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Breaking Promises In A Relationship (5+ Ways To Deal With It)

by Sonya Schwartz

Relationships are hard work at times. When you have been with someone for a long time, the chances are that you have been through a rocky patch. However, what often keeps two people together is the fact that they trust each other. That being said, there are moments in many relationships that promise will be broken and that trust is called into question.

Here, we look at how to deal with broken promises in relationships so that you and your partner can move forward. What can also be helpful in dealing with broken promises in a couple is knowing why people break promises in a partnership in the first place. We identify some of the most common reasons as to why broken promises occur. 

How To Deal With Broken Promises In A Relationship

1. Talk it through

Without a doubt, the best way you can deal with broken promises between you and your partner is to talk it through. Both of you need to have their opinions heard so that you can both know each side of the story. It may be a tough conversation to have, but you both need to be aware of your feelings so that you can come up with a proactive resolution to move forward. 

2. Plan for the future

Plan for the future

Planning for the future will undoubtedly help you both move on when a promise has been made and broken. Knowing how you both intend to tackle the trust that has been damaged between you both is key to ensuring that things between you stay as happy and loving as possible. 

It is imperative that you both know where you both stand with respect to the future of your relationship as it helps bring about confidence in your bond. 

3. See a couple’s counselor

Sometimes people find it too difficult to come to a resolution on their own when a promise has been broken. If this is the case for you, one of the things you can do is seek help from a couple’s counselor. They will suggest constructive ways that you can help repair any damage that has been done. 

4. Forgive and forget

People make mistakes during relationships, so it is important that you can forgive and forget if your partner has made a promise that he or she has gone on to break. People who are happiest in relationships are ones that have managed to let go of any ill will or resentment that has built up in the past due to mistakes made by a partner. 

5. Have time apart

To help you forgive and forget, it can be helpful to have some time apart from one another. This will not work for all couples, but for some people having time apart provides perspective on the partnership as well as broken promises. 

Often, it will help solidify the belief that you love one another and you don’t want to be with someone else. Instead, you want things to work out and you are willing to try hard to ensure that you stay together. 

6. Focus on spending time together

Focus on spending time together

Conversely, some couples get over the difficulties caused by broken promises by spending more time together. The reason that this can work for some people is that it emphasizes why you are both together by reminding one another of why you are in love. 

To make this tactic work, ensure that the time you are spending together is quality time. Switch your phone off and don’t just watch TV. Really try to enjoy one another’s company. 

Why Do People Break Promises In A Relationship?

1. High expectations

When we make promises the intention is good, but the problem is that it sets very high expectations for a couple. Sometimes those promises are simply impossible to maintain for the duration of a long term partnership. It means that you will always be set to let one another down and cause the trust between you to erode. 

Try instead to strengthen your partnership in other ways as opposed to making unrealistic promises.

2. Carelessness

People make mistakes and often those mistakes are made simply due to a lapse of concentration on a person’s part. Carelessness takes just moments to break a promise that may make things difficult in a partnership. It is important to remember this if you are the bad end of a broken promise. 

Remember that your partner may just have not been thinking at that moment in time, and the broken promise was not maliciously meant. This can help you move on from the mistake and help the partnership stay strong in the future. 

3. Selfishness

Selfishness

There are times, however, when people break promises because they are inherently selfish. They will know your thoughts on a subject but go against your wishes anyway. What makes this worse is that they may well have explicitly said in their promise to you that they would not behave in that way in the future - yet they do anyway as they are only ever thinking about themselves. 

This can be so tough to deal with in a partnership. Take the time to consider whether you can realistically make the partnership work if your partner always puts themselves at the top of their priority list. 

4. Lack of respect

Amongst the reasons that people break promises that they have made to their partner is down to lack of respect. Lack of respect is caused by an imbalance in a partnership, often fuelled by the aforementioned selfishness of one half of the couple. 

If there is not a healthy level of respect between two people who are trying to make a life together, the partnership will be plagued by each individual going against the wishes or the other and not listening to the other’s opinions. 

5. Different beliefs

For some, breaking a promise in a partnership is actually a totally fine thing to do. This is a difficult situation to work through as you will have to move forward knowing that one of you is happy to break promises when it suits them. 

Differing beliefs are often a reason why couples break up - none more so than when it comes to a breakdown of trust that those differing beliefs cause. 

FAQs

What do you do when your boyfriend breaks a promise?

Depending on what your boyfriend did, as well as what your relationship is like has a big bearing on what you should do when your boyfriend has broken promises to you. Perhaps the key idea for all is that you need to talk to your partner and talk through the issue until you come to a resolution. 

What do you promise in a relationship?

You should probably only ever make a promise in your relationship that you can keep. Broken promises can be very difficult for a relationship to work through and can make both partners feel like they are letting the other person down.  

What promises can I make to my boyfriend?

It depends on what your relationship with your boyfriend requires that will allow you to know what promises you can make your boyfriend. A broken promise can do as much harm as if you make promises time after time to keep your partner happy

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Is it ever OK to break a promise?

There will be, of course, times that circumstances make it necessary to break promises or at least times that you break promises in such a way that your partner will understand. The kind of person you are will have a big bearing on knowing when it is best to break promises as opposed to keeping them. 

What happens when a promise is broken?

The problem with breaking promises is that you can break down the trust between you and your partner. The result can be that your partnership deteriorates. If you are worried about this in your relationship, make sure you talk through the issue as soon as possible with your other half. 

Breaking Promises In A Relationship - Conclusion

Relationships take a lot of dedication and thoughtfulness towards your partner. For that reason, when a promise is broken between two people in love, it can be hard to find a way through that break down of trust. It can knock the confidence that you both have in your partner and can also affect your self-esteem in a negative way too. 

Therefore, it is key that you work together to get this rocky patch. The crucial way you can do this is by opening up the lines of communication so you both know where you stand. 

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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