Lying in a relationship can be detrimental to both parties involved. One of them feels he can’t be transparent and truthful, and the other continues to ask, “Is he lying?” What a way to live. No one should spend their life trying to figure out if they’re being lied to.
According to renowned author Sally Caldwell, when a person promises a long beautiful life together with someone else, it’s a promise and not a lie. If things just didn't work out as planned, no one is to blame. But if one person is fully aware he/she can’t commit from the start, but says they can, then that’s a lie.
It can be frustrating and disappointing when your partner lies to you and even more nerve-wracking when you have a hunch your partner is lying (but can't seem to figure it out).
Relationships are based on trust, reliability, accountability, and honesty. So, when someone that’s supposed to love you makes you question their truth, it creates a shaky foundation. But how do you know that he’s not telling the truth in the first place? Keep reading to find out.
Table of Contents
It is quite easy for women to tell when story A doesn’t link to B. We notice the lacuna in a liar’s story especially if it’s someone we genuinely care for. When his story does not add up and does not correlate with what his friends or family members say, then you know there's something going on.
Lying to a loved one can be difficult and requires professional acting skills (which most men do not have). Therefore, if you are trying to find out if he is lying, pay attention to his body language. Dr. Paulette Sherman, a psychologist, and renowned author advises you to observe if he’s avoiding eye contact.
If your boyfriend goes MIA often and seems like he is ghosting you, he is hiding something from you. He goes off the radar and reappears with a flimsy explanation as to where he has been, with no solid alibi, then something is fishy.
Is he beating around the bush to answer one question? Does he avoid looking at you? Dr. Sherman told Elite daily that when he fails to give a clear answer, he grumbles his words, and is adamant about not having a conversation, he is lying to you.
Some men use this method to shift blame to their partners. It’s not easy to resist reverse psychology as we have all fallen bait to it several times. When lying boyfriends want to distract you from finding out the truth, they turn the tables. They accuse you of not trusting them or bringing up a scenario where they also felt you were lying to them.
He will avoid answering the question by redirecting the question or answering with another question. Shifting the problem is a way to distract you from the conversation. It’s also a defensive mechanism. For example, if you ask 'where have you been?' and he responds with 'who said I had been anywhere?'
Our instincts never lie, once you feel your boyfriend is lying, and you have a great hunch, then there's something probably going on. We always have this gut feeling when there's something wrong. It could be our emotional connection to people that allows us to feel when there's something off. If your instincts tell you there's a problem, then most of the time, there is.
The truth is, we all lie — even if it's the general white lies. Once your boyfriend says he does not lie, then that is a red flag. People use this statement as a defense mechanism to emphasize they are telling the truth. Liars do this to ensure you see them in a good light.
Everybody wants privacy; however, if you notice he clears his messages and his browser history too often, there might be something going on. I once dated a guy who was chatting with someone else. As soon as I looked at his phone, he picked it up and cleared the chat. These are all suspicious moves.
You know your boyfriend better than his friends. You can always tell when there's something off. You know his weak points when he's happy or sad. He might not tell you what's wrong, but this is a sign there's something wrong that he's not saying.
Sudden sweetness is a familiar sign for both men and women. A sudden increase in love and care or thoughtful gestures translates to trouble in the relationship.
When one partner has cheated, they suddenly realize how special their significant other is and how they should appreciate them more. If you notice a sudden surge in affection, then there might be something fishy going on.
When a person isn’t being truthful, they tend to recall everything that happened with the extra details. They remember because they have rehearsed the story over so when someone else hears it, they’ll feel it’s accurate.
If you realize that your boyfriend recalls every single detail in a particular event and tries to give unnecessary information, it's a giveaway that he’s not being truthful.
Most people try to avoid lying, so they stick to selective information. In the process of selecting the story, they avoid talking about specific issues. If your partner is avoiding certain topics and trying to distract you from it, then there's a problem.
As opposed to avoiding issues, another sign is when he is zealous to have the conversation. Having the discussion will help you stay at ease and allow him to wiggle his way out of trouble. In having the conversation, he might tend to give extra details to persuade you. His overzealousness to have the conversation could be a sign that he is lying.
It's hard to keep up with a lie sometimes. Your partner might have lied last month and forgotten about it for the next two months. When asked about it later, there might be inconsistencies in the story. An example is if he lied, he never went out, but the car's mileage says something else. Another example is if the stories his friends tell are quite different from his account.
Once you ask a random question, it could put your boyfriend in a corner. If you pay attention and listen, you will see the inconsistencies in the story. Asking that one unexpected question might throw him off balance and unravel the entire lie.
Liars want people to believe their stories, that’s why they lie in the first place. When you have doubts, they become belligerent, so they try to shove their stories down your throat. Violence can have harsh repercussions, as it can lead to him hitting you. If having a conversation about a doubt you have leads to violence, then you can be sure there's a lie somewhere.
A lying partner prefers you don’t associate with people who know the truth about what he has done. He would try his best to obstruct your interactions with those people. If, for instance, you want to visit someone close to him that knows the truth, he would dissuade you. He could go as far as causing a rift between you and the other party, so his secret is safe with him.
Use this tool to check whether he actually is who he says he is
Whether you're married or have just started seeing someone, infidelity rates are on the rise and have increased over 40% in the last 20 years, so you have all the right to be worried.
Perhaps you want to know if he's texting other women behind your back? Or whether he has active Tinder or dating profile? Or worse yet, whether he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?
This tool will do just that and pull up any hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more to hopefully help put your doubts to rest.
If a partner isn't lying, he shouldn't be scared to verify his words and actions. Truthful people would not be frightened to verify by giving proof. When asked to confirm, they can become upset and try to play the 'you don't trust me' game. For example, if he says he was at the office the day before, he should be willing to go with you to the office to back up his statement.
Apart from being violent or belligerent, a lying partner will guilt trip you when you don't believe him. Suddenly, it would become a case of you not trusting and judging him. A lying partner would do this, so he moves your attention away from the conversation about him. It’s best to observe when things like these happen so you can nip it in the bud.
A lying boyfriend will become secretive when he has things to hide. He will stop saying as much as he used to and go the extra mile to lock up every app on his phone and other gadgets that give access to his chats. It’s easy for them to dismiss locking up their phones as their right to privacy.
They say that the eye is the window to the soul. There is no doubt in this, as the eyes reveal things that the mouth doesn't. When a person lies, there is an increased movement of the pupils. It’s no wonder people prefer to wear dark shades when playing games like poker. When you have a discussion with your boyfriend, do his eyes move a lot? That’s something to look out for.
The pupils in the eyes are telltale signs, they enlarge when a person is in love. They also dilate when a person is lying. Dilation of the pupils occurs because adrenalin is pumped into the body to help reduce nervousness when a person lies. It’s one of those signs mother nature gave to us for free.
Liars know that exaggerated expressions on the face can give them away, so they resort to a poker by looking at the person and not expressing worry. The giveaway is apparent when the person is trying too hard to keep a poker face, especially when it isn't a usual facial expression.
Does he try to keep a poker face when you have such conversations? That’s a sign that there's something wrong.
Someone that is untruthful may give himself away by how he behaves. If your partner suddenly starts scratching his head when asked about specific incidences, then this is a sign that there is something he's not saying.
As much of a paradox this is, it’s also a sign that your partner might be lying. When the police are interrogating criminals, this is one of the signs they look out for. The lying partner would try to be as polite as possible to throw you off and distract you. It's also to confuse you so he doesn't get caught.
Some lying partners use sex to get out of a fix. They feel guilty and suddenly have a better appreciation of who you are to them. So, when you get in your feelings about something they said, they’ll try distracting you with sex.
Does he search for things when you're talking to him? Or does he begin typing on his phone? These are ways to distract you from the conversation. It's also a way of avoiding the conversation. Giving all their attention to you might give them away.
Let’s be honest, family life is hard, but that’s no excuse to constantly lie to someone you love. And one way to know when your partner is being untruthful is to watch what they are doing with their hands.
A person that is lying would pause before a response because he has to think before responding. Definitely, there are individuals out there who like to take their time before they speak. However, if your boyfriend is not that type of person, then you can be certain there's some glitch in the story.
A nervous liar will unconsciously repeat himself without realizing it. With the aim of getting the story right, he would repeat certain parts of it. Nervousness plays a role here and this is one way to know he is lying. A person that isn't lying would be confident enough not to repeat the story.
There are two ways to deal with a lying boyfriend; the first is to confront him gently and with honesty. Do not be rash and accuse him. It's best to give him the opportunity to come clean. The second is to leave him if he still is not honest with you.
Lying destroys the foundation of trust built in a healthy relationship and can take a long time and effort to rebuild. It can be a nerve-wracking, disappointing feeling for the party being lied to.
With honest conversation and a willingness from both parties to make the relationship work, the relationship can survive lying. Without a doubt, the trust in the relationship would have taken a hit, but it can be mended if both partners are willing to work on it.
Lying is a bad habit like every other bad habit we know. Some people lie unprovoked and sometimes can't help it. A liar can change if he is attentive to himself and his thoughts. He would need to constantly re-examine himself and be aware that it’s always best to tell the truth to avoid people getting hurt.
It is best to keep liars at an arm's length because they will always end up hurting you. A liar places himself above other people and cares more about how he feels. Dating a liar can result in an unhealthy relationship.
When other people around you have doubts about your boyfriend too, then it is time to look into it. The signs above are not cast on stone, but they are tips to help you observe and determine if your boyfriend is lying to you or not.
I sincerely hope you enjoyed reading this and I would love to know what you think. Please drop a comment in the box below.
Utilize this tool to verify if he's truly who he claims to be
Whether you're married or just started dating someone, infidelity rates have risen by over 40% in the past 20 years, so your concerns are justified.
Do you want to find out if he's texting other women behind your back? Or if he has an active Tinder or dating profile? Or even worse, if he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?
This tool can help by uncovering hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more, potentially putting your doubts to rest.