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9 Signs He Loves You But Is Scared to Fall For You (And Why)

Last updated on June 6, 2022 by Sonya Schwartz

Are you tired of receiving mixed signals from your man? 

Does his cold behavior leave you constantly wondering whether he’s serious about your relationship? 

Perhaps it feels like you’re wasting the prime years of your life on a man that isn’t ready to surrender his heart to you? 

It’s a difficult situation, because a lot of men will hide their true feelings for fear of being hurt. The guide below will help you understand whether that’s how your partner feels. 

However, before we jump into this guide, it’s really important that you read the next few sentences carefully. 

In the past, I was stuck in several relationships with guys who weren’t ready to commit to me. I’d tell myself they were scared to show their real emotions, but the truth was they just weren’t that into me. 

Thankfully, I managed to turn this around, and it all started when I learned about a powerful aspect of male psychology.

It’s called the ‘Hero’s Instinct’ - and it appears as if every man holds onto this way of thinking.

When you learn how to trigger it, it can transform the way he feels about you romantically. Instead of seeing you as a short-term fling, he may begin to OBSESS over you (click to read my personal story and learn more). 

It’s simple to learn how to activate this psychology, and a man’s feelings for you tend to dramatically escalate once you know how. 

So, it’s probably in your best interests to read how I discovered the Hero’s Instinct

Of course, he may still be scared to express these feelings and it’s up to you to help him through this fear. The guide below explains how to spot that this is happening, and what you can do about it. 

You Catch Him Staring

One of the most clear-cut signs that he loves you is when you catch him staring at you. Whether you’re sitting on the sofa watching TV, or doing some work on your laptop, when he watches you carrying out mundane tasks - or when he thinks you won’t notice - it’s clear that he has very strong feelings for you and just can’t keep his eyes off you.

Additionally, the way he looks at you when you’re having a conversation might change too and he might start holding your eye contact just a little longer than he ever did before, as if he’s looking deep into your eyes. Once your man starts doing this, it’s a clear sign he loves you and feels deeply connected to you on a number of levels.

He’s Hot and Cold

When the guy you’re dating starts acting hot or cold, it can leave you wondering whether he’s losing interest and what you might have done wrong - it can be a stressful time.

Where he once tried to make plans to see you, take you on thoughtful dates and call you in between seeing each other, he suddenly starts to pull back, not texting you as often, cancelling plans and being distant with you when you’re together. However, once you’ve plucked up the courage to broach the subject with him, he suddenly becomes keen again, increasing the intensity of your dates and communication.

It’s confusing stuff.

Often, if your man loves you but is scared to fall from you, he can be very hot and cold as he tries to battle with his emotions, leading him to toy around with yours. It may not be a conscious act, but it can be frustrating and put a strain on your relationship.

But if he’s afraid of falling for you, he’ll try and do anything he can to push you away, before natural instinct takes over and he continues to show you affection as he did before. Whether he’s been hurt in the past, or he’s not one hundred percent invested in your relationship, if your man has suddenly started running hot and cold, but is showing you all of the signs that he loves you, then he might just be scared of falling.

However, there are also a number of different reasons why he might be acting hot and cold with you, such as:

  • Things are moving too quickly
  • He’s insecure about the relationship
  • He’s lost interest in you
  • He’s emotionally unavailable

He Remembers the Things You Say

One of the most common complaints from women about their partners is that they don’t listen to - or remember - what they say. So if your man always remembers the conversations you have and picks up on the little things you say, it might just be a sign that he loves you.

So whether you told him about the after-work drinks you’re going to and he asks you how it went, or you mentioned a new bar you wanted to check out and he takes you there, when he’s listening intently to everything you say, you know it must be love.

He Won’t Talk About His Feelings

Even if you know he loves you, if he won’t talk about his feelings with you, it might be a sign that he’s scared to fall in love with you.

A man who loves a woman is vulnerable, but a man who tells a woman he’s fallen for her is even more vulnerable, so by not talking about his feelings he’s able to keep his guard up and try to avoid getting hurt in the future.

Additionally, some men are just more closed off than others when it comes to talking about their feelings - especially when it’s about a woman they’re in love with, so if your boyfriend is just a little more emotionally unavailable than you’re used to, then you might want to try and get him to open up and talk about his feelings a little more.

Is it like pulling teeth getting him to spend time with you?
The key to solving is understanding men on a much deeper emotional level. The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him.

Take this quick quiz to see if he actually likes you!

Some of the best ways to get your man to open up to you include:

  • Read his body language
  • Tell him you’re there for him
  • Open up to him and encourage him to do the same to you
  • Be someone he can trust
  • Don’t force it

A man who won’t talk about his emotions is one to be approached with caution - you don’t want to scare him by forcing him to talk about the way he’s feeling. Instead, you need to let him know that you’re there for him to talk to when he’s ready and you’ll have him well on his way to falling head over heels for you. 

He Tells All His Friends About You

You know it’s love when all of his friends know about you. A man who’s not invested in a relationship will do his absolute best to keep you away from his friends and family. However, if he’s keen to show you off to all his friends - and they’ve already heard a lot about you - then you can rest assured that he’s in love.

A man who tells his friends about the woman he’s dating is one who’s clearly quite infatuated. Not only does it mean that he can’t get his mind off you and wants to talk about you all the time, but it can also indicate that he wants to brag about you to those closest to him, so they know just how much he likes you.

He’s Protective Over You

If you ignite his hero instinct and turn him into Superman, then it’s a clear-cut sign that he’s in love with you. Whether he takes your side and offers you advice when you’ve had an argument with one of your friends, or he always makes sure you cross the road safely when you’re together - a man who makes you feel safe and looked after is definitely one who’s in love.

Although it’s been proven that men are naturally more protective over women due to their increased levels of testosterone, the natural instinct to protect women is heightened when he’s in love and has true feelings for that woman. So if you notice that your boyfriend has always got your back, watches out for danger and makes sure you’re okay, then it must be love.

He’s Nervous Around You

No matter how confident he is around strangers, his friends and family, if a man loves you, you might notice him feeling a little more nervous around you than he is around other people.

From wanting to constantly impress you and make sure he’s on top form, to trying to keep you interested - when a man is in love and he feels there’s a lot to lose, it can make him feel nervous and stressed-out, but in the best way possible.

So whether he frequently loses his train of thought, goes quiet around you when you first meet up, or is always stressing about what he looks like when he’s around you, then it’s probably because he’s in love with you.

But that’s not all - if he loves you but is scared to fall for you, then this will add to his nerves and turn him into a nervous wreck when he’s around you. Not only will he be thinking about how much he likes you when he’s with you, but he’ll also be worried about just how much he likes you, making him feel nervous and jittery.

Reasons Why He Might Be Scared to Fall for You

Before you get offended about why your man is scared to fall for you, you need to establish the reasons why and try to work through it together.

There are a number of different reasons why he might be afraid of falling, some of which could be more detrimental to your relationship than others. So if you have a suspicion that he’s scared to fall for you, then these might be the reasons why.

He’s Been Hurt in the Past

Whether you’re a man or a woman, if you’ve been hurt in the past, it’s common to put a guard up and push someone away - even if you love them. Being cheated on or hurt by someone who you thought loved you can be a deeply dramatic experience and can affect your future relationships for years to come.

So if you know your boyfriend has had a bad experience in the past, you need to talk it through with him if he’s comfortable to talk about it and establish what happened. Not only will this help him to open up to you, but it will also give you the chance to assure him that you’ll never hurt him in the same way.

Often, one of the best things you can do for someone who’s been hurt in the past is to make them feel safe and secure in the relationship. So once you know what’s been bothering from his past, you’ll be able to make him feel confident in your relationship and alleviate any of his worries, helping him to let himself fall for you.

He’s Not Sure if His Feelings are Reciprocated

If you’re known for being a bit of an ice queen, or you’re just very hard to read, it can be difficult for the man in your life to establish your level of interest and work out how strong your feelings are for him.

If he’s unable to decipher whether or not his feelings are reciprocated, and he’s worried that he might like you more than you like him, then it might cause him to pull back and become scared about falling for you. After all, nobody wants to be the one with stronger feelings for their partner than they have for them.

If you feel like this might be why he’s afraid to fall, you need to make a conscious effort to make him know that the feeling is mutual and that you do, in fact, like him just as much as he likes you.

There are a few different ways you can show how much you like him. From buying him little gifts that remind you of him, to showing him signs of affection when he least expects it - it’s often the little gestures that’ll make him realise just how much you like him and hopefully alleviate his concerns to make him fall head over heels in no time.


How Do You Know If A Guy Loves You But Is Scared?

If a guy loves you but is scared, they always want to leave a positive lasting impression in your mind. They feel very vulnerable around you and might even blush when talking about themselves and their past with you. When a guy cares about you, he always thinks about your views about him, and how you'll respond to what he does and says.

How Do You Know If A Man Is Hiding His Feelings?

A man can hide his feelings, but his body will always betray him. Read and watch his body language at all times, especially when he's around you. Most guys don't realize how they act around a person they like; neither do they know that body language shows emotion, so they never bother to change it.

How Do You Test A Guy To See If He Loves You?

Real love encompasses a wide range of things, apart from the warm and fuzzy feeling. True love from a guy is easy to identify because he's never afraid to show loving actions towards you. You know he loves you, and as such, you trust him fully. He's a part of you as you are of him, and he visibly enjoys your company always.

Can A Guy Be Afraid Of Falling In Love?

Men get hyper and very scared when they realize they might be falling in love. They often wish it would stop and that the feelings will vanish; thus, they start to repel their feelings and your affection towards them. Sadly, they fail, over and over again, and its always so cute!

How Do You Know If He's Happy With You?

Never underestimate the relationship between a guy and his mother. To know how happy he is with you, take note of if he tells his mother about you. A relationship between a guy and his mother shows you how much or how little he respects women. So, if he tells his mum about you, it means he sees a future with you.

Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself?
This doesn't mean he doesn't like you. You have to understand how he is wired. Once you do, you'll find there is a subtle thing you can say that to him that will drastically change how he shows his emotions towards you.

Take this quick quiz that looks at whether he actually likes you or not!

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

17 comments on “9 Signs He Loves You But Is Scared to Fall For You (And Why)”

  1. I was see this guy and we were on and off for a bit then the last time we were together he started talking about the future kinda and getting closer and stuff but he has bad trust issues and abandonment issues I told him I loved him and he pushed me away why

    1. It’s an emotional self defense mechanism. I have been through a lot as a young child and I do that. It’s unfortunate because you want so badly to have a close partner but psychologically your brain can’t handle the the fear of abandonment again. So basically your subconscious fight or fight kicks in and he left before you could hurt him. If he even realizes he did then by the time he does it’s too late. I do the same thing except I force them by being a pain in the butt in one way or another that they break up with me.
      My understanding the reason I do it that way is to make sure it’s final. Basically if I dump him and I try to get him back I could. But if I push him to dump me the rejection itself is enough to keep me from being able to ask. But also in my head he walked away so it’s his loss.
      All I can say is emotionally damaged people do some crazy stuff just to keep their heart safe.

      1. but that´s not right because u hurt that person that´s trying there best to love with everything the gotand i get u hurt but i´m not there that´s what these people need to understand that the people that get hurt. but god not going to let thm get away with it for long.

    2. he probably didn´t because he was scared to love again he wasn´t brave and probably was scared or didn´t know what to do

  2. Hello Sonya,
    I enjoyed reading your article, some it applies to me. I am in a new relationship, only 3 and half months. My guy we met on a dating site. We talk for about a month before we decided to meet one another. We talk every day when we can because I am busy working as a Lawyer. We both live in different cities. But not to far, 5 hours driving. I decided to meet with him around Valentine's day and spend sometime getting to know him in person, I took four days off work, he came and pick me up and take me back where he is from. We arrive there late and I went to sleep he went home the next day he came over, and to my surprise he pull back so my thoughts of thinking was he was not attracted to me or he was confused. I was puzzle but I did not show him how I felt I stay calm and cool he talk to me a lot he even said to me I can find another guy who is better than him. He pulled back he talk about he had a long term relationship for 8 years where the person string him along. So he was hurt so he had his guard up, so my last day I was there he told me after that long term relationship ended he dated two other person and the time frame was almost year when I met him. He told me that he met 2 other women and nothing happen as far as attraction goes but he said when I came along he got confused. He told me he needed 6 months to get his head together but in my head I knew he would not need six months to straighten his head. He drove me to NY it was a two hour drive so he held my hand the whole time we were in the car. I had to catch a train back to Philadelphia. He call me when I got on the train and he told me let him know I got back safe home. He kept texting me so in my heart and head I knew he was not going anywhere. So when I got back home we continue speaking every day. Before I left he told me we would talk everyday he told me that he got scared when I came to see him. He really likes me a lot and had fallen love with me. The other 2 girls he met he did not feel that way that's why he pull back from me, he told his friends about me and his family I have spoken to them by phone and even his friends. So if I did not hang in there everything would be lost.
    He is a good guy, now we are making plans to get married, with the virus ???? we have not seen one another for over 2 and half months but we talk every day we have gotten a strong bond now we have so much time now on our hands so we talk a lot. Now he tells me he loves me.

    Warm Regards,

  3. Hi Sonya,

    I’ve been only talking to this man who actually found me through the very dating website that I had my last encounter with a man that broke my heart. With that being said, the man whom I’m talking to now, he doesn’t like drama. He been married for 20 years and been divorced for 6 years. I asked him if he was ready to date or have a serious relationship. He said he’s been more then ready and that’s where you come in Carmen. I truly like him not because of having his own business, but the aspect of having a true relationship and a partner. I know he’s busy with his own company which I have no problem with, but I’m scared to have my heart broken again. He tells me I adore you, I’m into you and he is quite smitten with me. He finds me to be a phenomenal woman stunning in outer beauty, sexy smile that melts his heart, purposeful, passionate, true to myself, resourceful, honest, caring and sweet no unique. I should be happy, but I find myself doubting him cause I’ve been hurt before. I’m not sure when we will meet considering of the virus still lingering.

    I hate feeling this way and I wonder if he’s truly genuine about what he feels towards me.


  4. I’ve been seeing a man (that i went to high school with, we’re in our early 30s now) for 4 months. I have 2 children (10 and 3) and a crazy ex. I’ve fallen head over heels for him, and I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I can tell he’s holding back. When I asked him he admittedly told me he’s scared and holding himself back from loving me because of how complicated my life is. But at the same time he sees a future with me. He’s always there for me, consistent, kind, and treats me amazing. His actions tell me that he loves me but he tells me he doesn’t yet. I feel as if I’ve been punched in the chest. How do I navigate this?

  5. Hey Sonya

    I met this guy seven months ago, and I've been head over heels in love with him,at first he was always by my side and would always run to me when I called him, but lately he has been more distant some days he says, he is busy some days he says he is never too busy for me, we meet up once in a while, we met up some days ago and he was warm,cuddly and sweet to me, but some days after that he stopped talking to me texting or taking my calls,I've don't k ow what to think, some friends say he loves me while others say he doesn't. What do I do?

  6. I have a guy that is most of these but I hardly get to spend time with him.. I don't know what do in handling the situation.. any help would be great

  7. we were just hooking up because we were different religions i am older and have kids so there was NO way that we could EVER be together.We just liked each other so much.He used to send good morning texts ,or how is your day texts and the way he looked deep in my eyes and the fact that he remembered a few things shocked me and made sure i always felt comfortable ,paid for things when we when we were together,even tho we always ended up being intimate,it wasn't just about that. There was always small things about him that made me feel so special as a women.I never had any feeling or any sign that he had someone else as his not on social media at all and never gave me any reason that there was another woman. He introduced me to his brother once when i fetched him but probably as a friend..He got a little bit jealous when i talked about other guys,and we had small disagreements but always had each others backs.we cuddled sometimes and hugged and kissed whenever we said goodbye,Then one day he just never replied and ignored my calls and that hurt my feelings cos we were both i this he could tell me he want out i would and had to just understand.like we both knew this was complicated and i just don't understand why he could just say ...whatever ???

  8. Ive known this man since i was 18 he was 23 we hung out just as friends we both went our seperate ways for years both got married to other people had kids around same age hes divorced as iam we hooked back up it will be a year in November i trued looking for him thru the years of us losing contact NEVER did i knew his job he still currently has is high demanding very dangerous yet he loves it i totally support him and give him prompts for it....iam so into him that my feelings never did change just got shifted 23rdue to finding others moral of the story his past has taken a graet tole on him and i get it hes scared of getting close to anyone on top of his job takes up alpt of his time ive mentioned iam here im not going anywhere we are i guess you would say f friends with benefits im ok with that i would love to see it go on the next level sometime in the future cant help how i feel i adore him so much and tge connection i have i feel like he has the same its unknown...HELP i told him id back off and i still wanted the occasional hookups and stayovers no pressures what do i do??? i dont wanna scare him off...it took us years to reunite i wanna keep him in my life this go around i dont wanna lose him or what we have or may have is their potential for us due to the past we had and the present 10 months hookup??? please help me to not overthink and tonshow him i coukd possibly be what he wanted when he was ready and he could 💯💯💯trust me in all aspect of what we have going on

  9. this was typed fast so i wouldnt lose track of what i wanted to say theres alot of mispelled words i appologize hope its still readable

  10. Hey Sonya, mines a dilemma and I am lost. There is this guy much older then me has kids as well, he spent months wanting to be with me wanting a future with me even went to see if he could give me a child told his family about me. I was emotionally closed off due to always being hurt afraid it would happen again if I opened up in the end I did told him how I felt at the same time his friend of several years did too he said he had to choose by the end of the weekend while still planning a life with me then within a day he chose her while also telling me it’s early days time will tell if they last. He said they have a physical attraction, with me it’s emotional and physical. He rings me to check up on me because he is worried about me he is hurt because I’m hurting and thinks about me. Claim he is happy with her but as they only know each other as friends he doesn’t know each other traits in a relationship, as he can’t date two women. He rings to explain everything when he can all the time. He told her about the convo because he is honest so she messaged me that night telling me to find someone else she loves him they are never breaking up and it’s only been a month. I can’t figure out man anymore. He knows how I feel about him, and I know he still has feelings for me he has always admitted it to me. Please help me work this out.

  11. Hello
    I'm not over an ex, it's been 7 years, i tried every possible way to forget him, but i failed completely now, i accept that i will live forever with this ache, i'm depressed.
    we met in his country, and he loved me so much i Know, he confessed it in a romantic way, while making me promise that even if i go back to my country,we will manage to fight for each other, he was my first love ... after a misunderstanding "jealousy" because i went to a club with my friends !! he was angry and started to ignore me, till i asked him if we are over, which he answered after 3 days by a message, i went directly to confront him he left me in the street and run, I felt that he was vulnerable because he confessed is love and got scared, so i pardoned and kept sending him messages like a fool !! until i felt so humiliated because he never answered, but once to a message of "national event congrats", i then decided to get over him, so i bought a ticket home, and before going i went to his work place(restaurant)to have a last date as a farewell, he changed completely offered me a free meal, and told me that his phone is broken !!! which i knew was a lie !! then he asked me when i'll go, when he knew that i've got 3d only he left once again leaving me standing and came back to tell me what i want, i said a last date, he accepted, i brought him a gift and a letter i wrote with his "language" ... and he broke down with teary eyes, ran after me to stop me from going and hugged me even though i was pushing him... while i cried, asked me for a last kiss that he couldn't finish..

    it was traumatizing because i felt his love and regret

    but after a month of no contact, he put a picture with another girl on his kakao profile for 2 days ... then he kept unregister and register his account !! for a whole year then he vanished completely without a trace on social media till now !! even his number is no longer his !!

    he left me with too much misery, questions, low self esteem, i hated him for a long time

    but now i can't help but love him

  12. Hi I hv bn seeing this guy for a year now but he has not tell me how he feels about me yet but I hv feelings for him and he has visited me twice, we both planned for d third visit and he did not tell me when he will come. To my surprise, he gave me a surprised visit I was pleased to see me that night but all of a sudden he started acting cold towards me the next day so I just thought may be he has lost interest in me.the third day he left

  13. hello, about a month ago, A guy started working with me, he would call me almost every night, and we would text all the time, he said he liked me and stuff, but then we kissed, and we stopped taxting, he even turned cold for about 2 days, then we started to only talk at work as "friends", then he started acting intimately with me again . at work, we're like super close, but texting or even calling, none after that day. he even keeps sending me this music thay I feel as if he's talking with me, but I do not know ? the songs are Jhonny orlando -adelaide and Giveon- favorite mistake and minefields- faouzia.
    he gives me mixed signals, and i do not know what to do.

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