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How To Get Over Someone You Can’t Have (12 Effective Ways)

by Sonya Schwartz

Breakups, heartbreak, and rejection are tough to handle; it’s difficult to heal from heartache. Learning how to get over someone you can’t have is hard, because you may have “the grass is always greener” syndrome. 

According to the Cambridge Dictionary, people who suffer from “the grass is always greener” think other people have it better than they do. It’s a saying about being envious, but it’s why we always believe the other way is more appealing.

We want what we can’t have, and if we could have it, we would find fault with it. This is why it’s so hard to accept that we just cannot have someone. It’s hard to rationalize with ourselves, explaining that it’s unrealistic to want this person who we can’t have for whatever reason because our feelings trump our minds.

But you can take control of your feelings! Believe me, I’ve done it! You eventually learn how to handle your feelings and let go of the cause of your heartache

So, how can we best let go of the unattainable person? How can we just move on and be happy? Let’s look at 12 easy ways that you can move on with your life.

12 Easy Ways To Move On

1. Accept Your Feelings

Heartache is real, so the first thing you need to do is to accept that what you are feeling is normal. You fell in love. It happens. Now, it’s time to deal with your emotions. Understand that it takes a while to get over a broken heart or a lost love. 

According to the Journal of Positive Psychology, it takes the average person 11 weeks to get over a lost love. So, depending on how long you were together, it may take a few months before you feel whole again. This is a realistic process, so give yourself the time you need to grieve. Read a self-help book that sounds like your experience.

2. Face The Reality Of Your Circumstances

Make a pros and cons list of why you can’t/won’t be with this person any longer. Even smarter, make it a weighted decision matrix where you weigh each pro or con with a number that equates it to the amount of importance that pro or con holds. 

For example, the con, “He doesn’t want to be with me” would be a 10, because it’s very important. Once you’ve weighed the pros and cons, you will begin to see the reason the two of you are better off apart

3. Cut Off All Contact

I know you love contacting him, and you want to more than anything! Here’s the thing, though; you aren’t doing yourself any good if you continue to bug him after the two of you have ended things. 

So, stop following him on social media, delete him from your phone, and don’t contact him for any reason. You may think you have a good reason, but it probably isn’t really a necessary reason, so don’t do it. Just move on. 

4. Put Away All Memorabilia

This goes along with the last point but takes it a step further. Box up his stuff; put it outside for him or store it in the attic. Better yet, donate it or trash it. You don’t need those things. All they will do is remind you of something you can’t have.

5. Let Your Feelings Out

Let Your Feelings Out

If you didn’t have a good cry over the loss of your significant other, now is the time. Take care of yourself though. Don’t spend too much time wallowing in pity. Instead, try letting it all out in a healthy way. 

For example, take a shower and cry until you get cold water. That’s an excellent way to shed some tears without the aftermath of puffy, red eyes. If you feel anger, gather some friends together and play ball. Throw that baseball like you mean it, and just let all that anger dissipate. 

Another trick I just learned from the new season of Grey’s Anatomy is to take some pet toys and throw them at a wall. You won’t hurt anyone, and it shouldn’t hurt your wall. It will just allow you to get that anger and frustration out!

6. Turn To Your Support System

Now is the time to turn to your friends and family. Let it all out, vent if you must, or scream from the top of your lungs. Tell your friends and family about your heartbreak this one person gave you. Allow them the opportunity to comfort you.

7. Journal Your Thoughts And Feelings

You fell in love with someone, you got your heart smashed into a million and one pieces, and yes, you still love someone you can’t have. It’s a harsh cycle that stinks! When you love someone, you are full of emotions - whether you’re still head over heels or trying to move on. 

Whatever stage you’re in, write it down! Journal your thoughts and emotions, and you will find healing in the process. 

8. Stay Busy

The busier you are, the less time you have to think about the certain someone who broke your heart or as the Harry Potter books say, “He who shall not be named!” 

Take on some new projects at work, take night classes and expand your education, or go spend time with relatives who you haven’t seen in a long time.

9. Get Some Exercise

Physical activity releases endorphins and endorphins make you happy, so, hit the gym; try swimming or crank up your music and dance! 

10. Start Dating Other People

You will eventually fall in love with someone else. It may be hard to accept that right now, but you will. You have to jump back on the horse, though, as the saying goes. 

Start dating around again, find a new relationship, and before you know it, you will be in love with someone new. In fact, the sooner you love someone new, the closer you will be to finding “the one.”

11. Start A New Hobby

Try knitting, keeping your hands busy doing something useful and meaningful. Make crocheted blankets for charity or take on photography, crossword puzzles, or a new sport. Find something you enjoy doing, something that keeps your mind occupied

12. Enjoy Your Alone Time

Once you teach yourself to enjoy being alone, you will find your own company to be more than enough. You won’t need another person to be there to “complete you” because you “complete” yourself!

FAQs

How Do You Stop Having Feelings For Someone You Can't Have?

Remind yourself of the reasons why you cannot have a relationship with this person. Are they married or otherwise taken? You don’t really want to be the “other woman,” do you? Focus on a new hobby or journal your feelings, and you will feel free before you know it.

What To Do If You Can’t Get Over Someone?

Eventually, time will allow you to get past this person. The easiest way I have found to get over someone who you can’t get out of your mind is to get rid of everything that reminds you of them, and cut them completely out of your life. You’ll forget them!

Why Do I Always Want Someone I Cant Have?

We want what we can’t have because we can’t have it; as soon as we can, we don’t want it nearly as much. We think life will be better in the dream scenario when really, we will have problems, just different ones, but problems nonetheless. So the grass isn’t greener.

How Do You Stop Thinking About A Guy You Can't Have?

Get rid of his clothes, even the ones you love to wear, pictures, and any other memorabilia that you have - anything that reminds you of him. Delete him from your phone; stop following him on social media. The more blocks like that you put in place, the faster you’ll heal.

How Do You Let Someone Go Emotionally?

Physically, it’s rather formulaic when you need to let someone go, but emotionally, it’s a difficult healing process. Consider reading more, finding television shows or movies to get sucked into, or be around new people - anything to occupy your mind in place of that person.

On That Note...

Are you going through a heartbreak? How have you gotten over people in your past? What tips or tricks worked well for you? 

Please discuss your experiences in the comments section below. We’d love to hear from you! Also, we’d love for you to share this article with someone else!

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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