! In front of our little ones who saw me crying over his lack of sentimentality.

    I buy my own presents now and wrap them up He thinks this is good. I hate it but if I didn't do it I'd have no presents to open at Christmas while everyone else does. It got embarrassing so that is why I shop for myself.

    My purpose in writing this is that people are complicated, lives are complicated, but if you suffer from low self esteem like I do you will stay in these types of relationships. It's better to leave. I do not love him anymore or trust him. I'm not even sure we are friends.He acts like everything is ok and he never shares his feelings, if I share mine he closes up like a clam and usually moves to another room our goes outside to leave me alone with my thoughts. He won't talk any of this over which only makes me angrier. I know the silent treatment that he has given me over the years is not helpful but it's all I have left to remove myself from him in his presence.I put up a front all of the time. I can't share this with my friends, it's too explosive and will only cause them to not want to be around me. I'm ashamed about my son, can't talk about what happened with my daughter. Sometimes you can't dump this stuff on friends, any advice to do so is probably something everyone should take into consideration as to what the after affects will be. Your friends will stop calling. But then I really didn't have time for friends during the first 35 years of our marriage. It was all about family and homelife, and his boating trips that we all went on. .,..

  14. My mum is downright wonderful and she's with an idiot who can't see that. He picks fights over everything she does and squirrels all his money away for retirement, which he is obviously intending to spend without her. She does all the cooking, all the cleaning, and has her own gardening business - which pays for the food. She's beautiful (strangers have genuinely stopped to tell her so) smart, kind, caring, hardworking... I'm not just saying all this because she's my mum, she's the very best person I know.

    My arsehole father treated her the same way. Maybe these men are intimidated by just how brilliant she is. My stepfather is stupid (dropped out of school), ugly (inside and out), insensitive, selfish, narcissistic, lazy, miserable and countless other kinds of horrible. I believe his self-esteem is at an all time low because he's getting too old for his rather physical job and the pandemic has destabilised his decades-long source of income as a contractor for one company. He's had a year of barely working, been at home watching TV all day, while my mum's been slaving away even more than usual. He's such a prick.

    In school, they teach you that women have it so much better than they used to, that we can do whatever we want and the world is at our feet - but these men just aren't stepping up! Women are trying to take on 'man' work and men are doing bugger all to allow for it in the home. They have no respect. This is nothing new, everyone knows about it - and it's a cycle! In our home lives, we learn from our parents behaviour. They don't teach housework in schools. Even my mum perpetuates it - delegates chores to me and none to my brother, because he has no respect for her and is harder to guilt into doing things. He's learned this from the male role models in his life. Are we living in the 19th century? We're the same species!

    Anyway I think my mum should stop taking pity on these useless blobs, get away and get some time, money and education for herself.

    Thanks for the article and thanks for reading to whoever has taken the time.

  15. After 37 years of putting up with his disrespect and lies and evilness, no presents since day one ,saying it just another day like no big deal ,God how stupid I have been and I don’t know why I am still here. I pray every day to our Lord I ask forgiveness because I hate this person with every cell inside of me and also wish him to hell and the worse part is that I never in my whole life hated another human being like I hate him I have been so unhappy for 36 and a half years I can’t even tell you when I laughed or had fun with him. I don’t remember ever having a good time ever he is all about himself for himself thinks only about his self he has made my life a living hell we have three daughters and he treats them no different,six grandchildren one that I been raising since her birth she just turned 16 in December I am here for my baby who and like my other grandchildren I love so much she is my whole life he does nothing with us and has been like this with our children I am crying so hard right now thinking of all he has not done for our children that I want to kill myself knowing I am at fault for allowing this in there world. I will always be there for my girls no matter what I will still stand in front of them and take that bullet no matter what there age but I will not take a bullet for him and I know he would run and let me die because that almost happened to me and he run wasn’t with me only for maybe an hour just so my family and my friends seen him there he destroys any vacation he had with us and holidays to this day No one can tell me to read the Bible and hang in there because no one Deserves to be treated like this by someone else no one

  16. My husband believes he is right no matter what. if i try to talk to him about spending, Porn, the way he treats me, he yells and it brings back all the abuse from my childhood. he thinks looking at porn for two to three hours a day is not cheating, he had a triple bypass 17 years ago and he can not get it up, no matter what i do it will not get hard so i can have some pleasure too. When iam on the phone with someone he has to be right there listen to what i have to say, he undoes all the training i have spent teaching our dogs, i tell him i do not want the dogs on the bed, and he does it anyhow, he allows them to chew up things and says oh well they are dogs. he does not pick up anything or put anything back, I get angry and sometimes it is nice to just go have dinner by myself. I tell him we have very little money and he will overspend all the time, but when i need to buy something for me, he gets mad at me for using the money. my friends tell me he does not love me he is only using me? This is both of our second marriage, I do not make friends easy, as my parents both hit and yelled a lot at us kids, I am more senitive to yelling and verbal abuse. he has never hit me, but the yelling scares me. he has cheated on me a number of times and when we are out he will look and make rude remarks to the waitress all sexual it is embaressing to me, i have told him over and over but he still does it all the time. he makes a point in telling people he does not get sex at home, but when i try to give him a hand job, he pushes my hand away and does it himself, i feel he enjoys that more then he does me touch him. I have had to go 17 years without sex, but that is different he is a man. We talk all the time about things, but i am not allowed to talk about his disrespecting me, money, bills, rules. Some times i wish i had not remarried and i would have stayed single. I am not sure he loves me or every had loved me. he tells he how much he loves me and that he would be lost without me, but i do not feel he really means it. My family liked him at first and then they started to see him in a different light, but i have lost all my family now. it is just us two all the time together except when we are at work. My first husband never talked or wanted to be around our kids i thought this one was different until he had his heart attacks and boy did he change big time. If i am sick he does take care of me, or if i get hurt, he is good to me then, but maybe it is because he knows i do not need a man to make a living, i told him that when we first met, that i wanted someone that would be there by my side walking with me, loving me, and wanting to do the things i do. if i am doing something like building a raised garden bed, he will tell me iam doing it all wrong and do it his way, he does that in everything i try to do. I am very capable of building and fixing things around here.

  17. I love this "...just leave" crap.
    Anyone in an abusive relationship knows you can't just leave.

    .He will make sure your car isn't running if it runs at all.

    .You will never have any money for gas beyond the edge of town.

    .His control will watch your every move.

    .His abuse will separate you from anyone who cares for your well being.

    .You'll feel inept and ugly from his verbal abuse (over and over).

    .You won't want to tell any one how sad you feel yet don't out of shame that you trusted a person who could be so cruel.

    .He will try to ruin Your credit & distroy everything you love or care about.

    And your advice is just leave.

    ...To go where?

    .To a job that wont even pay you e-nuff to cover basic necessities.

    .You probably don't have an education because he wouldn't allow it.

    .Plus you won't qualify for a cheep apt.

    .An at best he gets you in the legal system from his evil manipulation and hate.

    .Prevoking you constantly- until He Pretends to become the victim.

    Yet all along he is the one out of line or the one who is out two-timing on you!

    .He never has money maybe becuz the heroin Is so expensive, but so are hotels and hookers.

    .He would be Screwing a snake if someone could hold its head.

    .And all he has is hate and disrespect in his black heart for you.

    .You the one who shares her body and soul with a self-serving ass like him.

    .And some how she will keep loving a dickhead like him.

    So What is wrong with our upbringing that would ever allow a young man to become this monster, and our daughter's to put up with it in hopes that one day he will see she loves him an he will change.

    Rite that is


  18. I've been married for 3 years now, and recently we have visitors: daughter and husband, a terrible argument started 1 day before they leave, and son in law truly offended me and insulted me using bad words, inside of me I was screaming for my husband who was next to me to say something to stop son in law offensive words, but no, nothing happened, this hurts me so much, it made me feel unworthy and deeply sad. but i notice that every time when someone says something disrespectful to me or about me, husband never but never protects me or say something on my defense, sometimes he even support those people. i don't know what to do because when I let husband to know about how do I feel with his actions but he always and I am saying always uses the everything against me, or he finds the way out using any excuse.

  19. Not only does my husband not respect me, he now has me walking on pins oand needles. He yells now and tells me what I can do and what I can't do. He wasn't this way until he was injured 3 years ago. He is now disabled and home and threatens stuff all the time. He does his own thing and never ask me for my input or opinion and if I do have one it is never correct. basically his way or the highway. He goes and does his own thing and doesn't bother to ask me if he wants me along or not. He cheated on me and asked me to leave almost 2 years ago after being together for over 18 years. I left and he called me and begged me to come back. Because I missed him so much, I came back. We got married 3 months after that. Since then he has acted so controlling and disrespectful and have no idea how I can bare this much more. He is not only acting this way towards me but now my daughter, that has moved in with us until she finds her own place. I am at a loss and have no idea what to do. I approached him about how we needed to sit and talk and he told me to just shut the f up. and walked out of the house. I feel like he regrets that he asked me to come back and that he married me. Please help

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