Does your husband let his family disrespect you?
Does it feel like he puts them above you?
Are you wondering what you can do to deal with disrespectful in-laws?
If so, you’re in the right place. This guide is packed with tips on how to act when your husband’s family doesn’t like you.
But, before we dive into this article, it’s important you carefully read through the following sentences.
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The remainder of this article features more advice on what to do when your husband chooses his family over you.
Table of Contents
It can seem like an insurmountable situation when your husband chooses his parents and family over you. It can be such a blow to your confidence and make you question your relationship and love for one another. The ramifications can be quite serious as sometimes it can make you feel like you don't have anywhere to go, but then to break up.
Here we look at other options that you have available to you so things in your marriage can get back to an even keel where, even if you and your husband's family don't like each other, you can at least be civil to one another. Here are four things to do when your husband chooses his family over you.
Families are funny things and sometimes the relationships and dynamics between family members only look strange to those on the outside. Because of this, it could well be that your husband is totally unaware that he is actually choosing you over his family.
So point out every time that he has hurt your feelings by choosing them over you. He will need to know when he is doing it so that he can change his behavior. He may want to help make the situation better for you, and most likely will want you to be happy. It is only by pointing out when his actions hurt you that he can change to make you feel better.
It may seem difficult to point out every time he has let his parents win an argument or point of view over yours. But if you want to work at your relationship and get more respect from his family, and him as a consequence, it is always going to be better to point out every occasion where you feel like you have been slighted.
Sometimes it is not enough to point out when circumstances of when your husband's family have hurt your feelings and he has chosen them over you. Men can sometimes need things explaining to them even more clearly - so be direct with him and tell him why when he chooses his family over you that it upsets you.
If things are going to get better, he has to start to understand things from your point of your and he may not see it at first if you are not clear enough with him.
Sometimes, if you can't see eye to eye on the times he has chosen his family over you, it may help to try to stop meeting up with his family quite so much. If you can minimise the amount of times you need to see each other, it could help towards being happier again in your relationship.
This can be difficult to do sometimes as it is natural for family to meet up socially and at reunions. This can be even more the case if you have children as grandparents like to see their grandkids as often as they can. This can mean that you could see them more frequently than you would otherwise like.
However, if you feel you have no other option, and otherwise everything is great in your marriage, it can sometimes be your only option.
If you are in a relationship with your husband where minimising the amount you see the in laws is just not an option, then a good way to ensure that you at least can be civil to his parents is simply to try to avoid subjects that in the past may have caused feelings of resentment or hurt.
This is far more common in families than is sometimes thought. There will always be things that, when spoken about in conversation, flare up arguments - even between family members that are ordinarily really close. However, when you are not related by blood and you have a crossed word with your husband's family, it can feel more catastrophic.
On that note too, be wary of situations that may also make arguments flare up between you and his family or a particular family member. Circumstances where alcohol are involved can also make the situation far worse than it may have seem otherwise. If you know you are going to a family wedding, or celebratory get together, it may be best that you keep your alcohol levels to a minimum so that you can handle the situation best without a loose tongue.
It really can feel horrendous when you think and are made to feel like your husband's family hates you. If you have ever thought this, then here we look at how to deal with disrespectful in laws. It is a good idea to bear at least one or two of our tips in mind as otherwise, you may make more drastic decisions about the future of your marriage, without needing too.
If you go to a get together of your husband's parents and siblings, then you need to have an action plan so that you know you can survive them relatively unscathed. To do so, simply try to stay busy at gatherings. Talk to a relative that you do get on with. Or perhaps busy yourself in the kitchen where help is needed. If you have children, be a very attentive mother and play with them or ensure that they are happy wherever you are.
In addition to staying busy at family gatherings, you can also address the problem of feeling like your husband's family hates you by busying yourself in other parts of your life. This means that you will naturally have plans when the relatives do get together and means that you start to set boundaries on what you will attend and what you don't.
If his family start to see that you are not around quite as much, they may make more of any effort with you or they may simply leave you to your own devices a little bit more. While this doesn't not fully address the root cause of the problem, it can at least make the situation a bit easier between you and your husband.
With regards to addressing the root cause of the problem between you and your husband's parents or relatives, a really constructive idea can be simply to talk to them about it. Try to do so in a calm way so that you let them know how they have upset you in the past. They may not even have had any idea that you felt that way and they were hurting your feelings.
Many of us shy away from directly talking to people when their behavior has upset us, but you have needs that should be met. Things will only ever have a chance of changing in the long term if you let his parents know what your needs are. They would otherwise most likely be clueless to how you are otherwise feeling.
This is particularly the case if you are someone who does not like confrontation. But realise that you have something much bigger at stake here - the happiness of your marriage may be materially affected if you were to allow the situation where you feel your husband's parents hate you.
In addition to talking to your husband's relatives about how they have hurt you, you do also need to see how you can help the situation by reflecting on your own behavior. Ask yourself some difficult questions. Have you done anything in the past that made a scenario worse? Is there something different you could have done? Did you have to rise to comments? Could you have shown a bit more sensitivity to your in laws or someone else in his family?
It is very often the case that you will probably realise that there would have been times that you could have done something differently so that you would not have felt so attacked by your husband's mum and dad. In fact, if you have ever thought 'I can't stand my husband's family' then it is probably a really good idea to see how you could have behaved differently in the past to help relations between you and them.
Sometimes, a disrespectful set of in laws can bleed into your marriage and your husband starts to disrespect you too. This can be so difficult to deal with and it may seem to you that you are having less and less needs met in your relationship - especially given that your husband seems to have no respect for your opinions.
So what can you do about it? Here we look at three really constructive and positive ways that you can work through this issue so that your marriage doesn't end up in divorce.
Without doubt, the best thing you can do if you have a disrespectful husband is to talk to him face to face about it. Show him how you have been feeling and also point out examples of his behavior that proves your point. Telling him how you want his support as opposed to his judgement every time you talk to him can really help address the issues you have been feeling.
Plus highlight to him that respect in your relationship and having a good balance between the two of you is imperative for the survival of your marriage.
Sometimes, a lack of a respect for someone can come from two two of you being in each other's company too much. You can start to feel irritable with one another which then breeds a disrespect.
As a result, a good way to tackle this is to give him space. In doing so, he will also stop taking you for granted and you can get back to an even keel a little better. You will need to be strong and buck any bad habits that have crept up in your relationship where you tend to his every need or are too available for him.
Giving him space will make him miss you and therefore he will be kinder to you and want to please you more. As a result, the respect in your relationship with your husband will start to improve.
If you have tried the first two options, but the respect between the two of you is still lacking, you may want to look into having couples therapy. This can be a big, but important step for you both to take and it can get you back to enjoying each other's company quickly so you enjoy the years to come with each other.
People are sometimes too afraid to seek outside help in a relationship, but setting up a space where the two of you can let each other speak with no judgement from someone is perhaps one of the healthiest things the both of you could do.
There are a number of things that it can mean when your husband doesn't want to stand up for you - either in front of his relatives or someone else. Here we look at what it specifically means if your husband doesn't take your side in an argument.
Sometimes, when your husband does not Stand up for you in front of his folks, it can mean that he needs to side with his folks because he is so close to them. When this happens, he may not even realise that he is taking their side of yours all the time. This can be difficult to address in a marriage, but when someone doesn't stand up for you and that person is your husband, it is important to call him out on it. As ever the healthiest thing to do is highlight when this is happening, and do so in a calm and unconfrontational way.
Sadly, it can happen from time to time that husbands will always side with their mom or dad simply because they are scared of them. They may never have been abusive towards him, but relationships between parents and their offspring are complicated ones. It can mean they actually have a lack of respect for your husband and this has manifested itself in your husband being scared of them.
When this is the case, you need to have patience with your husband and try to be as sensitive to the situation as possible - it won't be anything you are doing wrong.
When the relations between you and your husband's relatives are frosty, it can be very hard to find a way to move forward. One person or another may always be at risk of being hurt or starting an argument when there is a lack of respect between the parties.
The best thing to do in most situations is to talk any issues through and learn how you can have behaved in situations better. You can only ever change you react to things and don't have any power over other people's actions. You can only provide them with the information that you think will help them stay away from conflict with you.
Do you have in laws that you do not get along with? Does your husband ever disrespect you or not stand up for you? Leave your comments below and any stories where you have felt that your husband's family hates you. It will be really helpful for our readers who are in similar situations.