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Boyfriend Still Talks To His Ex Behind Your Back? Here's The Truth.

by Sonya Schwartz

Does your boyfriend still talk to his ex behind your back? 

Even if he has admitted it to you, perhaps you’re wondering what on earth they could be talking about? 

Maybe this is creating arguments that are harming your relationship? 

If so, you’re in the right place because this article lists all the reasons why he may choose to continue these communications. 

But first, you need to read the next few sentences very carefully. 

The truth about the situation is that it’s only going to get worse while you don’t know the full details of what’s going on.

As long as that’s the case, he will continue to deny any wrongdoing and you’ll have no evidence that he’s lying.   

That’s why I recommend using this useful and discreet tool, which will give you a deeper insight about your partner’s communications with his ex.

Once you enter a few basic details about his phone, it will show you who he’s frequently communicating with online, and a ton of other information allowing you to discover whether your boyfriend is ‘just friends’ with his ex or something more…

In the meantime, the guide below will help you develop a deeper understanding about why men stay in touch with their exes.

Is It Normal for Boyfriends to Talk to Their Exes?

I wouldn’t say that it’s uncommon for people, in general, to talk to their ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends. Lots of people do it.

If you think about it, your exes were very important to you at one point. Losing a relationship is hard enough. Having to lose that friendship can be equally as hard.

Even if you wouldn’t personally text your ex, this doesn’t mean that your boyfriend shouldn’t. You do need to keep this in mind. It may seem odd to you and your friends, but that doesn’t mean that it’s totally weird. You just wouldn’t do it.

This does happen rather frequently, but the intentions may be different. In this case, your boyfriend is in a committed relationship and still talks to his ex. Hopefully, his intentions won’t be to hook up with his ex.

Overall, I would say that people keeping in touch with an ex is normal. Once the person gets into a new relationship, things may change a bit though.

Why Might Your Boyfriend Talk to His Ex?

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There are lots of different reasons why your boyfriend might choose to talk to his ex. Try to avoid jumping to conclusions here. Use these to understand what’s going on, but let your boyfriend tell you the facts.

We can give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he simply wants to be friends with his ex. This is definitely a possibility.

Your boyfriend might have been really close to his ex before they dated so they may just be resuming that past friendship. He might truly enjoy having her as his friend.

Your boyfriend could want to hang out with his ex again. This isn’t a red flag immediately, but it’s something to be aware of. Again, this is a sign that he wants to be friends with her.

Then, there is always a chance he wants to date her again. He could be reconnecting with her for this reason. It’s important to avoid accusing him of this right away.

You don’t know what his intentions are so you should try your best to remain neutral until you get some answers.

How Often Does This Happen?

Is your boyfriend texting his ex every single day? Is it just once a month to catch up?

You might not know the answer to this question, which is fine. You shouldn’t go snooping to find out either.

If you do know how often he’s talking to his ex, you should think about it. If they’re talking a lot, you might be more concerned than if they were talking less often.

You should also consider how these conversations with his ex impact your relationship. Is he talking to his ex so much that you aren’t able to have as many conversations with him anymore?

Simply keep this in mind as you consider the rest of the situation. There’s no need to take action yet.

Is He Open with You?

Another important detail to consider is whether your boyfriend is open with you about this. Does he tell you about his conversations with her or invite you to hang out with them?

If he’s being open with you, that’s great! That should lower the level of concern you have about this situation. If he was hiding something, he would probably share less with you.

On the opposite end, he could be hiding things. Look for signs that he is trying to be secretive.

You should be able to tell pretty quickly whether he’s keeping secrets from you. Pay attention to how he acts around you if he’s on his phone. If he’s hiding something, he might switch to another app or close his phone before you can see anything.

The level of openness your boyfriend has with you in this specific situation can tell you a lot about his intentions. If he doesn’t want you to know about this, that’s a red flag.

Do They See Each Other or Just Text?

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There’s a big difference between your boyfriend just texting his ex and actually hanging out with her.

If he’s just texting his ex every once in a while, it shouldn’t be too big of a deal. Of course, at the same time, you do need to be aware. They could still be flirting over text.

If he’s actually going out and seeing her, you may be a little more concerned. This could mean that he wants to spend more time with her.

It’s important to talk to your boyfriend about this so you can hopefully get some insight about what’s actually going on here. It is helpful if your boyfriend actually tells you that he’s going to be hanging out with her so then it’s not like he’s hiding it.

Could He Be Cheating?

In this case, girls commonly jump to the conclusion that their boyfriend is cheating on them. It makes a lot of sense, especially if this is your first time dealing with this particular scenario.

It’s important to note that this isn’t a quick yes or no answer. I don’t know your specific relationship so I can’t say whether he’s cheating.

There is a possibility that he is cheating on you. If he and his ex recently broke up, he might not be over her yet. You shouldn’t jump to conclusions. I know this can be hard, but you have to be fair. He may not be doing anything wrong and doesn’t deserve to be accused.

There is also the possibility that he simply wants to be friends with his ex. As mentioned before, relationships can stem from great friendships. He may want to keep that friendship alive.

It’s best to talk to your boyfriend to find out whether he’s cheating. He might not be upfront about it, but you can still try to figure it out.

I would suggest resolving this through conversation with your boyfriend. I would not advise looking through his phone or drilling him with questions.

Should You Look at His Texts?

You absolutely should not look through your boyfriend’s phone. This would violate his privacy and could negatively impact the trust in your relationship.

I understand why you would want to find out more about him texting his ex, but that doesn’t mean you should snoop. There are other ways to find out this information in a more honest way.

It’s better to talk to your boyfriend about the situation so that the two of you can work through it together.

Some girls will justify looking through their boyfriend’s phone by saying their boyfriend is doing something wrong. Though this may be true, you shouldn’t go behind his back. You need to get his permission or simply discuss the whole situation with him.

How to Talk to Your Boyfriend About This

If you think that your boyfriend texting his ex is getting in the way of your relationship or causing trust issues, you do need to talk to him. It’s important to be open and honest with him. This is true even when it can be a tricky conversation.

I would suggest simply sitting down with him and telling him how you feel. If you have any evidence, you can bring this up. Do it lightly though so that he doesn’t feel like you are accusing him.

Let him know why you’re concerned. Try to focus on the fact that you love him and that’s why you care about this situation.

You should also make sure that you’re listening to him. A major part of communication is simply listening to what the other person has to say.

Set Boundaries

After the two of you work out the details of this situation, it’s a good idea to set some boundaries or rules. These aren’t to make your relationship controlled and no fun. They are to keep the trust strong.

You should come up with these rules together so that they’re fair. If one of you makes up all of these rules, somebody is going to be unhappy and feel like they are being bossed around.

You might make rules about being open with each other about who you’re talking to. There are lots of other rules that you might come up with. Just focus on fixing the problem and avoid seeming too controlling.

FAQs

Is It Weird That My Boyfriend Talks To His Ex?

Yes, it's weird, especially if your relationship is new. The truth of the matter is that there will always be residual feelings there. So, that’s treacherous ground to tread on altogether. For the safety of your relationship, it's best that he completely cuts it off with his ex and concentrates on building the relationship you have together.

What Does It Mean When A Guy Mentions His Ex?

Generally, it just points to the fact that he needs closure. Depending on the context and frequency, he may just want to get some stuff off his chest. If it's a little bit on the obsessive side, then maybe he’s not quite over her. In that case, you both need to evaluate the entire relationship.

Is It OK To Talk To An Ex While In A Relationship?

It’s not a total no-no in the case that you have been in your current relationship for quite some time. By then, most, if not all of the residual feelings you had should have worn off. At this point, it's fine to talk to your ex, just refrain from getting too chummy because it could dig things up.

Is It OK For My BF To Be Friends With His Ex?

It's not a taboo and is certainly not unheard of for exes to be friends. But, you have to speak up if the arrangement bothers you. Even more, you need to say something if you’re getting any vibes from his ex. One of the constants in life is that not everyone’s intentions are pure.

What Do I Do If He's Not Over His Ex?

First of all, push the brakes on the relationship. It's not necessarily the end of things but you cannot move forward till he deals with the situation at hand. Continue to enjoy each other’s company, but in a pseudo platonic setting. If it turns out that the feelings aren’t going away anytime soon, then you may need to step back completely.

Conclusion

If your boyfriend is talking to his ex, this can be normal. It’s still important to be aware of his intentions. Try to look for warning signs, but try to give him the trust that he deserves. Avoid snooping or destroying any trust that the two of you may have.

Please leave a question below if you have one for us!

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

7 comments on “Boyfriend Still Talks To His Ex Behind Your Back? Here's The Truth.”

  1. I read your article though me and my boyfriend now fiancé lied to me ...actually straight to my face. I followed all the steps. We set up boundaries and he lied and crossed them. And he has betrayed my trust. What can I do to trust him again nothing feels the same. 🙁

  2. Hello Lilly
    Mine told me 2 months into our relationship he was talking to an ex 2 years ago, oh and by the way I have never met her or anyone of them. Ive had her in my life since then. I have also found out he is talking to other ex's too in fact I think anyone he has been together with he is still "FRIENDS" with. He is like the Bone Collector but with ex;s. It came to a head on NY Day last week, I had enough of all this found out that one of the ex';s daughters has his phone number and that he would be there for her if she needed him....he has or had our life and this separate life going on with his ex's....Ive been lied to and who knows maybe cheated on...but when they are not open and honest with you your head and thoughts fill in the rest...I WALKED OUT OF HIS LIFE MAYBE HIS EX;S WILL KEEP HIM COMPANY END OF. LESSON LEARNT X ONCE TRUST IS BROKEN IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME HUN BELIEVE ME,

  3. my boyfriend has been talking to his ex and its making me feel really uncomfotble and it makes me upset i try to tell him to block her but he wont listen like i tell him everyday that i dont want to lose him And i dont want him being friends with his ex's it make me upset

  4. my boyfriend and i have been together 7 months now, and he still texts his ex (they have classes at school together) now i'm the jealous type and get paranoid easily, and i don't think i should worrying as much as i am, but they talk all the time, not just about school. and sometimes when we're on the phone he'll mistake me for her and call me her name. and he still calls her cute which bothers me like you couldn't imagine. it just makes me feel like i'm not enough for him anymore, like he doesn't want me 🙁

  5. Thank you for the article. I understand him more I think. We are together for a year. He was married with ex for 15 years and separated for 5 years now. but he told me that his ex is his best friend. They didn't have a good relationship when they were married but after separate, they became a good friend. they like to hang out. He is very open about it and he wants me to meet his ex. I was willing to meet her, but his ex don't want to meet me. I was trying to understand and respect their relationship but that made me so disappointed and uncomfortable. they've been texting every week, every second day. I do understand their connection is strong because of the long period of marriage. but It makes me uncomfortable. We discuss about it, I tell him how I feel. He opens, and he tells me he loves me. He believes this is just a friendship between him and his ex, but I am not sure what his ex thinks about the relationship.. Thanks again, your article made me feel better. it's good to know it is normal for man to contact ex to remain their friendship.

  6. I do not think they should talk to their ex if the left them why do they have to talk to them I do not agree he shouldn't be talking to any of his ex it is called respect

  7. Well my boyfriend was talking to his ex and i found out. And i told him about it, i said why would d u talk to her and hide it from me u know? Then a couple of days or a week later i snooped which i feel really bad about, and he erased all his messages with her and on instagram. There was only this one long message that the girl sent and they were talking about how her mom still has pictures of him. And how her now bf is always angry at that and how her mom doesn't wanna take it down blablbla. And i really dont know how im suppose to feel, i havent spoken to him about any of it yet. He is also friends with all his ex by the way. I geuss i should just voice out

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