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My Parents Don’t Like My Boyfriend (11 Things To Do)

by Sonya Schwartz

The relationship between a parent and child long before they learn to speak for themselves or think independently is quite a unique one. Unlike other relationships that stem from mutual respect and understanding, this one is different. On the child's part, he is trusting and obedient to his caregivers while his parents act based on what they believe is right and just. 

This dynamic, though unique and workable, is not sustainable. The child grows up and becomes an independent thinker and sometimes, will make life choices their mother or father disapproves of. 

When face to face with such a situation, it can be challenging to find a middle ground. In most cases, it is expected that one party must give in. Either the child sees reason with her parents and let's go of her partner, or the parents risk the possibility of enduring a rocky relationship with their daughter. 

This article aims to provide you with 11 practical things to do if your parents don’t like your partner.

11 Things To Do When You’re Parents Don’t Like Your Partner

1. Don't keep your relationship a secret

As people, we love to show our relationships off to the world, whether it’s on social media or that family gathering with all our distant cousins! However, when your joy is met with your parent's disapproval, it may seem like the easiest choice is to either end the relationship or keep it a secret. 

If you choose to end the relationship, that's alright, but keeping your relationship a secret will only lead to more drama in the future. The question shouldn’t be how to date your partner without people knowing, but how to get your parents to understand your life choices. 

Think about how your partner will feel if he finds out he is a secret, or how disappointed your parents would feel knowing you are still dating your partner. Either way, they will question your integrity, and one or both parties will be upset.

2. Hear your parents out

Hear your parents out

Irrespective of how we feel or what we think, in most cases, our parents' opinions about us come from a place of love. They want the best for you and the slightest hint that you may be making the wrong choice makes them worry the more. 

With this in mind, you should give your parents the benefit of the doubt. Listen to their point of view, be compassionate, and try not to get defensive. Let them know that you love them regardless, and acknowledge their fears, but be clear about your decision. One thing they must accept is that it's your life. As an adult, you’re free to date the people you like. 

Arguing or trying to criticize your parents will only make things worse, and it means you can be argued out of your decision. The fact remains that they may see something you haven’t noticed because of your feelings for this guy. 

So, no matter how much you want to prove a point, listen to their advice. It’s possible to listen to reason and respect their opinion, without making it a problem. 

3. Talk to your partner

Now that you have had a conversation with each other and you know their thoughts, it is time to take the next step. Take time to reflect on your parents' opinions. Are there things you agree with? Can they be changed? Perhaps, the thing they are complaining about is something other people have mentioned before.  

Discuss with your partner about these concerns and see if they are things he can compromise on or change. Use the opportunity to discuss those things in person and come to resolutions that will benefit everyone.

4. Be honest with yourself

Parents will always look out for their children, and sometimes, they are ‘kind’ enough to go as far as dictating which boy they like, and the person they dislike. It’s easy to leave home and continue being this guy’s girlfriend anyway, however, I will advise that you do not rush into making erratic decisions that you will regret later in life.  

If none of the complaints both of your parents are pitching makes sense,  then they have no reason to dislike your partner. But before concluding that they have nothing on him, both of you need to ask each other these questions; are your parents' concerns valid? Are these concerns things you can live with? 

Your ability to get through these kinds of questions will help guide you into making the best decision. If you need to set up more boundaries, give each other space or abide by more ‘home rules’ then do so. 

Furthermore, make sure that you are not using your partner to spite your parents or make a political statement. That is unfair to him, and it will not achieve much in the end. Be sure that your intentions are pure and your partner feels the same way about you. This is what will give you the drive and motivation to fight for your love.

5. Be patient with your parents

Your parents' disapproval is most likely getting on your nerves, but it is only fair that you give them the benefit of the doubt by listening and explaining everything to them. Both parties have a lot to compromise on, so don’t rush the process. 

The upbringing and society that our parents were raised to go a long way in influencing our parents' values, beliefs, and traditions, and it’s not news that times have changed since then. It is, therefore, your duty to educate your parents that it is possible to live happily with a person who comes from different ethnicity, religion, or background.

6. Let your parents know why you love him

Let your parents know why you love him

Every parent wants their child to be happy, they want to see you attain the best and live your best life. So, you must let them know why you want to be with your partner at all costs. Let them know that he makes you happy, and he makes you a better person. 

Point out how he has been a positive influence in your life and how cutting him off will make you feel. Perhaps, if they see things from your perspective, they are more likely to put their differences aside and focus on what makes you happy, which is accepting your partner.

7. Set boundaries around your relationship

Someone once said that good friends and family are our guardian angels on earth, and I have to agree. So, if you only talk about your partner with your family when things are sour between you two, don't be surprised if they start to see him in a negative light and disapprove of your relationship. 

They want to protect you, and there is no way they will allow a person who they believe is always hurting you to stick around. Therefore, make sure that you set boundaries when discussing your relationship with them, and if you must, share your happy moments so that everyone will see how amazing this guy is.

8. Don't force it

The truth is, you cannot force your parents to get along with your partner. Trying to force a relationship or bond will only leave you, and your relationship bruised. So long as they are not threatening to cause your partner any harm, try to move at their pace. 

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

If your parents do not welcome your partner in their home for the holidays, consider compromising. Forcing your partner to come along to a place where he is not accepted can be unfair and could lead to irreparable damages all-round.

9. Ask for intervention

A good number of us have that aunty, uncle, or family friend who our parents hold with high esteem. Now is the time to seek their intervention. Explain to them how you feel and why your parents' approval matters to you and if they understand your plight, ask them to intercede on your behalf. 

Your folks are probably not listening to you because they believe you are young and naive, but hearing it from someone older who they trust could make them reconsider. Furthermore, your relative can act as a buffer and save you from the stress of enduring another heated argument with your parents. 

10. Speak through actions

You cannot be telling your mom and dad that you have a loving partner when all you do when you are together is quarrel and fight. You need to show them through actions that your significant other is the right one for you. Ask your parents for the opportunity to meet your partner face-to-face and have a conversation. 

On your partner's part, he needs to be on his best behavior and submit to their concerns. 

Sometimes, we have ideas and notions about people that we haven't met, but upon meeting them, that view changes. 

11. Set an ultimatum

When words and actions can't seem to do the trick, but deep in your heart you have a strong conviction that your partner is the right one for you, then perhaps it is time to set an ultimatum. 

It is up to you to decide if you are willing to cut off from your family to be with your partner, but remember that the consequences of this action must be something you can live with.

FAQs

What do you do when your parents don't approve of your boyfriend?

If your folks disapprove of your partner, the first step is to hear them out, they have experience and a lot of wisdom to share sometimes. Let them relay their reasons for disapproval, and you can now decide if they are valid. If yes, relay that to your partner; if no, let your parents understand why you want to be with your partner despite all the odds.

Can a relationship work if you don't like their family?

While it will be great and easier to date someone whose family we love, the opposite is also possible even though you do not get along with their family. You need to remember always to keep your emotions in check, maintain a healthy distance, and resist the urge to talk bad about your partner's family in his presence.

Should I tell my boyfriend that my parents don't like him?

If you decide to tell your partner that your parents do not like him, you need to be sure that he is mature enough to understand that it is not your fault. You do not have to go into the nitty-gritty details and discuss every word they have ever said about him but simply let him know their reservations so that he does not feel ambushed whenever he visits.

How do you tell your strict parents you have a boyfriend?

This is an awkward conversation to have, considering that your parents are guarded and perhaps uptight when it comes to dating. However, you can break the news to them in a well thought out time and place, maybe start with your mother. You can slowly earn her trust by agreeing to go on dates only under supervision.

Should you date someone with a kid?

Just because a man has kids doesn't make them unworthy of love or mean that they are incapable of loving. However, you need to know that dating someone with children can be challenging and complicated. Make sure that you are mentally ready to tackle its complexities and love his kids just as much as you love him.

In Conclusion

To many of us, disapproval from mom or dad regarding our choice of partners can be heartbreaking. Still, I believe that the points highlighted in this article will serve as a guide towards handling such a situation in a manner that is more likely to give positive results. I hope you enjoyed reading this article. I will be happy to read from you and don't forget to share it.

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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