Do you feel like your relationship is falling apart and it's affecting everything that's meant to be good in life?
Do you miss the days where you and your partner had this great connection and just understood each other
These days you hardly spend any time together, you've lost trust in one another, and there's a total lack of affection.
Your self esteem is at rock bottom and it's affecting every part of your life.
Does that sound like you?
If that sounds like your relationship, keep reading, as I may have some tips that can help you fix it.
However, the first thing you need to make sure is that your partner is being completely honest with you.
Your relationship may have deteriorated as a result of him seeing someone else.
Even if he denies this, it's best to rule it out completely as he may be trying to cover it up.
I recommend using a background checker tool (like this one here) to rule this out completely.
This will give you access to who he has been frequently communicating with, where he's been when you aren't together, and will give you a good idea if he's been honest with you.
After using this tool, some of my readers even discovered that the man they had been in a relationship with turned to have been married all along!
How crazy is that?
Once you've ruled out that that he's seeing someone else using this background checker, you at least have a good foundation from which to fix your relationship.
So how do we do that?
There are no hints or clues as to why a relationship is falling apart, it's a gradual realisation that things don't feel right and something needs fixing.
You don't know where to turn to to make things better but you know you still love each other and you still want the relationship to work. Based on my experience of married life I've listed some of the things you could try to help you get back on life's loving path.
Hopefully it may be that one or two helpful tips might help you, but I hope that however many tips you try, at least one of them will come good and give you back the relationship that you were both once happy with.
You've got into the habit of not being honest. When he asks you how you are feeling, you tell him you feel alright, but deep down you are feeling frustrated and angry. You don't want to tell him this because you don't want to cause conflict. If your relationship is ending then this is not the time to pussyfoot around. You need to be totally honest and tell him how you are feeling. Tell him why you are feeling frustrated and angry. with a bit of communication all of the anger and frustration you are feeling can be sorted. Your feelings can never be dealt with if you are not honest about them. Your man will love you for being honest with him, it means he can take actions to put things right. The fact that you talked to him about your problems means that you care enough about the relationship to do something about it.
You've stopped talking the way you used to. You used to talk about everything under the sun and there was never a dull moment Now you sit in silence and hope that your partner will start the conversation, which he probably won't because he feels the same as you do. Go back to the good old days and start talking about the little things. For instance, ask him how his day has been. Talk to him about what you've done throughout your day. Maybe you met somebody while shopping in town or maybe you can talk to him about your family and how they are doing. It doesn't really matter what you talk about because as long as you are communicating with each other there will be a feeling of togetherness. You need to build this togetherness for it to become a normal part of your life as it once was before.
Fixing a relationship by trying new things is a sure way to bring the spark back into your life. It would be nice if he suggested something different to try, but in case he doesn't, have a little think about the things you would like to try. When me and my husband went through this stage, it was me who suggested we try cycling. Luckily for me it was a suggestion that he wholeheartedly threw himself into. He bought a bike and I borrowed one from a friend. My friend’s bike had a little basket on the handlebars which I put a little picnic in. We set off out of town to go to the countryside, and it was a brilliant day. We laughed, we talked, and we helped each other. We liked our cycling trip and still go on bike rides together. I am now the proud owner of my very own bike and I've even had a basket put onto the handlebars so that we can have more picnics. So I urge you to try new things so that you too can have something to do that will bring you closer together.
Fixing a relationship by acting responsibly means that you are not going to get yourself into a state because things aren't going your way. You need to look at the bigger picture and be sensible. You need to talk about what it is that is pushing you apart and you need to act responsibly to come up with some solutions. You need to listen to what each other has got to say and then you need to figure out a way to move forward responsibly. Importance should be placed on each other's wellbeing. Remember what makes you happy and act responsibly to get things back on track. You were happy together when you became a couple and now you both deserve to be happy again.
Fix a relationship by being better organised and making time for one another. I know how easy it is to slip into demanding schedules and not give enough thought to your partner, but with a bit more organisation you should be able to create some time for yourselves and realise that you still have a lot going for you. Organise some time throughout the day when you can sit together and talk. Organise some time together when you can go out for a meal and enjoy each other's company. Organise to go out with family or friends to rekindle the social side of life that you both liked. Being tired can cause any organisation to slip and when that happens, it’s hard to recover from it. So my advice is eat well, sleep well and live well. Hopefully when you feel less tired your organisational skills will coming shining through just when you need them most.
Fix a relationship by being more adventurous and reap the rewards of your brave efforts. If he has always wanted you to go hiking but you've never fancied it, then now is the perfect time to say yes to him. Let him lead you onto a hiking trail in the woods. Admire the wildlife around you and ask him questions about what the different things are that you are seeing. Above all else try and be more adventurous not just for his sake but for your sake as well. Not only will you get your relationship back, you will discover new things about yourselves that you never knew existed. You will have loads of different things to talk about and what was once a safe relationship will now be a very adventurous relationship. A relationship that will be based on each other's willingness to be adventurous and enjoy new things together.
Fix a relationship by trying new hobbies; hobbies that you can do together. My husband and I tried a new hobby together to give us something a bit extra to add to our relationship. We tried running an allotment together. We were very excited when we got our plot, it was massive and full of weeds. We got stuck in and worked together to try to create a vegetable garden, a flower garden, and a fruit garden. Unfortunately I realised I didn't like digging, nor did I like spiders, nor did I like the cold and rain. In fact there wasn't a lot I did like! So we let the plot go to somebody who would take better care of it. But I look back and think yes I tried a new hobby with my husband and although it wasn't for me, we did have several months of trying something new. It definitely brought us closer together and we still talk about our time together in the allotment with great fondness.
Fix a relationship by socialising a bit more, because if you don't you'll probably fall into a rut of always saying no to friends or families requests. The phone rings, you pick up, it's your sister in law asking you to go to the local social club at the weekend. You wished you hadn't picked the phone up because you don't want to go. You have fallen into a rut! Say yes when you get a similar request and let you and your partner enjoy not only your own company but the company of others as well. Book an appointment at the hairdressers, go through your wardrobe and pick out a new dress and take pride in putting your make up on. Most of all, get yourself out of the rut and dance the night away with your partner. He will admire the effort you've made for him and your relationship will take a turn for the better.
Fix a relationship by creating harmony because the last thing you both want is to come home to a stressful situation. You can create this harmony by each doing your own fair share around the house. Tidy up after yourselves, share the chores, go shopping together, let one person cook while the other prepares the table. It doesn't really matter who does what, it just matters that you're doing things together. By doing some of the chores together you will each realise you need each other. This realisation should offer you the insight you need to enjoy a more harmonious relationship together. If you are struggling to cope in the home because things have gotten on top of you, then you must tell your man. Otherwise he won't know what's wrong and he will wonder what is causing you so much stress which in turn will make him feel stressed.
Fix a relationship by making each other laugh and you will have many happy memories to recall for the future. Sometimes we get used to the same things that made us laugh together when we first met and we don't laugh out as loud as we once did. It just takes a second to add on one line to a conversation that will make your man laugh or try out something silly that makes you both laugh. For instance it could be a game, a board game that you enjoyed as a child and that would make you and your partner laugh if you were to play it today. Me and my husband went to stay in a holiday cottage for a short break and in our holiday cottage, there were some board games. We drank wine and played Kerplunk. It was brilliant and we didn't stop laughing all night.
Fix a relationship with plenty of hugs because if you stop hugging you'll stop loving. When you first met your partner I bet you couldn't pass each other in the corridor without having a hug. Somewhere along the line you've stopped doing this. Now when you pass in the corridor, you kind of edge past each other so as not to invade the others space. Hugging makes you feel close, you should definitely get back into this habit as you will both feel loved and wanted when you give each other plenty of hugs. No matter how hard your day might have been, when you give or receive a hug the whole world seems to get a silver lining around it. A relationship with plenty of hugs cannot fail. It will succeed and improve and the close bond you both will feel will see you through many years ahead.
Fix a relationship with romance because romance is the key to the heart. Romance turns an ordinary meal into a special date together. Once you start being romantic, you will know that romance will take you away from the mundane and into the exciting. Romance makes your heart flutter and your soul sing. I think a nice romantic gesture you could try is to book something you know he's always loved. It could be a film at the cinema, it could be a concert or it could even be a boxing match at the local stadium. Whatever it is that you think that might get your partners heart beating a bit faster is a good choice. The fact that you've thought about him in such a special way will bring the romance flooding back and you will both have a very loving and enjoyable evening.
Fix a relationship by offering each other support because no matter how tall and strong we stand, we all need support at some time. Your partner might be a strong thickset football playing guy or your man could be a whizz on the stock market, but all types of men will need support throughout the journey that life takes them on. Be there for him in his hour of need and you will reap the benefits when he feels stronger. He will always know that you were there for him when he needed you most. He will always know that he can rely on you for the support he needs and this is a great asset to have. You will earn his respect and you will both trust each other to help each other out when things don't always go your way.
Fix a relationship by improving your appearance because not only will the way you look please him it will also please you. Take a look in the mirror and decide what look to go for. You might want a change of hairstyle; a short choppy hairstyle or a long wavy style. The sky is the limit and you can pick and choose to your hearts content. You might want a different shade of lipstick or a lengthening mascara. Anything you do to improve your appearance will give you both a boost. It's easy to let things slip and not stay on top of your appearance. I know I've fallen into the odd state of disrepair! Chipped nail polish, no makeup and straggly hair… I’ve been there. All of these things don't help when it comes to a relationship. So take the plunge and get yourself sorted to give your relationship a lift.
Fix a relationship by being loyal and you will be rewarded with a true and meaningful relationship. Without loyalty there cannot be any kind of relationship. You absolutely cannot be unfaithful, it's just not worth it. You will lose everything; you will lose your man, you will lose your self-respect and you might even lose your family. Although it's nice to have a compliment paid to you by the opposite sex, it's not good if you take it to heart and believe any of the flattery that comes your way. Be firm with yourself when the possibility that a friendship with another man might turn into something of a more sexual nature. What you really need to do is to get yourself away from the situation immediately because once you head down the slippery slope, you will struggle to climb out of it.
Fix a relationship by having respect for each other and you will both feel happier. My husband likes to potter around with his camera. It's his hobby and I respect the fact that he needs some time out to take photographs and get them printed. It's a hobby he enjoys and I respect him for having this hobby. You can't live in each other's pockets and so it's nice that you can respect each other's time and space. I like reading, and even though we could be sitting in the same room we are both doing completely different things. I'll have my nose buried in a book and he'll be tinkering around with his camera. But what we do have in common is our respect for each other's moments of quietness.
Fix a relationship by praising each other, it's nice to hear encouraging words. A comment or praise that passes between you will mean a lot because you are praising each other for something you have done. When you praise somebody you lift their spirit and help them to carry on. Equally if you receive praise you will be elated and even though you may be tackling a difficult task it will seem that much easier when you receive praise. Praising each other will give you a new found confidence and you will have faith in each other to know that you are appreciated. Try not to take anything for granted, try giving an encouraging word of praise to each other and your relationship will sail along on the crest of a wave.
Fix a relationship by re-connecting sexually because it's nice for both of you to have the comfort of touch in your lives. Think back to when you first met, I bet you were all over each other in those early days. But gradually the passion has waned and you now find yourselves hardly even kissing. You must rekindle the passion that you both enjoyed in those days. Start by having a ‘first date’. Imagine you've just met and ask each other loads of leading questions about each other. Have a romantic meal while playing footsie under the table. Give yourselves the opportunity to be alone later on at home and look forward to the night of passion that will follow.
Fix a relationship by recognising the problems and hopefully with a bit of discussion you can overcome the problems. Don't bury your head in the sand hoping that the problems will go away. They won't! Talk to each other and find out from your man what it is that is failing in your relationship. Maybe you feel ignored, maybe he feels bored. Whatever the problems are you will be able to sort them out when you are open and honest. Be civil to each other and try your best to keep your emotions in check. Don't get upset and definitely don't get angry. If it's something that you can improve on then go ahead and make the improvement that is necessary. Only you can fix the problems, so to save your relationship keep talking and discuss everything together. I'm sure you will achieve the peace and harmony that you both deserve.
Fix a relationship by considering what the other person is going through and be sympathetic. There are all kinds of things that get us down from time to time. It can sometimes be hard to recognise what your man is going through and likewise it can be hard for him to know what you're going through. We all have a tendency to bottle things up but when we bottle things up to such an extent that it causes problems in our relationship we really need to ask each other exactly what it is that is such a cause for concern. Until you or your partner open up about what you're going through it will be difficult to find a solution. When you do find out the problem be very sympathetic toward each other and show full understanding that you are there for each other.
Fix a relationship by being a good listener and try not to switch off half way through a conversation. I am incredibly guilty of this! My man will be telling me something really important and I will be away with the fairies thinking about what I'm going to be doing later in the day. You can actually listen to somebody and see their lips moving but you actually don't hear anything and even a minute later you will have forgotten everything you heard. So my advice is really listen. Don't just nod your head and say ok to everything in the conversation. A lot can be achieved by really listening and your man won't get frustrated by having to repeat himself every couple of seconds.
Fix a relationship by staying calm, you will get better results by staying calm than if you turn into a raving monster. If you can stay calm you will be able to think logically, you will be able to analyse what it is that is being talked about. Staying calm will give you the chance to communicate in a more effective way. The same can be said for your partner too. He also needs to stay calm so that instead of a slanging match you actually discuss things sensibly. Shouting at each other will get you nowhere, staying calm is the answer to your problems. You will both be much better off and any tensions in the air will be resolved.
Fix a relationship by discussing your wants and needs with your man because if you don't discuss them you are going to be struggling along in the relationship in ignorance. I remember when I was going out with my man before we were married. We were always going to the pub and it wasn't what I wanted, I told him I was fed up going out drinking all the time and he was shocked. He thought I was having a great time. He asked me what I wanted to do instead and I told him I wanted to go for a walk in the countryside to get more exercise and fresh air. He listened to me and off we went on a lovely long walk. If you are not content with an aspect of your relationship you need to say something so that your man can react and put things right.
Fix a relationship by not bringing up he past. The past is in the past and that is where it should remain. My man went out with another girl before me, he was in a long term relationship with her and then they had split up. I found it hard to deal with at first because his family would often bring her name up in conversation. I tried not to react and my man found this was the right attitude. I was lucky because he was very reassuring to me and always told me that he had no feelings for her anymore and that it was me he loved. My advice to you is let the past stay in the past. Do not rake things up from the past that you have no control over. Look to the future and enjoy the relationship you have created for yourselves.
Fix a relationship by dating again and rekindle the romantic side of your life. If you think back to when you first met you will remember the heady highs of romance. You will always remember where you first met and what a lovely idea it would be to return there on a date. Wherever you met will always be special to you and returning there for a date will bring back the first thrills you felt when your eyes met. A spark was ignited there and then and that spark is still there now, it just needs relighting. You will have a great time discussing how you are going to get there and what you are going to do. Get dressed up and enjoy dating again.
Fix a relationship by having a brainstorming session to clear the air. I'm always amazed at how many thoughts and ideas come out of brainstorming sessions. Some of the thoughts and ideas are way off the Charts but what can happen is that one small thought or idea will be jumped upon as a possible answer to the problem. There is one thing I don't like about brainstorming sessions and that is when the phrase ‘let's think outside the box’ is said, as soon as I hear that phrase I immediately picture myself inside a box trying to get out! I know it's only the two of you having a brainstorming session but when every little thought and idea is explored you just might find the answer to fix your relationship.
Fix a relationship by making a plan together, we all know the saying ‘ fail to plan, plan to fail’. Make your plan work by discussing what it is that you need to achieve to get your relationship back on track. It doesn't have to just be one plan, you might want to make several plans that when they are all linked and succeed you will find yourselves problem free and enjoying the lovely relationship you once had. Sit down together and listen and talk, your plans will work because you have given a lot of thought to the problem. You both know that by following a plan you will be able to get back what you once had and it will feel that much more satisfying to know that your plan worked.
Fix a relationship by respecting each other's needs and you will see your life through rose tinted glasses again. Sometimes we don't put our needs first and we end up suffering because we haven't actually been true to ourselves. I know I do this, I run around after everybody and never think about me and what it is that I want. Because of this I end up feeling run down and tired all the time. Your man is also probably guilty of this too. He probably works around the clock to be a good provider, but in the long run you both just want an easy life and to feel happy again. By respecting each other's needs you will be able to tell each other when to slow down and rest. Be kind and loving toward each other and respect the fact that you are both deserving human beings.
Fix a relationship by going to counselling because a third party might be able to see the problems in a clearer way. If you end every discussion you have by shouting or falling out then maybe going to counselling is the answer. Having somebody mediate between you might make you see the sense in what the other person is trying to say. Maybe you've exhausted all avenues and are back where you started. A counsellor might be able to offer you a solution because they will have heard how other couples overcame their own problems. Maybe their problems were similar to yours and so what worked for them will work for you.
Fix a relationship with forgiveness because being stubborn won't get you anywhere. Maybe when you try to discuss your relationship you say hurtful things to each other. These comments won't be true they will have been thrown into the mix because of frustration. Don't take anything to heart in these fall out moments and be prepared to forgive your man if he says something that has upset you. Tell him you know he's frustrated with things as they are and that you forgive him for hurting you like that. Being stubborn and not forgiving will get you nowhere and things will spiral out of control very quickly.
Fix a relationship by Focusing on what makes sense and all the trivial things that you thought were getting you somewhere will be forgotten. It always amazes me that when we me and my man are in deep discussion about something important, one remark that makes sense will jump out at us and It's like a bingo moment! We both sit up and take notice of the remark because we know we have just stumbled onto the thing that makes the most sense. Once you have stumbled onto the thing that makes sense act upon it and all will be well with the world again.
Fix a relationship by exploring new paths together. You will find strength in each other when you decide to explore a new path.. You will be excited that you are about to step into the unknown and will feel happy that you've got your partner by your side. Your new path might be to open a new business together. You will recognise that you are fortunate to have each other to go through all of the different aspects that this venture will bring. You will enjoy overcoming obstacles together to achieve your dream, you will relish the good times when your new path offers you the opportunities you've both always craved.
Fix a relationship by being kind to each other, because kindness is very therapeutic. It's as therapeutic to the person being kind as it is to the person receiving the kindness. It costs nothing to be kind but it's value is worth a lot more than money can buy. If you can be kind to each other it proves that you care. Being kind means not being hurtful, it means you can move forward in a loving relationship. Showing kindness to each other will bring out the love you have inside of you for the other person.
Fix a relationship with love and that love will reward you for many years to come. Tell your man you love him and see his eyes light up. Listen to him say he loves you and feel the warmth of his love all around you. Love for each other creates a bubble world that you both will live in. Love creates a world that is sunny and warm. Love creates a world that is safe and secure, a world that you want to live in together for the rest of your lives.
I hope you enjoyed this article. Don't forget to check out our ultimate guide on dating for women for more information.