Has your marriage grown a little safe and routine? Or maybe you simply want to know how to take your relationship to a more meaningful level?
Whatever your motivation is, cultivating a deeper spiritual connection with your partner can only enrich your relationship. After all, the physical or intimate bonds that tie us to a person can fade.
Appearances change with age and sometimes a familiar face no longer excites us the way it used to. But partners that grow spiritually together don’t face these challenges. Instead, they nurture and cement their relationship.
So what do I mean when I talk about a spiritual connection?
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Human beings are social creatures. We like to form groups, pair off into relationships and feel a connection to those around us. These connections can exist on a surface or a deeper level.
For example, as social animals, we find lots of ways to connect with people. We share the same interests, opinions, political views, cultural tastes. Perhaps we are extroverted or introverted and our personalities attract like-minded people.
We may support the same football team as a work colleague. Or we are connected by blood to family members we see at special events, for instance.
But with others, you want a deeper kind of relationship. This relationship goes far beyond liking the same things.
You feel drawn to them. You want to know everything about them. When you are with this person you are at ease; you can be yourself. You kind of fit together like jigsaw pieces.
Couples that make a spiritual connection influence one another in positive ways. They make a dramatic impact on their partner’s life. They feel a profound affinity with this person.
Forming a spiritual connection is about laying yourself open and raw and being honest about yourself. It is not about forcing your beliefs in the relationship or marriage.
I like to think of a spiritual connection in scientific terms as well as emotional ones. When two people are spiritually connected they operate on the same spiritual wavelength. They vibrate to the same energy as one another.
Remember, all atoms vibrate to their own unique frequency. Imagine a couple whose atoms are perfectly in sync with each other. Even if you don’t believe in a higher power or religion, you have to admit that this feels harmonious.
Now picture a couple whose atoms are vibrating to different frequencies. Their atoms are clashing and ill-matched.
The perfectly aligned couple is going to find it easier to communicate, support, listen and grow with their partner.
It’s all very well wanting to have a deeper spiritual connection but you have to work at it. Working at it means setting aside time that is exclusively for your loved one.
This needs to be quality time, away from children (if you have any) or distractions. Some couples like to create an area in their house where they can talk or be intimate. Others like to do something, like go for a walk.
If you want to truly connect spiritually with your loved one you first have to know yourself, inside and out. So think about your beliefs and values; what is important to you?
What are your views on the big issues such as faith, politics, equality, history? You have to know yourself before you can fully connect with your partner.
No one can grow on a spiritual level in a relationship if they are deceitful or hiding secrets. Now that you have agreed to spend time with your partner it is equally important to be authentic. There’s no point trying to impress or putting up a façade.
Connecting with another person is not about showing how intelligent or worldly-wise you are. It is about showing the real person, the real you, not the best version of you. It is difficult to sustain a false image, especially one we think our partner wants to see.
Of course, a spiritual connection is not all about one person. As the word suggests, connection indicates two things coming together. So it is just as crucial for you to understand your partner. Those questions you asked yourself when you wanted to know who you were? Ask your partner the same ones.
See what values and beliefs you have in your relationship. What common interests you have, what is important to your partner, and whether you are both on the same path in the marriage.
According to Dr. Gary Chapman, couples show their love for one another using 5 different ways of communication.
Finding out how your partner expresses their love allows deeper communication between you. I remember a past love of mine who got upset when I said that he was not very tactile with me. I love to have hugs and kisses but later I realized he was a gift-giver. Understanding his love language helped both of us grow in our relationship.
To grow we have to forgive so that we can move on. Holding onto past wrongdoings can only cause resentment and bitterness. It doesn’t matter whether you experienced this in your present relationship or a previous marriage.
Start with a clean slate, so that you are ready to create new levels of understanding with your partner. Leave any toxicity behind. If you feel strongly about something that happened in the relationship, talk it through and when you are satisfied, you can then forgive and move on. But remember, once you have decided to forgive, that’s the end of it.
Some people think that creating a spiritual connection is all about sharing the same dreams and goals in marriage. And to some extent it is. Couples with widely different ideas about their relationship may find it difficult to become spiritually connected. So it is important to be on the same page regarding your hopes for your life together.
However, if you want to create a strong spiritual connection in your relationship you must feel open enough to share your fears and worries as well. This is the test of a good spiritual relationship. Sharing your thoughts on disagreements, your frustrations, your disappointments are all as valid as sharing your hopes.
It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking from our own perspective all the time. We assume that people have grown up in similar circumstances to us, and they have had similar experiences to us. But of course, none of this is true.
We are all unique, from different backgrounds, cultures, classes, economic households, and families. As such, we will react to situations differently, we will have our own unique triggers and ways of dealing with things. What you see as easy your partner might find incredibly problematic, and vice versa.
Do you have a friend that you can share everything and anything? Is it your partner? You might think that there are some things you wouldn’t want your partner to know about, but holding back only blocks the path to a spiritual relationship.
Imagine telling your partner everything about you and having them accept you for who you are? How freeing would that feel like? Only by revealing your vulnerabilities and accepting your partner’s weaknesses can you meet on a spiritual level.
The way we speak to our partners can have an immediate effect on our relationship. It is especially hard to be kind and compassionate when we feel stressed or irritated. But these are the very times we need to control the way we speak.
Not getting defensive, not going on the attack, and learning what triggers you have, allow you to listen and speak from the heart. And the more you listen, the more you learn. The more you speak from the heart, the more intimacy you create.
When experts talk about a spiritual connection they are very keen to impress the importance of maintaining a physical connection with your partner. This way you are keeping yourself grounded in the physical realm whilst exploring the spiritual world.
Take time out to reconnect with your partner. Perhaps instigate some quiet time with candles and a gentle, intimate massage. Or set aside some quality time for lovemaking.
When we meditate, our brain waves slow down and we enter a more relaxed state of consciousness. Entering this different state together is a wonderful way of connecting, not only with each other but with the universe and nature.
Take some time where it is just the two of you, sitting and contemplating your spiritual goals. Find the best time to do this. Some couples like to start the day with a session, others prefer to end the day with one.
Ground yourself in your shared beliefs and find a mantra or saying that appeals to your spiritual faith.
One of the beautiful things about being in a relationship is all that you can learn from your partner. I recall dating a guy that loved reading the classics. As a former student from an all-girls grammar school, we had classical authors forced upon us.
But this guy reintroduced me to authors such as Thomas Hardy and Charles Dickens. Be ready to learn and be guided by a new perspective. Allow yourself to be open to new ideas and opinions. It is a cliché, but knowledge is power.
We all have a darker side. Carl Jung referred to this as our ‘shadow self’. The shadow self is the side of ourselves we don’t want to admit to or confront. It is worth reading up a little on the shadow self because it can be very revealing and help you grow as a person.
I’ll give you my example. Years ago I suffered from panic and anxiety. I got help and overcame the feelings. Then recently a friend came to me suffering from panic attacks. I was surprised at my reaction to him. Instead of using my experience to help him, I was dismissive, curt, and blew him off.
It was only after reading about the shadow self I realized that my reaction to him was in fact, my shame at my own panic and anxiety. It was something I had felt ashamed about in myself. My point is, no one is perfect. But by admitting your darker side you can grow with your partner.
Many people associate a spiritual relationship with a worthy cause or a higher level of compassion and kindness. Of course, this doesn’t have to be the case but supporting your partner and helping them grow should always be at the forefront of any spiritual endeavor.
If this happens to manifest into something more profound then that can only be a good thing. If one person can grow and achieve their potential then this can impact many more lives.
A spiritual connection is a deep bond between couples on more than just a physical level. Couples are open and honest with one another. They share the same beliefs, morals, and values. They have an intimacy that allows a mutual understanding for growth within a marriage.
When a relationship is based on spiritual growth, you are able to reveal your true self to your partner. You can tell your partner the good and the bad traits about yourself. You feel a kinship, you are drawn to this person, and he brings out the best in you.
A spiritual connection can represent a couple sharing the same faith. It can also mean partners who relate to each other on a more profound level. Typically this is sharing the same values, judgments, beliefs, and ethical morals.
You will immediately feel at ease with this person. You’ll naturally be drawn to them and want to know all about them. It might be a case of feeling whole for once in your life, or that you want to make changes in yourself for the better.
When two souls connect it is as if the universe is balanced. This is not something you can do if it is not meant to be. You will know when you have met your soulmate. All atoms vibrate to different frequencies; they all have a unique energy signature. We recognize this signature from past incarnations.
A spiritual connection takes work and time together, but it can solidify and strengthen the bonds in a relationship or marriage. I hope you find a deeper spiritual connection with your loved one by using the guiding advice above.
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