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Feeling Misunderstood In A Relationship (17 Ultimate Tips)

Almost everyone wants at least one person to understand them. Having that knowledge that someone out there feels your pain relates to your way of thinking or even just understands you to an extent could be one of the best feelings in the world. For many of us, we hope that person would be our partner. 

You want your partner to be in tune with your words and actions and understand them without constantly having to explain yourself. You want a guy that will see through those mood swings and defensive walls and just love you for who you are. You’re probably reading this because you feel misunderstood right now, and that’s a feeling I can relate to. 

It’s a lonely, sad, and daunting feeling, but the truth is, if you dwell on the fact that you feel misunderstood in relationships, that won’t solve anything. People can’t get in our minds to see what we’re thinking. That's why it’s up to keep trying to improve those relationships by working on making your partner, friends, and family understand you better. 

Don’t feel like you’re the most complicated or misunderstood person in the world, if you follow these simple tips, it should help your partner understand your kind of person even better.

17 Tips To Make Your Partner Understand You Better

1. Understand Yourself

You need to understand yourself before anyone else can understand you. This notion might sound absurd–however, most people react emotionally without understanding why they feel that way. If you can’t comprehend the cause of your feelings, it will be impossible for your partner to do so. 

Therefore, take a period to ask yourself questions like, “why am I angry?” or “why did I react this way?’ to get a clearer picture of your emotions.

2. Talk More About How You Feel

talk more about how you feel

If you solidly feel like your partner misunderstands you, you need to change your method of communication. It’s easy to base the conversation on the other person’s misdeeds in the heat of any misunderstanding. However, doing this every time eliminates the purpose of trying to express how you feel

Instead of saying, “You did this…” or “You did that…” you need to make your statements more personal by saying, “I felt this way when you did that…” This will communicate your feelings rather than just lay blames on the other partner.

3. Try To Understand Your Partner

When someone feels misunderstood, it blocks off their ability to connect with another person. Your partner might be feeling misunderstood as well, which is why he isn’t putting in the effort to understand you better. Sometimes, to get someone to stop misunderstanding your motives and intentions, you have to start understanding theirs. 

Every personal relationship goes two ways. If you want to stop feeling misunderstood, you need to be willing to put in the work as well. It will help you escape from your headspace and look at things from your partner’s perspective so that you can communicate appropriately.

4. Communicate With Your Body Language

It’s one thing to communicate with your words, and another to communicate with body language. If your comments express something quite different from your body language, your partner would notice and be reluctant to listen to you. 

For example, telling your partner about the need to communicate better, but looking away when your partner is trying to express their emotions, or crossing your arms while speaking could defeat your purpose. Always try to be cautious of your body language at all times. Even more, than talking, your body language could speak more volumes.

5. Talk When You’re Not Feeling Emotional

talk when you're not feeling emotional

Feeling misunderstood will cause your emotions to flare up, and your partner will perceive that you’re unhappy. If you’re fond of telling your partner you feel misunderstood only when you’re emotional; they will associate your words with your unhappy state of mind. 

He will feel like you are only feeling misunderstood because both of you are having an argument, and that’s not what you want to achieve. To effectively pass your message across, it will be best to talk to your partner when you’re unemotional. Your partner will understand your words better, and the dialogue will be less tense, causing both of you to communicate more effectively.

6. Choose The Right Time To Open Up

While planning how to open up to your partner, consider the perfect time for it as well. Your partner wouldn’t understand what you’re saying if they’re preoccupied or having a bad day. You don’t have to schedule a period to talk because that can also bring a lot of tension to the moment. 

7. Keep Things Short

When you’re having a conversation with your partner about certain misunderstandings, it will help if you keep things short and straightforward—trying to pour out every little detail about how you’re feeling will yield less profitable results. 

8. Speak Their Language

Everyone communicates and assimilates information in their unique ways. You need to figure out how your partner comprehends things to avoid feeling misunderstood. For the first few times you have a conversation, watch him while he talks. It’s one way to know their mode of communication and determine whether you need to change yours in order to get through to him.

Once you have discovered what works best with your partner, work on making your partner comprehend you as well. This process would enable both of you to catch on with one another better and improve the relationship as a whole.

9. Talk Calmly

talk calmly

A loud voice sounds confrontational, and anyone will find it impossible to assimilate the information you’re passing across. Using a high tone with your partner doesn’t work any differently, it’s more like you’re shouting or accusing him than trying to make conversation, (even though that’s not the case). 

The best way to ensure your partner understands you is to express yourself in a calm tone. This action will help both of you open up to the idea of listening to each other, and no one will feel misunderstood. In a nutshell, you’ll be able to settle your differences amicably.

10. Share Emotions Regularly

If sharing emotions isn’t a regular aspect of your day-to-day living, it will be hard to express them when it’s most needed. Inculcating the habit of telling your partner how you really feel throughout your day will build a closer bond between the two of you. 

It will also help if you asked your partner emotion-provoking questions like, “What did you like most about today?” more regularly. This action will build an intimate connection between you two, making it easier to communicate better when needed.

11. Be Open To Listening

be open to listening

It’s not every time you will want to have a heartfelt conversation with your partner. Nevertheless, always be available to listen. Your partner may not get the timing perfect, but instead of ignoring and making your partner conceal their emotions much longer, it’s better to hear them out. 

This act will get both of you to adapt and share your emotions more, and he’ll have to hear you out whenever you have concerns as well. 

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12. Stop Being Passive-Aggressive

Passive-aggressive behavior is refusing to be clear and direct in communication, especially after a disagreement. If you want to stop feeling misunderstood, you have to stop expecting them to learn from the little you dish out. 

Tell your partner what’s bothering you, why it’s bothering you, how you feel it can be corrected, and ask if they agree with your point of view. This action communicates not only your feelings, but also allows your partner to contribute to what you’ve said, and possibly take action.

13. Know When To Pause

If you’re trying your best to communicate, but your partner isn’t comprehending, you should know when to pause and take some time out. Being persistent in making your partner learn your emotions at that moment would only heat things up and ruin the essence of the conversation

It’s okay to pause, take a break, and let him get some rest before continuing the conversation. It’s also okay to decide to continue the conversation later on.

14. Don’t Force Your Partner To Change

don't force your partner to change

When you’re sharing your feelings about a particular subject, it’s important not to add sentiments into the conversation. If you start criticizing your partner and forcing them to change their actions towards you, it will obscure the significant point of focusing on how you feel. 

Relationships rely on the input of two people, but no partner has the right (or even the power) to try and change the other. Every effort to change, adapt, or improve has to be voluntary. 

15. Try Writing

If you’re having difficulties expressing yourself verbally, then you should try writing. Writing allows you to think about everything you want to say without being interrupted and forgetting some key points. You also get the privilege to remove unwanted sentences before verbalizing them and refining your words to suit what you really want to express.

16. Ensure Your Partner Doesn’t Feel Pressured To Fix Things Instantly

When a misunderstanding happens, your partner may focus more on the misinterpretation than what’s causing it. He will feel pressured to fix things immediately, which neglects what caused the dispute. If this happens every time, the major problems will not be resolved.

To avoid future misunderstandings, it’s vital to ensure that your partner knows that the situation is not a ‘fix-it-now’ problem, but something the both of you need to work on gradually.

17. Be Patient

Everyone has different emotional experiences. Your partner may be having trouble understanding you because they haven’t been in that type of situation before. It would be best if you were patient with them to get on board after establishing all the above-listed suggestions. 

With time, they’ll see things from your perspective and adjust their actions to suit the relationships’ needs. If you’re expecting them to change ‘just like that,’ I’m afraid you’ll further be hurt when those expectations don’t become a reality.


What does it mean to feel misunderstood?

Feeling misunderstood means people are finding it hard to comprehend your personality or why you’re behaving in a specific manner. Your actions and words are often misinterpreted, and it’s hard to form a deep connection with people.

How do you fix misunderstandings in a relationship?

The best way to fix misunderstandings in relationships is to comprehend yourself first. Look for the reason behind your actions, and focus on understanding your partner and making them learn things about you. That involves learning how to communicate with your body language as well.

Is it normal to feel off in a relationship?

Feeling disconnected in relationships is a regular occurrence. At times, you can feel pleased to have your partner, and at other times, you need space

What are the signs of a broken relationship?

Relationships are broken when there’s an inability to communicate with one another. Not spending time alone or refusing to reciprocate one party’s efforts is proof that the relationship has ended.

How do you deal with misunderstood feelings?

To let go of misunderstood feelings, you need to acknowledge that other people’s opinions do not degrade yours. You can choose to respond to them, but you’re not indebted to do this. Find ways to let things go and move on.

The Bottom Line

Did you enjoy this article? If you feel misunderstood in relationships, focus on understanding yourself before expecting them to understand you. Be realistic about your expectations for change as well, and ensure you give your partner time to improve. 

If you like this article, kindly leave a comment and share it with friends.


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Whether you're married or just started dating someone, infidelity rates have risen by over 40% in the past 20 years, so your concerns are justified.

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This tool can help by uncovering hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more, potentially putting your doubts to rest.


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