When having sex people have different preferences. There are those who prefer to have sex with the lights on and those who don’t. And then there’s me, who’s never really given it much thought but coincidentally happens to have gotten it on in all grades of lighting from pitch black to the other extreme.
I have to say that having sex in the dark does have its appeal. The mystery, for one, and the lack of distraction that helps you focus on the sensation are definite wins.
It’s also a winner if you lack confidence in the relationship or have something to hide, whether physical or psychological (shame, guilt, and whatnot.)
However, these are not reason enough to vilify lights-on sexy times. At least not if, like me, you appreciate getting the best of both worlds when you can. For all the cons of lighting you can think of, here are eleven certain pros that would make me pick it over darkness in the boudoir.
Ever walked into a room so sensually lit? Doesn’t it make you want to get down to business right away?
I’m talking mood lighting so soft yet so hot it makes desire course through your body just thinking about what you’d look like getting f**ked under it. The kind of lights that get you relaxed and bothered all at once.
Some people achieve this with candles, but there are also dedicated diffused different-hued bulbs available. Some are even designed to project your shadow on the wall, so you get an erotic eyeful of your intertwined silhouettes as you do the deed.
If seeing your own reflection during sex isn’t your bag, how about basic things like not getting your other hole poked in accidentally because your partner can’t see? All the fumbling your partner would have to do in the dark to go from point A to B that can be avoided?
If like most women, you need a bit of attention in certain other areas while the kitty gets filled, that might also be a tad challenging sans light. Don’t even get me started on switching positions and/or sex toys mid-action unless, of course, you happen to have night vision goggles in your collection.
Another thing to appreciate with lights-on sex is the nuances sight let us in on. More than just not bumping your heads on the headboard, lights allow you to actually see the extent of your effect on your partner. Nothing beats being able to look down and see him going in and out of you and the chance for them to see you see that.
Why settle for just sounds when your partner’s face tells a more nuanced story of exactly how their body feels about you at that moment? When you get with a not-so-verbal person, how do you know if they are having the time of their life or just counting the minutes till they can dip without lights? How?
I’m all for sensory deprivation during sex, and I’ll be the first to attest to the erotic spin even as little as a blindfold can put on playtime. The sheer excitement from anticipating your partner’s next move without being able to see or control what they do next isn’t lost on me.
Still, there’s more than one way to enjoy sex, and on days when the mood strikes for something more intimate, lights give you the privilege of eye contact. Imagine being able to look the one you love in the eyes; a chance to have not just your bodies but souls connect and choosing to do it in the dark.
I understand body image concerns are one of the major reasons most people prefer to have sex with the lights off. Many, if not all of us (women and men alike) have certain parts of us we aren’t exactly proud of. And given the performative approach to sex the majority adopts, it’s almost always expected to be as close to perfect as can be.
So as human as it is to have “flaws,” getting naked in front of another person in even natural light or low light, can feel daunting. Like we’re putting our imperfections on display, forgetting that if they’re having sex with you, they probably don’t mind how you look.
Finally pushing through that voice in your head and doing it with the lights on can actually be the thing that helps you realize you shouldn’t care so much too. Especially when you get with people who enjoy you just the way you are.
Now, as someone who has had her fair share of struggles with body image, I have experienced first-hand how vulnerability can make getting attached that much faster. Just in case you’re one of those married people who’s been missing out on next-level bonding with their spouses because they heard long-term couples do it with the lights off.
It may not feel as novel anymore with time, but being able to look into your partner’s eyes as you please each other is a bonding flex no couple should miss out on. Same as the beauty of watching your imperfect bodies take each other to new heights and the pleasure of evolving from vulnerability to confidence in the process.
Data shows most sexually active people have suffered one or more sex injuries. Though many of these mishaps can very well happen with the lights on, think of how much worse the odds are when two sweaty, possibly oiled-up bodies go at it without seeing. Imagine being f**d sorry, knocked unconscious, falling off, or getting your period during oral sex… in the dark.
We can blame Viagra all we want for the rise in bedroom injuries among a certain demographic, but I’m pretty sure a good chunk of these hazards trace back to darkness. Oh, and let’s not forget the more common ones, like nicked condoms, mistaking hair products for lube, and the likes.
Picture this: you’ve been working on the body of your dreams, it’s not quite there yet, but you couldn’t be prouder of how far you’ve come. Looking at your own traps turns even you on, so much so that you cannot wait to see how wide someone’s eyes get with your gorgeous, naked from atop them.
You flirt, tease and sext, perfecting the rodeo in your head over and over. Now it’s finally game time, and they tell you they prefer sex with the lights off. Your entire turn-ons revolve around them relishing your hotness and vice-versa. Now you’re thrown off your game, and your confidence is shaken. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t love that.
Literally and figuratively. If you usually sleep with the lights off, keeping the room lit while getting it on is a hack for staying awake during tired sex. The same goes for you if the only morning sex you get to have happens in the very early hours of dawn when you’d naturally be asleep.
With darkness, you take the sight you start with and run with it. However, on this side of the divide, you can actually gauge how you’re doing and what to adjust by just the look on their face. Couple that with the view you get of your partner’s body and all the things it does that turn you on, and well, you catch my drift.
Is it like pulling teeth getting him to spend time with you?
The key to solving is understanding men on a much deeper emotional level. The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him.
Take this quick quiz to see if he actually likes you!
You can’t paint the canvas in the dark now, can you? We all have our preferences when it comes to, well, ‘cuming.’ Some people find it extremely hot when their partner sprays all over their body, while others find it more fun to take every drop in their mouth.
In any case, those who make a big deal of where the milk goes tend to see that part as their highlight of the whole experience. Now, imagine working your way up to that only for them to miss at the end because “it’s dark.” Tragic.
Ha-ha! You didn’t think this list would end without the fabled O-face coming up, did you? Most people either look so ridiculous when they orgasm. It’s either funny or so hot that it makes you want to fast-track the next round just to see it again.
So far, I’m yet to find an in-betweener but wouldn’t trade one for the other because sexiness and hilarity aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive in my book. Personally, I look forward to this one because I’m not one to get embarrassed about something I can’t control, and I wish more people would be like me in this regard.
That way, we can enjoy sex as the totally incredible thing it is without making such a big deal of it we end up being too self-conscious to have fun.
Having sex with the lights on can suggest that you and your partner feel comfortable enough with each other in and out of clothes. It can mean your relationship is in a good place. Notwithstanding, lights-on sex doesn’t always have a hidden meaning; sometimes, people just do it as the mood strikes without being necessarily conscious of the lighting.
Wanting the lights off during the bedroom rodeo is neither a guy nor a girl thing. While it’s true that humans are visual creatures in that we get turned on by what we see, sometimes seeing too much can distract from the mood during sex.
Having sex with the light on allows for an array of nuances that you might otherwise miss out on with it off. Even so much as candles or low light in the background lets you see the effect you’re having on a partner's life, and few things drive men wilder than that during sex.
Doing the deed in the dark has its advantages and drawbacks, same as the lights-on sex. There’s more than one way to enjoy the act. Just do what you and your partner(s) are comfortable with if it feels right, and no one is likely to get hurt in the process.
You can see your partner and get instant feedback from their face and vice-versa. You’re less prone to certain mishaps with lights-on sex than the alternative. Bonus points on intimacy because you can make eye contact, and you can see each other’s O-face to laugh at later on.
Sex is sex, but is it really? Are you a bit more sold on lighting during sex now, or is it still a “thanks, but no thanks from you?” Hit me with your answer and your own reasons in the comments and if you enjoyed the list, feel free to share with someone.
Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself?
This doesn't mean he doesn't like you. You have to understand how he is wired. Once you do, you'll find there is a subtle thing you can say that to him that will drastically change how he shows his emotions towards you.
Take this quick quiz that looks at whether he actually likes you or not!