So you just met this amazing guy and everything is going great when your friends tell you he’s a fuckboy. What the hell? What does that even mean?
Whatever it is, it doesn’t sound good.
But before you go ditching your friends for this new potential boyfriend, hear me out. The chances are that your friends will know a lot more about this guy than you do. They’re looking at the situation objectively, not through the loved-up mists of rose-tinted glasses.
Most girls can see through the superficial charm and spot the early signs of a fuckboy. Now’s the time to put your emotions aside and listen to reason. The first thing you’ll want to know is – what actually is a fuckboy?
Table of Contents
The term fuckboy has been around for a couple of decades. Some say it originates from rapper Cam’ron’s 2002 song ‘Boy Boy’. Back in the early 2000s, it meant a loser, a weak kind of guy that was a pussy compared to other more macho types of men.
Nowadays that description has changed.
Fuckboy now means a player, a guy that screws around with women. But this is no smooth sophisticated dude with all the right moves and the money to impress. This guy is a lowlife idiot that doesn’t respect women but uses them anyway. He is kind of like a bargain-basement player.
He doesn’t have the smarts to be a real player in a man’s game. He may have the looks or the gift of the gab, but these attributes will quickly wear off once you get to know him.
He’s a nasty parasite that likes to live off women but doesn’t necessarily like them. He could even be a misogynist at heart.
The problem with fuckboys is that they can appear charming and attentive at first. But underneath that thin veneer of respectability lies a schemer who is lazy and manipulative.
They’ll take what they want from you and leave. Worse of all, they’ll make false promises they don’t need to and ruin your self-confidence. In fact, an encounter with a fuckboy can leave you hesitant to trust men in the future.
It’s obvious you want to keep well away from fuckboys, so what are the warning signs he’s a fuckboy?
The problem with your typical fuckboy is that they can quickly turn on the charm and manipulate you. While your female friends might be advising caution, you have fallen headlong for this guy. They have sucker-punched your heart and you are under their spell – believing their promises.
They hook you by saying the things they know girls want to hear, and if you are especially vulnerable you can fall for their bullshit.
Whereas other girls might be more street smart and call them out on their behavior, you may not have experienced these types of men before.
If you’re not sure if you are dating a fuckboy, look at the following signs below and see if any of them match up to his behavior.
Fuckboys might not be the sharpest tools in the box but they know how to charm and woo their prey. They’ll flatter you and make you feel like a princess. Nothing will be too much trouble; your wish will be their command. Why? Because they want the shortest route to get you into bed. So they’ll say anything and do anything to make that happen. So one of the first signs he’s a fuckboy is if your first date seemed too good to be true.
This is one of the big signs he’s a fuckboy. Once they’ve had sex you won’t see them for a while and you’ll be left thinking what the hell just happened. From your point of view, this was the start of an amazing relationship. Then the texting and calling stopped immediately with no explanation. Now it has gone radio silent and you have no idea why.
There tend to be two kinds of fuckboys; the one that thinks he’s a smooth charmer or a guy with the cheesy one-liners. The smooth operator will schmooze his way into your world with startling observations about yourself you’ve never heard before. He’ll dazzle you with poetry and promises or sweep you off your feet with knowledge about the wine list. It’s all bullshit of course.
If you want to look out for the early signs of a fuckboy then watch out for cheesy pick-up lines. He will not only use them but expect you to find them hilarious. This is his lazy side coming out in full view. He knows he sounds lame but he can’t be bothered to put the effort in. This guy uses the scattergun approach. He knows most girls won’t fall for this, but he’ll fire off enough rounds and hopefully, something will hit a target.
So you’ve been charmed or coaxed by a cheesy pickup line into a first date. You sit down to talk and it’s like watching two hours of tumbleweed. This guy is not only vacuous, but he shows no interest in you, or what you have to say. Sure, he’s talking but he’s talking at you. You feel as if there’s nothing behind this charming façade.
If you do start dating a fuckboy you’ll soon notice that the sticky subject of sex keeps poking its head up. Whatever you talk about, he nudges the conversation back to sex. He’s either overtly sexual in the way he talks, or he’s overtly sexual in his actions. But either way, you’ll get the message loud and clear.
When you are dating a fuckboy you’ll quickly notice that he is not interested in how you are (unless it stops him from having sex with you). You’ll rarely get asked how your day went or how you are. He’ll jump straight into his life, his woes, how busy he is, and how lucky you are that he made time to see you. The one time he does show any interest is when he wants something.
Sometimes a fuckboy will drop the pretense and come straight out with his intentions. He won’t bother to hide what he wants. He’ll figure that you’re probably up for some fun and he’s going to take the risk in asking you. In his deluded state of mind, he might think that he is charming enough to pull this tactic off. This is his scattergun approach again. If he tries it lots of times, maybe once in a while it might just work. Just watch how he reacts if you say no to his request.
One of the early warning signs of a fuckboy is if all the charm and pretense immediately drop away when you reject him. This shows his real character and should be a massive red flag. A true gentleman will wait until you are ready to take things further. A fuckboy will get aggressive and abusive if he doesn’t get what he wants. His misogynist side will come to light.
His sweet side will come out when he wants a favor, and this guy wants loads. Usually, it’s the man that helps a woman, but not in the fuckboy’s world. He’s out to squeeze everything he can out of you. Whether he needs cash or to borrow your car. Expect sweet-talking to butter you and then once he’s got what he wants he’ll disappear. Oh, and if he does borrow your stuff, you’ll have to ask for it back and it won’t be in the same good condition as when you lent it.
That’s all well and good – if he’s talking to you, but he’s not. I recall going on a date with a guy and everything was amazing. We had even arranged to spend the Christmas holidays together. After the date, I returned home to chat with him and saw that he was online. I messaged him but he never messaged me back. If the date was bad why didn’t he just tell me? He didn’t have to lie and pretend to want to spend more time with me?
We conduct a lot of our lives on social media these days. So for him to have not added you as a friend, or to post a picture up and not tag you in it is telling. Perhaps you can’t even find him on social media? Maybe he’s blocked you because he doesn’t want you to see the kind of friends he has. Either way, it’s suspicious and dodgy.
You can tell a fuckboy by the amount of time he takes to ask for a nude picture. Usually, it is within a few text messages, if not at the start. He’ll plead and cajole and beg and sound really pathetic. Whatever you do, don’t ever send nude pictures, to a fuckboy or anyone. Once they are out there they can go anywhere.
Have you ever opened a text message and a dick pic pops up? It’s not the most pleasant of experiences, especially when you’re not expecting it. Why do guys think women want to see an erect dick? Let alone a video of them masturbating. Next time he does this say ‘Oops I sent this to your mum by mistake, sorry.’
Single people go on dating apps to find ‘the one’, not the one after another one. You’ll generally find that once on a dating app people like to stay on that app because they get used to the format, the chat groups, and they like to stay up to date with their messages. If your guy has a profile on multiple dating apps it shows that he’s dating other girls.
You’ve made plans for the weekend and just as you are applying the last touch of makeup, he texts and says ‘Sorry babe, something came up.’ It’s Friday night for chrissakes! That is simply disrespectful. When we like someone we want to spend time with them so we commit to a date and place. After all, the last thing we want is for them to lose interest and go off with someone else.
So you’ve been asking him all week to go to this party with you on Saturday and eventually you decide to go out with friends. Then, out of the blue, he calls and says he’s coming, right at the last minute. So now you have a dilemma. Do you upset your friends and blow them off to go with him? Obviously, his plans have fallen through and now he’s using you as something to do.
You can tell a fuckboy by the language he uses. He’ll want to keep his options open for new flesh, so he’ll use phrases like ‘Let’s hook up soon’, or ‘Let me know when you are free’, rather than make an actual time and place to meet up. If you press him for more specifics, he’ll say ‘I’ll let you know’ or ‘I’ll check in with you later’.
Does he always have his phone out while you’re on a date? Is he forever checking his messages and not paying you any attention? Do you have to repeat yourself time and time again because he’s not showing any interest? These are the typical signs of a womanizer. He’s with you, right now, so his attention should be focused on you, not his phone. Sure he’ll have a good excuse like he’s on a group chat or just talking to family.
You can tell if you are dating a fuckboy by the length of time it takes him to reply to your messages. It won’t be unusual for you to text him at the start of the week to ask about plans for the weekend, and not hear anything for several days. And when you do get an answer he refuses to commit. What will annoy you the most, however, is the read text that you don’t get an answer to.
Have you noticed that when you are not seeing your guy it goes radio silent between the hours of 7 pm – 12 pm? This is a major red flag. If this is a regular occurrence it’s pretty obvious he is on another date with other girls. He may even switch his phone off and back on again. Of course, he’ll make up some excuse or say that he was busy.
Sometimes you look at what he’s wearing and wonder if he knows how ridiculous he looks. Big designer labels are emblazoned everywhere for the world to see. Large, chunky jewelry that a celebrity rapper would think was over-the-top. And trainers that are so in fashion they’ll go out of fashion within seconds. But he thinks he looks the business, and he’ll strut his stuff on the dance floor with the boys to make sure you see him.
Relationships blossom and grow through trust. However, gaining a person’s trust takes time and effort, two things the fuckboy won’t be interested in. But he knows that if he makes a few promises and keeps one or two, he will gain your trust much faster. Then, by the time you’ve figured him out – he’s gone.
All a fuckboy wants is sex, I mean, the clue is in the name. But this guy doesn’t want it in a loving relationship with a commitment to a long-term partner. Oh no, he wants a quick, easy, no strings attached, no-hassle shag with as many girls as possible. Think of him in the ‘friends with benefits’ but the benefits to you are pretty slim. So, if you want lots of irregular average sex hook-ups, the fuckboy is your man.
If you do fall for the fuckboy’s charms, be prepared for a huge disappointment once you reach the bedroom. This guy is all talk and no action. Oh, he’ll enjoy himself, don’t you worry. Don’t expect foreplay, and he won’t spend a long time kissing you. He’ll probably ask you for oral but won’t return the favor, and when he’s done he’ll quickly lose interest.
When we first enter into a relationship we want to know all there is about the other person. Then we get to the stage where we’re introduced to friends and family. If you’ve been dating for several months now and he hasn’t even mentioned his mates there’s a red flag for you right there. Try testing him and bringing up the subject if you’re not sure. Why not suggest a night out with his mates and see how he reacts?
If you do get to the heady heights of meeting his friends and family, don’t expect a fuckboy to introduce you as his girlfriend. And be prepared for none of his immediate close circle to have heard of you. Which means he hasn’t been raving about you to his friends. Remember, the fuckboy wants to keep his options open.
It’s good to have a wide social circle, but not if it consists of attractive girls that spend the evening flirting with him. Another red flag is if he treats you as if you are just another one of his friends. They might step over personal boundaries and make you feel uncomfortable. He, on the other hand, won’t see what all the fuss is about. A massive red flag is if the guy has lots of female friends.
It’s one thing to avoid introducing you to family and friends, and it’s another thing to enjoy the attention of lots of girls, but what’s not ok is if he makes you feel as if you’re not even there. Do you sometimes wonder why you bothered to get dressed up and go out on a date with him? That’s because he’s looking for his next opportunity.
No girl wants a jealous stalker-type for a boyfriend, but a little concern over how attractive she is to other boys might not go amiss occasionally. The trouble is, your fuckboy not only isn’t bothered if you get chatted up, but he also seems to relish in the chance of going off himself and finding some action elsewhere.
Does your fuckboy turn down daytime dates at a museum or art gallery? Will he avoid a lunchtime meet and suggest a late-night hook-up instead? Has he laughed at your suggestion of a walk in a park, downtown bike ride, or gym session? In fact, are all your dates late evening, and do they end in a late-night booty call?
When you are dating a fuckboy, you’ll soon realize that whatever the situation is, he is the victim. He has no job? The employment market is slow. He’s being kicked out of his rental? The landlord is a douchebag. He got done for DUI? The cops are out to get him. An ex-girlfriend is spreading nasty rumors about him? She’s bitter because he broke up with her. Whatever happens in his life, it’s never his fault.
Finally, the reason why so many women fall for a fuckboy is that they seem really nice. Let’s face it, we wouldn’t date them if they were nasty and rude, to begin with. The average fuckboy uses his superficial charm to draw you into what you think is going to be an amazing new relationship. Then, once he has squeezed you dry he is off. So beware, if this new guy appears too good to be true after one or two dates, the chances are – he is.
Speed is king with this guy. He’ll want to kiss and make out on a first date, then he’ll want to take things further, despite your reluctance. He’ll wine and dine you and lavish all of his attention on you – in the beginning. Then, once he’s had sex he’ll disappear. He’s off to find his next conquest.
Does it all seem too good to be true? Did the first date go exceptionally well? Did you end up sleeping with him because you felt you could trust him? If it is all moving a little too fast and you feel love-bombed, step back and be objective. Falling in love takes time. Ask your female friends what they think of him.
They are all over you one minute then you get radio silence for days, if not weeks. They’ll push you to go further than you are comfortable with. Dates are usually near their home and they’ll try and persuade you to go back for a coffee. They seem too good to be true. Remember, for fuckboys it’s all about sex.
The texts will be sexual in nature and flirtatious. He might persuade you to participate in phone sex, or send nude pictures of yourself. He may send you dick pics and follow up with a sexual invitation. Basically, he won’t use texting as a way of communicating or setting dates, it’s all about the sex. So expect a booty call and not an invite to dinner.
If a guy is serious about you he won’t want to let you go. He will want to have contact with you because spending time in your company makes him happy. So, if you are the one that always texts first to arrange a meet-up, or if your conversations are sporadic and only revolve around sex, I would suggest that he is not that serious about the relationship.
No one wants to be taken in by a fuckboy. They don’t commit to relationships, they act like a typical womanizer, and they are out to get as much as they can from unsuspecting girls.
Luckily, there are warning signs that show the traits of your average fuckboy. So remember, if the new guy on the scene seems too good to be true, he may just be a fuckboy.