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5 Mind Games Insecure Men Play (And Why They Play Them)

by Sonya Schwartz

Have you ever noticed that the men who complain the most about women playing “mind games” are the SAME people who play those games the most often?

It's typically insecure men that play mind games with women, because they ultimately want control.

If you’re playing along with his mind games and you’re always in the loser’s side, your man is dominating your mind.

But why do men so desperately want control over what we think?

My personal experience has been that men play mind games when they’re hiding something and they don’t want us to know about it.

It’s in a man’s best interest to keep his woman in the dark so that he can have his cake and eat it too.

I know it sounds harsh, but sometimes that “cake” is another woman who he is seeing behind your back.

The best way to figure out what’s really going on is to quickly put his name in a tool like this that instantly tells you everything that needs to know.

You may be shocked the results you get as it digs up what he's been up to while with you.

Things like any dating profiles he's created, girls he's frequently texting and communicating with, and a whole lot more....

But if none of that is true, and your man is just acting suspicious, there may be some deep-rooted insecurity or ego that he’s scared of being exposed in the open.

It’s about time that you figured out how to beat your man at his own mind games and that you have the information to do so!

Once you've ruled out that there's actually not something more sinister behind the mind games he's playing with you, it's time to move on to the next step.

Why Do Men Play Mind Games?

Mind games is something men have been using since the start of time however they were used to win wars and build empires and not to play with their girlfriends heads. Unfortunately this is a common occurrence that we women have to now deal with. In this blog post I’m going to explain why men play mind games, what some of these mind games are and how to beat them at it.

Before I get onto the juicy bit of how to beat them at these mind games, you need to understand why men play these mind games. Once you can understand why your man is doing it, you will be able to better judge how to see through it. Here are a few reasons why he could be playing mind games with you.

1. They Like To Stroke Their Ego​

They Like To Stroke Their Ego​

One of the main reasons why men play mind games is because they feel the need to stroke their own ego. They need to feel that they are wanted and adored and so will get what they want by playing mind games with women. This also gives them a sense of power.

2. They Have A Feeling Of Discontent​

They Have A Feeling Of Discontent​

Sometimes men can feel that they have no control over some things in their life and so might turn to playing mind games with women to fill this gap. This is a very selfish trait for any man and can really hurt your feelings.

3. They Want To Give Themselves A Test​

They Want To Give Themselves A Test

Some men like to test themselves to see if they are capable of attracting women. They won’t care about women’s feelings or the consequences of their actions, they will just think about how many women they can attract.

4. They Love A Challenge​

They Love A Challenge​

It is in men’s nature to want to hunt and chase which is why when a girl shows no interest, they start on a mission to conquer. Instead of chasing her because they care for her, they will chase just because it is a challenge that they want to prove they can accomplish.

5. They Want To Be The Alpha​

They Want To Be The Alpha​

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

This is a particular trait of men who have come from an old fashioned style family where the man is the alpha. If this is the case then they will assert their authority and dominate the relationship to establish them as the alpha.

6. They Are Gold Diggers​

They Are Gold Diggers​

This may sound like a strange one but being a gold digger doesn’t just mean to take money from someone. He could be interested in you because of the car you own or the apartment you own and not because of you as a person.

7. They Just Want One Thing​

They Just Want One Thing​

​Let’s face it, one of the biggest reasons why men play mind games is because they are after one thing and one thing only… sex! Instead of sex being something of sentiment, they see it as a prize that they must have not matter who it is with.

What Mind Games Do They Play​

Now you have an idea as to why men play mind games, it is also important to know some of the mind games that they play. I have listed some of the most common mind games that men tend to play.

1. They Make You Feel Guilty​

They Make You Feel Guilty​

One of the most common mind games that men tend to use is the guilt trip. They will make you feel bad for not doing something that they want you to do. This could be something such as not lending him your car or it could be not having sex with him.

2. It Becomes Your Fault​

It Becomes Your Fault​

Another mind game they tend to play is making you feel like something is your fault when it is not. They could have done something wrong which you have brought up but they somehow turn this around so that it becomes your fault.

3. The IOU​

The IOU​

With men who have a gold digging nature, they will tend to get what they want from you by promising they will you it back or something else in return. He could get you to lend him money in the promise that he’ll give it back but has no intention of doing so.

4. They Act As The Perfect Date​

They Act As The Perfect Date​

Many women want to find their prince charming which is why it can be their greatest weakness. Men know this and will act like the perfect date and your prince charming so they can get what they want which is most likely sex.

5. He Is Inattentive​

He Is Inattentive​

They know that if they ignore you then you will come chasing. If you fall into this trap they he will have the upper hand and will know it. He will feel like he has all the control which will in turn, stroke his ego.

​How Do You Beat Them At Their Mind Games

Now that you know why some men play mind games and what mind games they play, it is time for the juicy bit… how to beat them at these mind games. You don’t have to stoop down to their level but to do these simple things.

1.  Go With Your Instinct​

Go With Your Instinct​

If your instinct is telling you that he is playing mind games then listen to it. There is no better way to beat him than to listen to what your own instinct is telling you… walk away!

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

2. Have Self-Worth​

Have Self-Worth​

The women that tend to be victims of these mind games are women who are vulnerable. Work on your confidence and build your self-esteem to avoid being a target of these mind games.

3. Don’t Become Complacent​

Don’t Become Complacent​

Never ever think that it is funny that he plays these mind games and become complacent to them. It isn’t a quality that someone who truly cares for you would have.

4.  Call Him Out On It​

Call Him Out On It​

If you know that he is playing mind games then call him out on it. If he tries to make you feel bad for doing this or tries turning it around on you then he is still playing mind games.​

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

23 comments on “5 Mind Games Insecure Men Play (And Why They Play Them)”

  1. I like this guy alot,we had sex he said he is attracted to me now he is ignoring me and I don't know why? I want to talk to him but he won't.

    1. Give him the same energy he’s giving you. He’s expecting you to chase him but give him silent treatment instead, he won’t like it. He will 100% come back especially if you’re his peace.

    2. You shouldn’t have had sex make them men chase for like a year if you can’t wait that long turn the tables have sex with him and don’t hit him up at all until he text you girl. With the situation your in now just leave him alone he won at the game he was playing. Be more aware and listen become a skeptic and live your life questioning everything. Doesn’t have to be verbal because think to yourself I’m 24 and don’t know everything but hey.

  2. I love women. I love my mother, I love my sister, my wife, my female friend. I am an admirer of strong women such as Margaret Thatcher. That being said, men should never listen to women giving advice on how to court women. The truth is that, while being honest, most women think they want something, when in fact they do not. Or at least they do, but they respond to it unpredictably when they get it. They want an attentive man, but give them one, and they will sweep the floor with him. Obviously, there are exceptions from the norm, and factors such as age, opportunities and self-confidence play a role, but the majority of women act in this manner, particularly when they have opportunities. I am not trying to be offensive when I advise a guy reading this article to approach it, for his own sake, in the same manner he would approach a horoscope section in the Sunday paper. Men who play mind games when pursuing women are not less confident. They are the mature men who had learned (the easy or the hard way) that they are compelled to do so.

    1. Re: John
      You can say that your not being offensive, but claiming that "men should never listen to women giving advice on how to court women" is extremely offensive. Mind games are meant, by definition, to manipulate people even for good intentions. I believe you misunderstand what Sonya meant by these manipulators lacking confidence. Men who are not upfront in their communication with what they want with/from women do lack confidence. When was the last time you tricked or manipulated someone you respected?

      1. I agree. Men who are not upfront with what they want or don’t want are their worst enemies. I would prefer to know where I truly stand with a man then waste both our times in a bad relationship.

  3. What about when they cheat on you and block you on Facebook knowing good and well you will go into his account using your friend’s FB. He will post pics with other women, and they have tattoos, face piercings, and well, not anything like me. I mean very unattractive women, just saying—-I know I’m a pretty girl, educated and sweet as all get “out.” He’s saying what a great time he’s having out of town in some trashy bar, that he’s starting a new chapter etc. and you’re just sitting there dumbfounded——-when you call him on it he says he’s not with you and you’ve been broken up for months——news to you!!! Such a waste of time. Men like this have serious issues. I’m just mad he wasted 4 years of my life with all his lies, manipulation and stupid immature mind games. I’m DONE, stick a fork in me! Sad thing is I gave up a really good guy to be with this douche for half a decade. Dumb no more...I’d rather be alone.

  4. I always felt like i was getting breadcrumbs from him and that he was keeping the best of himself just out of reach so i always wanted more. He came over to see me only when he felt lt like it and never texted or called. When i complained, he would turn it around and make it my fault before ignoring me for a week. What hurt is that i had to see him everyday. I went through an emotional situation when i felt so depressed i slept for a week and didnt take the pill leading to me falling pregnant. He blamed me for doing it on purpose even though he has nothing that would inspire me to entrap him with a baby, besides any woman with half a brain knows that doesnt work. So he started parading other women in front of me as a way to punish me. Throughout my pregnancy he did this everyday with different women,having them pick him up from work just so i could see. He also seemed to enjoy my pain, it made him so happy. Just before i gave birth he came back and acted as if nothing had ever happened before disappearing again because i wanted to talk about why he had come back. Thats when i realized that he wasnt man enough for me and that all along i had only loved the idea of him loving me and giving me the same attention i had seen him give the other women. I also realized that he knew i was string and confident and that scared him because although he had put me through hell, he never once saw me cry. Im raising my child on my own and im glad he's not involved because i fear his narcissistic behavior could have a negative effect on my child's mental well-being.

  5. I met a man hes 66 and soooo amazing well at least I thought he was hes great to look at though he works at a grocery store and attracts a lots of woman and he know he does and plays very shy insure well I heard so much about his shyness I gave him a valentines card and it was just a card nothing else so after I gave it to him he started acting odd pulling away and I really never thought about it at the time I never meant for the card to do anything but did it ever he showed it to everyone at work I didn't know this at the time he acted like he was interested in me and I took that and it flew it bine 30 yrs since I have ever bine so attracted to a man I fell head over heels for him and I mean head over heels I was acting for the first time like a teenager love sick teenager and not paying mind to what was going on he played me so bad at work he told everyone he couldn't stand me didn't like me but he never acted that way in front of me touching my hand back big smiles go through the store to see were I was and so on ect I found out may when I asked him myself are you interested in me he said no but never looked into my eyes to tell me he liked someone else he always looked into my eyes when he talked to me but not then then he started to look at other woman in front of me I know we wornt dating but I think its disrespectful to do that still I didn't go into the store for a month when I went back in he was staring at me all the time sometimes none stop this was the 2 time he did that staring at me all the time I haven't talk to him and try not to go into the store when hes there help what do you think about this my heart is broken

  6. gold digging men. tears. i knew right away this was written by a woman.(projection is real yall) i know no man nor have i ever heard of a gold diggin man. dear women we never ever care about 401k. YOU GUYS care about it, not us, we know you will NEVER spend it on us. it is of NO VALUE WHAT SO EVER for us to date a rich woman. Men want someone we are attracted to and who we get on with who isnt boring. thats about it. literally. we dont care about your eyelashes or nails or any of the thousand stupid thigns they sell you in those magazines that take small snips at your self esteem to sell you yet another stupid thing.

  7. men who try to manipulate or control or play games are babies and are not happy with themselves. I once dated a man who seemed perfect in every way and told me he had to lose weight for himself but wanted to keep talking while working on himself however come to find out he was a on dating site looking for other women. He continued to call pranks on my work phone, home phone and cell and would pose as other people on text messages....in my opinion an insecure psycho who thought it was funny to trick women into liking him for who he portrayed to be and not who he really was. Finally I called him out after he made plans with me and had the nerve to tell me he was in a relationship and dating and he still continued the mind phone games. Good luck to him because Karma is a b.....Its Better to walk away and find someone who will treat you for the person you are then to stay in a relationship with a broken individual who has no care in the world for other people and their well being.

    1. It's happening to me currently but badly it's by my husband. Just after 2 months dating ,right away he wanted to married, I was been divorced 8 years ago with 1st married then now stuck with this guy , after married 2 months he turn to the ugly colour come up with so many request,ask for help,ask me to leave my kids, ask me to serve him on bed likes a whore, and once he can't get what he want,he shut me down likes nobody, inorge, silent even used bad words.. I chose to walk away..

  8. Wow! Seems like i was getting played. This Guy seemed like the perfect guy for me. He complements me and leaves signs here and there which makes me think he loves me but he never said it upfront even once. He texts only when he feels like it. And he has been using the guilt tripping on me. I just can't believe i have been taken for a ride. Thank god i kept a safe distance. I'll definitely get to the bottom of this

  9. Simplified from comments and post. It is about confidence, self-esteem and ego.
    Everything - the mind games, the dating of men, the choice of clothes, the makeup, the tricking and the approach (compliments, etc).
    Simplified - what you want is one thing plus more but what they want is one thing plus more could be something else.
    Advice - conduct business satisfy their wants for yours or find a relationship that has similar wants or make them want such a thing.

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