‘The moment people can predict your actions, the charm you have over them will fade’. Robert Greene couldn’t have said it better in his famous book; The Art of Seduction. Sometimes, romance is like a deck of cards, revealing your hand won’t do you any good.
No doubt, a guy certainly likes a lady that he knows likes him too. But do you know who he’s even more intrigued with? A lady who ‘might’ like him. Think about it, most of the guys you’ve been obsessed with are probably the ones who seemed a bit too out of your reach.
That means that we tend to take for granted the guys that put all their cards on the table, and pine over the ones who keep their game tight and unpredictable. As you know, the exact ploy works on men too, you just have to learn the ropes of mystery, and use it to your advantage.
Easier said than done right? Well, I agree with you on that, but only because a lot of ladies don’t know a thing about mystery, and confuse it for being rude and standoffish. Let’s clear the air on that first, mystery isn’t about being rude or ill-mannered, it’s an art of seduction. If you’re one of the many women who want to master this beneficial art, then you’ll want to read the tips below.
Table of Contents
Do you know what they say about first impressions? They matter a lot. A guy could judge the type of person you are just by looking at your appearance. It’s not a fair analogy, because the truth is, we don’t always dress to stun, and it’s possible that the first time you met this man, your appearance was far from classy or impressionable.
Well, that’s where the mystery comes in, the next time you’re scheduled to meet him, up to your game. Pick something new if you have to, but ensure it’s within a certain price range that won’t throw you off your budget. The way, you present yourself during a date could chart the course for the rest of the evening.
A lot of people equate the art of mystery with being up-tight and unapproachable, but that’s actually counter-productive. The end game here is to get the guy to like you and not chase him away. So, rather than putting up a tough front, remember to smile every now and then. Please note that I’m not advising you to smile sheepishly, you don’t want to look obsessed or anything.
Simply smile every time he says or does something nice, trust me, he’ll go home remembering that warm and confident smile. You can also smile when talking about something you're passionate about, it draws guys in and makes them want to know more about what makes you happy.
The eyes, they say, are the windows to the soul. That’s why they are so imperative when maintaining an aura of mystery. Remember, you’re not playing hard to get, it’s more of a ‘hard to impress’ game that you have to employ tactically. That being said, you’ll want to ooze confidence by looking him straight in the eyes when he's talking.
That shows you’re interested in what he’s saying, and that you pay attention when people are talking. However, try not to make this move awkward, you can look elsewhere for some minutes, then bring your focus back to him when the conversation gets more intense or interesting.
If you want to get to know this man, it’s advisable to listen to him speak while you talk less. Don’t try to overwhelm the conversation. If possible, don’t sit directly facing him, slant to an angle that gives you a view of other people. The purpose of this is to have little side attractions when he’s talking to you.
If there’s a fine man close to you, let your gaze slowly drift from the guy you’re on a date with to him, then look at your phone or something else. Wait till your date finishes his sentence then look him in the eyes somewhat interestedly and ask him a follow-up question. This way, the guy will wonder what such subtle diversions mean, and try to talk more to gain your full attention.
At some point, the man you’re on a date with would want to gain control of the situation and be the one asking all the important questions. What’s your favorite color, what cuisines you prefer, your hobbies or things you spend your free time doing, these are all excellent questions that you don’t have to answer initially.
Rather than responding to every question, divert some of them and put the spotlights back on him. If he asks about your past relationships, for example, you could say something like, “ I didn’t see you as the type of man that would ask that question” that would throw him off his game for a while, if he asks why just smile for a few seconds then change the topic strategically.
Is this guy a stranger you don’t really know, maybe a man you’ve been talking to online? Then it’s best to maintain that aura of mystery until you get to know him better. Maybe the first date went exceptionally well and he dropped you off at your place, say goodnight and thank him for a goodnight.
If you want, you can send a follow-up text thanking him for the date as a courtesy, but don’t send any more texts until he calls you again. If you’re thinking of dating this guy in the long term, then let him do the chasing, it’s what guys love.
Dating someone new can be stressful because there’s that whole period of getting to know each other’s strong points, weaknesses, and so on. However, this is the best time to play your cards wisely. This new guy doesn’t know much about you, and if you maintain the allure of mystery, then he’ll know more about you on your own terms.
So regardless of how many times he asks you personal questions, try your best to distract him with other sides of you, and give as little information as possible. That way, his curiosity will pique even more, and he won’t want to let you go until he learns all there is to know about you. That’s already a relationship in the making if you keep this tempo going.
This man you’re dating may already have certain expectations from you. He either thinks you’ll be shy, over-confident, boring, or intriguing. But even more, he’s expecting a nice evening out, maybe at a restaurant, and an invigorating night at your place or his. That’s why it’s important to do the opposite of what he’s expecting.
After he offers to take you out, maybe to a nice restaurant, maybe suggest walking to a nice ‘public park’ afterward. Watch the kids play, talk about nature, then after an eventful evening, insist on calling an uber or driving home to a friend’s place for another important engagement. That way, you’ve ruled out the night he planned out, and was certain would happen.
Alright, girl, this is an important secret many ladies don’t know how to employ strategically. The truth is, if you play too hard to get, some guys wouldn’t want to stick around till the end of that, the dating scene has changed. So simply, choose a few times when you’ll decline going on a date because of other engagements, and don’t do so too often.
Another important thing is to ensure you actually plan something with your friends and family. You could do something spontaneous like bungee-jumping, go-karting, laser tag, and the likes, then post the pictures on your social media page so there’s proof you were actually out having fun.
Don’t let this guy call all the shots, if he planned the first two dates, then insist on planning the next one. Tell him you’ll text him the details, and of course, keep him waiting a bit. Take some time to think about what would interest him, it can’t be something basic especially since you took your time getting back to him.
When you think of something fun, exciting, and unpredictable, text him about a week or two later, and let him know the details.
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Alright, this may sound cliche and a bit outdated, but if you want to maintain that aura of mystery then it’s something you shouldn’t overlook. The truth is, if you keep replying to every text immediately you see the notification, it would make you seem desperate. So keep your phone down and engage in something else, then reply to the text after you’re done.
This is a great way to appear mysterious when texting a guy. If you’re texting about something really interesting, and maybe he asks a heightening question, give a half-answer then excuse yourself. Text something like, “one minute, someone is at the door, I’ll brb.” If you want, you can wait until the next day before texting a simple ‘good morning’ message.
Doing this won’t only pique his interest in you, it will teach him to learn to wait for the good things when it comes to you, which will just heighten his curiosity even more.
Alright, there’s one thing you don’t want to be when texting a guy- boring. It doesn’t give off any not of mystery, and the sooner he gets bored, he’ll either start asking prying questions or demanding other forms of entertainment if you know what I mean. So keep the conversation alive by searching for funny memes, videos, or even news before you reply to his texts.
That way, if the conversation starts getting a bit boring, you’ll save the day with any of the choices above. Ensure you have them pre-downloaded on your phone, and wait a while before sending them so it won’t seem too obvious. Let him think the conversation is close to over, wait about two to three minutes, then send the video/meme.
The way you text a guy matters because you’re not saying these words in person, it’s left to the man to interpret or misinterpret what you’re texting. So keep things simple; don’t overuse emojis, and don’t use over-expressive terms.
For example, instead of texting, “OMG! That’s sooo funny” text, “Haha, that was funny, so what else do you have up your comical sleeves”. You’re not only taking control over your words but the conversation as a whole.
As ladies, it’s easy to overshare information, especially when we are nervous. However, it’s not a very good sign of confidence, especially when you want to appear mysterious. When texting a guy it’s even easier because you have time to breathe and come up with a suitable reply or diversion.
So if he’s not really messaging again, wait for him to text first, don’t feel the need to talk about something personal, especially when he didn’t ask. If you’re going to initiate a conversation, start with a fun meme or video as suggested in the tip above.
Here’s the truth, if you’re not asking the questions, someone will. The man will want to know how you spent your day, what you ate, and maybe even the color of underwear you have on. So don’t be that revealing and ask the questions instead. If he keeps asking follow-up questions, it will be easier for him to take note of the kind of person you are.
If you don’t know how to change the topic or redirect the question, make an excuse and tell him you’ll be right back. When you get around to texting him, ensure you’re the first to strategically ask a different question. You could text something like, “sorry, I’m having quite a busy day, I hope yours is somewhat better?”
Don’t overrule talking about your passions just because you’re trying to appear mysterious. Guys know when ladies are being pretentious, so don’t be. If a topic you love comes up, talk about it passionately, but don’t over-bear information. If you want to pique his curiosity, even more, stop in the middle of your explanation and say you can’t divulge any more information.
If he asks why simply say he’ll get to know more when both of you spend more time together.
This may seem like a weird tip, but typing out a man’s name when texting makes him feel special. However, it’s important to do this after you’ve kept him hanging for a while. If you stopped texting him at night and only just replied the next day at noon, start the message by typing his name, for example, “hey Alex, sorry for the late reply, lost track of time”.
As you can see from the reply above, it’s important not to over-explain your reasons. Keep every reply short, respectful, interesting, and simple. Most guys aren’t as expressive as ladies can be, so writing ‘essays’ they won’t even read would already be a no-no. So, don’t think you’re being informative, type replies they’re most likely to read all the way through.
This tip may sound hard, seeing that most couples text after dark, and well into the night. However, if this guy is someone you’re still getting to know, set some ground rules without really mentioning them at first.
For example, if he texts you after 10 pm, don’t reply. If he does so more than five times and gets no response, he’ll probably ask why. That’s when you can tell him flirtatiously that you don’t reply to texts after 10 pm when you’re not in a serious relationship.
When you have spent so much time with someone, it’s easy for the mystery to fade away, and all your actions will become more predictable. However, it’s up to you to turn the table and make yourself mysterious again. Start by pulling back a bit, call and text him less, be less informative when talking, and don’t be all over his business.
When he notices your sudden withdrawal, you’ll already have his ‘curious attention’. Try your best not to nag or pine over the things he does or doesn’t do, this sudden change will certainly have him wondering what’s going on.
Has every other birthday been quite basic and same ‘ol? Well, it’s time to spice things up. You man is probably banking on your predictability and not expecting something out of the usual. So while pulling back a bit and being less needy, start planning a surprise you think he’s appreciated.
It could be a private trip somewhere, dinner with his family (if you don’t get to see them often), and the likes. It will be the icing on the cake if he’s been wondering why you’re acting strange all week, just to be surprised out of the blues.
Have you secretly been planning to go back to school, start a business, get a tattoo or new piercing? Now is the time to pull all the stops. You want your man to see you in a new light, so this is not the time to play it too safe. If you have the means, and really want to do something fun, like sky-diving or the likes, then go for it.
Confidence is usually associated with mystery, and it’s the perfect way to keep your partner on his toes. However, in any relationship, it’s easy for self-confidence to wane when couples discover practically all there is to know about one another. If this is the case, then you have to bring the kink back in.
Your man is probably used to the kind of clothes you wear, so what would totally surprise him? Something different of course. If you wear skimpy clothes, maybe it’s time to invest in some high fashion and getting classy yet conservative pieces that are actually very sensual. Switching up like this will certainly pique his attention.
Men are visual creatures, and one of the first senses we ladies appeal to is their sense of sight. So if you’ve been in a relationship long enough to be known for a signature hairstyle, go to the saloon without telling him and come back with something significantly different. It could be a haircut, a perm, or colored extensions, but it has to be noticeable.
There’s no way we’ll talk about mystery in a relationship without talking about the elephant in the room- sex. When you have lived with someone for years, it’s easy to start taking sex and intimacy for granted.
Don’t let it get to that, and if it already has, you can still turn it around. Check out stores that sell specialize in sexual experience enhancers and get things like role-playing outfits, sex toys, edible underwear, and the likes, that man will certainly be intrigued.
Have you been using the same degree and certifications for years now? Well, it’s time to expand your horizons. There’s nothing sexier than a successful woman, and you’ll be doing yourself some good pursuing personal goals and staying relevant in your niche.
By doing this, you’ll also earn your husband’s respect and make him more interested in this new version of his wife/girlfriend who is a goal-getter all of a sudden.
It almost gets boring when both of you are always at home together, and things get even more predictable when he’s sure he’ll meet you at home, no matter what. So sometimes, rather than sticking at home in your pj’s, dress up and go spend time with your friends.
Organize family hangouts and vacations if you can, and just have fun without him occasionally. It will make both of you cherish the times you actually have together.
Every woman should have a day or two where she just focuses on herself. You could book a spa appointment, a yoga class, or just seek some quiet time in a hotel all by yourself. By spending more time with yourself, your partner won’t get too used to seeing you around, and will certainly have more questions to ask you when you’re back from your day off.
A lot of ladies make the mistake of divulging too much information about their family. What many don’t know is that doing so destroys their final line of defense. The less a guy knows about your family, the more he’ll respect them, and you as well. So don’t tell him about family problems or issues except it’s very important and involves him.
This is another important issue some ladies take for granted, especially after months or years of being in a relationship. Your attempt at looking and smelling good shouldn’t end just because you got the guy. If you let yourself go, that’s the direct opposite of being mysterious.
Repeating clothes, or walking around with dirty slippers, not cleaning up after you, these are all major turn offs your man may not voice out about. The fact that he’s not talking about it doesn't make it acceptable. So switch things up today and start paying attention to that part of your life again.
Make him remember that extra-clean and well-dressed lady he fell in love with, but remember, keep good hygiene habits not just for your significant other, but for your own health gains as well.
Who doesn’t like a funny lady? Humor is one of the spices that keeps love and laughter alive, and that’s why it’s so cherished. Don’t leave it to your guy to be sarcastic, witty, and fun. Put more effort into learning more about funny videos on the internet, or even breaking news you can both have a good laugh about.
When you start trying to make your man laugh, especially when you never did or stopped trying, that will certainly pique his interest in you.
Men are used to hunting, so they think they’ll always be the sensually intimidating ones. Not if we have anything to say about that, right? You can turn things around and be the one giving him vibes that make his legs weak. Start by giving him those long, intense stares that show him you’re interested in him, but still out of his reach.
Now, if you haven’t given up the cookie yet, the sexual tension between you guys is probably very high. But you don’t want to seem too disconcerted by this fact, maintain your poise, and don’t give him any cues that you want him as much as he wants you. This is where self-discipline comes in because this step would take a lot of self-restraint.
Say, you’re at the movies together, or even at a park, it’s time to bring out the stereotypical feminine side of you and play the lady in distress part. If a scary scene comes up, lightly grasp his arms and squeeze gently, his biceps would be better if you can naturally reach for them.
If you’re walking together, then lightly grazing his hand while conveniently turning to greet a stranger would achieve the same result. When you turn back, try to pretend you didn’t feel the same sparks rush through your body as he did.
If you guys are holding hands, hugging after a date, or even kissing, intentionally be the one to pull away or let go first. You’re giving him the space to want more, and he’ll certainly want more.
It’s a simple law of demand and supply, don’t totally deny him tidbits like a brief hug, or a short but passionate kiss, but pull out the supply when the demand surges. It will only make him wilder with curiosity, intrigue, and interest.
You want this man to remember you even in his deepest state of sleep, so even after your intimate meetings, ensure you make him do so. You don’t want to give too much away, so still act a bit uninterested or unaware of the building sexual tension between you guys.
However, stay classy and covered up, you want to rouse up that very vivid imagination you know this man has.
Guys love it when ladies say nice things to them, it makes them want to know the other nice things you think about them. So while you shouldn’t go dishing out too many compliments, it’s important to strategically complement their clothes, scents, and efforts, especially when they put much effort into it.
Just before you say goodnight, or even in between conversations, you can lean in and whisper to him sensually about something serious, make sure your breath is blowing warmly on his ears, but be gentle and seductive about it.
When you’re together, gaze at him seductively then laugh it off, kiss him on the cheeks playfully when he does something nice for you, hug him with your full body but pull away almost immediately. Things like that will keep him coming for more, and more and more.
Finally, be patient; with yourself, with the guy, and with the whole situation. You’re not going to master this art in one day, so keep taking baby steps. And while it may not seem like it’s working at first, remember that some guys are also masters of mystery and seduction, but it’s just a matter of time before they succumb if you play your cards well.
The key to being mysterious when texting a guy is to keep him in suspense for some time. Take a tip from telenovelas and think of a suitable ‘cliff-hanger’. Start talking about something really interesting, then ask to be excused for a minute, but make it 30. Also, don’t sound too excited or overwhelmed by his words, and don’t give out too many details about yourself.
One of the first things to capture is your man’s senses; what he sees, hears, and maybe even feels. Start by switching up your dress sense, but remember, you don’t have to look trashy to be memorable. Remember, you want to leave enough to the imagination, that’s the whole point of employing a bit of mystery in your relationship. You’ll also want to work on your confidence, and you can do that by adding to what you know. Most men are extremely intrigued by a smart woman who knows what she wants, and what she’s talking about.
If you want to get a man’s attention, it’s important to work on how you dress, smell, and behave. Try to be less obvious; talk less and listen more no matter how tempted you are to comment on everything. Work on your personal hygiene, cause that shows a man that you know how to take care of yourself. Also, bring up topics he didn’t expect you to know about, and don’t be afraid to let him talk, or admit that you don’t know something ‘yet’ if the conversation goes a bit further than you expected.
If you want to keep him wanting more, then don’t give him everything all at once. The mystery only works if you employ self-control, discipline, and add a little spice to your personality. That means you shouldn’t call him or text him too often, don’t divulge too much information, and sometimes, just do something unpredictable.
Men like women who laugh at their jokes, it makes them feel funny, witty, and even more confident. So while your man is talking, put in a genuine giggle here and there and tell him he’s funny. Some experts call it, ‘positive reinforcement’, when men realize they can make you laugh, they warm up to the idea of you better, and will become conscious and intentional about making you giggle more.
Maintaining an aura of mystery isn’t so challenging when you learn the basics, apply confidence and combine it with your unique personality. Remember, it’s not about shutting guys down, but piquing their curiosity about you, and gradually peeling off those layers in unpredictable ways as the relationship unfolds.
I hope you enjoyed going through this list, but even more, I trust that you’ll find it beneficial. So, kindly leave a comment in the section below and share this with friends, family, and colleagues that need these tips as well.
Utilize this tool to verify if he's truly who he claims to be
Whether you're married or just started dating someone, infidelity rates have risen by over 40% in the past 20 years, so your concerns are justified.
Do you want to find out if he's texting other women behind your back? Or if he has an active Tinder or dating profile? Or even worse, if he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?
This tool can help by uncovering hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more, potentially putting your doubts to rest.
