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How to Stop Being Horny (17 Ways to Cope with Horniness and Libido)

Last updated on October 17, 2022 by Kelsey Willows

Being horny can be great, but it can also come with problems. You may feel a constant horniness, like an itch you just can’t scratch, and you want to learn how to control these feelings. 

Horniness is a synonym for libido; to be horny is to feel sexual excitement but libido relates more to sexual desire. Both come hand in hand when learning how to control the urge of your sexual drive. 

According to Gregory Brown, co-creator of the YouTube channel AsapSCIENCE, a new study found that 7% of women struggle to control their sexual urges as opposed to 10.3% of men. He explains that there are several steps of sexual arousal: desire, arousal, incentive, motivation (whether or not you will act on the horniness), genital response, and resolution (orgasm).

To be sexually aroused can be a great but also frustrating feeling; you might occasionally find yourself in a random setting, like at work or out in public, and you begin to feel a sexual urge that simply won’t go away. 

Now there’s always the option of sorting yourself out which can be exciting outside of the bedroom. But if this is something that is taking over your daily thoughts, then there are several steps to try and manage horny feelings.

Why Am I So Horny All the Time? (When to Get Help?)

Firstly, it’s important to decide whether or not you have a problem. Everyone gets horny. Some people more than others. Sex and relationship vlogger Hannah Witton debunked the myth that men want more sex than women when she explained that a recent study found 53% of women said they wanted more sex.

It’s also perfectly normal to have a fluctuating drive. Many factors can contribute to horniness and libido from hormones, your menstrual cycle, and even down to the foods that you eat. 

Only you know if your horniness is a bad thing and this is usually noticeable when you require sexual stimulation on a regular basis, but still struggle to feel the satisfaction from this urge.

There are many things to consider before deciding if you actually have a problem or not.

1. Consider that you’re not the problem

Some women depend on sex to feel satisfied as opposed to solo masturbation. If your partner's drive doesn’t match yours, you may be left feeling as though you have a problem, but this might not actually be the case. 

If you’re in a relationship that lacks sexual compatibility, you might confuse a lack of satisfaction with a constant feeling of horniness. 

Masturbating is a great way of making up for a lack of sex with a partner and is something that should be openly communicated. We all have needs! If your partner isn’t in the mood, why should you be left feeling unsatisfied? 

This feeling is completely normal and doesn’t necessarily mean that you need help. There’s absolutely no shame in asking your partner to leave the room whilst you masturbate, in fact, it may even encourage sexual tension on their part, and if it doesn’t, at least you’re not left without. There’s literally no harm in this whatsoever; it's the smartest thing to try when dealing with an unbalanced drive between two partners.

2. You’re constantly fantasizing about others

you're constantly fantasizing about others

You may feel horny all the time as you’re completely unsatisfied and are looking to satisfy yourself outside of your relationship. A way of combating this feeling can be to watch porn, which can actually make you feel hornier. 

If you’re feeling unsatisfied with your partner, and this is resulting in problems with sexual drive and fantasies, then the best thing to do is to take the time to consider your relationship and if there is anything you can do to reverse these emotions and connect with your partner again. 

You may need an honest conversation with your partner where you both explain your feelings and come up with resolutions together on how to fix your bond. 

3. You’ve just gotten over a dry spell

A lot of women (and men) struggle with a low libido at times, which can be problematic in a relationship. When you get into a routine of sexual abstinence, it’s really hard to get out. Once you finally feel horny again it can be an overwhelming feeling that doesn’t go away. You may not have a problem; you simply need to find a good balance that suits you. 

4. Horniness is always on your mind

If you are masturbating 24/7, want sexual stimulation all the time, and are struggling to control your sexual desire, it’s possible that you have a problem.

Compulsive sexual behavior is sometimes called hypersexuality, hypersexuality disorder or sexual addiction. It's an excessive preoccupation with sexual fantasies, urges or behaviors that is difficult to control, causes you distress, or negatively affects your health, job, relationships or other parts of your life.”

If you feel as though you are suffering, it’s always best to seek medical advice. 

5. Ask your friends if they’re going through the same

If you’re still not sure if you have a problem or not, talk to your friends or sexual partners. In turn, ask them about their sex life and sexual urges to try and determine your own. Of course, you shouldn’t directly compare yourself as everybody is different, but we should be normalizing these conversations that will help people in the long run.

6. Admit that you may have a problem

The final step in knowing when to get help is to admit that you have a problem. No matter how severe the issue, you need to be honest about your sex drive and accepting of the issues caused in your sexual relationships (with yourself and a partner) in order to be able to overcome when learning how to stop being horny. 

How to Stop Being Horny (11 Ways to Cope with Horniness and Libido)

1. Find a balanced routine 

If you are acting upon your sexual urges too frequently, or too little, it can mess with your sex drive and cause problems for you. The first step is to find a balanced routine, and try having regular sex but not too much. Exercise restraint, but don’t completely stop being horny altogether. 

2. Masturbate

Rather than depending on a partner for a sexual release, masturbate on your own. This is great for combatting stress levels and is a natural body response when you feel a sexual urge. As long as you’re not masturbating too much, then again it’s about finding a good balance for you.

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3. Keep distracted

If you think you’ve found a balanced routine and you’re still struggling with how to get rid of your sexual desires, try keeping yourself busy. This can be a great way to reduce your sexual energy as you can make yourself too busy to even acknowledge your horniness. 

4. Meditate

meditate

Meditation is great for many things, and treating compulsive sexual behaviors is one of them. Feel at one with your entire body and take the time to take deep breaths and think about how you can overcome any impediment you see. Affirmations are also a great way to inflict a positive mindset.

5. Take a cold shower

This is more of a short-term fix of how to stop being horny but if you’re home alone, your sexual desire is taking control and you’re trying not to masturbate … then try taking a cold shower to clear your mind, engage your body and eradicate that feeling. 

6. Practice restraint

If you feel as though nothing is working, depriving yourself of sexual stimulation is always something to try. Some athletes go for weeks or even months without sex or masturbating to enhance performance. Some people thrive when working towards a goal, so practicing control can be a good method to stop being horny.

7. Speak to a doctor

If you feel as though something is wrong with your body, you can always talk to your doctor and analyze your medications. It’s completely normal to ask things like “Does stopping birth control make you hornier? How to resist masturbation? Is what I’m feeling normal?”

If there are specific changes that you’ve noticed, in how your body is responding when you feel horny or an obsession with wanting to have sex, there may be medical explanations that you can explore with your doctor. 

There are many conversations that can be had with a professional to determine how to stop being horny, and having that initial conversation can never be a bad thing. 

8. See a therapist

A doctor may be best if there is something medically wrong with you, however, a therapist might be a great option to change your cognitive behaviors surrounding sex, sexual urges, and horniness. 

You can literally talk to a therapist about anything, and if you have a partner, you could even try couple’s therapy; this is also a great way to work on communication in a relationship and can sometimes bring couples even closer.

Speaking to a therapist is especially a good idea if being constantly horny is making you feel frustrated and upset as they may help you to understand a little better about how your brain works and what to do to stop being horny. 

9. Find the source of your sexual energy

There may be one specific thing that is driving your sexual energy, causing you to want more sex and to feel unsatisfied. Once you’ve found this source, you may then be able to stop being horny. This could be a fantasy or a fetish that is left building up your sexual energy. 

Take the time to listen to your body, explore your sexuality, and practice other ways of releasing your sexual energy or urges. Once you’ve found the root of the problem, it’ll be easier to overcome; also, you can’t go wrong with trying new things!

A great way of exploration is the use of sex toys, temperature play, anal play, role play, and much much more! There’s a whole world out there of things to try, once you find your fix you may find that you stop being horny so much.

10. Hit the gym 

hit the gym

Physical pleasure can be experienced in many ways other than by having sex. Distract your body by working out and you may find that you don’t feel as horny. Exercise can lower stress, meaning that you don’t rely on sexual stimulation for this release.

11. Change your diet

This one may feel a little strange, but you’d be surprised at how food can impact your sex life.

Aphrodisiac foods are “rumored to enhance sexual performance of both men and women… Among the more common ones are pomegranates, antioxidant rich foods, omega-3, basil, cardamom, garlic, watermelon, oysters, L-arginine, caffeine” and many others.

These foods are rich in components that increase many aspects of your health, resulting in higher sexual performance and generally the feeling of being horny. If this is the case, you might need to try a little more than simply switching out for decaf to stop being horny!

FAQs

What foods make you hornier?

There are several foods (and drinks) that can make you feel hornier. Common ones are wines, oysters, caffeine, pomegranate, watermelon, garlic, almonds … the list goes on! There’s lots of research out there on aphrodisiac foods, explore, or even ask your doctor!

This is a really interesting topic that could have you reading for hours and hours. As long as you have a well balanced diet, you shouldn’t have too much of a problem with this. 

Why does working out make you hornier?

Exercising increases blood flow, blood that goes to your genitals resulting in you feeling turned on. This also allows for a more intense orgasm. However, exercise can also be a great distraction from feeling horny and help to eradicate this feeling.

There are many benefits to hitting the gym, it’s simply important to acknowledge what you want to get out of your workout to help with your mentality surrounding horniness and sex.

Does birth control make you less horny?

Birth control has been known not only to contribute to a decreased libido, but to contribute to vaginal dryness as well. If you feel as though your birth control is affecting you negatively, it’s always best to speak to a doctor about changing contraception.

“The hormonal IUD has also been associated with more sexual desire, decreased sexual pain, and lower levels of sexual dysfunction, compared to function before using the IUD, or compared with people not using contraception.”

Can stress make you horny?

According to Alessandra Graziottin, “Depression, anxiety and chronic stress, may interfere with central and peripheral pathways of the sexual response, reducing the quality of sexual function mostly in its motivational root.”

However, opposing studies have found that stress can make you feel extra horny. Again, this one comes down to each individual and your response to dealing with stress. Some people find sex and masturbation as a great stress reliever whereas others may be affected by stress resulting in a lower libido.

Are anti-horny pills harmful in the long run?

Anti-horny pills, also known as anaphrodisiacs (drugs that tend to reduce sexual desire), have been known to have negative side effects which include anxiety, weakness, overstimulation, paralysis, and hallucinations.

When taking any drug, you should be cautious, and seek advice from a doctor or health professional.

Conclusion

There are many ways to learn how to stop being horny, but at the end of the day, if you’re not causing any harm, and you feel as though you have control of your feelings, then there is nothing wrong with being horny.

Every single person is different, and we all experience things differently. This comes down to sexuality, gender identity, and how our bodies respond to the idea of sex. No libido will ever be the same, and naturally, our libido and drive fluctuate anyway. 

If you’re feeling down by the feeling of being horny and have noticed a change in yourself then there are many different options to try. Remember, you should never feel ashamed of asking a friend, partner, or seeking professional help! But first and foremost, I think it's important to determine whether or not you actually have a problem. 

As women, we can be made to feel uncomfortable talking about our sex drives and our desire for pleasure, and can be made to feel wrong for wanting regular sex. We can also be made to feel embarrassed for masturbating and experimenting. This is where it's important that you confide in those close to you, but always remember who you are. 

Embrace your sexuality, embrace your want for pleasure and embrace the fact that we, women, like sex.

Feel free to comment and share with your friends to give them tips. Best of luck.

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Sources:

  1. Mayo Clinic Staff (2020): Compulsive Sexual Behavior
  2. IsHak, W.W., Clevenger, S., Pechnick, R.N., Parisi, T. (2017): Sex and Natural Sexual Enhancement: Sexual Techniques, Aphrodisiac Foods, and Nutraceuticals
Kelsey Willows
As a woman in our world, I’ve dreamed of becoming a writer to essentially help women! I think it’s important to normalize topics that are considered taboo, especially within relationships and sex! I have always been a shoulder to cry on, whether that’s to a close friend or even to a woman scorned in the bathroom of a nightclub! I give balanced advice, and encourage those to look at a situation from several points of view. I recently graduated from Salford University in England where I wrote my final dissertation on gender representations in adaptations of pride and prejudice for film and TV, and alongside this have been writing a novel. Again, normalizing the want for pleasure as a woman, and the need of a healthy relationship.

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