I don’t think there’s anything more complex than the female orgasm.
To some it comes really easily, to others it can be incredibly difficult. A study found in The National Library of Medicine by Osmo Kontula says, “More than 90% of men usually experience orgasm in their intercourse; among women, this proportion is only around 50%.”
The thing is, every woman has the anatomy to achieve an orgasm, but it’s not always that simple.
There’s a lot to consider if you’re struggling to reach orgasm. Is it based on your partner’s performance? Can you achieve a clitoral orgasm but not an orgasm through penetrative sex? Can you orgasm through masturbation or have you never even reached orgasm before?
If you answered yes to any of the questions listed above, then let me help you understand the reasons and the potential solutions of ‘how to make a girl orgasm?’
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According to Health Direct, “Difficulty reaching an orgasm can be a result of several things. Common causes may include: hormone changes, for example after childbirth, around the time of menopause or after menopause or certain medical conditions.”
In most cases it’s all about mentality. If you’re stressed, overwhelmed, or are focusing too much on the end goal, you simply won’t get there.
A female orgasm is quite literally a genital reflex. According to Science Direct, “The sensation of orgasm results when sensory stimuli from the contractions of the sexual organs travel to the spinal cord, thalamus, limbic lobes, and sensory cortex, which is presumed to produce the experience of orgasm.”
It can last anywhere from 20 seconds; typically, the more consistent the pleasure, the stronger your orgasm will be.
Your biggest enemy when trying to reach an orgasm is your own mind. If you’re worried about performance, how you look, not being able to climax or even external worries then you’re not going to find a good flow. Pleasure should be enjoyed. Forget about orgasming and start to enjoy the journey instead.
Knowing how to make a girl orgasm is key to a good sex life, but you have to understand that it’s not solely down to one person and that there’s lots of factors to be considered to increase your chance of orgasming.
If you’re trying to learn some tips about how to make your partner orgasm, or if you’re looking for advice to pass onto a partner, you’re in the right place.
Comfort is key and is one of the most important factors in helping to eradicate any worries. If your partner isn’t comfortable, then she’s most likely going to focus on that rather than the pleasure she could be receiving.
Another opportunity to ease her mind and to get her turned on.
Light a candle, tidy the room, put on a sexy playlist and even get some toys out ready for action. If your sexual experience begins with sexual excitement, you’re more likely to get results when it comes to reaching orgasm.
Setting the mood almost gets her body ready to receive pleasure; foreplay before foreplay, if you will.
You want your sexual partner to be fully relaxed. You could start with a sensual massage to help with this, or really take your time with foreplay.
Sex should always be about mutual pleasure. But every now and again it’s nice to treat your partner. Consider taking a step back and making the night all about her.
Some people love pleasuring their partner, some much prefer to be on the receiving end. Work out what your partner’s preference is and think about the steps you can take to really get her to relax.
Another idea could be to run her a nice relaxing bath (or share one together) before you get down to it.
You should never feel emasculated by using a sex toy.
Most sex toys are designed to apply stimulation that can’t be achieved at your own hands. It can be hard for a woman to achieve orgasm, regardless of your performance. A sex toy (especially a vibrator) is only going to help with this.
I don’t mind telling you that I struggled to orgasm for a few years when I was learning about masturbation. I just couldn’t understand why … until I bought my first vibrator, that is. Since then, I’ve learnt more about my own body and how I experience pleasure than I have with a sexual partner.
You’re able to gauge better what feels good and how to persistently apply stimulation. Sometimes, what at first might feel very intense is actually what is required to make you orgasm. Persistence with vibrators is key to reaching orgasm; remember, an orgasm is essentially an involuntary muscle response.
Once you know how to do it a couple of times, you can then experiment with different ways to reach climax and before you know it you’ll be a pro.
Similar to the importance of your partner feeling relaxed, you too must feel relaxed.
Don’t focus on her climax, focus on her pleasure. Take it slowly, and essentially make sure that she’s having a good time.
Most men make the mistake of getting too excited when they can sense that their partner is close. They then speed up and apply more pressure; this is not the way to go. This is actually really distracting, it doesn’t feel good and if anything it can encourage a fake orgasm (no woman wants to appear difficult in the bedroom).
Patience is key. Take your time with it, don’t rush it, and she’s guaranteed to enjoy herself a lot more.
Physical arousal can be achieved in many different ways. Engaging her erogenous zones is so important as it firstly encourages intimacy and patience, but it also gets her turned on.
Meaning that when you eventually make your way to clitoral stimulation or penetration, she’s already ready and raring to go.
Vulnerability is sexy. It’s not much of a turn on when you go to bed with someone confident who then can’t perform. It’s much better when you’re able to communicate with your partner; this is why trust is so important in the bedroom, you want to feel comfortable enough to be vocal.
Ask her what feels good. Understand that only she will truly know her own body and how to maximize her own pleasure.
Mutual masturbation is so hot anyway, there’s something immaculate about the chemistry when masturbating together and this is a great opportunity for you to visually see how she pleases herself; this will give you a much better idea of how to pleasure her and how to make her orgasm.
Communication is super important in the bedroom. Again, this is why it’s so important to trust your partner.
Sexual preferences change. One day your partner might want clitoral stimulation, another she might want penetration, anal play, intimacy or rough sex; it constantly varies.
Communicate with your partner, talk about each other’s sexual desires and this way you’ll have a much better understanding of how to make the most of your sex life.
It blows my mind how much misunderstanding exists surrounding the female clitoris. It makes sense, I mean, it’s not exactly something we learn in sex education.
The clitoris is often key to making your partner reach orgasm. Clitoral stimulation is what gets most women going, or, clitoral stimulation paired with penetration (this is where vibrators become a great addition to the bedroom).
The clitoris is a very sensitive part of the vulva, it has little involvement in terms of the reproductive system; it’s mainly there for a woman to receive pleasure, so use it! If you’re struggling to locate your partner’s clitoris, take no shame in asking her to locate it for you.
If you aren’t comfortable enough to ask, it’s right above the vaginal opening and almost looks like a little nub. The clitoris is covered by the clitoral hood and is at the very top of the vulva.
If your partner struggles to reach orgasm through penetrative sex, focus on clitoral stimulation. Every woman has the anatomy to achieve orgasm through penetration, but this all depends on access to her G-spot and maintaining persistent pressure. This can be difficult to achieve with a penis or a finger, but can be helped when choosing your sex position.
Most women are able to orgasm when they’re on top (the cowgirl position). This is because of the angle the penis meets the G-spot. It allows for persistent pressure and in turn helps in regard to her reaching orgasm.
As a beginner, or even to play it safe, your best bet is definitely to focus on clitoral stimulation. To maximize her pleasure when stimulating your partner’s clitoris, don’t always focus directly on the clitoris; it’s very sensitive and can sometimes become painful.
Focus on all areas around the clitoris, and try to find a rhythm that works for you (whether you’re performing oral sex or are rubbing her clitoris); circular motions are usually a safe way to go.
Most women reach orgasm by oral sex, otherwise known as cunnilingus.
Going down on a woman can be intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be. This is why communication, trust and comfort are so important.
See ‘Unlocking Her Pleasure: 20 Cunnilingus Tips for an Intimate Experience’ to help in terms of performance and understanding of cunnilingus.
Some key tips when performing oral sex on a woman are consistency, understanding that it’s not a race, and communication, feeling comfortable enough to ask your sexual partner exactly what it is that she likes.
Orgasm gel heightens her sexual experience and will only add to the likeliness of her reaching an orgasm. The purpose of orgasm gel is to increase sensitivity. It’s used externally, on the clitoris, and will intensify her experience whether it’s during penetration or foreplay.
Most orgasm gels are not suitable for oral sex, so always make sure to do your research and find the best gel that's compatible for you and your partner.
If you take anything away from this article, let it be this; remain consistent!
If you can sense that she is close to orgasm, keep doing exactly what you’re doing. Don’t speed up, don’t add pressure, keep at it.
Even when she starts to climax, keep going until she’s completely finished to intensify and prolong her orgasm.
So, what happens after she reaches orgasm?
Well, the female orgasm is an involuntary reaction that forces her pelvic floor muscles to contract. It can last anywhere from 20 seconds, and the brain releases oxytocin and dopamine; feel-good chemicals.
Some women produce female ejaculation at the point of orgasm. This is very different from male ejaculation and can be described as a sticky texture in a clear or milky color.
You may find that some women feel extremely tired after reaching orgasm, however, it is a lot easier for women to reach the point of orgasm again whereas men typically need a resting period. Women also have the potential to multiple orgasm, this can be achieved by continued persistent stimulation at the point of climax.
To be completely honest, there’s not many tell-tale signs that a woman is faking it. You can typically see a difference in a woman faking it over a woman who has actually reached climax, but this depends on if you’ve ever visualized a woman reaching orgasm before.
A typical sign is if you climax at the same time. This is possible, but it’s not always realistic. Another sign could be dependent on how tired she is afterwards. Most women feel really tired and relaxed after they reach orgasm, so if your partner still has a good amount of energy then this is certainly a possibility.
The best way to know is to ask her about it. Ultimately, you both want her to experience the euphoria of reaching climax. This doesn’t have to be an uncomfortable conversation if you explain that you want to learn how to make her orgasm and that this is a journey that you can experience together.
Every woman has the anatomy to achieve orgasm, but it all depends on G-spot access, if persistent stimulation is manageable, and, of course, your mentality.
My best advice to achieve orgasm through penetration is to use sex toys that target your G-spot. They are designed for this purpose, because it can be difficult to access through penis or finger penetration. You’ll notice that most G-spot sex toys are larger at the tip, or curved, this is to help target all areas of your G-spot.
You can also consider using a G-spot vibrator to intensify the pleasure and, in turn, encourage orgasm. Orgasms through penetration feel very different to clitoral orgasms as they’re much more intense and can last longer. However, because of the sensitivity of the G-spot, it can be harder to remain persistent with the stimulation and can take some time getting used to.
There’s nothing better than an orgasm. That feeling of release can only be described as euphoric. Enjoy the experience of learning how to [make your partner] orgasm – sex is all about trial and error and it should be enjoyable, not at all stressful.
There’s a reason that not all women orgasm easily, because it can be quite hard to achieve. Take comfort in understanding this, and instead focus on the pleasure to be had rather than the end goal. It’s going to help you in the long run, trust me.
Most importantly, constantly work towards having a happy and healthy relationship. Sexual performance will come in time, you’ll slowly but surely learn about one another and how to inflict pleasure, but the most important aspect of a good sex life in a relationship is that you have a good romantic connection outside of the bedroom.
Feel free to share with a friend in need. The best way to learn about sex is to talk about your experiences, and learn from other people’s experience.
Porn can be great for many things, but it’s important to understand how unrealistic it can be, especially when considering the female orgasm. Instead, take real advice and communicate this with your partner to maximize your experience in the bedroom.