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How To Stop Fighting In A Relationship (15 Ways)

by Sonya Schwartz

When you are in a relationship, it is inevitable that at some point you will have an argument with your partner. However, just because a couple of fighting is inevitable, it doesn’t make it any more pleasant when it does occur. 

Here, we look at ways couples can minimize the amount that they fight with their partner. In doing so, we address ways that you can make one another a little happier but also still tackle problems in a proactive and constructive way. 

The reason being is that couples will all come into difficult situations that cause tension, however, if that couple can work through that situation, they will find that they will always feel like they have a way to make things right between the two of them again. 

How To Stop Arguing In A Relationship

Here are 15 ways you can try to implement with your partner so that you tackle problems much more constructively so that you do not spend all your time arguing with each other. You can either implement one or two, but it can be a good idea to be aware of all of them. That way, you arm yourself with the best amount of tools possible to feel confident in your relationship

1. Tackle irritations head on

There is no denying that, despite loving your partner very much, that he or she will irritate you at some point for some reason or other. Even though you think they are fantastic, those irritations can sometimes build up to very big issues even when it is over something quite small. 

If that is the case, remember to broach the subject of those irritations as soon as you can. In doing so, you are helping one another by minimizing the amount you will argue in the future. By telling your partner how you feel as and when those feelings of irritation occur, you won’t find that those irritations fester over time becoming something bigger than they need to be. 

2. See things from their point of view

One of the reasons that couples argue is because they don’t know or understand where their partner is coming from. When you do try to see things from their point of view, you can help diffuse an argument before it even begins. Plus, it can help strengthen your bond as it makes you both more able to feel like you are open to each other’s opinions. That in turn is a very positive path for a relationship to take. Knowing that you and your partner will try to understand one another through thick and thin can be a very reassuring and comforting feeling. 

3. Be compassionate

Be compassionate

In understanding where your partner is coming from, and trying to see their point of view, you can help minimize the amount of time you both argue as you will naturally become more compassionate. 

That compassion and understanding can again help diffuse arguments before they get so big that they cause even bigger problems than necessary further down the line. Plus compassion is a very attractive trait in a person so again can help improve the bond between one partner and another over time. 

4. Be diplomatic

It is important that when you are trying to sort through problems between one another that you do so as diplomatically as possible. The reason being is two-fold: firstly, if you stay calm and diplomatic throughout an argument when they do happen, you can help limit the time that you do spend arguing. Plus you won’t say things you didn’t mean to say. 

Secondly, if you are diplomatic when trying to broach issues between each other, you will find that things don’t even get to the point of a fully-fledged argument. You simply work through issues calmly and constructively from the outset. 

5. Try counselling

It may sound and feel drastic, but attending couples therapy together can make things a lot easier for each other in the long term. Therapy actually lets couples find a safe place to air their troubles and a therapist makes observations that help them find a way through an issue in their own way. 

Counselling is not the last resort for people and it should not feel like you are clutching at straws to save your relationship if you decide to see a counsellor. Therapy can help even the strongest of partnerships. 

6. Learn about their past

While it is important to see where a person is coming from and their point of view, one thing that can help enormously as well is to take the time to learn about your partner and his or her past. How they were brought up can have huge ramifications on their reactions to situations and can be why arguments or fights start. Depending on their circumstances, it can be really enlightening to know about a person’s past as it can help you understand why they are reacting in a certain way in the present. 

7. Don’t judge

It can be very hard to do but if you are taken aback by an argument or a fight with your partner, be sure not to judge what they say in the heat of the moment. Judging a person seeks to minimize and ridicule their emotions when in truth their feelings are just as valid as yours. It can help again, here, to know about a person’s past as it will help stop you from judging them. 

This is down to the fact that you will have a more rounded understanding and feeling of compassion during an argument. Importantly, this feeling will be picked up from your partner who will go on to do the same - making fights or arguments less frequent and less heated in future. 

8. Know your trigger points

Another way to minimize the number of fights or arguments you have with a partner is to work on your own trigger points. So often when we look to stop fighting with our partner we look at what our partner could have done differently, or what we could have done differently as a couple. However, working on yourself and what always triggers a strong reaction in you can help cool tempers in the future. 

9. Be happy in yourself

Another way to stop arguments being such a big, catastrophic event in your relationship with your partner is like yourself and be happy with who you are and your life as a whole. By working on being happy elsewhere in your life, you also help minimize arguments with a boyfriend or girlfriend for a couple of reasons. 

Firstly, if you are happier in general you are less likely to rise to anything in a relationship that irritates you or when your partner airs their views on a situation that has annoyed them. Secondly, if you are happier in yourself your relationship has a healthier balance in it anyway, causing fewer arguments as you feel less pressure from within. 

10. Have confidence

Another way to feel a lot less pressure in your relationship is to have confidence in yourself as well as your relationship too. Being confident in yourself means that you are actually far more likely to bring up issues earlier on with your partner as you have the confidence in your abilities to get him or her to see your point, but also that if an issue has made you unhappy, you realise that it should not be the status quo. Instead, you are happy to flag up to your partner that you both have to do some work. 

11. Common interests

Common interests

Another way that you can both help each other minimize the number of fights you have in your relationship is to try to have common interests. This is great as it helps bring you closer together and also makes you see each other from a slightly different perspective, further enhancing that bond. The time you spend doing a hobby you enjoy and like will also be the time you both naturally enjoy more, minimizing the chance for irritation or hurt to arise.

12. Quality time

In addition to having common interests together, make sure that you also have quality time together where you both feel like you are invested in each other’s company. You may find that you like to set aside a time each week to dedicate to each other so you feel important in one another’s lives. You may like for your quality time to be more spontaneous, but either way, it will always strengthen a relationship and make it happier as a consequence. 

13. Listen to each other

Listening to each other is key to keeping arguments and fights to a minimum when in a couple. This can mean that arguments don’t actually ever materialise as you both know where each other stand through having listened to one another. It can also mean that arguments are lessened in severity as you feel like your partner is taking the time to really see as much from your point of view as possible - as you do them. 

14. Forgive

One of the main reasons that arguments get bigger than they need to be is because people don’t forgive or forget past arguments properly. Instead, they focus on them and start to bear a big feeling of resentment regarding situations and scenarios that transpired with their partner.

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It means that in future, all arguments are likely to be bigger than they needed to be because both partners go into the fight already angry with one another about something that happened in the past. 

15. Stay in the moment

Along the same lines as forgiving a partner properly for any misdeed that you have tried to move on in the past, it is imperative to stay in the moment when in an argument. In doing so, you minimize the severity of it and thus stop yourselves from saying things that neither of you meant, yet still manage to cause a lot of hurts. 

FAQs

How do I stop fighting with my boyfriend?

If you want to stop fighting with your boyfriend, you need to try to bring up issues that are troubling you earlier on before they result in bigger fights. The same needs to be said of the other partner, who needs to bring up things before they get to be massive problems for you both. 

Is it normal to fight every day in a relationship?

Fighting every day in a relationship may not be very common, but if it works for two people who are still happy at the end of the day, then it is fine. It is important to remember that fighting couples do not necessarily mean unhappy couples. 

How do you resolve fights in a relationship?

Resolving fights in a relationship is purely down to the two people involved. Some people will require an apology, others a huge romantic gesture while some will need to hear that their partner will work on the point that has caused them to fight in the first place. 

How long should a fight last in a relationship?

There is no one time that a fight should last in a relationship. Some fights can be over in a matter of minutes while others will take a lot longer to come to end. As long as the fight comes to a resolution where both partners are happy, it should take as long as it needs to take. 

Do couples that fight stay together?

It is not always the case that a couple that often argues or fight are unhappy. In fact, couples that fight have a good chance of surviving as long as they resolve the issue that they are arguing about. The issues that are not resolved are the problems that can cause something that will break them up

How To Stop Fighting With Your Partner - Conclusion

It can be exhausting if you are in a couple where you feel that much of your time is taken up with fighting. However, it doesn’t have to be that way. While arguments will be part of any healthy relationship, they need not be huge, catastrophic events that cause permanent hurt or damage to the relationship as a whole. 

Remember to break things down, have compassion and see something from each other's point of views. If you are a hot-headed or stubborn person, remember to take a breath and be as diplomatic as possible. In doing so, you will help break the habit of arguments that your relationship has got itself into. 

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Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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