Fingering yourself has always been considered a taboo topic, especially among women. My question is, why?! Not everyone needs a partner to satisfy that throbbing we get between our inner thighs. There are so many benefits to masturbating and fingering yourself; stress relief being the main one and helping to aid a good sleep is another!
The tricky part is learning how to do it. You need to listen to your vagina, find the technique that gives you the most pleasure, and don’t stop until you reach orgasm (if that is the desired goal, of course).
Shows like Sex Education are helping to normalize these ‘taboo’ topics. If you’ve seen it, you’ll remember the scene where Amy finally learns how to masturbate. It’s a great scene due to the reality of the concept; it really can be difficult! But learning how to finger yourself is one of the best ways to start.
Fingering is a masturbation technique where you use your fingers to stimulate your genitals, it can lead to orgasms and potentially even result in squirting. According to sexpert Jess Wilde, in her YouTube video for Love Honey, she explains “squirting is the involuntary release of fluids during firm intimate stimulation.” It is a result of persistent pressure on a specific spot in your vagina, and it results in a highly intense feeling. This isn’t something to worry about too much when starting, it’s just something to be aware of.
Fingering yourself is something that every woman should consider trying, masturbation is all about experimentation; trying different techniques to feel pleasure. There are over 8,000 nerve endings in the clitoris alone, meaning that there’s plenty of opportunity to make your body feel good.
The first thing to be aware of is that fingering yourself does not guarantee orgasms. The main objective of masturbation does tend to be to achieve an orgasm, but this shouldn’t necessarily be the case. Some women struggle to reach an orgasm, and that’s completely normal! So if you go into fingering yourself with this added sense of pressure, the experience can ultimately be less enjoyable.
The focus of this process should be to have a good time. Whether you’ve got 5 minutes or an hour, take some time to yourself to relax. You are essentially having sex with yourself, and it’s so important to take this time to feel at one with your body, touch yourself, and find yourself attractive. Learning to understand your sexual desires can help with confidence and even body image.
Before getting started, it’s good practice to wash your hands and vulva. The same way you would if you were with a partner, it’s always best to go into fingering with good hygiene; mainly to avoid any infections further down the line (especially if using toys).
Remember, fingering can be a great stress relief, so try to set the mood and take precautions to avoid distractions. Set your phone to “do not disturb,” maybe lock your door if somebody is in the house with you, and you can even light a candle or two if you really want to get in the zone.
I would even suggest, if you have the time, to put on your best lingerie the way you would if you were with a partner. It’s always a bonus if you can make yourself feel sexy. Essentially, you want to do whatever makes you feel comfortable and sexy at the same time.
There are many different positions to try when fingering yourself. A great position recommended by many sexperts is to pop a pillow underneath your lower back. This props you up and allows easier access to your G-spot. Getting ready for a fingering session is about getting in the mood, so whether you’re in bed or elsewhere, get yourself in a position where you feel comfortable and begin to slowly touch yourself, caress, and engage the senses.
Not everyone enjoys watching porn, but some women find that it contributes to the foreplay of fingering yourself. It’s always a good idea to remember that porn is dramatized, scripted and that it can set high expectations as it depicts ‘perfect’ sexual scenarios that simply aren’t real. However, there’s no harm in selecting a video that will get you in the mood and get your vagina throbbing; especially if you have a specific fantasy that can be fulfilled via watching porn.
People enjoy using lube as it helps them to feel relaxed and can enhance pleasure. If you experience pain at all, it can also help during a fingering session as it reduces friction. Additionally, lube makes you feel wetter which can be great for vaginal dryness.
You can also add stimulating gels such as orgasm gels, or lubes with heating or tingling benefits to spice up your sex life, these will work in addition to G-spot stimulation to result in a more intense orgasm; plus it can feel amazing!
How to finger your clit? There are many techniques used to masturbate when rubbing your clitoris, but the most basic and arguably most effective of them all is to rub in a circular motion or to rub from side to side.
Start slow, allow your whole body to become relaxed, and remember there is no wrong way of fingering so long as you are listening to your body. Start with one finger and begin to engage the nerve endings in your clitoris. Rub slowly, caressing other parts of your body to maximize sexual activity. You can use two fingers and begin to increase speed; you’ll notice that lube helps you move your fingers with more ease.
Every now and again take the focus off of your clitoris and engage your vulva. Masturbating should be a slow and enjoyable process, without the worry of wanting to orgasm, so take the time to experiment with other erogenous zones of the body that feel pleasurable like your vulva, nipples, or anus for example.
Most women struggle when learning how to finger themselves as they can’t find their G-spot. The best way to find it is by simply using your fingers. The G-spot is slightly textured compared to the rest of the vagina and is usually found 2-3 inches deep with your fingers slightly curled in a “come-hither” motion.
Jess Wilde explains that “your G-spot swells when you become aroused” meaning that if you’ve successfully got yourself in the mood, it will be easier to find. Once located, experiment with different pressures and finger motions to establish what feels good and what doesn’t.
Deborah Sundahl in her book “Female Ejaculation and the G-spot” explains that your G-spot’s “sensitivity can grow over time with awareness and increased skill” and that “the G-spot nerve also stimulates the bulk of the PC muscles to contract during orgasm, which aids in ejaculation” – so basically, don’t be surprised if there’s liquid when orgasming from G-spot penetration.
As mentioned, the “come-hither” motion is highly popular with fingering yourself, but there are many other techniques to experiment with. Try using one finger or two fingers, or stimulate your clitoris at the same time as finger penetration. Similarly, try to stimulate your anus whilst fingering with your pinky finger.
Some women are more sensitive than others. If you feel as though your finger pressed against your G-spot isn’t enough, then try using a much more intense motion. Obviously, do this with care, but if you simply finger deeper or use a faster motion when rubbing your clitoris or vulva, you may find this works better for you if you lack sensitivity.
Once you’ve reached that ultimate feeling of pleasure between your inner thighs, you’re completely relaxed and you’re eager to try and climax, you’ll want to start fingering whilst maintaining a rhythm in order to attempt to orgasm. Keep your fingers in a steady consistent motion, and let your body do the work from here.
A lot of women only use toys with their partners, but using sex toys when fingering yourself will help to teach you what your body enjoys. There are many feelings that you can’t achieve without a sex toy, such as vibrations. They can enhance your orgasms, and work alongside fingering.
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You can either penetrate your vagina with your fingers whilst holding a vibrator against your clitoris, or you can rub your clitoris whilst inserting a sex toy inside of your vagina. Similarly, you can use toys for your anus such as butt plugs to completely maximize your fingering experience.
Fingering yourself is great fun, but this can also be enjoyable in bed with a partner. It’s a great way to avoid becoming complacent in your sex life, and it’s essentially like watching porn, only hotter! Watching your partner is great foreplay anyway, but experiencing that feeling as you both gradually get more turned on in the process, and taking the time to watch each other orgasm – nothing can beat it.
First and foremost, your goal should be to simply enjoy your masturbation session, especially when only just learning how to finger yourself. However, most of us want an orgasm, of course. Beyond experimentation, there is no right answer on how to achieve this.
My ultimate advice on this point is to try and reach a climax on your own and not with a partner; only you know what feels good, and how much pressure to apply. Once you have learned how to orgasm on your own, you can then help guide a sexual partner in achieving this during sexual activity with them.
A small amount of blood is normal after fingering. Not everyone will experience it, but it’s easy to cut the inside of your vagina with your fingernails which would result in a small amount of blood. However, if you experience abnormal pain or a heavy amount of bleeding, then it’s always wise to see a doctor.
There’s a world of masturbation techniques out there beyond learning how to finger yourself. Watching porn is a great way to discover new techniques, or simply research. Not everyone can orgasm from penetration, so if you basically try whatever feels nice, you’ll be on the right track. It’s a journey with yourself, and although you can seek guidance, no one else will ever know what you feel.
Anal fingering can be a great experience that people tend to shy away from. There are many opportunities to feel pleasure in your rectum as a woman and it’s definitely worth experimenting with, if you ask me. Similar to fingering your vagina, it’s important to clean yourself up first. Many people use a douche to clean out their rectum before insertion.
It’s also crucial to use lube, particularly water-based anal lubricant, as you can do damage without it. Your anus lacks the natural wetness that you have in your vagina, so using lube is a must. It’s also important to note that you shouldn’t double dip (going from fingering your anus to fingering your vagina) without washing your hands first to avoid bacterial infections.
It can be more difficult to find a comfortable position when engaging your rectum. Try several positions to ensure you have easy access to both your anus and your vagina. A suggestion I would make is to straddle a pillow. This way you’re elevated and can access both with each hand. If you’re laying down on your back this may be difficult. You can also lean forward or backward to maximize pleasure.
This is the most important step when you stick anything in your rectum; foreplay is essential in both solo sex and sex with a partner! This always seems to be missing from the sex education curriculum, so research is crucial when deciding to experiment with anal play. There are many ways to relax your anus, the main one being to relax your entire body first. If you’re tense, insertion will be difficult.
Using your finger, gently rub your anus, if possible whilst paying attention to your vagina at the same time to ensure that you’re turned on. Using (water-based or anal-specific) lube, slowly insert one finger and take the time to allow your finger to go deeper. An anal fingering session will most likely take more time to ensure pleasure and not pain.
Unfortunately, we do not have a G-spot in our anus like men do. However, we do have something called an A-spot. The A-spot is deep within the vagina, otherwise known as the anterior wall of the rectum and it has shared nerve endings. This means that when you apply pressure on your A-spot from finger penetration in your rectum, this can result in an orgasm.
When you begin to explore how to finger yourself and anal play, you’ll find that there’s a vast array of toys out there to try! Butt plugs of all shapes, sizes, materials, and even vibration settings, anal beads, double penetrators, dildos. You can use glass butt plugs and pop them in the fridge or freezer to stimulate with different temperatures. There are all sorts you can try to maximize sexual pleasure. These can be used alone or alongside fingering.
Absolutely! There has always been a stigma around female masturbation when actually women have been masturbating for thousands of years. There is a whole bunch of research around female masturbation dating back to the cavemen! It’s definitely worth a Google search.
You should never feel ashamed for wanting to experience self-pleasure. The more we talk about these things as women, the more we learn from one another, and the more we normalize these topics that have been made taboo by some in the past. And, as mentioned earlier, fingering yourself will allow you to understand your body better, thus aiding intercourse with a partner.
Every vagina is different. It can be painful to finger yourself if you don’t take it slowly, but you can usually tell the cause of the pain. If you’re experiencing excruciating pain then you should probably go and see a doctor. Generally, it shouldn’t hurt to finger yourself if you research how to do it safely.
If you follow all the steps listed in this article, if you listen to your body and allow yourself to feel pleasure stress-free, then you are likely to end up having orgasms. This can be more difficult for some women than for others, so it’s best to keep trying until something works for you.
Not all women can orgasm from both clitoral stimulation and penetration, so my suggestion would be to try both at the same time, this is always a great place to start when striving for a climax.
If you are fingering yourself for the first time, then you’ve already taken the right step by reading this article. The best thing to do as a beginner is to do your research, talk to your friends or read up on other women's experiences. Once you feel comfortable, it’s all about taking it slowly, listening to your body, and allowing yourself to feel pleasure.
Sex can be great. Sex with yourself can be even better! Once you have an understanding of the many different ways on how to finger yourself, it’s all about doing what feels nice. Find the spot that simply feels amazing, slowly and gradually increase speed and pressure, and learn the pleasure you can inflict upon yourself.
If you have a great fingering session, talk to your friend about it. Tell them how you achieved the best orgasm ever! You can even ask if they have any tips in return. As women, we should encourage others and help to normalize topics that are considered taboo when actually, female pleasure is something that should be celebrated.
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