According to a recent article in the Wall Street Journal, the answer to “Where are all the good men?” isn’t that they’re taken, gay, or married. Instead, the author claims that men who were once available in the dating world are now enjoying a sort of “extended adolescence.”
The “good men” used to be ready and available for marriage in their mid to late 20’s, but now these men are being catered to by cougars who provide them with everything they could want in exchange for the women getting what they want. The author doesn’t blame women, though.
It’s the men who have shifted from marriage material to living in the “pre-adulthood” stage, where they can play video games and watch nerdy movies.
So, is that really why it’s hard to find a good man? The good men just haven’t grown up yet?
I have to disagree; while this may be true for some men, who are just in different stages in life, this isn’t true for all good men. Some may not be ready to settle down, while others are searching for Mrs. Right.
Let’s take a look at this topic and places where you can find men.
In this section, I’d like to address the first part of this question, “Where?” I’d like to name 7 alternative places where you might not realize that guys are. These are places that you can search for men who meet your criteria. Hopefully, you have a sturdy list, backed up with solid reasons why you chose the criteria you did.
If you don’t have a “list” of criteria that you are looking for in a guy, I suggest taking the time to read the book, Date or Soulmate? It will show you how to do self-discovery, self-enlightenment, and it will also show you how to make a list of 10 must-haves and 10 can’t-haves based on what you learned about yourself in the book. The author is the founder of eHarmony.
The second part of this question I’d like to address is the “all the good men gone” part. I don’t believe they are all gone. I think they just aren’t in the locations that you are looking at, or they may not be in the places you go to. So, it seems like they are gone, when really it’s more like they were relocated from where you thought they’d be.
I get it. Believe me when I say I do. You don’t want to hit the clubs or bars to find a “hook up.” Don’t worry; I’m not going to suggest you meet men that way. There’s nothing wrong with meeting guys that way; it just may not be your thing. So, I’m going to offer you some ideas that don’t include partying.
Today, so many women are focusing on their careers anyway, and they don’t have time to hit the clubs and bars to meet men, or they just don’t want to meet men that way. However, you do have to get off the couch and get out there, or you won’t meet men. You need to incorporate some activity in your life; staying home 24/7 isn’t going to produce results.
A dating site is a great place where women can meet men. You can easily scan their pictures to see who you are attracted to. Then, you can read their profile online, and in some cases, read their answers to questionnaires. I know eHarmony and OKCupid have a kind of questionnaire-style setup. This way, you can learn about their personality, too.
CNET wrote a pretty simple analysis of the top 10 dating websites. The list included the two I named above. By the way, I met my husband via OKCupid, and for a free dating website, I think it’s the best (CNET agreed). The most expensive but life-changing option is eHarmony. They have a very interactive setup and a thorough matching algorithm.
Some of the others that were recommended include Bumble, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, Happn, The League, POF (Plenty of Fish), and Match. I haven’t tried all of those, but POF and Match were okay options. They’re worth checking out. Check out this thorough review of Coffee Meets Bagel.
There are dozens of ways that you can volunthttps://hernorm.com/will-i-ever-find-love/eer, and volunteering gets you out of the house. Plus, what better place to meet a man than to see him at his best when he’s giving his time, energy, and maybe even money to the less fortunate. You just really need to get out there. Search for “where to volunteer near me.”
Have you seen the movie, Dear Santa? The gist is she met her man when she started volunteering at a soup kitchen. He was the founder of the establishment; volunteering there changed her selfish heart and introduced her to the man of her dreams. There’s a lot more to the movie, but she managed to make volunteering work for her.
You can do that. You don’t have to volunteer at a soup kitchen or food bank if you don’t feel comfortable doing that, but there’s plenty of other ways to connect with people. Help out at a children’s center or hospital. See what you can do to help a local church or YMCA. There are probably many opportunities to help others that you don’t know about.
This may sound like a weird way to meet men, but you have to get out there if you are going to meet anyone. You may not meet “the one” this way, but at least you are out of your house. Talking to other people around you can build your confidence, too.
Plus, who doesn’t want to check out all the sites around where they live? If you later meet a guy who is new to the area, you can talk about all the places you’ve visited. Hit a local museum, art gallery, state fair, art district, aquarium, zoo, or other local places around you that are fan favorites. Where do tourists go?? Hit those locations!
Check out what’s new locally. Watch the paper for festivals, sporting events, or tours of local establishments. Most cities have their own newspaper, which lists what’s happening locally. Check out a bookstore, like a coffee shop (which usually is in a bookstore), people are just sitting around, giving you the perfect chance to say hi.
I’m not a big coffee nut, but every time I’ve gone to a coffee shop with friends or whatever, I’ve seen a shop full of men (and women). Most of them are alone and just sitting there, tinkering away on their laptops.
So, what’s wrong with going to your local Starbucks or wherever? Take your iPad or laptop, and get busy creating a blog, website, or just shop at Amazon or wherever you buy stuff. The point is you are out of your house and around other people. It may take some confidence to just talk to someone who is quietly working at a coffee shop.
However, nothing says you can’t approach a guy that way! Just suck it up and give it a whirl. Maybe say something like, “Hey! I couldn’t help but notice that [we ordered the same thing]; what are you working on?” Always follow up with an open-ended question when talking to guys.
This option can be especially helpful if you have a career where you work from home. Many career fields have clubs or associations related to them. Check out this list of the top 10 business networking groups or search online for “business clubs or associations near me.”
Is it like pulling teeth getting him to spend time with you?
The key to solving is understanding men on a much deeper emotional level. The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him.
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The list has some great options, such as the Kiwanis, your Chamber of Commerce, or a Rotary Club. Meeting a career-minded individual tells you he’s successful and/or ambitious/passionate about his career choice. You may find more business and/or networking opportunities, too.
If you don’t have a business-related career, reach out to other organizations like the Big Brothers, Big Sisters. You never know who you might meet at one of these places. It’s worth checking out, at least.
If you aren’t spiritual or religious, skip this one. But if you are a church-going person, a spiritual gathering of any kind is an excellent way to meet someone who shares your values and beliefs in life. But, don’t just show up for sermons; I mean, they are a great way to get the spiritual food you need in life; it’s just hard to meet people that way.
Often, churches or religious groups give you some time to mingle, and you can always talk to fellow believers before and after the service. But the best way to really meet someone is to attend things like Bible classes, spiritual retreats, and potlucks - or whatever your religious group does. It’s a more conversational setting.
Do you have a hobby or passion that you just haven’t developed yet? There are classes and events for every kind of hobby or passion imaginable. Go back to college or take night classes. Learn a new language or craft.
You can boost your resume and potentially meet new people. And, the people you do meet are pursuing the same interests, so you have something in common with them. One example of something you could do is take a cooking class. You could meet a guy who knows how to cook and is trying to better himself by learning something new.
I know I harp on the book, The Rules, a lot, but it really does work. Of course, I don’t agree with everything in the book, but it did have some ideas on where women can meet men. I stole a couple and added a few of my own. The most important thing is to get out and do something - anything. You have a much higher chance of meeting men if you are out in public!
To find the right men, women need to have things in common with the men they are interested in. You can’t always have center stage in the dating scene. Instead, talk about things they are interested in. No one likes to only listen, so give them a chance to talk.
In some ways, yes, because you have to be familiar with so much technology. You have to keep up with the latest social media sites and lingo, and you must know how to properly text men, which can be quite challenging and frustrating, especially if you don’t know how.
A good man is kind, generous, respectful, and full of love and happiness. Not all good men are this way; what makes up a good man to you could be totally different from someone else’s point of view. You may want a man who is funny, charismatic, and successful.
To attract a man, put your best foot forward. You want to really shine. Once you’ve landed the man of your dreams and have begun dating him, you can keep him by fulfilling his emotional, mental, sexual, spiritual, and intellectual needs. In other words, make him happy!
Where do you think all the men have gone? Have you snagged the right guy? Where did you meet him?
Please tell us the secrets to your success.
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Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself?
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