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He Doesn't Make Me A Priority (15 Vital Things to Do If You Feel Left Out)

Last updated on July 8, 2022 by Sonya Schwartz

It's common for most girlfriends to feel like they aren’t a priority anymore, especially after those first two or three months of the relationship. It's perfectly normal for one party to feel left behind or less important when their partner is going through something critical. 

For example, having a sick family member or a pressing project at work. However, there’s a huge problem if you feel like this all the time. 

Women are often told that they’re overreacting, overthinking stuff, or being too emotional about things their intuition tells them. The truth about love is that you should never have to wonder if someone loves you. True love always shows clearly. 

If you find yourself constantly waiting by your phone for him to call or text, you’ve been stood up by him more than once or twice or he acts like spending time with you is a chore, then you’re probably not a top priority in his life. 

Don’t let anyone confuse you about what your gut is telling you. If you’re in these shoes, then keep reading and find out what you need to do to change this.

15 Things To Do When He Puts You on the Side

1. Understand the way men think and function

You need to recognize and understand that men don't think of things in the same way women do. They also don't function the way we do. It's important to understand that just because you should be a priority to him does not mean that you should replace all the most important things in his life. No one has just one priority. We all need to take other aspects of our lives seriously. 

Women have the ability to multitask and still function properly in their lives. However, men generally prefer to focus on one specific goal at a time. So, just in case you've been upset because he doesn't text or call while he’s at work, or he doesn't chat with you while he's at the gym, it does not mean you are not a priority. 

It just means that he's trying to focus his priorities one at a time. So, it's important to understand that being a man’s priority doesn't necessarily mean that you need to have his undivided attention 24 hours a day and 7 days a week.

2. Know and understand your worth

The next thing you need to do in this case is to know your worth. The moment you understand how valuable you are, there are very few negative things you'd tolerate from anyone at all. The moment you realize or remember that you're valuable, it will become pretty obvious that you count. You'll realize that you deserve to be cared for, loved, and given attention, just as much as you give to him.

The truth is you have to keep reminding yourself about this because his actions communicate things to you. His actions tell you that you're not worth anyone's time or you don't deserve anyone's full attention. So, the first step to solving the problem of feeling neglected is to keep reminding yourself that you're important.

3. Acknowledge your feelings

Lots of women often doubt their feelings of discomfort when these signs start showing. They tell themselves that they're probably overthinking things or being too needy. This is not always true. One thing you should remember is that you're a woman and women possess a certain strength that men often lack. We're highly intuitive and we can sense when things aren't going right. 

So, when you get that horrible feeling after he gives his usual flimsy excuses, don't brush it off. Recognize that you feel bad for a reason and that your reason is valid. 

4. Tell him

There's no point realizing that you should feel appreciated if you aren’t going to take action and do something about it. If you feel neglected in your relationship, your partner ought to know about it. Perhaps, he didn't even realize how much time he gave to other people and things. 

Your boyfriend should not be the only one feeling comfortable and secure in the relationship, you have a right to be at rest too. So, verbalizing your feelings is not a crime. In fact, sometimes, it makes you even more clear on what you're meant to do. You never know, he may even be happy that you mentioned it. If he's a decent guy and he truly loves you, he'll make an effort to treat you like a priority. 

5. Don't act like everything is ok

This is a very common mistake that women often make. We tell ourselves that we just want to keep the peace and that no one is perfect. So, we keep tolerating all the hurtful things he does and label it 'accepting him for who he is'. 

I know this is easier said than done but it'll all pay off in the end, and it's necessary for your own mental health. People often learn how to treat us by the way we react to them. So, if he does something that shows his neglect and you act normal towards him, then he's going to think his behavior is okay. 

Try to stay conscious of how tolerant you are, letting yourself get angry at his bad behavior does not make you a troublemaker, it just makes you human. So, don't hold back on making your offense known, İf he starts neglecting you, allow yourself to show anger and let him know that you're not happy.

6. Start doing you

start doing you

Human beings have the habit of getting comfortable when they know they can get certain things at no price at all. Perhaps, he started taking you for granted because you're doing too much. 

For instance, instead of spending time with your girlfriends on a Friday night, you keep canceling on them so you can spend time with him. He’ll start to feel like you’ll always be at his beck and call, so he won’t prioritize spending quality time with you.

If this happens, stop and start doing more for yourself. Take that solo trip you’ve been planning for ages, spend more time with your girlfriends and loved ones. It's time for you to do things your own way.

7. Observe and notice these signs early

The best time to make observations and discover red flags is early on in a relationship. It's true that when a relationship is new and fresh, people often show you the best versions of themselves. So, it's hard to tell what areas they are lacking in.

However, if you're being observant and honest with yourself, you'll notice a hint of these things within the first three months. From canceled dates to few or no frequent phone calls, somehow you will start seeing these things play out. 

As soon as you notice them, address them. Don't wait until it gets serious. It also gives you an opportunity to back out of the relationship early if he still does not change after you've mentioned it to him countless times.

8. Live your best life

There's something about a woman who has her own thing, it earns her respect. Sitting around feeling bad that you’re not a priority will only make things worse. He'll automatically start to feel like spending time with you is a burden or a task that he needs to complete. So, instead of begging to be treated like a priority, you could start giving more attention to your own affairs.

Is it like pulling teeth getting him to spend time with you?
The key to solving is understanding men on a much deeper emotional level. The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him.

Take this quick quiz to see if he actually likes you!

Try aiming to reach more milestones in your career, or you could finally start up that business you've been putting off for so long. Start taking your hobbies seriously and perhaps even spend time with yourself. 

If he was truly taking you for granted and putting you last on his priority list, the moment you start putting yourself first and giving your life more attention, he'll have more respect for you and would want to spend more time with you.

9. Be patient with him

If after you've communicated your feelings to him, he sees his faults and decides to change, you need to be patient with him. All these changes won't happen overnight. 

Changing a habit takes more than just being willing to do so, it takes effort, time, and patience. So, be sure to factor this in if you're considering leaving the relationship. If you feel he's worth sticking around for, then try being a little patient with him.

10. Occupy your time

It's easy to feel neglected if you're bored or complacent most of the time. This is also more likely if your boyfriend is busy with work or projects most of the time. 

Try filling up your days with activities that would engage your mind and even add more value to you. You could take a course, tour and travel a bit or join a charity program. Whatever rows your boat. Just make sure to keep yourself busy, don’t sit at home bored with too much free time on your hands.

11. Respect and support his other priorities

As mentioned above, it's important to understand that when you become part of a person's life, you don't automatically become the sole purpose for their existence. This means that they need to give attention to other priorities so that they can live a healthy, balanced life.

So, be it work, school, fitness, or certain projects, get interested in his affairs too. Be genuinely concerned about his progress and support him through it. Don't whine and complain every time he has to go do something else, support him, and be his cheerleader. Doing this does not mean that you are not a priority. Rather, it means you’re helping him fulfill his goals. 

Enjoy discussing his passions with him and take a step into his world for a while. You may like it there. Let him tell you what drives him and work with him to help him apply himself even more, this is what keeps a serious relationship going. Working with him this way is what would make him want to spend more time with you. Who knows, you may like it too. 

12. He needs to learn to compromise

he needs to learn to compromise

Relationships should involve equal effort, equal compromise, and meeting in the middle. The entire thing cannot be hinged on one person's preferences the whole time. This would cause an imbalance and would make the other party feel less important. 

For instance, when agreeing on dates, it shouldn't just be only on his own terms. The time and place of the date should be convenient for both parties; both of you should decide on it. Time spent together should be on both party’s terms. If he's used to getting his way, you need to let him know that you're not going to stand for it. It's either he learns how to compromise or you walk.

13. Give him terms and conditions

Ultimately, there's only so much you can do to distract yourself; If there's a problem, there's a problem. Let him know that you won't always be around waiting for him to come to his senses, so he needs to sit up and take you seriously.

If you've told him how you feel about everything and for some reason he still persists, then you've got to let him know that you will not settle for a toxic relationship. Let him know that being in a relationship requires equal effort from both partners. Your ultimatums may be just the wake-up call he needs.

14. Get your mind ready

If you're giving him ultimatums, you've got to mean it. If you aren't ready to walk away, then don't give an ultimatum. The truth is; no matter how painful a breakup initially is, it's way better than remaining with someone who doesn't value you. Make up your mind that your time in that relationship is up if he doesn't accept to make you a priority (with tangible changes and evidence in his actions).

However, make sure that this is your last resort, exhaust every other option. This is so you’re confident that you tried your best. Remind him of your efforts and walk away with your dignity if it comes to that.

15. Be proud of yourself

If you refused to compromise your worth and you found the strength to walk away from that toxic relationship, you should be proud of yourself. No matter how bad you feel at first, remind yourself that what you did was badass. You recognized a red flag, you listened to your gut feeling and you said no to second or third place even if it was hard. You deserve a pat on the back. 

No experience is a waste, every experience you have trained you for the future. So, if you start to get worried about making the wrong decision, just remind yourself that you did the right thing. On the other hand, it could serve as a lesson and you're a better person for it. Keep moving forward and never look back.

FAQs

What to do when your boyfriend doesn't make you a priority.

The first thing you need to do is to make sure it's not all in your head. Make sure you don't feel like this because of how someone else's relationship looks on the outside. If you're sure you aren't getting worried over nothing then you need to talk to your partner about it. 

How do you make him make you a priority?

You can't force someone to value you by nagging them, sulking, or just feeling bad. You've got to give him a reason to make you a priority. You've got to keep adding value to your own life and support his other priorities as well. This way you become his partner and he'll enjoy his time with you.

Should your partner always be a priority?

Yes, your partner ought to be a priority to you, always. If you aren't ready to give attention to the romance aspect of your life, then don't get into any committed relationships till you're ready. As much as you might need to pay attention to every other priority, your partner should occupy a special place in your life.

How to not make someone your priority.

Refuse to tolerate any more neglect, make up your mind that you will not accept second place. You are not limited when it comes to options, there's always someone out there who would be glad to make you their number one. It's just a matter of determination, you can do it!

How do I make him worry about losing me?

Make it clear to him that you have other options and that you're not afraid to walk away from the relationship. Reduce the amount of attention you give to him and don't wait on him like you used to. Don't rush to answer his calls when he's calling. If it's not completely convenient for you, don't pick the call, you can always call him back later. 

In Conclusion

I hope you found this article helpful. Remember, you are valuable and you ought to be a priority in your relationships. Please let me know what you think about this topic in the comment section below and be sure to share it on your social media.

Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself?
This doesn't mean he doesn't like you. You have to understand how he is wired. Once you do, you'll find there is a subtle thing you can say that to him that will drastically change how he shows his emotions towards you.

Take this quick quiz that looks at whether he actually likes you or not!

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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