So, you’re thinking about having sex for the first time with someone experienced and you’re worried. After all, when it comes to the first time, we are all understandably nervous, being anxious about how it will feel and if you’ll know enough to please your experienced partner.
Well, we’re here to tell you that there’s absolutely nothing to be worried about. As, with our in-depth guide, we can walk you through all your worries and questions. That way you can concentrate on having fun sex with your partner instead!
For some men and women, you might not wish your experienced partner to know you are having sex for the first time. So, is there any way that they might find out without you telling them first?
Well, for women, there is a chance that you might bleed during your first time. That’s because most women are born with something called a hymen. This is a think membrane found in the vagina that, when ruptured, can cause a small bleed. The amount of blood produced by a hymen tear will totally depend on the woman, with some reporting as little as a few drops of blood and others experiencing a period-like bleed that lasts from one day to three days.
It’s a common misconception that your hymen can only be broken during first-time sex, however, there are a number of ways a hymen can be broken. This includes strenuous exercises, hobbies such as horse riding and using sanitary products like tampons or period cups. In fact, only around 43% of women will experience bleeding during first-time sex. If you are planning on sex and your partner knows this is your first time, you can always plan to use a towel to avoid any mess.
Apart from the hymen, though, there are absolutely no tell-tale signs that this will be your first time, so there’s no need to tell your partner if you don’t wish to. Even if you’re feeling nervous, especially since your boyfriend or girlfriend is already experienced, just remember that sex with someone new is a totally different experience so they will likely be nervous too.
That being said, there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of it being your first time – even if your partner is more experienced. So, if you’re up to it, sit down and let them know. That way you can both take your time and really explore what you both like. Indeed, by being honest you’ll spend less time worrying about what they’ll think, which will likely mean you enjoy the experience far more!
Bar the obvious nerves, for most people, the idea of first time brings up images of pain and a horrible experience – especially for women, where movies and TV shows have shown it to be a painful ordeal.
However, this doesn’t need to be the case for either men or women. As, any discomfort you do feel is likely due to a lack of lubrication. Which is quite common if you’re both feeling nervous or rushing things. With less lubrication, there will be more friction, which can be painful for both parties. To ensure more lubrication in the vagina, take your time and indulge in more foreplay.
For the first time having sex, you may wish to use some lube, as this will ensure that everything slides in with the least pain possible. If you have your lubrication right, sex shouldn’t be painful. However, for the first few times, a woman may feel uncomfortable at this new sensation. You may also find that your legs or back may be sore the next day – that’s because sex can be quite the workout! Over time, you will get used to everything and sex will be all about pleasurable fun.
When you’re having sex for the first time, especially when it’s with someone more experienced, it’s easy to worry about ensuring that your partner reaches orgasm – otherwise you will worry that the other person failed to have fun and will count it as a disappointing experience.
If you’re a man and this is your first time, then it is highly likely that you will orgasm. The problem for men here is that, with no prior experience of how to keep your composure, it can be hard to stop yourself from ejaculating too quickly. Which is alarming if your partner is used to long sex sessions full of orgasms.
Not to worry, though, as very few women reach orgasm from intercourse alone anyway. So, to make sure your partner has the best time, try to ensure she orgasms either during foreplay or after intercourse. That way there is less pressure on you to last longer.
For women, you can feel very nervous during your first time, and these nerves can often stop you from achieving orgasm – your mind is just on too much else. However, sex can be fun even without orgasm, especially with an experienced partner. As, it will help you both feel that much closer. His experience here though will help, and it might be that you can orgasm. Just always remember that it’s perfectly normal not to on your first time and doesn’t make you some sort of freak - pressure just gets to us all!
There is a common misconception that you’re unlikely to get pregnant the first time you have sex – this is not true! As, if you choose to have sex without any birth control, it is entirely possible to get pregnant. Indeed, you’re likely to be very fertile as you’re younger.
You shouldn’t listen to a partner that tells you having sex during or just after your period means you can’t get pregnant. Sperm can live in your body for up to 7 days, so if you have a short cycle, you could easily ovulate during that 7-day window and become pregnant.
Even with birth control, getting pregnant is still possible, as these methods are not 100% pregnancy-proof. Which means you should look to use two methods of contraception such as condoms and a birth control pill. Often for those having sex for the first time, there can a little confusion on who should provide the contraception – the man or the woman? Which is why so man younger people have unprotected sex, as neither brought any birth control. Actually, though, you should both be looking to bring contraception as a sign of good practice. That way, if one of you forgets, the other will have something – meaning no unhappy accidents.
Often, if you are using something like the Pill or you have an implant, which will help stop you getting pregnant, a man might suggest that you don’t use condoms. Now, for you, as this is the first time you’re having sex, it is very unlikely that you have a sexually transmitted disease (unless you’ve had sexual contact with someone else).
Because your partner – whether or not they are male or female - is more experienced than you though, it could be that they’ve picked up an STD from someone else and they could transfer it to you. Which is why it is important to use condoms, as this will act as a barrier protecting you both. You should also use condoms during oral sex, as some STDs can be passed over in this way.
Condoms can be pricey from shops, however, most sex clinics and places like colleges will happily give out free condoms for those looking to use them.
There’s no denying it, having sex for the first time with someone experienced is a scary time. Not only is there all that pressure on yourself to make your first sex experience something that is monumental in your life, but you also have that worry that you won’t please a more experienced partner.
So, how can you reduce anxiety when having sex for the first time with someone:
If you’re really looking for a relaxing and fun experience for your first time have sex, it’s important that you choose the right partner. As, if you have the right partner, everything feels that much easier. Indeed, studies have shown that those in a committed relationship with someone that they trust are far more likely to have a positive first sex experience.
This makes a lot of sense when you think about it. Take a new person that you’ve started dating. The likelihood is, you’re going to feel shy about certain things. In fact, at the start of dating, many of us are acting, as we pretend to like things that the other man or woman like in order to impress them. As you get further into the relationship, your true self comes out and that’s when you both really get close and possibly fall in love.
By choosing to have your first sex experience with someone who you are in a committed relationship with, you are far more likely to be honest about it being your first time and for you both to sit down and really discuss your worries. Your more experienced partner will also be far more aware of your feelings and want you to have the perfect time, so everything will go much slower and relaxed – meaning you will be less nervous.
If you’re still not overly comfortable with your partner, then it’s less likely that you will be honest about having no past experience. Which, in turn, often makes you more nervous about the whole situation as you’re worrying too much about whether you should tell them and whether you’re going to disappoint them. This sort of scenario often ends in a more awkward or disappointing experience as you don’t feel in control of the situation.
If you would like to have sex with someone who you’re not in a relationship with or who you’ve newly met, try to be honest. It can be awkward to tell them, however, they will be glad to know so that they can help you feel less nervous come the time.
When you hear about someone’s horrible account of them have sex for the first time, there is usually one thing in common – they all had sex is somewhere unusual where it was rushed and uncomfortable. For instance, it might have been a car, or perhaps it was in a random room at a party. Many people have even told stories of having sex outdoors in a park or on the beach.
While having sex in one of these places might be fun and adventurous later in your life, for your first time, it’s important that you choose somewhere that is comfortable and safe. As you’re already going to be nervous about other things, so the last thing you need to worry about is the idea that someone might walk in on you or that you might be overheard – which can be very embarrassing.
So, rather than using your boyfriend’s bedroom where his flatmates – or worse parents! – might be nearby, choose somewhere where you feel totally at ease and can therefore totally concentrate on enjoying the sex. You might wish to book a hotel away for the night. This can be turned into a romantic night away, where you can both go out and enjoy a nice date at a restaurant or to a gig with a band that you love. Then you’ll be able to return to your hotel room where you both know you won’t be disturbed.
You could even choose a night that is special for you both. For instance, in high school, you might wish to choose your senior prom night as the ideal time for you to have sex for the first time. Most parents expect you to be out most of the night anyway – so book a hotel and make it the best night of your life.
Even better, hotel rooms can be pretty luxurious, allowing you to have a really lovely time. Or, if one of you lives with your parents or flatmates, wait until they’re away working or out for the night. Being in a familiar place and knowing you are both alone will allow you both to relax and enjoy yourselves. Much better than the back of a car!
When you start a relationship with a new partner, it’s likely you will do other things in the bedroom for a few times before you end up having sexual intercourse. This allows you both to explore the body of each other and really learn what each other likes. After enjoying foreplay a few times, you will likely feel far more comfortable with each other and more likely to open up about what you like and dislike in the bedroom.
When it comes to having sex with that new partner – particularly when it’s your first time – it’s important that you continue to do these things first. Which is when it becomes known as foreplay. Now, for some people, foreplay might seem like you’re just delaying the main event.
However, foreplay plays an important part in sex, especially when it’s your first time, as it allows you both to relax and for women to start producing a lot of lubricant. Which will make it far less likely to be painful come intercourse. As, it’s a lack of lubrication - meaning there’s friction – that causes pain during sex. You should also remember if you are worried about pain, that you can buy a lube both online or from a local chemist and this will really help.
Foreplay also plays an important part in the overall enjoyment of sex. This is particularly true for women, who can often struggle to orgasm from intercourse alone. Foreplay should be seen as the ideal time to pleasure a woman. This is ideal for those experiencing their first time with their experienced partner, as this will relax you both and takes the pressure off of the actual sex later on.
Whether you’re young and eager or you just really like your partner, it’s tempting to rip off all your clothes and jump right in. This could be because you’re in a place where someone could be coming home or it might be that you’re skipping foreplay. Either way – slow down!
Thankfully, because you’re having a relationship with someone with more sex experience, it’s likely that they will know that slow is better, but it’s also a good idea to remember this yourself. The great joy of sex isn’t just the big bang at the end – it’s also the journey there.
So, rather than thinking “what should I do next” meaning you quickly from one activity to the next. Instead, slow down and enjoy everything that is happening. This will stop you from worrying about the next step and live in the moment instead. By doing this, your nerves will be less so at the front of your mind, which means the sex will be easier when it comes.
For many people, they feel like they need to put the emphasis on this one big night where you will have sex for the first time. However, because you’ve made a big deal out of this, this can put a lot of stress on both you and on your more experienced partner – who may be worrying about how they are going to ensure you have the perfect night.
Just remember, not all plans go well, so if it comes the big night and things aren’t going well, just put off having sex until another night! There’s absolutely no rule anywhere that says you have to go through with it. Even if you’re deep into foreplay, you can change your mind and choose to leave sex for another night.
Or, it could be that you did the deed, but it didn’t go to plan and you didn’t enjoy yourself. Does this mean sex will always be bad or disappointing? Of course not! Instead, relax and try again when you want to, once you find your rhythm you might be shocked at just how much sex can improve.
One of the best experiences in life is having wonderful sex when you're in a relationship with some you love. The problem is, when it comes to your first time, a lot of things can go wrong. You could be in the wrong relationship, it might not be the right time or someone might get in your way - all of which are things that are outwith your control.
So, when you're worried about your first time having sex with a person, remember that we all have anxiety when it comes to sex, but when you take the right precautions, it's most likely going to be a really enjoyable experience for everyone involved. Especially when you have an experienced partner who will guide you the entire way.
Plus, if something doesn't go to plan or it wasn't quite the magical night of sex you dreamed of, it's only one night of sex. You will have plenty of other opportunities to have the sex you've always dreamed of. Just relax and try again!